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I let go of this supposed friend

incogneato

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I know this guy since about 3 years. At the beginning he was interested in me romantically and I told him I prefer to be friend only, which he accepted and said he had no problems with.

I met him at a moment I got separated from a long term relationship and just moved in my new flat. I did not know about a lot of things, how to put curtains or to get the furniture to look like real furniture after buying them. As you know most of them arrive into pieces and need work to look like a table, or a bed or cupboard.

Anyway this guy did most of these things for me and we were friends. He would come when I needed help to fix things. We also spoke about different things, had debates, and I used to Ask him advice about the guys I met and different family stuff like a real friend.

1st drama: he worked in a furniture store. When I moved out I did not kept any of my former furniture and I threw or gave most away. They were organizing a special day at his work and he said I should come and he could even get me an additional discount if I buy. So I went there as I was looking for a sofa. I said hello, as he was busy with a client, I started to speak with his coworker. When I went back to him, he was very cold and asked me why I was talking to his coworker, I told him I spoke to whoever I want and I was just being polite.

So I left as I did really felt uncomfortable with his tone, he later apologize and we got on good terms again.

2nd drama: I received a call from him telling me I saw him on the bus and did not say hello. I said no I did not see you, otherwise why wouldn't i have said hello? And I got angry and hung up on him, and stopped taking his calls. Later on I was cooking dinner and I heard the door bell. I openned it was him and he said "as you did not pick up my calls I came directly to speak with you". I said "first don't ever come to my place without asking again and don't bring drama here". He said "you said I was welcome whenever I wanted". I told him I was being polite when I said it and to not take everything at 1st dégrée, which I know he knew very well. And even if I said so I am the only one paying rent so I decide who can come and when.
He later apologized and we were once again friend.

3rd drama: He started acting as if he was very busy, like I would call him, and instead of talking to me or spending some time on the phone as we used to do, he would say he was very busy and would call me later, and this later never arrived. He would then 3/4 days later send me a text as if he did not said anything and would just say "hi, how are you? how are things? I confronted him the first time he did it, saying I did not like it and it was not respectful, he said a quick sorry but he did it again like twice. He never apologized for not calling back. He did that 3 times in total. And now I have just decided to not answer his calls and not even his texts. I will block him, but its funny to see him sending whatsapp, calling, texting and I just don't answer and keep paying him dust.

Whats wrong with some people?
 

Mrs.Goblin

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Yes, what is wrong with some people ie. Y’all who stay in these dramatic ass friendship/relationships for no good reason and refuse to set boundaries. Jeez.
 

usernamusernam

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Your first mistake was being in a "friendship" with a guy when you know he likes you. He has feelings. He thought maybe eventually you'd feel the same way. That's a dangerous game to play.
 
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PeaOfSweetness

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I know this guy since about 3 years. At the beginning he was interested in me romantically and I told him I prefer to be friend only, which he accepted and said he had no problems with.

I met him at a moment I got separated from a long term relationship and just moved in my new flat. I did not know about a lot of things, how to put curtains or to get the furniture to look like real furniture after buying them. As you know most of them arrive into pieces and need work to look like a table, or a bed or cupboard.

Anyway this guy did most of these things for me and we were friends. He would come when I needed help to fix things. We also spoke about different things, had debates, and I used to Ask him advice about the guys I met and different family stuff like a real friend.

1st drama: he worked in a furniture store. When I moved out I did not kept any of my former furniture and I threw or gave most away. They were organizing a special day at his work and he said I should come and he could even get me an additional discount if I buy. So I went there as I was looking for a sofa. I said hello, as he was busy with a client, I started to speak with his coworker. When I went back to him, he was very cold and asked me why I was talking to his coworker, I told him I spoke to whoever I want and I was just being polite.

So I left as I did really felt uncomfortable with his tone, he later apologize and we got on good terms again.

2nd drama: I received a call from him telling me I saw him on the bus and did not say hello. I said no I did not see you, otherwise why wouldn't i have said hello? And I got angry and hung up on him, and stopped taking his calls. Later on I was cooking dinner and I heard the door bell. I openned it was him and he said "as you did not pick up my calls I came directly to speak with you". I said "first don't ever come to my place without asking again and don't bring drama here". He said "you said I was welcome whenever I wanted". I told him I was being polite when I said it and to not take everything at 1st dégrée, which I know he knew very well. And even if I said so I am the only one paying rent so I decide who can come and when.
He later apologized and we were once again friend.

3rd drama: He started acting as if he was very busy, like I would call him, and instead of talking to me or spending some time on the phone as we used to do, he would say he was very busy and would call me later, and this later never arrived. He would then 3/4 days later send me a text as if he did not said anything and would just say "hi, how are you? how are things? I confronted him the first time he did it, saying I did not like it and it was not respectful, he said a quick sorry but he did it again like twice. He never apologized for not calling back. He did that 3 times in total. And now I have just decided to not answer his calls and not even his texts. I will block him, but its funny to see him sending whatsapp, calling, texting and I just don't answer and keep paying him dust.

Whats wrong with some people?
Something wrong with both y’all.
 

incogneato

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Yes, what is wrong with some people ie. Y’all who stay in these dramatic ass friendship/relationships for no good reason and refuse to set boundaries. Jeez.

I did set boundaries as I told him I was not happy each time he did something wrong. I cut tie because I think he is manipulative and dishonest. He is not a real friend as he pretended to be.

@MessyB0ttom : how am I not making sensé?
 

incogneato

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Your first mistake was being in a "friendship" with a guy when you know he lives you. He has feelings. He thought maybe eventually you'd feel the same way. That's a dangerous game to play.

I did not play any game, I told him I did not like him and just wanted friendship. He is not my type but I like him as a friend which is true. We did have pizza sometimes he brought.
 

MessyB0ttom

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I did set boundaries as I told him I was not happy each time he did something wrong. I cut tie because I think he is manipulative and dishonest. He is not a real friend as he pretended to be.

@MessyB0ttom : how am I not making sensé?
It seems like you are playing both sides. You two don't have clear boundaries despite what you say. If he is just a friend and you don't want more, why does that last paragraph matter at all? 3-4 days is not a long time to go without speaking to a friend. It sounds like you want him at your beck and call.
 

Pearl Shay

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Unnecessary drama. Yall want to have it both ways. You're friends, but you're not just friends. It's corny. Either be friends or don't. You're having all the drama of a relationship, but no relationship. If you're going to be friends, do that and step out of the weird gray area. If you're going to be together, then do that.
 

incogneato

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It seems like you are playing both sides. You two don't have clear boundaries despite what you say. If he is just a friend and you don't want more, why does that last paragraph matter at all? 3-4 days is not a long time to go without speaking to a friend. It sounds like you want him at your beck and call.

When somebody tells you I will call you back in 5 minutes or I will call you back later whether boyfriend, friends or family I expect them to call me back as said. Its not respectful to not call somebody as said.
 

incogneato

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Unnecessary drama. Yall want to have it both ways. You're friends, but you're not just friends. It's corny. Either be friends or don't. You're having all the drama of a relationship, but no relationship. If you're going to be friends, do that and step out of the weird gray area. If you're going to be together, then do that.

I don't want a relationship with him at all. He is not my type, I don't desire or love him so its not possible for me to be with him.
 

usernamusernam

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You can't be this naive. Guys will settle for being the friend in hopes of it turning into what they really want. His feelings don't just go away because he chose to be your friend. In the future don't expect a real friendship from a guy that has admitted he likes you.
I did not play any game, I told him I did not like him and just wanted friendship. He is not my type but I like him as a friend which is true. We did have pizza sometimes he brought.
 

Pearl Shay

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I don't want a relationship with him at all. He is not my type, I don't desire or love him so its not possible for me to be with him.

Platonic friends can be possessive/jealous, but what you described doesn't sound platonic. Both of you seem to be doing the absolute most. If it were me, I'd talk with him about the expectations of the friendship, to avoid any future drama. Like a font above said, it's time to set boundaries.
 

incogneato

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You can't be this naive. Guys will settle for being the friend in hopes of it turning into what they really want. His feelings don't just go away because he chose to be your friend. In the future don't expect a real friendship from a guy that has admitted he likes you.
Platonic friends can be possessive/jealous, but what you described doesn't sound platonic. Both of you seem to be doing the absolute most. If it were me, I'd talk with him about the expectations of the friendship, to avoid any future drama. Like a font above said, it's time to set boundaries.

I have decided to ghost and block him even though he helped me a lot and I don't have a lot of friends. I have the impression he is too fake to have a real conversation with. He is not aware of his feelings and wants.

I don't trust him anymore either so I think its better to stop it now. As the adage says: some people comes into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Its time for him to go.
 

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