Too bad she didn’t figure that out after child #1.
I believe you can never truly prepare yourself to be a parent.
I agree 100% and I also believe you can never truly be 100% prepared for anything. Not parenting, not marriage, nothing. However, what you can do is 1) assess why you are doing what you're doing, 2) understand the goal in doing what you're doing, and 3) know yourself as much as possible before making a decision.
Marriage and/or children do not change you, it simply brings out who you are at the core, and most people are not introspective enough and honest enough to see who they really are and accept it. Especially if it goes against social and cultural norms and expectations.
Most people don’t want children.I've known parents who regret having children. They're allowed to have those feelings. It can be difficult to accept and admit to something that so many people felt pressured into and have been regarded as cultural "tradition" for millennia. For some, it comes significantly later in life after children are in the picture. They really start to wrestle with the hard truth and reality, or maybe they agreed to have children (or more) for a spouse. I've seen this a lot, too.
Now, those I know who regret having children still strive to be great parents. They have accepted this life and worked through their feelings (counseling), whereas others, they take their resentment out on their children, and it's tragic and heartbreaking. We especially like to assume women are inherently warm, nurturing, loving, affectionate, and possess those maternal instincts. This is not every mother, and it shouldn't be taboo to say every woman should not be a mother.
My middle daughter has absolutely no interest in having children. I know a lot of people don't buy it when it comes from the mouths of preteens and teens because "you could change your mind." But I have friends that knew they didn't want children when they were in grade school, and definitely knew they didn't want any when they hit high school. And now they're in their 30s and 40s and married 15+ years and child-free. I believe my middle daughter when she says she doesn't want kids, and we believe it's for the best, honestly. She'll be a silly, quirky aunt, and I think she'll be great in that role, but not as a mother. We see her career (animals and nature) and passions bringing her the fulfillment she needs. We 100% support her choice if she continues to feel that way when she's much older.
According to my husband, my SIL said she didn't want kids when she was a kid/teen, and though their mom thought she'd change her mind, she'll be 38 in a few months and hasn't crossed that road yet. She still makes comments about her animals being all that she needs and just not into the kid thing. She's super fun and cool aunt.
Given the state of society and climate change, I don't blame people for realizing they don't want to have kids. It's just that it took getting to where we're at now for people to admit this to themselves and others. So if people still get flack for being CFBC, I can only imagine it was difficult for many to come to that realization in the past before the public awareness of child-free lifestyles. And considering getting married and having children are often associated with religious principles, some people feel that pressure from their family and society at large, despite having apprehension. So, I get it.
Most people don’t want children.
Most people do not sit down with their spouses and plan their families.
Most people have children because they failed to practice safe xes or do not have access to birth comtrol.
So the vast majority of people who have children absolutely did not want them.
Proof:
All the children born to abuse
All the children whose parents have multiple sets of children across different households
All the children born to struggle
All the children whose parents cannot afford to send them to private lessons for sports or music
All the children whose parents cannot afford private schools
Black people, especially, cannot and do not love their children and then leave them alone with white people in government schools to be psychologically tortured and harassed all day for thirteen fcking years
I know parents with double digit numbers of children who REFUSED to put their children in public (or charter or any government funded schools) no matter what. Their children are all well educated and well behaved and the adult children are all college educated.
If a parent can drop a child off to an abusive destructive environment like a public school, that’s proof enough. They care more about having a break, than they do their children.
Imagine how many children would be murdered if not for the free government babysitting known as public schools?
Apart from that, too many people are far too unhealthy to have children: obesity, mental illness, genetic disorders, drug/alcohol addiction, etc.
Most children are not planned or wanted and the chaos and dysfunction that their parents allow in their lives reflects this.
It’s a sad reality that we have to face.
Most people are parents because of a raw nut- nothing more, nothing less.
They’re obviously not going to admit it, but if you look at what they subject their children to, it’s pretty obvious.
She probably will regret doing this video if her kids see it one day.
I understand no one can fully prepare to be a parent but you do have some control over your life and how you want it to go. I just wish people would be more self aware, so then maybe you'd have less situations like this. They don't think, they just fµck and have kids. Yeah I know biologically we're supposed to, but I am so glad we have free will too!
Take a good, long hard look at yourself and your partner and say should we really be having kids? My mom used to joke with me like this guy you're having xes with, could you see this person being a decent parent?
Take inventory of what type of person you and see what you can do to fix some things. If you have a mental illness, I'm not saying you absolutely shouldn't have kids, (depending on what kind) but you should address that first. If your partner has a mental illness, do ya'll really want to have a baby who may have one of your mental illnesses passed down? If you do decide to have kid, be as stable as possible. If you suffered from severe trauma or abuse, do you think you have any business having kids right now if you haven't addressed your trauma? If you have a hard time taking care of yourself do you think you can care for a baby who absolutely cannot take care of themselves. I'm selfish af, I barely want to get up in the morning to take my ass to work. I am not trying to up all hours of the night feeding a baby, running errands, etc etc. That may seem superficial compared to trauma, but at least I know how I am.
If you know you're the type of dude that will be nothing more than a weekend dad or not be around at all, maybe think about using condoms regularly. Why make things harder than they need to be. Why create stupid baby mama/daddy drama. The kids are suffering while you adults play games. And while kids are very resilient, they also do not have the time to wait on us to get sh!t together.
Kids are not toys!! They are precious little human beings who deserve all of our care, love, attention, money (lol) etc. I take parenting very seriously and that's why I don't have any!
I've always told my friends and family that the "Parent life" ain't for me.
They are always trying to convince me otherwise. but NOPE I've never felt the NEED to procreate.
This World scares the sh!t of me. i wouldn't feel comfortable birthing and raising Black kids in Amerikkka. So i'll just settle for being an cool Aunt.
As a single woman with no kids I have had several men and women tell me they regret getting married and having kids. A few off the top of my head are a mom saying to me she’d rather focus on her career, a man telling me he basically had kids to shut his wife up, and another woman saying she puts herself first no matter what and regretted having her daughter... all that made me question quite a bit lol
BUT at least there’s no recorded evidence on the internet where their kids can find it like this chick.
If people really did some deep introspection, examined their childhood, and observed what their parents went thru, it would give them pause. I know it did for me, and I have great parents, and had a great childhood overall.
Most people think they want kids, but when they get here it's another story.
I never understood how ppl think it's so easy, money wise l, kids will eat up your money. And can we clock how most parents want kids for taxes each year?
and what about the father's who just leave their kids and don't give a fµck. It's weird to me.
Damn. The quarantine has proven this correct. The increase in Child Abuse and Domestic Violence is horrific,Most people don’t want children.
Most people do not sit down with their spouses and plan their families.
Most people have children because they failed to practice safe xes or do not have access to birth comtrol.
So the vast majority of people who have children absolutely did not want them.
Proof:
All the children born to abuse
All the children whose parents have multiple sets of children across different households
All the children born to struggle
All the children whose parents cannot afford to send them to private lessons for sports or music
All the children whose parents cannot afford private schools
Black people, especially, cannot and do not love their children and then leave them alone with white people in government schools to be psychologically tortured and harassed all day for thirteen fcking years
I know parents with double digit numbers of children who REFUSED to put their children in public (or charter or any government funded schools) no matter what. Their children are all well educated and well behaved and the adult children are all college educated.
If a parent can drop a child off to an abusive destructive environment like a public school, that’s proof enough. They care more about having a break, than they do their children.
Imagine how many children would be murdered if not for the free government babysitting known as public schools?
Apart from that, too many people are far too unhealthy to have children: obesity, mental illness, genetic disorders, drug/alcohol addiction, etc.
Most children are not planned or wanted and the chaos and dysfunction that their parents allow in their lives reflects this.
It’s a sad reality that we have to face.
Most people are parents because of a raw nut- nothing more, nothing less.
They’re obviously not going to admit it, but if you look at what they subject their children to, it’s pretty obvious.
I want to start a thread asking this question. Basically, has anyone had children just to have the experience of giving birth? I don’t want to judge though. I’m just curious.A lot of times, women want children just to experience the part of womanhood that brings life into existence. But then, don't want to be bothered after that.
90% of these posters aren't BlackSo many anti parenting posts in the parenting forum.
This is a weird space. I want to look for a forum for black parents who actually enjoy parenting and their child.
I havent been able to find that much here.
I feel similar. I can't especially as a Black mother. Always have to worry about your Black kids. Teaching them how to interact with the cops and racists. Being seem as a threat at 4 or 14. Black parents always worry about their kids. This world is fµcked up. I don't think I have that in me. Especially if something happened to my kid all hell will break loose.I've always told my friends and family that the "Parent life" ain't for me.
They are always trying to convince me otherwise. but NOPE I've never felt the NEED to procreate.
This World scares the sh!t of me. i wouldn't feel comfortable birthing and raising Black kids in Amerikkka. So i'll just settle for being an cool Aunt.
Good video. I've known I didn't want children from a young age. When girls were "selecting" their baby's names, I never had one to share. I just didn't see that life for myself.
Even now, I'm not sure I'm ready to even adopt more pets. I really value my sleep, and freedom. Sometimes life is hard enough, without extra burdens.
I've known parents who regret having children. They're allowed to have those feelings. It can be difficult to accept and admit to something that so many people felt pressured into and have been regarded as cultural "tradition" for millennia. For some, it comes significantly later in life after children are in the picture. They really start to wrestle with the hard truth and reality, or maybe they agreed to have children (or more) for a spouse. I've seen this a lot, too.
Now, those I know who regret having children still strive to be great parents. They have accepted this life and worked through their feelings (counseling), whereas others, they take their resentment out on their children, and it's tragic and heartbreaking. We especially like to assume women are inherently warm, nurturing, loving, affectionate, and possess those maternal instincts. This is not every mother, and it shouldn't be taboo to say every woman should not be a mother.
My middle daughter has absolutely no interest in having children. I know a lot of people don't buy it when it comes from the mouths of preteens and teens because "you could change your mind." But I have friends that knew they didn't want children when they were in grade school, and definitely knew they didn't want any when they hit high school. And now they're in their 30s and 40s and married 15+ years and child-free. I believe my middle daughter when she says she doesn't want kids, and we believe it's for the best, honestly. She'll be a silly, quirky aunt, and I think she'll be great in that role, but not as a mother. We see her career (animals and nature) and passions bringing her the fulfillment she needs. We 100% support her choice if she continues to feel that way when she's much older.
According to my husband, my SIL said she didn't want kids when she was a kid/teen, and though their mom thought she'd change her mind, she'll be 38 in a few months and hasn't crossed that road yet. She still makes comments about her animals being all that she needs and just not into the kid thing. She's super fun and cool aunt.
Given the state of society and climate change, I don't blame people for realizing they don't want to have kids. It's just that it took getting to where we're at now for people to admit this to themselves and others. So if people still get flack for being CFBC, I can only imagine it was difficult for many to come to that realization in the past before the public awareness of child-free lifestyles. And considering getting married and having children are often associated with religious principles, some people feel that pressure from their family and society at large, despite having apprehension. So, I get it.
I had abortions and I ended up having a baby girl. I do not regret any of my abortions but I do regret having a babyGood for her for addressing this.
I hear a lot of things like this in my professional life.
This is why I say, think about why you want to have children, it's not a hobby or something you do just because you think that's what supposed to happen or is the natural next step.
Having a child is the greatest commitment and sacrifice. Once you become a parent, you never stop being one. It is a life choice and some people go into it too cavalierly.
I regret having a kid. this is the worse decision I ever made. I rather focus on making money and buying nice clothesAs a single woman with no kids I have had several men and women tell me they regret getting married and having kids. A few off the top of my head are a mom saying to me she’d rather focus on her career, a man telling me he basically had kids to shut his wife up, and another woman saying she puts herself first no matter what and regretted having her daughter... all that made me question quite a bit lol
BUT at least there’s no recorded evidence on the internet where their kids can find it like this chick.
Not all private schools are good for black kids socially. Just a reminder, because someone may damage their kids even more by sending them to private schoolMost people don’t want children.
Most people do not sit down with their spouses and plan their families.
Most people have children because they failed to practice safe xes or do not have access to birth comtrol.
So the vast majority of people who have children absolutely did not want them.
Proof:
All the children born to abuse
All the children whose parents have multiple sets of children across different households
All the children born to struggle
All the children whose parents cannot afford to send them to private lessons for sports or music
All the children whose parents cannot afford private schools
Black people, especially, cannot and do not love their children and then leave them alone with white people in government schools to be psychologically tortured and harassed all day for thirteen fcking years
I know parents with double digit numbers of children who REFUSED to put their children in public (or charter or any government funded schools) no matter what. Their children are all well educated and well behaved and the adult children are all college educated.
If a parent can drop a child off to an abusive destructive environment like a public school, that’s proof enough. They care more about having a break, than they do their children.
Imagine how many children would be murdered if not for the free government babysitting known as public schools?
Apart from that, too many people are far too unhealthy to have children: obesity, mental illness, genetic disorders, drug/alcohol addiction, etc.
Most children are not planned or wanted and the chaos and dysfunction that their parents allow in their lives reflects this.
It’s a sad reality that we have to face.
Most people are parents because of a raw nut- nothing more, nothing less.
They’re obviously not going to admit it, but if you look at what they subject their children to, it’s pretty obvious.