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I regret having my son

kbae1

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As others have said, please stop the hitting. I used to work as a habilitation aide to young adults with disabilities. I know it may be challenging now, but I can't stress how important it is for your child to get the proper resources and help while he's still young. Many of the adults with Autism and Down Syndrome that I worked with were able to eventually live on their own, work, volunteer, etc. due to early intervention and support.

I recommend looking into what intellectual disabilities/early intervention programs are available in your town/county. Also, there are organizations like The Arc (which I worked for) throughout the US and I can't recommend it enough. As an aide we would develop individual support plans with the person, their families, social workers, boss (if they worked, which most of them did) and come up with their own personalized plan to improve their overall quality of life and independence (health maintenance, communication, money management). Also some local colleges have programs to help support young adults with disabilities once they graduate from high school.

The organization I worked for mostly worked with young adults but I'm sure there are programs similar for younger children. I say all this to let you know that it's very possible for your child to live a fruitful life if given the right resources and that you won't have to do this on your own for the rest of your life.

I don't know much about it, but maybe look into SSI benefits for children with disabilities. I'm sure there are other options for financial support.

I really do hope things get better for you and your son.
 

bustakita

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This will require patience, love and understanding. He cannot help how he was born.but YOU can learn what things he does like,what he's interested in and also find resources in your state where you live. and please stop hitting your baby. He doesn't know why he is how he is and you aren't making it any easier or better for him - your hitting him will only teach him to act out in that way and can become a whole nother problem within itself. I implore you to seek help for him and for yourself. Please.
 

incogneato

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Thanks everyone for your response. I was definitely having a moment of depression. To be clear I pop my son. No whooping/beating/spanking. Yes, if I’ve repeatedly told him over and over to stop he eventually gets popped.

Y’all make it seem like I’m doing a terrible job. I don’t allow my son to see this side of me. I wrote this on the toilet and now he’s sleep in his room and I’m in mine.

I spend each day making sure my son is straight & he’s good. I understand he’s my responsibility and he will be good. We go on vacations, trips to different kid friendly places, he even has a membership to a trampoline park. He’s definitely going to have a great childhood.

Yes I get depressed and have regrets but as I stated I LOVE my son and wouldn’t change him for the world.. but if I could go back in time I wouldn’t have chosen his father and would’ve waited later in life. (His dad had several family members with autism and I didn’t know it could be passed down until it was too late).

I’m feeling better now. We have started therapy so hopefully we see some progress in the near future.
 

sweetfusion™

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Thanks everyone for your response. I was definitely having a moment of depression. To be clear I pop my son. No whooping/beating/spanking. Yes, if I’ve repeatedly told him over and over to stop he eventually gets popped.

Y’all make it seem like I’m doing a terrible job. I don’t allow my son to see this side of me. I wrote this on the toilet and now he’s sleep in his room and I’m in mine.

I spend each day making sure my son is straight & he’s good. I understand he’s my responsibility and he will be good. We go on vacations, trips to different kid friendly places, he even has a membership to a trampoline park. He’s definitely going to have a great childhood.

Yes I get depressed and have regrets but as I stated I LOVE my son and wouldn’t change him for the world.. but if I could go back in time I wouldn’t have chosen his father and would’ve waited later in life. (His dad had several family members with autism and I didn’t know it could be passed down until it was too late).

I’m feeling better now. We have started therapy so hopefully we see some progress in the near future.


Get therapy for your depression. Open Path is a good affordable online service. Along with Better Help and Talk Space or through your insurance.
A therapist will help you to get pass the regret. Another good source for depression suffers is Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns, MD. It may work for you.

Is there anyway you can reach out to these moms in his family whose children have autism? They might provide a great support to help you. You can help each other plus the social aspect for the kids. Dont worry your son will be able to live a full life as long as you utilize your resources & try to reach out to parents of autistic children for support.

Take care of yourself too. Practice your own self care as much as possible and take it a day at a time.
Celebrate daily wins. You got this.
 

Rosemary03

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Thanks everyone for your response. I was definitely having a moment of depression. To be clear I pop my son. No whooping/beating/spanking. Yes, if I’ve repeatedly told him over and over to stop he eventually gets popped.

Y’all make it seem like I’m doing a terrible job. I don’t allow my son to see this side of me. I wrote this on the toilet and now he’s sleep in his room and I’m in mine.

I spend each day making sure my son is straight & he’s good. I understand he’s my responsibility and he will be good. We go on vacations, trips to different kid friendly places, he even has a membership to a trampoline park. He’s definitely going to have a great childhood.

Yes I get depressed and have regrets but as I stated I LOVE my son and wouldn’t change him for the world.. but if I could go back in time I wouldn’t have chosen his father and would’ve waited later in life. (His dad had several family members with autism and I didn’t know it could be passed down until it was too late).

I’m feeling better now. We have started therapy so hopefully we see some progress in the near future.
It’s not easy, but god won’t give more than you can handle.
 

Pwussycat

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Ladies, please get out of lala land abd consider these possibilities before getting pregnant.
 

ShySweetGirl

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I grew up with a cousin who had autism. My aunt was in a similar position (his dad gets him every other weekend) not only was this her first child but she also struggled in the beginning managing all the doctors appointments, counseling and programs he had to be in. He’d throw tantrums a lot and would refuse to eat and would get sick because of it. She’d often go in the bathroom and cry while my grandmother and I tried our best to help out to give her a break. Like others mentioned, hitting him won’t help. Not only does he need to learn how to properly channel his emotions in a healthy way but you do as well to keep from getting overwhelmed and resorting to spanking.

Eventually he calmed down around 10-11 years old. He’s 17 now, and is in ap classes and wants to be an engineer. He’s still working on his social skills, and home skills such as cooking but he’s come a long way! All those programs help him tremendously.

OP look into programs for him and also look into getting him a respite worker. Not only did I work as one for my cousin but for other families as well . It was fun, I did different activities with them or at the parents request took them out to the movies, park, etc. while the parents got some much needed time to themselves to run errands or to get some rest.
 

SerafinaCyan

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Autism can be caused by multiple factors. They do not test for autism on a genetic test. Autism exists on a spectrum and it is not a death sentence. There are plenty of people who have autism that function well in society.

Another resource for you Op is Autism Parenting Magazine. You can subscribe to their magazine. You can find them on twitter: Autism Parenting Magazine (@AutismParentMag) / Twitter

Also, please get therapy to help you with this so don't take it out on your son.

Surprise! New developments.

Biomarkers in fathers’ sperm linked to offspring autism

They may soon be able to make this test widespread
 

Batcountry

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Being a parent is incredibly tough, add in having a child with special needs during a pandemic while having no support; it’s easy to become frustrated or even depressed. It could be a slight relieve to vent on here as you might not be able to on your day to day. Have you tried changing small parts of your routine (perhaps something that’s not working or causing you added stress/frustration) or incorporating different methods of learning to continue progress in his development?
I will echo the sentiments that popping him might be counterproductive if his behavior is related to his disability. He may not be able to self-regulate and popping him will just lead to more misbehaviors or regression on his part.
I definitely encourage you to reach out to resources in your community (counseling, day care if possible) so you are able to get some respite and have some time to yourself and a safe space to discuss your feelings to an unbiased party.
 

oops

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Unfortunately. I am my family’s support system. Nobody cares to support me or they deny my son is autistic. I don’t feel comfortable leaving him with them since they deny it.
Stop supporting your family IMMEDIATELY. STOP ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE ABUSED.
PLEASE STOP HITTING YOUR SON. He has a disability and you are making things worse.

If you can't be a good mother, see if you can find good adoptive parents for him and give him a shot at a good life.
I echo stop supporting her family and adoption if she cannot handle it.
Also OP, you said you make $22 an hour...you should look into applying for social security benefits for your child.
Yes, she needs to get every benefit available to her.
 

oops

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OP, make a three year plan to leave your family. I'm not sure if they live around you, but put some distance between you and them. If you are an adult, you have every right to do this. Learn to say NO.

And when you leave, let them know "we need to leave so that we can be happier."
 

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