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I think my mom is jealous of me :/

incogneato

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I am in my 20s btw.

I don't know where else to post this and have not ever spoke about this on LSA until now. I think my mom is jealous of me. I haven't let myself believe it until now. The reason is because she is my mom and your mom is supposed to love you right? Well Idk. My mom is always making backhanded compliments towards me. This has been a thing for YEARS. I could do my hair + makeup, look stylish and feel amazing. Then she will comment on something irrelevant to make my self esteem go down. I think they call it "negging" (on reddit). I don't know why she does this and she wonders why me and her aren't "close". I'm closer to my dad because he accepts me for who I am and its easy to talk with him about any issues I am having, which is crazy! I don't know if this is a common thing but does anyone have any advice for me? I recall being like 14 and trying to let her know that I want to improve our relationship and she went batsh*t crazy on me, and blamed me for our relationship not being close. How? you're the one who raised me... TF? It's not like I was a bad teenager and running the streets. I did everything right. A "good girl". Anyway, ever since then, I have never confided in her ever again. Should I just throw her to the side and never talk to her again or what? She always manages to make me feel terrible about myself every time I talk with her... I don't know why she does this.
 

La_Femme3

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Unfortunately, it's more common than you think. We grow up thinking that mothers are supposed to be all loving and nurturing but we also need to keep in mind that some of these women are extremely damaged with little to no self esteem. If you are confident and self assured sometimes that's all it takes. You're a reminder of her short comings hence why she feels the need to cut you down to size every time you feel good about yourself.

My advice? Move out as soon as possible and maintain a healthy distance.
 

MsFancy

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My mom neggs me too. Whenever she gets mad at me she brings up my past mistakes. She'll be like "well this is why XYZ bad thing happened to you".
She does these things to get a reaction out of me so I have to ignore her.
Hopefully, things get better for you OP :heart:
 

the_spiral

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I am in my 20s btw.

I don't know where else to post this and have not ever spoke about this on LSA until now. I think my mom is jealous of me. I haven't let myself believe it until now. The reason is because she is my mom and your mom is supposed to love you right? Well Idk. My mom is always making backhanded compliments towards me. This has been a thing for YEARS. I could do my hair + makeup, look stylish and feel amazing. Then she will comment on something irrelevant to make my self esteem go down. I think they call it "negging" (on reddit). I don't know why she does this and she wonders why me and her aren't "close". I'm closer to my dad because he accepts me for who I am and its easy to talk with him about any issues I am having, which is crazy! I don't know if this is a common thing but does anyone have any advice for me? I recall being like 14 and trying to let her know that I want to improve our relationship and she went batsh*t crazy on me, and blamed me for our relationship not being close. How? you're the one who raised me... TF? It's not like I was a bad teenager and running the streets. I did everything right. A "good girl". Anyway, ever since then, I have never confided in her ever again. Should I just throw her to the side and never talk to her again or what? She always manages to make me feel terrible about myself every time I talk with her... I don't know why she does this.
She sounds dysfunctional af. I'd recommend keeping things civil but distancing yourself from her as much as possible. Don't give her access to you emotionally. If she tries to insult you, just smirk, shrug and let it hang in the air - or better yet, get up and leave the room. It's her problem if she wants to grow old bitter and estranged from her only daughter. If she makes an effort to be close to you in the future, I'd suggest family therapy to work out your issues with a third party present so she can't try to gaslight and blame you for everything.
 

Mrs Ossoff

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Stop engaging your mother and go to therapy. She will never change and you do not deserve that. None of this is your fault. If you live with her, please move out quickly.
 

7thSense

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Unfortunately, it's more common than you think. We grow up thinking that mothers are supposed to be all loving and nurturing but we also need to keep in mind that some of these women are extremely damaged with little to no self esteem. If you are confident and self assured sometimes that's all it takes. You're a reminder of her short comings hence why she feels the need to cut you down to size every time you feel good about yourself.

My advice? Move out as soon as possible and maintain a healthy distance.
Truth truth truth.

And I also recommend therapy/counseling as another font did. Its not because you're broken or have mental health issues, its so you can recount these experiences over with a professional and they can give you the tools to navigate this relationship as an adult and built some self-esteem even more.
 

A Mad

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You definitely need to talk to a counselor about this. Your mother should be building you up. Unfortunately, many mothers are jealous of their daughters because of missed opportunities in their own lives. That’s her problem. A counselor will help you see how she is wrong and will help you develop coping mechanisms for when your mother starts at you. Try to be very positive to yourself. Look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself at least three good things about you. You will probably never be able to change your mother but, you can walk away when she starts. And, you will remember never to do it to any children that you may have someday.
 

mikeymon02

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I second what everyone else mentioned about seeking therapy. I have had a strained relationship with my mom for years because she does these exact same things. Speaking to my therapist helped me put things into perspective and I find that I'm able to navigate our relationship a lot better.
 

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