Quantcast

"I Told My Boyfriend I Was Born A Boy"

Killa

Killa THIS, Killa THAT
BANNED
Joined
Jun 2, 2011
Messages
18,440
Reaction score
Reactions
108,843 4,642 2,616
106,227
Alleybux
0
When I was a kid I had a series of dreams that involved Immature. You know, that baby boy band starring Roger from "Sister, Sister"?

Anyway, my dreams usually involved group member LDB (Little Drummer Boy) singing "Never Lie" to me in the tree that stood in front of my window.

Since then, I've sat across many men on dates and wondered what their fantasies were. By then mine always involved them really liking me and me playing the distant, mysterious girl they couldn't quite figure out.

Really it was more about me not getting too close. Because if I got too close, you see, I'd have to tell him my "T".

Oh, I keep forgetting you may not be the T so you may not know my T or what T is at all.

My T is basically my story. My story being that I'm a young woman who happens to be transgender. Still not getting it?

I was born a girl but in a boy's body, as media headlines tend to scream when telling stories like mine.



Being trans, I've grown up with the understanding that most women are born girls, yet some are born boys. And most men are born boys, yet some are born girls. And if you're ready for this, some people are born girls or boys and choose to identify outside of our society's binary system, making them genderqueer.

Regardless, I was born me and in order to be me, I had to take many steps to affirm my me to myself, my family, the world around me and then once I dealt with my gender change as a teenager, to the men I dated.

And this is where it gets tricky, and for some trans women, even dangerous.

Though many guys I've dated do not and may never know the gender history of the girl they randomly made out with on St. Marks (this is a whole 'nother post!), I have relayed my story to a select few. But there is only one man whom I wanted to tell my story to from the very first night we met.


It was early Easter morning 2009, and I was tipsy from shots a pair of British soccer players kept bringing me and my girlfriend. We were at some bar on the Lower East Side and I was twirling on the dance floor.

"This is my song," I remember saying frequently. It was that kind of night.

In the midst of my tipsyness, I felt someone looking at me. You know that feeling when you sense there's a singular focus just on you? That's what it was.

As I turned around, I see the guy, this handsome, handsome man with skin the color of caramel popcorn and almond-shaped eyes. His beauty, to me, is right out of my mind's own sketch pad.

He's a fantasy come true, and I want him to want me.

"Hey," he says as I push curls out of my face, serving him my very best angle. "I really want to talk to you but I gotta pee. Will you wait for me?"

Will I wait for you? fµck yeah.

I nod, rushing back over to my girlfriend and the two soccer studs. Quickly powdering my T-zone and applying a coat of lip gloss, I'm ready to do my whole mysterious hot girl routine.

But when he comes back over, he throws me: "Take a walk with me."

I find myself out on the cold streets, walking beside this beautiful stranger into a coffee shop on Houston. We have lattes and a cinnamon roll. He tells me he's from North Dakota, I tell him I'm from Hawaii. He tells me he takes photos and trains dogs for a living, I tell him I'm an editor for a popular website. He tells me he hopes to have horses someday, I tell him I want to tell stories that matter for a living.

It's the kind of exchange only two people who are willing to fully be seen can share. It's natural and life-shifting.

I could feel the mystery I had so tirelessly built around me fall, until I'm just me.

He kisses me on the cheek and puts me in a cab, where I receive his very first text: "You're a complete pleasure. –Aaron."

In the next month, Aaron and I go on a series of casual dates (The New Museum, a Tribeca Film Festival screening, opening night of J.J. Abrams' Star Trek), before I find myself on his bed, naked -- figuratively that is.

"I have something to tell you," I remember saying.

Aaron stood at the foot of his bed, readying himself for disappointment, it seemed to me. Or at least that's what I internalized.

How do I say this? I ask myself.

"OK, let me just say it: I was born a boy."

I don't look at his face while spouting off the details of my journey through genders as a kid: "I knew I was a girl from my very first thoughts." "I began presenting as female from age 12"; "I took hormones in high school"; "I flew to Thailand to have surgery at 18."

When I finally stopped talking, I exhaled. I'd finally told someone I was falling for my whole story. And I was afraid that my biggest fear would come true: Aaron would look at me differently.

And it did come true.

I could no longer just be Aaron's fantasy, a mixed girl with curly hair from Hawaii with a master's degree and a job that "a million girls would kill for." Our fantasies had ended and now we were just two people bare in front of one another.

"Can I hug you?" Aaron asked.

And it was then that I went into the ugly cry. For the first time in my young life I was being seen, fully seen as the totality of my experiences.

Fast-forward a few years, and Aaron is now my guy, the man I order dinner with every night, the one who begrudgingly sits beside me as I watch every Real Housewives franchise (except for Orange County), the one who questions my newfound love of neon pink OCC lip tars.

Most importantly, he's the one who doesn't want me to be a mystery, not to him at least. He wants to know me, to ask me questions about my past, force me to retrace steps that have made me the woman I am today. He's also the one who pushed me to begin fulfilling my dream of writing stories that matter: my own, my forthcoming memoir.

We're real together, and Aaron and the friendship and love affair that we've built is my foundation. A platform that has fortified my own sense of self, and has, in the nearly three years since we've met on that Lower East Side dance floor, given me the strength to step out of my shadow and come forward as a trans woman, lending my story as one of many narratives on what it means to be a young woman who happened to be born a boy.

Aaron is better than my tweenage fantasies, better than the dreams I had of some boybander singing to me in a tree, better than anything I could've written for my protagonists.

He's better because he's real, because he exists, because he wants more than just the idea of me. He wants me.
2011-12-13-transgendercomingout2.JPG

2011-12-13-transgendercomingout.JPG


ETA-THIS ISN'T ME! This is Janet Mock! NOT ME!
 

Pocohontas

Team Owner
Joined
Feb 3, 2008
Messages
6,161
Reaction score
Reactions
7,414 6 3
7,411
Alleybux
660
She's pretty in the first pic, but in the second pic... she looks like a guy.
 

Impassioned

General Manager
Joined
Oct 31, 2011
Messages
2,309
Reaction score
Reactions
4,014 13 4
4,085
Alleybux
12,142
Too long. Is she the one who works for a magazine company?

But cute story.
 

JUJU LA FLAIR

Team Owner
Joined
Jun 27, 2008
Messages
18,018
Reaction score
Reactions
44,475 43 13
44,468
Alleybux
611
I could no longer just be Aaron's fantasy, a mixed girl with curly hair from Hawaii with a master's degree and a job that "a million girls would kill for." Our fantasies had ended and now we were just two people bare in front of one another.

:dead:
 

KimberlyWest

LSAWishTheyHadKimsHair
Joined
Jun 6, 2009
Messages
57,092
Reaction score
Reactions
233,716 12,105 28,700
210,372
Alleybux
214,473
This isn't right.

And I'm glad she won't be able to carry a child and have XX chromosomes. She will never ever be a woman.
 

Sazzie

oh here go hell come
Joined
Sep 6, 2010
Messages
15,240
Reaction score
Reactions
34,158 421 137
35,831
Alleybux
239,598
I remember this story from earlier this year (or was it last year?) about the 'outing' of being a man. Shes pretty.
 

COWBOYS

Avatar
Joined
Aug 5, 2009
Messages
19,978
Reaction score
Reactions
145,382 1,732 1,474
146,330
Alleybux
856,281
Im glad she told him before the point of no return and I'm glad he accepted her for who she was.

It's easy to be judgmental or critical of someone's lifestyle but as long as no one is being hurt or deceived, I'm always happy to see someone find happiness and acceptance of themself. Good for them.
 

JustBeingMe

Team Owner
Joined
Aug 2, 2011
Messages
6,688
Reaction score
Reactions
40,304 966 131
41,371
Alleybux
378,155
Good to see him so understanding but i just could not deal with it sorry :no:
 

DC123

Anna Mae
Joined
Dec 4, 2009
Messages
40,051
Reaction score
Reactions
221,893 5,783 517
225,432
Alleybux
1,411,662
I couldn't be with a man that used to be a woman. As long as people are upfront about it then that's what matters.
 

Nina Mosley

Team Owner
Joined
Aug 21, 2007
Messages
8,119
Reaction score
Reactions
29,088 33 6
29,354
Alleybux
33,532
touching story. I'm glad she found happiness. its not her fault that she was born into a body she felt she didnt belong in. Good for her for being brave enough to tell her story. it might help a lot of ppl. There's nothing immoral or wrong about it. I wonder what kind of boonies yall from to be taking this as a sign of the end of days. LMAO! transgendered ppl have existed for a long long time
 

ianabg

General Manager
Joined
Jun 12, 2009
Messages
3,046
Reaction score
Reactions
7,606 4 3
7,603
Alleybux
0
I'm so glad he accepted her. I cannot imagine how hard it must be for a trans-woman or trans-man - especially in the realm of love/dating.

I have no problem with transgendered people but even then I know that faced with such a situation myself (a boyfriend telling me he was actually born a woman), I would not be accepting or comfortable with the idea.

So I know that it must take a really loving and open-hearted individual to see past the gender issue and really love the person on the inside. I wish her and Aaron all the happiness in the world.
 

HotNerd10

Team Owner
Joined
Mar 30, 2008
Messages
16,610
Reaction score
Reactions
68,414 539 33
78,558
Alleybux
533,187
I hope they are happy together..... It hard enough to find some one to except all of the real you so congrats to them......
 
Joined
Mar 7, 2011
Messages
657
Reaction score
Reactions
1,508 8 17
1,491
Alleybux
177
The first pic she looks like a man. Ray Charles can tell she use to be a man. A nice story nevertheless. Too bad they wont be able to have kids of their own which something they will truly miss out on with this relationship.
 

Chris Partlow

Quick and Clean
Joined
Nov 14, 2009
Messages
32,262
Reaction score
Reactions
287,133 4,917 4,011
321,480
Alleybux
0
The first pic she looks like a man. Ray Charles can tell she use to be a man. A nice story nevertheless. Too bad they wont be able to have kids of their own which something they will truly miss out on with this relationship.
Plenty of heterosexual couples can't have kids too. They manage, so I'm sure these two can as well.
 

DavidsViolin

G-String
Joined
Aug 2, 2011
Messages
5,535
Reaction score
Reactions
26,062 515 219
29,787
Alleybux
25,000
I could no longer just be Aaron's fantasy, a mixed girl with curly hair from Hawaii with a master's degree and a job that "a million girls would kill for." Our fantasies had ended and now we were just two people bare in front of one another.




I'm glad she (?) found happiness; it's not something I could deal with quire honestly. I had to side eye that entire paragraph.....:sidefrown:
 

Trending Threads

News Alley

Ask LSA

General Alley

Top Bottom