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I want a bestie so bad...is it too late for me?

incogneato

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I'm 23 turning 24 later this year, finished school and everything. Throughout my life I never really had best friends, only temporary ones and surface level. I think one reason may be that I was not raised around my ethnic community (I'm African), and went to French immersion schools (canadian thing lol) that were pred. Asian and white. And even early on in elementary and middle school people were segregating in terms of race...the Asians formed an "Asian group" the white girls would hang out with their own and me being the only black girl in the class, I was alone.. plus I was bullied for being shy so that didn't help.

In high school I met more black people, befriended one girl in my classes and thought I had finally found my best friend, only for my her to treat me like an afterthought and a tag along most of the time. Plus she was not a very good friend in general so I cut her off after high school. And making close friends in uni was a flop basically, I made lots of acquaintances and study buddies but no besties.

I have friends now, but they're not close friends whatsoever. We see each other maybe twice a year if that. I always gotta hit them up first just to stay in touch. And they got their own best friends to fall back on. I want a best friend soo bad but I almost feel like it is too late for me because I wasn't lucky enough to find one in my childhood. I can't stand this superficial sh!t anymore I want a sister who gets me and I get them. Is it too late?
 

May Flowers

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Friends come all throughout or lives. My mom is in her early 60s and her bestie and her only became friends within the last 5 or so years and they're super close. You'll have jobs, you'll travel, you'll go to events, you'll do continuing education classes. Those are all ways to meet new people. I've met many friends over the years since I was in my teens and 20s. Its never too late.
 

sansissue

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I feel you. It's not easy.
I can be your friend if you wish. But I am older than you.
I am African and also from Canada. When I moved here, I experienced the exact same stuff.
If you want to talk, you can send me a private message.
 

kxverse

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I'm in my mid-20s and I want to make more friends as well. My case is different though, my "older" friends don't really align with my current mindset and I realize how they were not all that great of friends from the jump (envious, talking behind my back).

I don't feel it's too late for either of us!

I'd keep in mind that having a bestie isn't always what it's cracked up to be. Lots of fake friends and besties in this world. Appreciate independence and privacy. Open a Google Doc or go to a therapist if you want to vent. I've seen plenty "besties" tell all their friends private business, sleep with their friend's exes, all sorts of terrible things.

Yes most people at our age have solidified their groups in college (this doesn't mean there's not space for more friends or will always be friends with those people). We're at a weird age where people are just getting out of college. BUT I don't think it's too late... it is actually probably easier to make friends in your late 20s and 30s, when women start making "mom friends" with their kids' friends parents and "couple friends" with their husband.

Anyway if you're looking to make better, more meaningful connections.... people like mutually beneficial relationships and built report. A "best friend" is made, not found. Especially as people get older and are more self-aware and can freely go and interact where they want.

Do you have hobbies? Do you like to travel? Go on an EF Tour (trips for 18-29 year olds... actually not sure if Canadians can it though), I think over half of the groups tend to be solo travelers. Join a club or organization! Are you working? Go to networking events!

Don't be afraid to do things alone, because if you sit at the house all day (or chase behind people who don't also invest in you), you'll never make solid connections.
 

winterstorm

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No sweat, you have plenty of time to find a bestie until the day you lay to rest. Just remember to cultivate it like any other serious relationship in your life.
 

pudding21

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I totally feel you. What feels the worst is when you finally meet someone you click with and possibly be besties with have their own day ones from childhood that will always come before you. I'm trying to do new things and meet new people though, social anxiety be damned. Definitely is somewhat easier when you have something in common, I feel very awkward around white people.
 

VickyTrixx

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I totally feel you. What feels the worst is when you finally meet someone you click with and possibly be besties with have their own day ones from childhood that will always come before you. I'm trying to do new things and meet new people though, social anxiety be damned. Definitely is somewhat easier when you have something in common, I feel very awkward around white people.
I felt that!!!!
 

B00BooKeyS

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Same op I’m also 23 and going through the same exact thing, I have friends but they all live out of state so sometimes I feel lonely and miss hanging out. I hope I make some close connections once my city opens back up fully. I have hope for the both of us!!
 

canadiangirl

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I didn’t make my core group till I was 25 (30 now). One girl I knew from highschool and we were close friends in elementary school but drifted in HS/uni. She introduced me to her 2 other friends (who I knew OF in highschool but not well). Now weve all become closer, travel together, celebrate birthdays etc etc. I think we will be friends for life :)

Still…their all in long term relationships and I’m the single one so I’ve been trying to make new friends because they aren’t as social as I’d like haha so in sept I joined bumble BFF and I hit it off with a girl on there. We’ve been hanging out a lot and she’s gonna come to my bday party tm and meet them. She’s going to law school in sept in a different city but I’m still happy to connect with someone and even if she moves away well have a fun summer/keep in touch.

All this to say…no I don’t think it’s too late for you. I think you need to be proactive since most people HAVE best friends at this age it’s NOT set in stone. I’m still on bumble BFF and connecting with ppl. Especially since covid made me a hermit I want to have a fun summer. I’m in Toronto OP if your nearby let me know, always down for a good time :)
 

alpirpeep

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NEVER TOO LATE!
Friends come all throughout or lives. My mom is in her early 60s and her bestie and her only became friends within the last 5 or so years and they're super close. You'll have jobs, you'll travel, you'll go to events, you'll do continuing education classes. Those are all ways to meet new people. I've met many friends over the years since I was in my teens and 20s. Its never too late.
Love this! Agreed.
 

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