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I'm becoming jealous of other women and I don't like it...

W I L L O W

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I hope you find solace OP. Most of the time we try to fix ourselves for the male gaze but girl fµck them, ninjas. Purge yourself from social media and take time out for yourself. Sometimes social media can really have us feeling terrible.

@JACKIExQUINN I applaud you OP for even having the guts to admit you are jealous because most women live in denial and let that jealousy have a detrimental effect on them, going around being nasty towards others and mad at the world because of it. So now that you know this, it is time to heal so you can become happy and confident. I suggest therapy and to start getting involved in things that make you happy and to most importantly delete social media so you can focus on yourself.


Thank you I'm honestly tired of holding back my emotions to appear like a "balanced person" . I realize for a large portion of my life that a lot of my "support" was basically telling me to always appear confident, always do this and seem that way, it's tiresome. Always be happy for others, always think positively even till the point where its toxic... I'm tired of it.
 

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You have a severe woe is me complex and I totally understand. You really have to get out of that place of self-pity, therapy, gratitude lists, new wardrobe, online dating, spiritual work - do all of it!
 

gitzy

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No. This is before I started watching other people and everything. I knew I was insecure but it wasnt as bad then. I just knew and felt that I wasn't the best looking person and tried to focus on other things in my life, so I accepted my feelings and felt affirmed by them. I would just mention my depression and anxiety without talking about the causes of those issues... for some reason.

I see. I don’t know what your situation is right now, but I think it would be worth to give therapy another shot. This time around, you have to make sure you communicate with them. Let them know if a certain counselor is not gelling with you, if a treatment style isn’t getting you anywhere, etc. There isn’t a one size fits all approach to this kind of thing, so don’t feel bad if something they’re doing isn’t working for you. It’s part of the process and it’s their job to help you figure out what you need.

Also, the fact that you know you have a problem with jealousy, where it comes from, how it disrupts your life, etc is a good thing. Knowing all of this means that you’ve already taken some steps forward in your healing process. Definitely mention this to your therapist if you decide to go.
 

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I was just thinking the same thing. Your mom influenced you in very unhealthy ways. What mother dresses to compete with a friend of her daughter? That is messed up, and top of that she berates you for not trying to compete with her.

It sounds like you want to be good person (encouraging other women, etc) but you have to overcome your mother's bad parenting.

You should try again with a therapist but this time be sure to share how you were raised and how your mother was.

She didn't want me to compete. My mom basically told me that I was embarrassing her and my friend by dressing more average and "down". I was a reflection of her parenting and by not looking on par, then I made her feel bad. After she critiqued me about my clothes, she'd mention my weight. Then after I lost the weight, she went on about my clothes again.

There's a joke we have, where she'd tell us , "you look like my child now, because I didn't know who you belonged to with the way you were dressing". And at first it sounds funny until you realize how extra she can be. Most times, my outfits weren't even bad. They just weren't the best I could do, but I didn't always feel confident to wear clothes. After a while she accepted that I was more eccentric dressing, but the comments still hurt. At the time, I was only a pre teen/teenager.
 

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She didn't want me to compete. My mom basically told me that I was embarrassing her and my friend by dressing more average and "down". I was a reflection of her parenting and by not looking on par, then I made her feel bad. After she critiqued me about my clothes, she'd mention my weight. Then after I lost the weight, she went on about my clothes again.

There's a joke we have, where she'd tell us , "you look like my child now, because I didn't know who you belonged to with the way you were dressing". And at first it sounds funny until you realize how extra she can be. Most times, my outfits weren't even bad. They just weren't the best I could do, but I didn't always feel confident to wear clothes. After a while she accepted that I was more eccentric dressing, but the comments still hurt. At the time, I was only a pre teen/teenager.
Girl, that's worse. Read what you wrote to your next therapist and good luck. Like I said I think that you have a good heart but you have to let go of the conditioning that made you envious as an adult.
 

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Girl, that's worse. Read what you wrote to your next therapist and good luck. Like I said I think that you have a good heart but you have to let go of the conditioning that made you envious as an adult.
I see. I don’t know what your situation is right now, but I think it would be worth to give therapy another shot. This time around, you have to make sure you communicate with them. Let them know if a certain counselor is not gelling with you, if a treatment style isn’t getting you anywhere, etc. There isn’t a one size fits all approach to this kind of thing, so don’t feel bad if something they’re doing isn’t working for you. It’s part of the process and it’s their job to help you figure out what you need.

Also, the fact that you know you have a problem with jealousy, where it comes from, how it disrupts your life, etc is a good thing. Knowing all of this means that you’ve already taken some steps forward in your healing process. Definitely mention this to your therapist if you decide to go.
I feel that writing it makes me feel a little better. I'm able to see angles I wouldn't see if I were just talking. So, I can contemplate and focus on what I need to get out of the conversation. The next therapist I get will need to work with me in this way.
 

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I’m sorry but not Belle Dolphin making you feel insecure :joy:
I mean she fits the "it girl" for some people. A part from her race, a lot of people think women should be small and short. They don't always want them to look like her but at least give off "feminine" appeal somewhat. I used her as an example because its the most recent incident so far.
 

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I feel that writing it makes me feel a little better. I'm able to see angles I wouldn't see if I were just talking. So, I can contemplate and focus on what I need to get out of the conversation. The next therapist I get will need to work with me in this way.

Exactly. In order to get the most out of treatment, you have to let them know this. We all express ourselves in different ways and a licensed professional should have experience with this.

Good luck on your journey and I hope it works out for you.
 

monsoonwinds

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I mean she fits the "it girl" for some people. A part from her race, a lot of people think women should be small and short. They don't always want them to look like her but at least give off "feminine" appeal somewhat. I used her as an example because its the most recent incident so far.

Okay relax.. Sooo many female xes symbols are above average height

Beyoncé is 5’7 and Rihanna 5’8 Angelina Jolie also 5’8

Audrey Hepburn, 5’7, was an iconic beauty

Sophia Loren was the biggest bombshell of the 60’s and 70’s and she was 5’9
I doubt anyone wouldn’t consider her any less feminine because she’s tall
 

La garconne

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I used to feel this way cause I felt like I wasn’t all that. But I had to do a lot of speaking encouraging stuff to myself in the mirror and love myself. I will never be like those ig models and that’s ok. God made me this way for a reason. Also it’s a good thing I’m not an ig model cause men only want them for their clout and beauty. You can walk out your door everyday and not get xesually harassed or kidnapped. You have a better chance of finding true love and having a well rounded life. Beauty fades and people’s perception change everyday. You gotta have more than just good hair and beauty. These so called beautiful women are vain and empty. I hope you find solace in yourself.

Sis, the fact that you wrote "these so called beautiful women are vain and empty" is proof it's not a thing from the past. You are still the same person and you need therapy just like the OP.
Sorry !
 

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Okay relax.. Sooo many female xes symbols are above average height

Beyoncé is 5’7 and Rihanna 5’8 Angelina Jolie also 5’8

Audrey Hepburn, 5’7, was an iconic beauty

Sophia Loren was the biggest bombshell of the 60’s and 70’s and she was 5’9
I doubt anyone wouldn’t consider her any less feminine because she’s tall


But why did they have to be extremely beautiful while being taller? you think they'd all be treated just as good if they looked average with the exact same height?
 

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Exactly. In order to get the most out of treatment, you have to let them know this. We all express ourselves in different ways and a licensed professional should have experience with this.

Good luck on your journey and I hope it works out for you.
Thanks for your words of encouragement. Hopefully it'll work out for me.
 

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You have waaaaay too much free time on your hands to obsess so much about these details in others. Like their level of perceived femininity, height comparison, their facial features, tightness of clothing, etc.
Go get a hobby and a job. It’ll make you feel fulfilled and less concerned in areas that you lack. Also, surround yourself with friends that you don’t compete with and obsess over.
There are tons of average-below average looking women on this planet too busy achieving greatness to be worried about how enticing they are to funky men. Look at Oprah!
 

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You have waaaaay too much free time on your hands to obsess so much about these details in others. Like their level of perceived femininity, height comparison, their facial features, tightness of clothing, etc.
Go get a hobby and a job. It’ll make you feel fulfilled and less concerned in areas that you lack. Also, surround yourself with friends that you don’t compete with and obsess over.
There are tons of average-below average looking women on this planet too busy achieving greatness to be worried about how enticing they are to funky men. Look at Oprah!
I feel like this doesn't come from a place of actually trying to give advice but trying to be mean. And that's fine or whatever. But nowhere did I state I didn't have a job...
 

TheChanteuse

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A lot of the most desired women are 5'8-6ft supermodels.
So height has nothing to do with it.
As a matter of fact; I wish I was taller.
 

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Not sure OP age but after I had a kid and hit 25 I realized
A. If I want to avoid feeling insecure I have to take care of myself. Working out, spa, maintenance. I’m want to like how I look first.
B. These ninjas don’t care. Bbl, no bbl, petite, tall. If someone is attracted to you, they’re attracted to you. Surprise your personality might do it alone, this is rare but I seen it happen.
 

La garconne

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@JACKIExQUINN I applaud you OP for even having the guts to admit you are jealous because most women live in denial and let that jealousy have a detrimental effect on them, going around being nasty towards others and mad at the world because of it. So now that you know this, it is time to heal so you can become happy and confident. I suggest therapy and to start getting involved in things that make you happy and to most importantly delete social media so you can focus on yourself.
You need to stop comparing yourself to other women..if there are areas in your life you'd like to change or improve on ..then go for it ! I suggest also getting some therapy ..no shame in that at all ..I do it and it has been helping me with my own crap..no one is perfect and we all struggle with something we hate about ourselves..what's not healthy is having such hatred inside you for other women ..i wish you the best

If this feeling wasn't common, there wouldn't be gossip sites like this lol. So I accept your vulnerability.

I think there's no harm in wanting what you desire and I think denying this is only making you angrier.

Do serious self-worth and self esteem work. Highlight your best points and parts you love about yourself.
Professional help is always a worthy investment
Honor your dark desires for beauty, glamour, a nice body etc as valid and working towards it. The more you deny yourself this expression, the more angry you will feel at other women.
Go get a photoshoot done, redecorate your bedroom, buy new clothes, eat better. Do things to improve your holistic wellbeing.

I love these three posts. They resume what I think but in a better way lol!
First of all, you are a very brave young woman for acknowledging these feeling out loud.
You do seem like a good person who want to change for the better.
Self-gratification is key for one's happiness so you need to follow @Jewel888 @Nameless and @Missmatchedshoes88 advice to do so.
We shouldn't dislike someone for their appearance because one can't help how they look. Good or bad.
Also, let's be honest, very attractive people are scarce. There are definitely more average people who are well put together and then a few ones who are just above average.
So I bet you are ok but need to revamp yourself. *Shrugs*
Like the quote says "beautiful things happen
when you distance yourself from negativity".
Good luck OP. :heart:
 

La garconne

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Not sure OP age but after I had a kid and hit 25 I realized
A. If I want to avoid feeling insecure I have to take care of myself. Working out, spa, maintenance. I’m want to like how I look first.
B. These ninjas don’t care. Bbl, no bbl, petite, tall. If someone is attracted to you, they’re attracted to you. Surprise your personality might do it alone, this is rare but I seen it happen.
She's only 22. There's hope for her!
 

13thletter

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She's only 22. There's hope for her!
She’s a product of society.. we aren’t given a therapist at burth so I can’t blame her. Everything’s so sexualizing and we’ve accepted this as a society for so long. Now we have *YOUNG women who think their appearance will solve their depression. My fear is when these young women reproduce the affects on their babies.
 

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I love these three posts. They resume what I think but in a better way lol!
First of all, you are a very brave young woman for acknowledging these feeling out loud.
You do seem like a good person who want to change for the better.
Self-gratification is key for one's happiness so you need to follow @Jewel888 @Nameless and @Missmatchedshoes88 advice to do so.
We shouldn't dislike someone for their appearance because one can't help how they look. Good or bad.
Also, let's be honest, very attractive people are scarce. There are definitely more average people who are well put together and then a few ones who are just above average.
So I bet you are ok but need to revamp yourself. *Shrugs*
Like the quote says "beautiful things happen
when you distance yourself from negativity".
Good luck OP. :heart:
It;s true, not many people are very attractive but for some reason people are pushed to believe they have to be the most attractive which has always bothered me. If other people are average then why am I not allowed to be average? I don't think I'm the ugliest but I know other people around me have high standards of me for some reason. Once before, I tried changing my appearance thinking that it would make a huge difference but it didn't change my self esteem cause I never got help for it.
 

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U need to find some good qualities about yourself and embrace them. No woman out here is perfect. Find something that u are good at, find something that u enjoy.
 

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Honey, women like Belle Delphine and those IG baddie types you see don’t even naturally look that way. Most of them have altered themselves in some way and profit off men getting off to them. In reality, most men will be with regular everyday women. There’s nothing wrong with how you look.

Work on your self esteem, style yourself in ways that make you feel good and confident, and focus on your passions and things that bring meaning to your life . Most men are not worth attracting anyway and I say this as a woman that is tall and slim and considered pretty. I’ve always attracted men, but l only wanted to attract good ones like my boyfriend that are worth being involved with. You will find men that are crazy about your look. But only pick the ones that are truly good to you.

I know society works hard to convince us otherwise, but women are so much more than our bodies. You have much to offer the world and people in your life, but it would be worthless if it was just your looks. Some women only have that and that’s sad. Stop comparing yourself and focus on improving your mindset first. Your beauty will follow with your confidence and lifestyle changes when you finally accept who you are.
 

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Sis, the fact that you wrote "these so called beautiful women are vain and empty" is proof it's not a thing from the past. You are still the same person and you need therapy just like the OP.
Sorry !
Lol you don’t know me personally. Are you a certified therapist? Clearly I struck a nerve. It’s so funny how ppl on here know so much about a person they never even laid eyes on. Take your own advice weirdo.
 

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Someone mentioned “looks fade” or something like that. Please do not wait on another woman’s looks to fade. That will make you miserable.
 

La garconne

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It;s true, not many people are very attractive but for some reason people are pushed to believe they have to be the most attractive which has always bothered me. If other people are average then why am I not allowed to be average? I don't think I'm the ugliest but I know other people around me have high standards of me for some reason. Once before, I tried changing my appearance thinking that it would make a huge difference but it didn't change my self esteem cause I never got help for it.

That's because when you will work on your self-esteem and be confident about yourself ( the self-gratification) you will attract people whether you like it or not.
This thread is about you but let me share with you part of my life's experience.
I'm 5'6 ish too but I don't care about what people say about my appearance.
Why ? It's because of how my African mum raised me. She doesn't compete about other women, she loves her ethnicity/culture etc so I guess thanks to her I never feel less than.
I don't look like an IG model. I wear casual or casual chic outfit and wear minimal make-up (when I do wear make-up) but according to people I'm a femme fatale (< I really don't and I'm not being humble).
Being feminine is about attitude and confidence (like your walk or maintenance like someone mentioned). You will get there eventually. Know your worth (with the help of a therapist to start then you will be able to do the work yourself).
Cheers ;)
 

La garconne

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Lol you don’t know me personally. Are you a certified therapist? Clearly I struck a nerve. It’s so funny how ppl on here know so much about a person they never even laid eyes on. Take your own advice weirdo.

I do work with people and your post stands out actually. You called out beautiful women out of pure jealousy. At least the OP is not in denial. You are the one being mad.
You won't see me criticizing other women because I feel good about myself. You on the other hand need help and I'm not trying to be mean.
 

La garconne

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She’s a product of society.. we aren’t given a therapist at burth so I can’t blame her. Everything’s so sexualizing and we’ve accepted this as a society for so long. Now we have *YOUNG women who think their appearance will solve their depression. My fear is when these young women reproduce the affects on their babies.

I happen to think that she can change. We are a product of both our environnement (family) and society. Her mum didn't help her building her self-esteem when she needed it.
I have younger relatives (pre-teens/teens) who felt the same way but their parents do/did their work.
 

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I do work with people and your post stands out actually. You called out beautiful women out of pure jealousy. At least the OP is not in denial. You are the one being mad.
You won't see me criticizing other women because I feel good about myself. You on the other hand need help and I'm not trying to be mean.
I’m not in any way jealous. See your making assumptions. I’m not mad either. Out of all people it seems like you’re the only one with a problem. As I stated what I said got under your skin. You’re bothered. It’s ok. You can go bother someone else now. Bye
 

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That's because when you will work on your self-esteem and be confident about yourself ( the self-gratification) you will attract people whether you like it or not.
This thread is about you but let me share with you part of my life's experience.
I'm 5'6 ish too but I don't care about what people say about my appearance.
Why ? It's because of how my African mum raised me. She doesn't compete about other women, she loves her ethnicity/culture etc so I guess thanks to her I never feel less than.
I don't look like an IG model. I wear casual or casual chic outfit and wear minimal make-up (when I do wear make-up) but according to people I'm a femme fatale (< I really don't and I'm not being humble).
Being feminine is about attitude and confidence (like your walk or maintenance like someone mentioned). You will get there eventually. Know your worth (with the help of a therapist to start then you will be able to do the work yourself).
Cheers ;)
I appreciate you not looking at me like I'm psycho or a whiner. I'm not whining or trying to get people to "feel sorry" for me. I've learned for a while that if you feel like crap, and trying to wait for people to come and help you, you're gonna be waiting for a while tbh. I know what it means to have "fake confidence", and it doesnt last long. I want true confidence. The type where I really do love who I am. I just can't believe I let it go this far thinking it wasn't a big of a deal.
 

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I feel like this doesn't come from a place of actually trying to give advice but trying to be mean. And that's fine or whatever. But nowhere did I state I didn't have a job...
I’m not approaching this topic with hugs and love because jealousy and envy are insidious. I’m not going to reward you for being honest about your negativity. If you genuinely want a solution, first step is accepting yourself. You can invest in improving your appearance, but your efforts will be fruitless until you accept who you are. Beautiful women are going to always exist. How you choose to handle them is up to you.
 

Zilla

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I wish at the VERY least you not be self conscious about your height. I’m 5’8 and adore my height. Gives me an excuse to require taller men, my legs are stunning and you tend to carry weight better when you are taller. I love being this height. I never wish to be shorter. I hope you get to enjoy this part of life too
 

W I L L O W

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I’m not approaching this topic with hugs and love because jealousy and envy are insidious. I’m not going to reward you for being honest about your negativity. If you genuinely want a solution, first step is accepting yourself. You can invest in improving your appearance, but your efforts will be fruitless until you accept who you are. Beautiful women are going to always exist. How you choose to handle them is up to you.


Assuming I don't have a life isn't the same as wanting hugs and love lol. I appreciated the rest of your message and I agreed with you on that. I have a life but doing things in life won't just erase how I feel cause the feeling will keep coming back.T hough yes, I will use the health insurance I got again to look for a therapist that's right for me. I think my adhd also caused the hyper focus of my issues, so I continued to obsess.
 

La garconne

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I appreciate you not looking at me like I'm psycho or a whiner. I'm not whining or trying to get people to "feel sorry" for me. I've learned for a while that if you feel like crap, and trying to wait for people to come and help you, you're gonna be waiting for a while tbh. I know what it means to have "fake confidence", and it doesnt last long. I want true confidence. The type where I really do love who I am. I just can't believe I let it go this far thinking it wasn't a big of a deal.
From where I see it you definitely don't belong to either group. I have said in other threads that I dislike envious/jealous people but when I read your posts I don't see a mean person but someone who doesn't know how to deal with her negative feelings and who is trying to get rid of them and feel better. The fact that you already saw a therapist it's a proof of that.
You didn't find the right ones though or didn't share what you really want with them.
It's easier online I guess.
Do you know what are your qualities etc ? Start from here.
 

W I L L O W

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From where I see it you definitely don't belong to either group. I have said in other threads that I dislike envious/jealous people but when I read your posts I don't see a mean person but someone who doesn't know how to deal with her negative feelings and who is trying to get rid of them and feel better. The fact that you already saw a therapist it's a proof of that.
You didn't find the right ones though or didn't share what you really want with them.
It's easier online I guess.
Do you know what are your qualities etc ? Start from here.
I think I should find one online where I could just type text with them cause my thought process is easier that way and everything comes out.

As for the other question....im still thinking about my qualities tbh. I feel that depression makes me be quite sh!t when it comes to doing a+ work in other areas of your life.
 

La garconne

‍#Self-validation #Self-love
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I’m not in any way jealous. See your making assumptions. I’m not mad either. Out of all people it seems like you’re the only one with a problem. As I stated what I said got under your skin. You’re bothered. It’s ok. You can go bother someone else now. Bye

Na I'm friend with beautiful women since they don't bother me.
Keep ignoring constructive criticism. Other fonts peeped it too so ok sis .....:kissing
 
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