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I'm becoming jealous of other women and I don't like it...

FenixMoon

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5'6 is pretty average in my opinion. A lot of men prefer taller women. Or flat out don't care as long as you are shorter than them. If anything they are the ones who are salty and/or insecure about women's height preferences. A 5'9 dude pointed out to me that he was 5'9 even though it was displayed on his profile "since height is a thing'". I'm only 5'1 so I was like yeah that's fine. They are used to women being turned off by their height, and think women like yourself want someome taller.

I totally understand what you are saying though.

Do you feel like there are some things about yourself that if you changed them, you would feel better about yourself?

Back when I was your age, my weight while not too crazy, highly affected my self esteem. I am a twin and she was always smaller than me, so we were always compared. I realized that I either had to own my size, find cuter clothes in my size (instead of wishing I could shop where my friends did) and become confident OR lose weight. I couldn't accept it and be confident, so I lost weight and I've been small (with fluctuations) ever since. It really changed my self esteem. I didn't have the feelings you have but feeling good about yourself work wonders with overall mood and how you navigate through life.

You are young, you have time to turn things around. A lot of us have some type of trauma and it will always affect us in some way. Don't let it control the rest of your life.

Probably an unpopular opinion, but I feel like sometimes therapy is useless without some type of medication. That maybe why you feel thay way. Sounds like you suffer from depression as well (irritability is major symptom).
 

W I L L O W

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Are you a man OP. This reeks of incel or Trans dysphoria.
Would you and the other fonts here rather me not posted this at all and just acted out on my jealousy? I'm not understanding the issue. Admitting to the feelings isn't like admitting to hurt people or murder. I'm not trans nor am I part of that sort of community.
 

pearlyteeth

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You should express the hate you have somewhere, like into art or maybe write them down in a journal and ask yourself why you’re feeling like this. It’s understandable to be insecure about things but you don’t want your hate to consum you...its not healthy. I get these feelings too sometimes but i’m trying to focus more on myself than others. You should try it too.
 

W I L L O W

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5'6 is pretty average in my opinion. A lot of men prefer taller women. Or flat out don't care as long as you are shorter than them. If anything they are the ones who are salty and/or insecure about women's height preferences. A 5'9 dude pointed out to me that he was 5'9 even though it was displayed on his profile "since height is a thing'". I'm only 5'1 so I was like yeah that's fine. They are used to women being turned off by their height, and think women like yourself want someome taller.

I totally understand what you are saying though.

Do you feel like there are some things about yourself that if you changed them, you would feel better about yourself?

Back when I was your age, my weight while not too crazy, highly affected my self esteem. I am a twin and she was always smaller than me, so we were always compared. I realized that I either had to own my size, find cuter clothes in my size (instead of wishing I could shop where my friends did) and become confident OR lose weight. I couldn't accept it and be confident, so I lost weight and I've been small (with fluctuations) ever since. It really changed my self esteem. I didn't have the feelings you have but feeling good about yourself work wonders with overall mood and how you navigate through life.

You are young, you have time to turn things around. A lot of us have some type of trauma and it will always affect us in some way. Don't let it control the rest of your life.

Probably an unpopular opinion, but I feel like sometimes therapy is useless without some type of medication. That maybe why you feel thay way. Sounds like you suffer from depression as well (irritability is major symptom).

I've fluctuated in weight a lot. I got on keto and lost a lot of weight. I went through a period where I started to try and get attention using my body and when I realized that:

1) attracted the wrong attention. Guys liked parts of me but saw that I had low self esteem and abused it. I thought if I got skinnier, I wouldn't have to go through what I experienced at a higher weight. I was wrong though. I heard a lot of unscrupulous things being told to me at my smaller weight about my appearance and etc. Ran into a lot of jack ass people.

2) My mental health did not get better. When I was fatter, therapist and doctors would tell me that if I lost weight then my self esteem would magically get better. Every mental health issue I had, got linked to my weight. So, after I lost weight health professionals got EVEN shittier. The only thing that changed was their willingness to throw pills at me.

So yeah, I'm gonna try again and hope for the best
 

pudding21

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Stop watching pδrn and watching other girls from afar, even on social media. Delete all that stuff and focus on yourself and the real world. Of course you will be jealous and angry if you consume these things constantly. They objectify women to the extreme and create a false narrative based on male fantasy.

I'm always bemused by people who stay on social media consuming these things, then they're shocked that they have low confidence. Of course you do. You can control what messages you consume though.
this is a good point. If your only interaction with other women is through social media and pδrn of course you'll feel less than, it's all a carefully manipulated fantasy. Like one of my friends is semi ig famous, if you only saw her on ig you'd think she was extremely beautiful confident and had the most glamorous life but the bish don't even really look like that irl lol it's all smoke and mirrors and in reality she's just a nice normal girl.

Op like you I would get into spells of feeling inadequate compared to other women. I would feel like cute clothes and makeup and traditionally feminine things feel awkward and foreign on my body cause I'm not like other girls, I'm not pretty like them or cute like them or sexy like them. But the more I practiced with makeup and trying on clothes in my room and seeing what looked good vs what didn't the more comfortable I felt, like getting used to the temperature of the water of a really hot bath. You have to get used to seeing yourself in a different way. I feel like a regular girl now and makeup and cute clothes don't feel as alien to me anymore.
 

amwood842

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You should know that all the belle delphine types and other extremely online girls are just really good at applying makeup and know their angles. They know how to play the game for male attention and if it's male attention you are after, then you should too learn how to do makeup to highlight your own unique features, workout, eat healthily and go out more when you feel you look your best. The rare good looking girls who don't need a loyal base of simps and makeup are often tall girls who are 5'9 and above and they will attract the most attention in public from the more masculine, athletic type men. I wish I was tall but I'm also only 5'6. I think you are not aware of what you have and don't realise the beauty you idolise is just one aesthetic that some men may not even notice. Men are visual creatures who appreciate all things beautiful and it's up to you to present yourself in a way that is positive, and then I'm sure a man will notice you and only you!
 

Verge

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Being pretty or smart doesn't make you a good person, FYI... When you stop envying these things, maybe you can be happy about yourself.
 

LittleButBig

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I’m not approaching this topic with hugs and love because jealousy and envy are insidious. I’m not going to reward you for being honest about your negativity. If you genuinely want a solution, first step is accepting yourself. You can invest in improving your appearance, but your efforts will be fruitless until you accept who you are. Beautiful women are going to always exist. How you choose to handle them is up to you.
I’m sorry but this is the silliest thing I’ve ever heard and a very harmful way to approach a situation like this. So if a child comes to an adult with these feelings they should approach with abrasiveness and condescension because the feelings are negative?

Even if advice is said firmly, it can still come from a place of compassion and love.
 

W I L L O W

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I’m sorry but this is the silliest thing I’ve ever heard and a very harmful way to approach a situation like this. So if a child comes to an adult with these feelings they should approach with abrasiveness and condescension because the feelings are negative?

Even if advice is said firmly, it can still come from a place of compassion and love.

Its part of LSA's brand. No one has issues and no one has problems and everyone is accused of attention seeking or exaggerating . lol its whatever.

this is a good point. If your only interaction with other women is through social media and pδrn of course you'll feel less than, it's all a carefully manipulated fantasy. Like one of my friends is semi ig famous, if you only saw her on ig you'd think she was extremely beautiful confident and had the most glamorous life but the bish don't even really look like that irl lol it's all smoke and mirrors and in reality she's just a nice normal girl.

Op like you I would get into spells of feeling inadequate compared to other women. I would feel like cute clothes and makeup and traditionally feminine things feel awkward and foreign on my body cause I'm not like other girls, I'm not pretty like them or cute like them or sexy like them. But the more I practiced with makeup and trying on clothes in my room and seeing what looked good vs what didn't the more comfortable I felt, like getting used to the temperature of the water of a really hot bath. You have to get used to seeing yourself in a different way. I feel like a regular girl now and makeup and cute clothes don't feel as alien to me anymore.

You should know that all the belle delphine types and other extremely online girls are just really good at applying makeup and know their angles. They know how to play the game for male attention and if it's male attention you are after, then you should too learn how to do makeup to highlight your own unique features, workout, eat healthily and go out more when you feel you look your best. The rare good looking girls who don't need a loyal base of simps and makeup are often tall girls who are 5'9 and above and they will attract the most attention in public from the more masculine, athletic type men. I wish I was tall but I'm also only 5'6. I think you are not aware of what you have and don't realise the beauty you idolise is just one aesthetic that some men may not even notice. Men are visual creatures who appreciate all things beautiful and it's up to you to present yourself in a way that is positive, and then I'm sure a man will notice you and only you!

Being pretty or smart doesn't make you a good person, FYI... When you stop envying these things, maybe you can be happy about yourself.
I appreciate y'all and the messages you posted on here. The advice has been helpful and I've calmed down a lot since I started this thread. I also think this helped me target the type of counseling I need, which narrows things down quite a bit.

Once my insurance kicks in and I find a therapist, I might come on here to give updates on what's happened.
 

amwood842

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Its part of LSA's brand. No one has issues and no one has problems and everyone is accused of attention seeking or exaggerating . lol its whatever.






I appreciate y'all and the messages you posted on here. The advice has been helpful and I've calmed down a lot since I started this thread. I also think this helped me target the type of counseling I need, which narrows things down quite a bit.

Once my insurance kicks in and I find a therapist, I might come on here to give updates on what's happened.
yes, please be sure to give us updates on your progress!! Seriously hope you get better and don't waste your youth feeling like this.
 

W I L L O W

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yes, please be sure to give us updates on your progress!! Seriously hope you get better and don't waste your youth feeling like this.

Great!! Thanks ! I won't have an update in a couple of weeks due to scheduling. My self esteem won't be the only thing I'm getting help for, which I'm sure people aren't surprised by . I wrote another thread for fonts who struggled with mental health and disabilities in the education section.

I don't plan to live my complete life like this, no doubt. I really appreciate your encouraging responses! They've been helpful for perspectives.
 
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I don't know what to say and I hope you overcome all your issues, but Belle Dephine fans should get bullied.

I’m sorry but not Belle Dolphin making you feel insecure :joy:
I'm a college student and I have met people who legit like Belle Delphine, they're hella crusty though.:confused2 @JACKIExQUINN please don't worry about Belle Delphine only crusties like her. I hope you can find help to get over your insecurity. Admitting you have a problem is the first step, good job.

giphy.gif
 

TheChanteuse

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Yes they are SUPERMODELS who look like models... not your average woman.

I'm sure you beautiful. Start exploring make up, clothing and different hairstyles. Look up beautiful women that are attainable to you and take inspiration from them. Also focus on learning the things you want so you don't feel 'less smart' than others.
 

Butterbum2986

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No I'm not white. She however reminds me of a girl I was friends with who is black (like me). I'm still trying. I haven't seen a therapist in a couple of months because I keep running into useless ones. Its a tiring process.
Finding the right therapist is indeed a process but once you do it can work wonders in your life.
 

Bougie Remix

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No, I'm not jealous of general things, like who has the best house or the best clothes.

I'm jealous of women who are prettier than me. Smaller than me. Shorter than me. I'm jealous who women who know topics better than I do, who're smarter, didn't have to go through much turmoil in their life like I did. I'm jealous of women who get to live out their fantasies because people want to indulge with them, whether its xesual or not.

I think that's why I hate softcore pδrn, then I moved to hardcore, now I tend to dislike all of it because I have crazy envy of the women in them. I don't like other types of pδrn either because of the same reason. I notice I've been scoping out other websites where predominately male users post women they like and I get instantly hurt when the women don't usually look like me. I don't feel entitled, but just... I hate it. The feeling of being excluded from something I like.

I didn't realize it had became a big issue until know. My friends and I allowed this other person onto our online group.... none of us had met before. And we were sort of just taking turns picking out videos to watch on YouTube with each other. This new person, picks Belle Delphine.... out of all people. I didn't wanna be Delphine, or look like her... I just didn't like how much likes and consideration she received from other people for doing the most cringest and weirdest sh!t that I would never get away with doing. Yet, because her frame is smaller, her features are considered more "demure" ,she gets away with it. Men buy ridiculous sh!t from her like tub water and etc. (which I sort of despise them too because who tf spends their money on buying someone else's tub water but I guess I'd be okay with it if I were Belle Delphine). The hate though, was very severe feeling. As if my own blood was boiling inside of me and I just couldn't keep down. I got meaner in our group and started making fun of the new person who my friend invited in the group. I started poking at people who actually liked belle Delphine and watched her videos.

Belle Delphine reminds me of an ex friend I had, but the black girl version of Belle in middle school and high school. People treated us vastly different and she knew but was sort of happy about it. I'd get bullied for my looks, my taller height, my bigger frame and the bullying I went through was disregarded. Though let my friend come around and teachers kiss her ass, smile at her, acknowledge and understand when she's confused. People around her was just miles ahead nicer and guys really liked her. I stood back like an idiot giving this girl appraisal that she really didn't deserve cause she was an actual nice/nasty/fake/b!tch and I thought my "girl positivity/unity" was a good thing but it was really riddled in low self esteem. My mom saw this whenever I hung out with this girl. She'd intentionally dress up with tighter clothing and more dolled up, while I just .. dressed down or wore things that were "safer" , almost willingly submitting to a hierarchy I thought fit me best. When we'd go out together, I notice she would sometimes walk in front of me while everyone just ogled at her, as if she were relishing in "the glory" or some sh!t. My mother didn't see it that way and would just fuss and get mad at me for not dressing the way my friend did.

My mom would say, "Jackie, why won't you dress better than that?! Look at your friend and how she's dressing. You could do way better than what you're doing right now. I spend money on your clothes to look better and you choose to look like crap". I didn't think those words hurt me but they did. They weren't encouraging and how long does it take for you to get tired of your mom only calling you pretty just to tear you down when you didn't "try hard enough"?
However I knew the type of treatment I'd get for dressing like my friend and it wouldn't have been received in a good way. Why stand out just to get bullied for it?

For the longest I've always cheered other women/girls on while I watched from the sidelines, thinking that people would just appreciate and treat me better for being such a good sport and being supportive of others. I also thought I'd receive the same amount of support but I was wrong. Instead I am treated the exact opposite of many other women I dislike and a lot of times the mistreatment comes from not only men but women too. In my household, I was told that envy wasn't a good look and that I should never admit to feeling a way that wasn't positive... sort of thinking aggressively positive was the standard and I should try and look my best instead of being hateful but not everything we want in life is achievable. I never thought I'd be this girl. I don't even like thinking deeply into xes unless it's including me or women who look like me.

Truth is, I have a problem with feeling truly feminine like other women master so well. I've never really been treated feminine like. I was not and have never been allowed to just feel pretty or feel dainty, and cute. And I hate it! Instead I feel weird... like I'm wearing a costume that isn't me and this is where the envy is coming from. I only see myself in bits and pieces , not as a whole and it hurts me. Every little thing I do, is never good enough.

Whenever I try and think positively toward other women now, there's this voice inside my head that's calling them all sorts of names and I don't even recognize why my mental state goes there. It's subconscious.

For the longest, I could say "I'm not jealous of you, just critical of your behavior", and I'm usually telling the truth. But now? I can't, there's always some sheer of lying underneath.

There used to be a time where I would make fun of women like me... never thought I'd become one.

When I see pictures of certain women I think to myself ... "I bet x group of men like her more than they'll like someone like me"... and the more I try to push that voice down... the sh!t just gets LOUDER, AND LOUDER AND LOUDER AND LOUDER!
I didn't read this entire thing but maybe you should try mantras to boost ur confidence

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babykittyjade

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Everyone gave really good advice. I'm just going to throw my quick 2 cents in because i think insecurity and self esteem is something we can all relate to on some level.
Now if you are not religious ignore the first half of my post. But if you believe in any kind of God at all i think you need more of God than a therapist. (Though you should see one if it helps you) you need to realize that we are not here on this earth eternally. We are here to practice, learn and understand God and his qualities. We are here to learn compassion, love for all lives, peace, equality, patience, acceptance, tolerance, grace, and so much more. Looks does NOT matter. What matters is your inner most heart and qualities. And you should ask Hod for help every step of the way. Every moment you feel jealousy or any negative feelings pray, ask forgiveness,ask God to take it from you and try hard to do better.

Now if you don't believe in God ignore that. I respect all beliefs.

That is the spiritual point. The worldly point i understand very well. As a girl and a human being I know how you feel. One thing you have to do is stop surrounding yourself with anything that makes you feel negative rather it's T.V, pδrn, social media etc. Engage in things that lift your spirit and gives you positive energy. Mine is writing, prayer,spiritual reading and dollhouse designing.

Secondly it actually makes a BIG difference on your self esteem with how you prep yourself. I use to be a tomboy as a kid but my mom forced me to be a feminine lady and I thank her for it.
I'm not telling you to step out of your comfort zone but this is just what I do for myself.
For example. I love all kinds of light but long dangle earrings, they add a lot of grace. I don't own a pair of pants nor do i show any skin. I wear sarees, long dresses, corsets and long waist clinching dresses, long skirts with beaded decorated blouses with lolita style sweaters, sandles with bows and beads, i style my hair with paranadas and bows, beads and dangle jewelry.
Bangles
And I make sure everything is perfectly matching. I wish I could share a pic but this is the scary internet lol.

I am by no means a beauty queen of any sorts. But this way I feel modest, graceful, feminine and beautiful in my own way. You do not have to show off yout body to display your femininity. It's a power we are naturally gifted with. You just have to learn how to use it.

And I learned I don't even need to or want to impress any dude or any other girl. I do what I do for ME because it makes ME feel feminine and good inside. I don't care what others think. Plus it's fun almost like playing dress up as a kid and just picking out everything I'm going to wear and match that day makes me feel good.

The only thing we can't change about ourselves is our facial features. Anything else you can. Don't like your weight? Loose it or gain it. Don't like your hair? Style it, dye it, or whatever you need to do.
Don't like your fashion? Change it.
There's almost nothing you can't change about yourself to fit your ideal.
Even your inner qualities and some of your personality.

I am shy quiet and serious by nature. But one day I saw a girl who was bubbly, outgoing, and so peppy, always smiling.
I found it hard to smile unless it was forced lol (yeah i grew up in real life isolation)

I decided i wanted to be more like her though still myself. So I started smiling at people, I started laughing and becoming more open. And slowly I changed myself.
I'm still quiet as I do not like verbally socializing. But I'm a lot more open then I use to be because I WANTED to change MYSELF. I smile all the time genuinely and people are always complimenting my smile. I'm giggly and bubbly but still shy and quiet. But I changed in the ways I wanted and that raised my confidence.

Plus you said you are tall! If you adjust your weight accordingly with your height you definitely will have a model frame. Would love to see a long lacey dress blowing from you in the wind as you walk.

Our minds are POWERFUL. We can do anything we put faith, certitude and determination in. Though we should be putting that in God,if you want REAL confidence you can have real confidence.
Put your mind to it and make it happen.
I can't tell you what that process is exactly because each person is different. These are the things that work for me. Something else might work for you.
I am confident and content with myself compared to the past.
When I see a beautiful girl in the street or wherever I smile and admire her beauty.
Then I move on with my day. I may never be a so called beauty queen but I am content. And being content with ones self instills confidence. I am content that I am trying to be the best person I can be inside and out. I have decorated my outer appearance and I am trying to decorate my inner appearance with good qualities daily.

And if it's Male attention you're wanting trust me it's not worth it. The only male you should bother to impress is your soulmate,husband,boyfriend, life partner or whoever that special man may be in your life oneday. What does attention from 1000 other males even matter or accomplish in life? It doesn't lead to anything. And most dudes who are checking you out are checking out the neighbor and every other girl in their path. I've seen it with my own eyes. I don't even take male advances as a compliment anymore.

Just worry about that ONE faithful special someone who will love you for who you are and stick by you no matter what.

Phew. Sorry that was long. Sorry if there are typos. This is the most I ever wrote in LSA history lol. But your story touched me. And I truly wish you the best and hope you find what you need to be content and happy! These are just my shared personal experience. Not saying you have to do any of this. *hugs*
 

Kessiah

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I don’t get how being tall is an issue. I’m 5’9 myself and that has never held me back in any way. Walk around with your head held high and don’t slouch. Also what is your weight? Because being tall automatically makes clothes look better on you if you’re slim. Also find some tall girl babes on YouTube or Instagram. Teaira Walker is one of them
I am literally 5'11 and slim pear shaped. I get more positive attention now that I use proper posture compared to before when I slouched and tried to make myself seem "smaller."
 

monsoonwinds

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I wish at the VERY least you not be self conscious about your height. I’m 5’8 and adore my height. Gives me an excuse to require taller men, my legs are stunning and you tend to carry weight better when you are taller. I love being this height. I never wish to be shorter. I hope you get to enjoy this part of life too
This exactly! My height is the last thing I ever felt insecure about lol
 

mossshearted

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No, I'm not jealous of general things, like who has the best house or the best clothes.

I'm jealous of women who are prettier than me. Smaller than me. Shorter than me. I'm jealous who women who know topics better than I do, who're smarter, didn't have to go through much turmoil in their life like I did. I'm jealous of women who get to live out their fantasies because people want to indulge with them, whether its xesual or not.

I think that's why I hate softcore pδrn, then I moved to hardcore, now I tend to dislike all of it because I have crazy envy of the women in them. I don't like other types of pδrn either because of the same reason. I notice I've been scoping out other websites where predominately male users post women they like and I get instantly hurt when the women don't usually look like me. I don't feel entitled, but just... I hate it. The feeling of being excluded from something I like.

I didn't realize it had became a big issue until know. My friends and I allowed this other person onto our online group.... none of us had met before. And we were sort of just taking turns picking out videos to watch on YouTube with each other. This new person, picks Belle Delphine.... out of all people. I didn't wanna be Delphine, or look like her... I just didn't like how much likes and consideration she received from other people for doing the most cringest and weirdest sh!t that I would never get away with doing. Yet, because her frame is smaller, her features are considered more "demure" ,she gets away with it. Men buy ridiculous sh!t from her like tub water and etc. (which I sort of despise them too because who tf spends their money on buying someone else's tub water but I guess I'd be okay with it if I were Belle Delphine). The hate though, was very severe feeling. As if my own blood was boiling inside of me and I just couldn't keep down. I got meaner in our group and started making fun of the new person who my friend invited in the group. I started poking at people who actually liked belle Delphine and watched her videos.

Belle Delphine reminds me of an ex friend I had, but the black girl version of Belle in middle school and high school. People treated us vastly different and she knew but was sort of happy about it. I'd get bullied for my looks, my taller height, my bigger frame and the bullying I went through was disregarded. Though let my friend come around and teachers kiss her ass, smile at her, acknowledge and understand when she's confused. People around her was just miles ahead nicer and guys really liked her. I stood back like an idiot giving this girl appraisal that she really didn't deserve cause she was an actual nice/nasty/fake/b!tch and I thought my "girl positivity/unity" was a good thing but it was really riddled in low self esteem. My mom saw this whenever I hung out with this girl. She'd intentionally dress up with tighter clothing and more dolled up, while I just .. dressed down or wore things that were "safer" , almost willingly submitting to a hierarchy I thought fit me best. When we'd go out together, I notice she would sometimes walk in front of me while everyone just ogled at her, as if she were relishing in "the glory" or some sh!t. My mother didn't see it that way and would just fuss and get mad at me for not dressing the way my friend did.

My mom would say, "Jackie, why won't you dress better than that?! Look at your friend and how she's dressing. You could do way better than what you're doing right now. I spend money on your clothes to look better and you choose to look like crap". I didn't think those words hurt me but they did. They weren't encouraging and how long does it take for you to get tired of your mom only calling you pretty just to tear you down when you didn't "try hard enough"?
However I knew the type of treatment I'd get for dressing like my friend and it wouldn't have been received in a good way. Why stand out just to get bullied for it?

For the longest I've always cheered other women/girls on while I watched from the sidelines, thinking that people would just appreciate and treat me better for being such a good sport and being supportive of others. I also thought I'd receive the same amount of support but I was wrong. Instead I am treated the exact opposite of many other women I dislike and a lot of times the mistreatment comes from not only men but women too. In my household, I was told that envy wasn't a good look and that I should never admit to feeling a way that wasn't positive... sort of thinking aggressively positive was the standard and I should try and look my best instead of being hateful but not everything we want in life is achievable. I never thought I'd be this girl. I don't even like thinking deeply into xes unless it's including me or women who look like me.

Truth is, I have a problem with feeling truly feminine like other women master so well. I've never really been treated feminine like. I was not and have never been allowed to just feel pretty or feel dainty, and cute. And I hate it! Instead I feel weird... like I'm wearing a costume that isn't me and this is where the envy is coming from. I only see myself in bits and pieces , not as a whole and it hurts me. Every little thing I do, is never good enough.

Whenever I try and think positively toward other women now, there's this voice inside my head that's calling them all sorts of names and I don't even recognize why my mental state goes there. It's subconscious.

For the longest, I could say "I'm not jealous of you, just critical of your behavior", and I'm usually telling the truth. But now? I can't, there's always some sheer of lying underneath.

There used to be a time where I would make fun of women like me... never thought I'd become one.

When I see pictures of certain women I think to myself ... "I bet x group of men like her more than they'll like someone like me"... and the more I try to push that voice down... the sh!t just gets LOUDER, AND LOUDER AND LOUDER AND LOUDER!
I'm sorry that you're struggling :(
You should seek out cognitive behavioral therapy to help you develop coping strategies for negative and distorted thought patterns. Remember that "comparison is the thief of joy." You are always going to find yourself lacking when you compare yourself to other people. It's a losing game. Always. So seek out a professional therapist that can help you figure out how to stop playing it.

And you have to stop watching pδrn. Stop frequenting forums and sites where men talk sh!t about women. Actually...you really need an internet detox. From social media to forums like this one, people are peddling unrealistic and often false expectations of what it means to live well. None of it is real, but it can make you feel really sh!tty - so get offline for a while. It will do you a world of good.
 

mossshearted

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I've tried going to a therapist but they never work? I am given exercises to do and... I just feel as if they're pointless.
Then find another therapist (preferably someone that specializes in CBT) and be upfront about your doubts about the process so that they can figure out how best to meet your needs. The exercises they're giving you are meant to help you rewire your head and change your thinking patterns, but if you don't buy into them, they'll never work for you.
 

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We‘re all jealous of someone. It‘s only natural. When I look at the 21 year old girls who have straight As in college and an impressive resume I‘m just „Damn. She‘s going to be a doctorate candidate in a few years. I just know it. Why can‘t it be me?“. Jealousy can be a good thing because it motivates you to do better. Just don‘t hate them. The grass is always greener on the other side. How often did we see IG models that supposedly have it all commit suicide or come forward about their mental health struggles? Or how often have we seen supposed perfect IG families only to find out that they were miserable the whole time because of adultery or domestic violence? The person you‘re jealous of is probably jealous of someone else. Someone else might be jealous of you.

I would advise you to delete social media, especially IG. Even if you‘re perfectly fine it makes you feel lesser than.
 

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Yeah, I'm just going to say it. Women like the OP are incredibly dangerous and I don't think any amount of therapy can truly help her. This entire post was ... dark. I've encountered jealous people before, I mean jealousy is normal afterall but this is something different.

Oh, and I don't like the narrative that's being pushed in here because a lot of y'all keep putting other women down to make the op feel better. Its one thing to say, "everything on ig isn't real" or " it's smoke and mirrors" but im failing to understand the dragging of that Belle girl or saying sh!t like their beauty is going to fade anyways. When it does, will that make you happy that they're no longer desired by men?

Op ain't the only one in here that needs help clearly.
 

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Yeah, I'm just going to say it. Women like the OP are incredibly dangerous and I don't think any amount of therapy can truly help her. This entire post was ... dark. I've encountered jealous people before, I mean jealousy is normal afterall but this is something different.

Oh, and I don't like the narrative that's being pushed in here because a lot of y'all keep putting other women down to make the op feel better. Its one thing to say, "everything on ig isn't real" or " it's smoke and mirrors" but im failing to understand the dragging of that Belle girl or saying sh!t like their beauty is going to fade anyways. When it does, will that make you happy that they're no longer desired by men?

Op ain't the only one in here that needs help clearly.


i'm not dangerous. Nor would I hurt anyone. I've had wayy more people outwardly hurt me than I've hurt others. I don't wish to tear other people down, but just being open about my feelings. Not everyong who experiences jealousy is a potential murderer or something.
 

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I wasn’t able to respond back yesterday. Said I didn’t have privileges on replying to any thread. I guess it got fixed.

My tone probably did come off a bit harsh. The obsessive, dark thoughts and “blood boiling” envy present as a symptom of someone mentally unwell. If it were a white man(or any man for that matter) typing this about his jealousy towards other “Chad’s” (that’s the term they publicly use) because women won’t sleep with him/aren’t attracted to him, labels like “incel” would be thrown left and right.
Granted, the major difference is that you’re a black woman & that alone, comes with societal assumptions and pressures that white men don’t experience. So I’m sorry if I came off earlier as harsh. I hope you receive the professional care mentioned in this thread.
 

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Girl just move to France lol

I'm 5'9 and that's average height here. The only time people ever mention my height it's to suggest I try modeling. Otherwise it's never been an issue, most men are taller and no one has ever made fun of me for it
 

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I agree with you as I often feel like when god was making some beautiful girls/women he ran out of the beauty pot when he got to me. This is Face, Skin, Body and Hair wise by the way. You know how some people say oh will "if she has a ugly face than her body makes up for it" or "she has a pretty face but a fat body " "damn she fine she got the face and body". Will sh!t I was beaten with the ugly stick because I have nothing but straight up ugly. I feel like a lot has to so with me being black and I hate it.



sh!t even other blacks hate on me for looking black even though some of them are darker and uglier themself but have the nerves to pick on me for having bigger features just like that black rusty ass. I feel if I didn't look black or didn't have such "manly like features" would I be happier in life and actual have a life as a matter of fact.



I notice lately I been seeing pretty girl pictures online (sorry not black girls but other ethnicity race girls pictures) and just admiring but at the same Time envy how pretty and feminine with petite girly girl bad Instagram baddie figures they have. It suck being ugly and black and on top of that having your own race degrade you. Also you are right as therapy ain't sh!t... all they do it sit their and repeat some sh!t back to you that you could had got online as advice for free. Smh!!!
 

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No, I'm not jealous of general things, like who has the best house or the best clothes.

I'm jealous of women who are prettier than me. Smaller than me. Shorter than me. I'm jealous who women who know topics better than I do, who're smarter, didn't have to go through much turmoil in their life like I did. I'm jealous of women who get to live out their fantasies because people want to indulge with them, whether its xesual or not.

I think that's why I hate softcore pδrn, then I moved to hardcore, now I tend to dislike all of it because I have crazy envy of the women in them. I don't like other types of pδrn either because of the same reason. I notice I've been scoping out other websites where predominately male users post women they like and I get instantly hurt when the women don't usually look like me. I don't feel entitled, but just... I hate it. The feeling of being excluded from something I like.

I didn't realize it had became a big issue until know. My friends and I allowed this other person onto our online group.... none of us had met before. And we were sort of just taking turns picking out videos to watch on YouTube with each other. This new person, picks Belle Delphine.... out of all people. I didn't wanna be Delphine, or look like her... I just didn't like how much likes and consideration she received from other people for doing the most cringest and weirdest sh!t that I would never get away with doing. Yet, because her frame is smaller, her features are considered more "demure" ,she gets away with it. Men buy ridiculous sh!t from her like tub water and etc. (which I sort of despise them too because who tf spends their money on buying someone else's tub water but I guess I'd be okay with it if I were Belle Delphine). The hate though, was very severe feeling. As if my own blood was boiling inside of me and I just couldn't keep down. I got meaner in our group and started making fun of the new person who my friend invited in the group. I started poking at people who actually liked belle Delphine and watched her videos.

Belle Delphine reminds me of an ex friend I had, but the black girl version of Belle in middle school and high school. People treated us vastly different and she knew but was sort of happy about it. I'd get bullied for my looks, my taller height, my bigger frame and the bullying I went through was disregarded. Though let my friend come around and teachers kiss her ass, smile at her, acknowledge and understand when she's confused. People around her was just miles ahead nicer and guys really liked her. I stood back like an idiot giving this girl appraisal that she really didn't deserve cause she was an actual nice/nasty/fake/b!tch and I thought my "girl positivity/unity" was a good thing but it was really riddled in low self esteem. My mom saw this whenever I hung out with this girl. She'd intentionally dress up with tighter clothing and more dolled up, while I just .. dressed down or wore things that were "safer" , almost willingly submitting to a hierarchy I thought fit me best. When we'd go out together, I notice she would sometimes walk in front of me while everyone just ogled at her, as if she were relishing in "the glory" or some sh!t. My mother didn't see it that way and would just fuss and get mad at me for not dressing the way my friend did.

My mom would say, "Jackie, why won't you dress better than that?! Look at your friend and how she's dressing. You could do way better than what you're doing right now. I spend money on your clothes to look better and you choose to look like crap". I didn't think those words hurt me but they did. They weren't encouraging and how long does it take for you to get tired of your mom only calling you pretty just to tear you down when you didn't "try hard enough"?
However I knew the type of treatment I'd get for dressing like my friend and it wouldn't have been received in a good way. Why stand out just to get bullied for it?

For the longest I've always cheered other women/girls on while I watched from the sidelines, thinking that people would just appreciate and treat me better for being such a good sport and being supportive of others. I also thought I'd receive the same amount of support but I was wrong. Instead I am treated the exact opposite of many other women I dislike and a lot of times the mistreatment comes from not only men but women too. In my household, I was told that envy wasn't a good look and that I should never admit to feeling a way that wasn't positive... sort of thinking aggressively positive was the standard and I should try and look my best instead of being hateful but not everything we want in life is achievable. I never thought I'd be this girl. I don't even like thinking deeply into xes unless it's including me or women who look like me.

Truth is, I have a problem with feeling truly feminine like other women master so well. I've never really been treated feminine like. I was not and have never been allowed to just feel pretty or feel dainty, and cute. And I hate it! Instead I feel weird... like I'm wearing a costume that isn't me and this is where the envy is coming from. I only see myself in bits and pieces , not as a whole and it hurts me. Every little thing I do, is never good enough.

Whenever I try and think positively toward other women now, there's this voice inside my head that's calling them all sorts of names and I don't even recognize why my mental state goes there. It's subconscious.

For the longest, I could say "I'm not jealous of you, just critical of your behavior", and I'm usually telling the truth. But now? I can't, there's always some sheer of lying underneath.

There used to be a time where I would make fun of women like me... never thought I'd become one.

When I see pictures of certain women I think to myself ... "I bet x group of men like her more than they'll like someone like me"... and the more I try to push that voice down... the sh!t just gets LOUDER, AND LOUDER AND LOUDER AND LOUDER!
So I know everyone already added their two cents and I hope you're not too fed up of this thread to listen but I just want to say a few things and I'll try not to make it long.

People's "solutions" to gaining self-confidence and building up healthy self-esteem are more like coping mechanisms than cures and that's why they rarely work so I'll just tell you what I did when I was younger when I had similar issues and explain the ones I find don't work for me and other people I've known in my life who've struggled at some point with self-esteem.

"Solution" 1 - Get a job/hobby/skill

Now this is something which can be good advice depending on the problem but not this one. This one will always fail because it leads to overcompensating. I can't tell you how many people I know who instead of working on that area they feel insecure in they turn to focusing on a strength of theirs to compensate for it but the insecurity never goes away (the most common one I meet are the women who know they are smart but secretly feel like they are ugly - it always shows in their behavior). It doesn't work because it never really gets rid of the negative feelings they have towards that area they think they are lacking in. It's like telling someone to massage their neck if they have foot pain. Sure, your neck will feel nice but if you're not dealing with the foot pain, does it matter? You will still be in pain.

You cannot compensate for feeling bad in the looks department with any other thing, and I know because I have tried. All that happened was, I felt secure in my intellect, my skills, my personality, my athleticism and that was nice and it did help to keep my mind off of physical insecurities...until it didn't anymore.

I know beautiful women who know they are beautiful but not for nothing their self-confidence is in the damn dirt because they think they're dumb, unlikeable, untalented or something else and no amount of looks in the mirror or attention from other people is going to fix it for them if they don't deal with the thing that makes them insecure instead of thinking they can just remind themselves that they are beautiful and the other negative feelings will all go away...it won't, not like that anyhow.

"Solution"2 - Go where you are celebrated

I know people often think that issues like this are solely or mostly about male attention but it really isn't. At the point in time that I felt the lowest about my self and the most awkward in my skin, I was getting the most male attention I had gotten in my life and that sh!t did not help. Now, I agree you shouldn't hyper-focus on men whose type you are not and you should go where you are celebrated but getting male attention for physical insecurities is trying to solve a lack of internal validation with external validation and it doesn't last because although you need both, you cannot replace one with the other.

And don't get me wrong, getting male attention did kind of make me check myself about the way I was feeling about my appearance because I figured if so many males are attracted to me then it can't be an objective, universal, unbending truth that I am as unattractive as I thought I was at that time. But it never made me actually feel good about how I looked.

"Solution" 3 - Get off of social media

I wasn't even allowed on most social media platforms when I was a teen and I was having these issues and although I agree that less social media time is a step in the right direction when it comes to dealing with physical insecurities, it isn't the solution. Yes, most girls on Instagram and whatnot are heavily made up and filtered and photoshopped and don't look like that in real life but if your self-esteem is dependent on reinforcing this idea that no one is really this beautiful, you'll be in for a very rude awakening when you actually meet someone that beautiful in real life (they're not common but they do exist) and the coping strategy will no longer work and you'll be back to square one. A healthy self-esteem shouldn't waver depending on your environment. So it's all good and well to cope like this if you're constantly surrounded by average or below-average looking people but happens when you're in a room with those who are not?

"Solution" 4 - Go to therapy

I'm certainly an advocate of therapy but therapy isn't a fix for every single person in every single solution. And in any case, the therapist isn't really doing any work for you that you don't have to do on your own. It's the same work, the therapist is there to be a guide, keep you consistent, and force you to keep doing the work when it gets hard but it's still all you that has to do the work.

What helped me:

(1) This might sound a bit creepy but what helped me was people-watching in real-life, in the media, and on social media. When you're consuming one kind of beauty all the time, especially if it doesn't look like you, your perception can be skewed. I came to the realization (which kind of made me embarrassed because it's pretty elementary) that people have waaaayyy too much variation between them for there to really be a fixed kind of 'beauty'.

I realized that not only do the people I find beautiful not look anything like each other but there are many parts of them that individually do or do not meet conventional beauty standards or the beauty standards in our environment (most of the times these things were wrinkles, grey hair, different weights, shapes that were not hourglass or pear, moles, extreme heights on either end , certain body hair etc.) and they're not beautiful in spite of it but partly because of it. Beauty isn't a look, a height, a weight, a complexion, a facial feature, it's the combination of your features and how well you work with it. I also noticed that 'what men find attractive' has too many variations as well - If I said to myself "men don't like xyz123", I could find if I looked around in real life or in the media, plenty men that were paired up with women with this trait. So I realized that that was also very varied and not fixed.

(2) The second thing that helped me was paying attention to myself. Exploring what colors I liked on my skin tone, what cuts and designs made my body look nice to me, what materials I liked, what jewelry I liked to wear...little, simple fun exercises like that and finding women who looked like me to see what looked best on them (It's very weird how you will beat yourself up about your looks but see someone who looks just like you and think they're gorgeous). I also paid attention to lots of things that had nothing to do with my looks like food, art, architecture, other people, astrology, religion, archetypes. I just spent a lot of time thinking about myself and trying to figure myself out outside of other people, just as an individual. So essentially- practice being self-absorbed and vain. Think of yourself outside of the realm of other people.

That's all I got, I hope it helps and I hope I had no typos because I can't edit this after I post it. Also, people on here tend to be dramatists so please ignore anyone telling you that you are sick, dangerous, or depraved. There is nothing to be scared of most of the times when it comes to the range and intensities of human emotions.
 

divineheauxx

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I understand how you feel. I had to unfollow some girls on SM because I felt they were prettier than me and got more attention and it made me feel bad about myself. I never got any validation from my parents ( my dad would tell me I would need to lose weight, never told me that I was beautiful) growing up. I am not fat by any means but I feel like if I had a certain body type, I would get more attention and dates. I have done therapy several times before. It is a constant job trying to raise my self esteem and I am 35. I have a little body dysmorphia too so that helps LOL I think I am fate and unattractive but others think otherwise. I feel your pain. Take care of yourself and seek a therapist you feel you can trust and that will help you cause I have seen a couple of therapist and they were all fluff and aint do sh!t to help me hence why I stopped. Peace and Blessings to you. You will get through it.
 

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OP I understand your sentiments perfectly and have often felt the same.

One thing I noticed about LSA is that teh users here often have the habit of projecting themselves and issues onto OPs.

For example, as you've stated you feel jealous of other women and many of the ladies here see themselves as very beautiful and feel that other women are jealous of them, they take these feelings and fear of evil eye out on you, either depicting you as someone dangerous or in need of serious help.

Resentment and envy are very normal human emotions. It's not easy going through life being ignored when you're around others that are shrouded in the attention you wish you had.

It's easy to judge someone when you haven't lived in their shoes which is what a lot of fonts don't seem to realise.

I hope you get therapy OP so that you can feel better.
 

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I know exactly how you feel OP, it's even harder when it's not just friends, it's even worse when it's your sister for example. My sister is very popular and she's known as a true beauty, I spent the last couple of days being ignored by men when I was with her, she's been catcalled by strangers and friends so many times, guys drooling everywhere even younger ones (she's 31) following her while ignoring me and I felt so invisible and ugly. It's weird because when I walk alone I get a lot of stares from men and people say I'm very beautiful and my face is a masterpiece but I'm chubby, I have beautiful curves and I'm busty but I guess I would be a true beauty like her if I were skinnier and it sucks. But I don't know how to explain it, something is just wrong with me I lost my job, people treat me so bad, I don't have many friends, I'm so invisible that today a woman hit me with a car because she didn't see me (wtf?!) I don't understand some people told me I'm very beautiful, there was this lady who used to tell me that my face was like a painting so perfect and gorgeous but I've been treated as an ugly girl all my life. So during the last couple of days I felt so disgusted because of my anger and jealousy towards my sister, I love her so much but the way she made me feel, so invisible and ugly I don't know I felt so jealous out of nowhere, so I know how it feels OP, maybe I should see a therapist. Sometimes I just wish to leave everybody, my family, my "friends", I just want to start fresh to see if I can finally shine being on my own to become the protagonist of my own life.
 

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People treat them better than women who are taller as well...
I’m a tall woman and never felt my height was an issue in men approaching me or treating me inferior. I even had short men try to get at me. I tower all my friends and when I’m out with them I usually get the most male attention.
 

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I hope this doesn't come across as rude, but people don't care about you nearly as much as you think they do. We care about ourselves. You are WAY too much in your head...like 5'6" is not tall, no matter your weight, so I'm sorry who lied to you and maybe put it in your head that you stand out as a huge blob or something. Everything that glitter isn't gold also...Belle Delphine may have a ton of virgin simps making her rich, but her own boyfriend is her employee, and she pays his salary to help her shoot OF content, and I've heard he's controlling AF. Like who would want that type of relationship where you are basically a sugar mama to a bitter man. Maybe you will realize that nobody is as perfect as they seem when you get a bit older, and take some time away from all media and work on your mental health.
 

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In my household, I was told that envy wasn't a good look and that I should never admit to feeling a way that wasn't positive
I think this is a problem we have as a society in general. Envy is a normal emotion. I don't understand why we shame ppl for being jealous. It's normal. It's what you do with that emotion that matters.

When I see pictures of certain women I think to myself ... "I bet x group of men like her more than they'll like someone like me"... and the more I try to push that voice down... the sh!t just gets LOUDER, AND LOUDER AND LOUDER AND LOUDER!
To deal with this, don't try to push the voice down. Instead, try to acknowledge it, detach from it, and move on. One way to do this is to think "I'm having the thought that x group of men like her more than they'll like me." By detaching from the thought and acknowledging that it's just a thought, you're taking away some of its power. We can't control our thoughts. But we can control how we react to our thoughts. It's not easy, but I find it works better than trying to stop thoughts altogether. I got this from The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. I strongly recommend it.

edit: to further explain diffusion, it's basically to push you to be more mindful of your thoughts and feelings, so you can then take a step back from them and decide to think of something else.

Good luck.
 
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No, I'm not jealous of general things, like who has the best house or the best clothes.

I'm jealous of women who are prettier than me. Smaller than me. Shorter than me. I'm jealous who women who know topics better than I do, who're smarter, didn't have to go through much turmoil in their life like I did. I'm jealous of women who get to live out their fantasies because people want to indulge with them, whether its xesual or not.

I think that's why I hate softcore pδrn, then I moved to hardcore, now I tend to dislike all of it because I have crazy envy of the women in them. I don't like other types of pδrn either because of the same reason. I notice I've been scoping out other websites where predominately male users post women they like and I get instantly hurt when the women don't usually look like me. I don't feel entitled, but just... I hate it. The feeling of being excluded from something I like.

I didn't realize it had became a big issue until know. My friends and I allowed this other person onto our online group.... none of us had met before. And we were sort of just taking turns picking out videos to watch on YouTube with each other. This new person, picks Belle Delphine.... out of all people. I didn't wanna be Delphine, or look like her... I just didn't like how much likes and consideration she received from other people for doing the most cringest and weirdest sh!t that I would never get away with doing. Yet, because her frame is smaller, her features are considered more "demure" ,she gets away with it. Men buy ridiculous sh!t from her like tub water and etc. (which I sort of despise them too because who tf spends their money on buying someone else's tub water but I guess I'd be okay with it if I were Belle Delphine). The hate though, was very severe feeling. As if my own blood was boiling inside of me and I just couldn't keep down. I got meaner in our group and started making fun of the new person who my friend invited in the group. I started poking at people who actually liked belle Delphine and watched her videos.

Belle Delphine reminds me of an ex friend I had, but the black girl version of Belle in middle school and high school. People treated us vastly different and she knew but was sort of happy about it. I'd get bullied for my looks, my taller height, my bigger frame and the bullying I went through was disregarded. Though let my friend come around and teachers kiss her ass, smile at her, acknowledge and understand when she's confused. People around her was just miles ahead nicer and guys really liked her. I stood back like an idiot giving this girl appraisal that she really didn't deserve cause she was an actual nice/nasty/fake/b!tch and I thought my "girl positivity/unity" was a good thing but it was really riddled in low self esteem. My mom saw this whenever I hung out with this girl. She'd intentionally dress up with tighter clothing and more dolled up, while I just .. dressed down or wore things that were "safer" , almost willingly submitting to a hierarchy I thought fit me best. When we'd go out together, I notice she would sometimes walk in front of me while everyone just ogled at her, as if she were relishing in "the glory" or some sh!t. My mother didn't see it that way and would just fuss and get mad at me for not dressing the way my friend did.

My mom would say, "Jackie, why won't you dress better than that?! Look at your friend and how she's dressing. You could do way better than what you're doing right now. I spend money on your clothes to look better and you choose to look like crap". I didn't think those words hurt me but they did. They weren't encouraging and how long does it take for you to get tired of your mom only calling you pretty just to tear you down when you didn't "try hard enough"?
However I knew the type of treatment I'd get for dressing like my friend and it wouldn't have been received in a good way. Why stand out just to get bullied for it?

For the longest I've always cheered other women/girls on while I watched from the sidelines, thinking that people would just appreciate and treat me better for being such a good sport and being supportive of others. I also thought I'd receive the same amount of support but I was wrong. Instead I am treated the exact opposite of many other women I dislike and a lot of times the mistreatment comes from not only men but women too. In my household, I was told that envy wasn't a good look and that I should never admit to feeling a way that wasn't positive... sort of thinking aggressively positive was the standard and I should try and look my best instead of being hateful but not everything we want in life is achievable. I never thought I'd be this girl. I don't even like thinking deeply into xes unless it's including me or women who look like me.

Truth is, I have a problem with feeling truly feminine like other women master so well. I've never really been treated feminine like. I was not and have never been allowed to just feel pretty or feel dainty, and cute. And I hate it! Instead I feel weird... like I'm wearing a costume that isn't me and this is where the envy is coming from. I only see myself in bits and pieces , not as a whole and it hurts me. Every little thing I do, is never good enough.

Whenever I try and think positively toward other women now, there's this voice inside my head that's calling them all sorts of names and I don't even recognize why my mental state goes there. It's subconscious.

For the longest, I could say "I'm not jealous of you, just critical of your behavior", and I'm usually telling the truth. But now? I can't, there's always some sheer of lying underneath.

There used to be a time where I would make fun of women like me... never thought I'd become one.

When I see pictures of certain women I think to myself ... "I bet x group of men like her more than they'll like someone like me"... and the more I try to push that voice down... the sh!t just gets LOUDER, AND LOUDER AND LOUDER AND LOUDER!
This is pretty old, but I agree with fonts saying you need to quit the comparisons. That's childish. Worry about what you have going on (i.e. build some character). There are plenty of guys who are very tall (very tall guys often have a preference for tall girls) who would potentially be interested in you. You just have to believe it, and put in the work toward loving yourself.
 

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