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I'm starting to dislike my grandpa

incogneato

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So my grandfather has been a huge role in my life, seeing as I had no father growing up. I used to adore him until lI grew up and saw what a misygonistic POS he is.

He treats all the women in the family like sh!t. He has made my grandma cry, humiliated her in front of us with degrading jokes-scratch that he has done that with all the women in the family. He talks to us crazy and if you call him out on it, he gets mad like you should've never said anything in the first place. He has particularly tried to come for me because I'm not afraid to tell him when something isn' funny or when he is being rude. He basically said, "How can the youngest with no man or friends be tryna tell me what to do." And when I stopped talking to him for weeks for that comment he tried to come back like nothing was wrong.

He ridiculed me and made me CRY when I shaved my head. Called me all kinds of lesbians and dikes and some other stuff I try not to remember.

He made a sick joke about me and my stepdad basically, "Don't wear shorts around the house, your DADDY *he said it in sly voice* could be watching through the camera." He laughed and when me and my grandma told him that was gross to even laugh about he flipped the script, "Hold on, you know what I meant. DOn't take it out of context."

He coddles the men of the family, they are always laughing and joking, I asked him as he ever talked nasty to them the way he has to us. Of course he said yes but I'm sure he never has. The men in the family are weak and have always depend on women.

My grandfather has only had smoke for the women, the ones that actually come to his rescue to drive him around or cater to him when he's sick.

Some will say because he was a boomer and grew up in that tough era that that's his nature but I'm sure there are plenty of grandpas who are kind and nurturing. Of course we have our moments of laughter but he's like a ticking time bomb. It can be peaceful then he says a fµcked up joke and if you don't laugh or correct him he comes for you and will try to break you down.

The women have talked about it and we all feel the same way but no one has really has respectfully told him about himself except for me. My mom has but she is the "black sheep" because she has always butt heads with him so he'll ignore her for weeks.

Again the men don't say anything because he is always Kiki-ing it up with them. They use him for money and for outings. They are never around to move anything but when it's time for hooters and tits, they're there.

I just needed to vent because he recently tried to fear monger me about my car. "You need to get that light bulb changed, someone could run into you or the cops could stop you." And proceeds to say, "It's not that serious, it's just alight it can easily be fixed." I was like, than why are you making it seem like its life or death. I didn't even know about the light because obviously I can't see the back of the car.

Anyway, this man. Part of me can't wait till he passes, hopefully before my grandma because she has been STUCK in the house doing whatever he wants to do. No adventures, n having fun, just same old routine she expressed she wish she could break out of.
 

CC3

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What he said about the light was not that big of a deal (and it’s true). If you see that as ”fear mongering” then I take the rest of your post with a grain of salt.

That said, if he bothers you that much - then limit your time with him.

Best wishes to you!
 

Molly Grue

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Yeah he sounds like he sucks. Lots of EIP signals. Good news is he's on his way out, yeah?
 

incogneato

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What he said about the light was not that big of a deal (and it’s true). If you see that as ”fear mongering” then I take the rest of your post with a grain of salt.

That said, if he bothers you that much - then limit your time with him.

Best wishes to you!
His tone is usually what gets me, not what he said (about he light). Like he fussing me out for not knowing about a damned light, I tried to not let it get to me but he has the habit of making things a bigger deal than they were.

I get what you're saying but he has definitely said and done the other things. Again the women have all talked about it. No exaggeration there.

I have limited my time, I see him like once every 2 weeks maybe. If I do go over there more than that, I spend time with my grandma moreso. I speak to him but go back in the room with her.

Yeah he sounds like he sucks. Lots of EIP signals. Good news is he's on his way out, yeah?
I wish I knew what EIP meant but this made me chuckle. No, even though he eats like sh!t, he is still kicking it.
 

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I just needed to vent because he recently tried to fear monger me about my car. "You need to get that light bulb changed, someone could run into you or the cops could stop you." And proceeds to say, "It's not that serious, it's just alight it can easily be fixed." I was like, than why are you making it seem like its life or death. I didn't even know about the light because obviously I can't see the back of the car
He's right though.

This isn't fear mongering.

As a car owner, you don't have any real excuse for not knowing or inspecting your car regularly for maintenance.

Like he fussing me out for not knowing about a damned light, I tried to not let it get to me but he has the habit of making things a bigger deal than they were.
But it is a big deal, especially if it's your break lights that aren't working.

You don't like it, but you'll learn either when you get hit or catch a ticket.
 

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So my grandfather has been a huge role in my life, seeing as I had no father growing up. I used to adore him until lI grew up and saw what a misygonistic POS he is.

He treats all the women in the family like sh!t. He has made my grandma cry, humiliated her in front of us with degrading jokes-scratch that he has done that with all the women in the family. He talks to us crazy and if you call him out on it, he gets mad like you should've never said anything in the first place. He has particularly tried to come for me because I'm not afraid to tell him when something isn' funny or when he is being rude. He basically said, "How can the youngest with no man or friends be tryna tell me what to do." And when I stopped talking to him for weeks for that comment he tried to come back like nothing was wrong.

He ridiculed me and made me CRY when I shaved my head. Called me all kinds of lesbians and dikes and some other stuff I try not to remember.

He made a sick joke about me and my stepdad basically, "Don't wear shorts around the house, your DADDY *he said it in sly voice* could be watching through the camera." He laughed and when me and my grandma told him that was gross to even laugh about he flipped the script, "Hold on, you know what I meant. DOn't take it out of context."

He coddles the men of the family, they are always laughing and joking, I asked him as he ever talked nasty to them the way he has to us. Of course he said yes but I'm sure he never has. The men in the family are weak and have always depend on women.

My grandfather has only had smoke for the women, the ones that actually come to his rescue to drive him around or cater to him when he's sick.

Some will say because he was a boomer and grew up in that tough era that that's his nature but I'm sure there are plenty of grandpas who are kind and nurturing. Of course we have our moments of laughter but he's like a ticking time bomb. It can be peaceful then he says a fµcked up joke and if you don't laugh or correct him he comes for you and will try to break you down.

The women have talked about it and we all feel the same way but no one has really has respectfully told him about himself except for me. My mom has but she is the "black sheep" because she has always butt heads with him so he'll ignore her for weeks.

Again the men don't say anything because he is always Kiki-ing it up with them. They use him for money and for outings. They are never around to move anything but when it's time for hooters and tits, they're there.

I just needed to vent because he recently tried to fear monger me about my car. "You need to get that light bulb changed, someone could run into you or the cops could stop you." And proceeds to say, "It's not that serious, it's just alight it can easily be fixed." I was like, than why are you making it seem like its life or death. I didn't even know about the light because obviously I can't see the back of the car.

Anyway, this man. Part of me can't wait till he passes, hopefully before my grandma because she has been STUCK in the house doing whatever he wants to do. No adventures, n having fun, just same old routine she expressed she wish she could break out of.
You’re or wrong for how you feel. He’s old and been like this for too long for it to change now. I would keep him at arms length so you can still enjoy family gatherings, see your gran etc but protecting your mental and emotional bandwidth. It’s good that you have your childhood memories where he played a big role- as adults we often learn different perspectives.
 

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I’ll focus on what you came here for and that’s the over-all majority of how misogynistic your grandfather is. I understand why you feel this way even if everything he says might not seem wrong it’s the compounding non-sense and trouble he brings to your peace.

block him out as much as you can, put up boundaries and good luck!
 

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My grandfather has only had smoke for the women, the ones that actually come to his rescue to drive him around or cater to him when he's sick.

Anyway, this man. Part of me can't wait till he passes, hopefully before my grandma because she has been STUCK in the house doing whatever he wants to do. No adventures, n having fun, just same old routine she expressed she wish she could break out of.


Why do that for an asshole? I don't care if he is your Grandpa. Let the Men drive him around and take care of his needs.

Your Grandmother should know it ain't too late to leave his ass.

Women are always bending over backwards for no good Men.
He's grown. He can make it.

It will be a cold day in hell before I take care of someone who didn't respect me.
 

incogneato

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He's right though.

This isn't fear mongering.

As a car owner, you don't have any real excuse for not knowing or inspecting your car regularly for maintenance.


But it is a big deal, especially if it's your break lights that aren't working.

You don't like it, but you'll learn either when you get hit or catch a ticket.
Lmao, so out of all the stuff I wrote about him being emotionally and verbally abusive, this is what you guys are choosing to focus on?

I'm getting it fixed tomorrow anyway...so now what?
I’ll focus on what you came here for and that’s the over-all majority of how misogynistic your grandfather is. I understand why you feel this way even if everything he says might not seem wrong it’s the compounding non-sense and trouble he brings to your peace.

block him out as much as you can, put up boundaries and good luck!
Thank you!

Everyone is worried about the car bit, gaslighting like hell. I should have never even added that lol. I just wanted emphasize how dramatic he is. Instead of just saying, "Hey, you're light is out, make sure to get it fixed." He takes it to the extreme, "We need to have a serious talk!" Like someone was dying. I've had issues with my car before and taken care if it no problem. I just don't like the way he presents things.

I definitely keep him at arms length. Sometimes I just sit back and realized how hurtful he has been to me and the other ladies of the family. You would've thought that the patriarchy of the family would reserve that harshness and "tough love" ,if you want to call it that, for the men to toughen them up. It's sad and funny because the immediate "men" have all either been to jail, shack up with women, or are just straight up lazy.
 

mesmerize

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are you driving around with a broken light on your car and he has had to talk to you about it more than once?

he sounds like a real asshole. I wonder if he could actually change his ways

If you live with him, move out and move on. Was his comment about appropriate dress in front of your stepfather maybe because he saw something in his character?



His tone is usually what gets me, not what he said (about he light). Like he fussing me out for not knowing about a damned light, I tried to not let it get to me but he has the habit of making things a bigger deal than they were.

I get what you're saying but he has definitely said and done the other things. Again the women have all talked about it. No exaggeration there.

I have limited my time, I see him like once every 2 weeks maybe. If I do go over there more than that, I spend time with my grandma moreso. I speak to him but go back in the room with her.


I wish I knew what EIP meant but this made me chuckle. No, even though he eats like sh!t, he is still kicking it.
 

Bjxxxx

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Lmao, so out of all the stuff I wrote about him being emotionally and verbally abusive, this is what you guys are choosing to focus on?

I'm getting it fixed tomorrow anyway...so now what?

Thank you!

Everyone is worried about the car bit, gaslighting like hell. I should have never even added that lol. I just wanted emphasize how dramatic he is. Instead of just saying, "Hey, you're light is out, make sure to get it fixed." He takes it to the extreme, "We need to have a serious talk!" Like someone was dying. I've had issues with my car before and taken care if it no problem. I just don't like the way he presents things.

I definitely keep him at arms length. Sometimes I just sit back and realized how hurtful he has been to me and the other ladies of the family. You would've thought that the patriarchy of the family would reserve that harshness and "tough love" ,if you want to call it that, for the men to toughen them up. It's sad and funny because the immediate "men" have all either been to jail, shack up with women, or are just straight up lazy.
People are focusing on the item which has a very simple fix and an answer. You can easily go to a mechanic at any drive through garage and for $15.00 or less, save yourself a potential ticket from police (which I have gotten and impacted both my insurance costs, and stay on your record for years and can be put on as a driving hazard by an Ahole cop, like the one who wrote me a ticket). At worse you could have a car accident that is your fault due to a faulty brake light.

As for your Grandfather, it is clear he is an Azzhole, he been one, and he treats all women as less than. Everyone has accepted his messed up behavior all of his life. I have had several men in my life like this, they all called me derogatory names, including referring to me as that Bish, actually it was that MFing Bish multiple times (at my father’s funeral), father called me all kinds of names all my life because I called him out on his ish. Never did anyone stick up for me, even though I was always correct. On his death bed (having had 2 or 3 strokes and several heart attacks), he apologized and told me I had been right about him since I was 13. He was in intensive care for roughly 6 months most of it intermitten on life support. I think I saw him twice before they called us in the make the pull the plug decision. You know my thoughts, or maybe you don’t, but I was like we can’t pull it fast enough.

The whole family (like all kinds of extended relatives were there, because my Aunt was also on the critical list). That guy enjoyed being the center of attention so much that (also happened to be his birthday), that even though they pulled the plug and he would not leave this earth untl 48 hours later, just taking it all in (even though he was mostly unconscious and the Dr.s said it would only be a few hours). Brother had the nerve to try and argue with the Dr about pulling the plug.

In what was for sh!t, for me, when he finally did leave, my brothers left the room, one to get some air, the other went to get something or to pick someone up from the airport. There were still about 15 people in the room and we hadn’t really left for 2 days by the end of it. I was about to leave the room and was walking toward the door, and someone said “it’s time”. Them bishes gabbed me and pushed me over by the side of the bed, and made me hold his hand (while he slowed breathing and finally stopped). So ironically I was the only immediate family member there (my mom was in another hospital). In retrospect it was an amusing scenario (had it been a movie about someone else), because some of the people had left, others still in the room were eating fried chicken in the room. I was starving, tired, and was only there as support for the others. The way they pushed me over there to the side of the bed was kind of hillarious, when I was inching my way to the door trying to get away and get out the door. As usually my brothers were nowhere around when the ish hit the fan.

Typed more than I wanted, but the point is seperate yourself from this jerk, but the women who coddle him are going to keep him in their live, and by extension and second degree in your life. They allowed themselves to be doormats their whole lives, but you don’t have to. However understand you will always be a “bull **** hard headed bish, who never listens”, and will always be the butt of jokes.

I got stories for days, but isss too much, and better forgotten.
 
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incogneato

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Why do that for an asshole? I don't care if he is your Grandpa. Let the Men drive him around and take care of his needs.

Your Grandmother should know it ain't too late to leave his ass.

Women are always bending over backwards for no good Men.
He's grown. He can make it.

It will be a cold day in hell before I take care of someone who didn't respect me.
That's that old school thinking. They've been together for forever. She's never going to leave him, complacency. And he does provide for her, she's never had to work but I know her peace and mental health have been broken dealing with him.

I always get the "He's your grandfather." Spiel whenever I express my dissatisfaction for something he's done or said. That's toxicity in some par of the black community, we're expected to take sh!t just because folks are old and the Bible supposedly said so.
are you driving around with a broken light on your car and he has had to talk to you about it more than once?

he sounds like a real asshole. I wonder if he could actually change his ways

If you live with him, move out and move on. Was his comment about appropriate dress in front of your stepfather maybe because he saw something in his character?
No, he told me once and I promptly scheduled an appointment to get it fixed.

He won't change his ways. We've tried to get him to change many things, eating habits his per doctor for example and he hasn't. He's hitting 80 now so...can't teach an old dog new tricks.

No, even though I'm not the biggest fan of my stepfather, one thing he isn't is a perv. And if he saw something in his character he would've told my mama not to marry him but again he doesn't say anything to the men. All the rah rah is left for us women.

He called my grown ass aunt a heaux for having a getaway with her boyfriend at a hotel, poor thing was in tears.
Wow u wish death on him for this stuff? Ehhhhh idk....that’s harsh but I guess you can’t help how you feel.
I know it sounds harsh but I feel like there will be some relief when he's gone. Of course I don't just want him to drop dead but sometimes I do think about what things would be like.
 

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That's that old school thinking. They've been together for forever. She's never going to leave him, complacency. And he does provide for her, she's never had to work but I know her peace and mental health have been broken dealing with him.

I always get the "He's your grandfather." Spiel whenever I express my dissatisfaction for something he's done or said. That's toxicity in some par of the black community, we're expected to take sh!t just because folks are old and the Bible supposedly said so.

No, he told me once and I promptly scheduled an appointment to get it fixed.

He won't change his ways. We've tried to get him to change many things, eating habits his per doctor for example and he hasn't. He's hitting 80 now so...can't teach an old dog new tricks.

No, even though I'm not the biggest fan of my stepfather, one thing he isn't is a perv. And if he saw something in his character he would've told my mama not to marry him but again he doesn't say anything to the men. All the rah rah is left for us women.

He called my grown ass aunt a heaux for having a getaway with her boyfriend at a hotel, poor thing was in tears.

I know it sounds harsh but I feel like there will be some relief when he's gone. Of course I don't just want him to drop dead but sometimes I do think about what things would be like.
It will be peaceful and great! Just hope your Grandmother has healthy (mentally and physically) years afterward to enjoy the peace, and he does not outlive her.
 

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His tone is usually what gets me, not what he said (about he light). Like he fussing me out for not knowing about a damned light, I tried to not let it get to me but he has the habit of making things a bigger deal than they were.

I get what you're saying but he has definitely said and done the other things. Again the women have all talked about it. No exaggeration there.

I have limited my time, I see him like once every 2 weeks maybe. If I do go over there more than that, I spend time with my grandma moreso. I speak to him but go back in the room with her.


I wish I knew what EIP meant but this made me chuckle. No, even though he eats like sh!t, he is still kicking it.
Sorry, EIP means emotionally immature person. It's used in psychology and there are some EIP behaviors that sound like your grandpa, including using real-life fear to make other people feel small. Even if they are right, EIPs may warn children of things they either don't have to worry about yet or are completely capable of taking care of as an excuse to talk down to them or dampen their mood.

They also use embarrasment as a tactic and you cannot call them on anything without them lashing out. He sounds like a misogynistic perverted (that shorts story) EIP, sorry there is a book on it if youre curious about learning more, just Google the phrase.
 

incogneato

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So there was absolutely nothing wrong with my car. All the comments talking bout the lights are completely irrelevant!

It will be peaceful and great! Just hope your Grandmother has healthy (mentally and physically) years afterward to enjoy the peace, and he does not outlive her.
She deserves to have fun! It's sad though because men like that do tend to outlive their spouses.
Sorry, EIP means emotionally immature person. It's used in psychology and there are some EIP behaviors that sound like your grandpa, including using real-life fear to make other people feel small. Even if they are right, EIPs may warn children of things they either don't have to worry about yet or are completely capable of taking care of as an excuse to talk down to them or dampen their mood.

They also use embarrasment as a tactic and you cannot call them on anything without them lashing out. He sounds like a misogynistic perverted (that shorts story) EIP, sorry there is a book on it if youre curious about learning more, just Google the phrase.
Oh ok! Yeah I tried to look it up and a whole bunch of medical equipment came up lol. But these definitions are definitely him.

I'll have to look more into EIP! Thank you!
 

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He made a sick joke about me and my stepdad basically, "Don't wear shorts around the house, your DADDY *he said it in sly voice* could be watching through the camera." He laughed and when me and my grandma told him that was gross to even laugh about he flipped the script, "Hold on, you know what I meant. DOn't take it out of context."

Yeaaaah, that's fµck!ng creepy
 

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So there was absolutely nothing wrong with my car. All the comments talking bout the lights are completely irrelevant!


She deserves to have fun! It's sad though because men like that do tend to outlive their spouses.

Oh ok! Yeah I tried to look it up and a whole bunch of medical equipment came up lol. But these definitions are definitely him.

I'll have to look more into EIP! Thank you!
Evil keeps folk alive for some reason...
 

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