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Inner thoughts about being “feminine”, patriarchy, and what it means to me as a black woman

B00BooKeyS

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Hi all, I just wanted to share my thoughts about how some standards for being feminine are extremely shallow and how they entwine with patriarchy in a toxic way.

( this isn’t a conversation on trans people, so pls don’t derail because im talking about bio women)

I personally feel like a lot of fonts ( and people IRL in general) conflate being feminine with body parts, how you look and just over all what a female body could potentially do ( bear a child, have a period etc.) I also feel like this shouldn’t be the way a woman measures her own femininity as well.

I was diagnosed with PCOS after having long bouts of having a constant period to having no period at all, and let me tell y’all; it sent me through a loop to what it meant to be feminine in general.

After looking at those lab results, it honestly made me uncomfortable knowing that my testosterone rates were higher than the “average” woman. Now, I understand men and women both have different levels of testosterone. However because of what I read and what I was told about masculinity, is that testosterone is the end all be all and if you’re a woman with that ( like female body builders) much testosterone, you’re basically manly af.
Not to mention the potential of not being able to conceive as a result of having ovaries that are riddled with cysts as well ( I cried for a good min about this specifically, I’m not going to lie). I have other close friends that also have hormonal imbalances and feel like they aren’t feminine or woman enough in general because of that.

I feel like all these guidelines that dictate on how women should be femme or feminine are solely based on how men see us and how they think we should look and act as women. What about women who lose their breasts because of cancer , or have to take out their uterus as a result of health complications? What about women who are just hairy af and don’t have the “standard” body type that is sought after? Are they not women either because of not having those traits that are deemed as feminine in that sense? I guess it also has to do with how an individual person defines feminine; however I’m tired of all these rules that go into how to be feminine, ESPECIALLY the shallow ones.

(I’m talking about those bogus ass YouTube videos that talk about how black women should be feminine too)
 

B00BooKeyS

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Continued..

Especially as a black women, in this day and age where people STILL consider the darker you are the more masculine/ manly you are, it’s damaging af and it saddens me that some fonts give into the toxic rhetoric, especially for black women, that we are not feminine from within.. I can’t stand those YouTube videos that dictate black (specifically dark skin) women aren’t feminine therefore y’all have to build it from scratch. I feel like they’re going off of racist rhetoric that’s plagued society since the starting of racism, one drop rule, beauty standards and more. It’s just insanity to me.
 

JustBaanter

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I've got PCOS too and now I'm in my 20s, the fact that such a disease barely has enough research despite all the trauma it causes the female body really upsets me. My periods came back regularly once I started keto a couple years ago but they started getting ridiculously painful from last year. I've started taking more supplements since a couple months ago and not only do I look and feel a lot better, my last period was much much less painful.

I was raised very tomboyish, my dad introduced me to video games and would encourage me to play Gameboy and Gamecube rather than stereotypically girly hobbies and I was more interested in running around than playing with dolls. I feel like my femininity was denied to me in a sense because of my socialisation and my illness. My make-up and dress style gets a lot of compliments but I still don't always feel 'feminine' because of how I've been treated.

I was SA'd almost a couple years ago and I felt that those videos helped 'arm' and 'protect' me for the world of men to a degree. I even believed it was my fault I got treated that way because I'm 'too masculine'. They'll say things like 'feminine women don't get abused because they spot red flags and promote the manliness in real men!!!' and that probably struck a chord with me. I think Black women who've experienced abuse by men are more susceptible to those types of videos.
 

B00BooKeyS

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I've got PCOS too and now I'm in my 20s, the fact that such a disease barely has enough research despite all the trauma it causes the female body really upsets me. My periods came back regularly once I started keto a couple years ago but they started getting ridiculously painful from last year. I've started taking more supplements since a couple months ago and not only do I look and feel a lot better, my last period was much much less painful.

I was raised very tomboyish, my dad introduced me to video games and would encourage me to play Gameboy and Gamecube rather than stereotypically girly hobbies and I was more interested in running around than playing with dolls. I feel like my femininity was denied to me in a sense because of my socialisation and my illness. My make-up and dress style gets a lot of compliments but I still don't always feel 'feminine' because of how I've been treated.

I was SA'd almost a couple years ago and I felt that those videos helped 'arm' and 'protect' me for the world of men to a degree. I even believed it was my fault I got treated that way because I'm 'too masculine'. They'll say things like 'feminine women don't get abused because they spot red flags and promote the manliness in real men!!!' and that probably struck a chord with me. I think Black women who've experienced abuse by men are more susceptible to those types of videos.
I agree 100%, I was raised as a tomboy as well ( going with my dad to car shows etc) and always felt like I was looked at funny cause I wasn’t feminine in a standard sense. I honestly feel like this is a deep rooted issue because at my internship we work with middle schoolers and a lot of them have a strong gender bias ( or feel like certain things are for certain genders) but have no clue where they got it from ( obviously their parents and outside forces but yk) it just shows how toxically pervasive it is.
 

JustBaanter

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I agree 100%, I was raised as a tomboy as well ( going with my dad to car shows etc) and always felt like I was looked at funny cause I wasn’t feminine in a standard sense. I honestly feel like this is a deep rooted issue because at my internship we work with middle schoolers and a lot of them have a strong gender bias ( or feel like certain things are for certain genders) but have no clue where they got it from ( obviously their parents and outside forces but yk) it just shows how toxically pervasive it is.
Yeah, I used to feel so stand out to the other girls because they all liked doing things like sitting and plaiting each others hair (I was also the only Black girl and knew better than to join in lool) and I used to say that it didn't matter that I was a girl, I could do whatever but the adults used to think that I was weird for that.
 

UnusualJedi

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I feel like all these guidelines that dictate on how women should be femme or feminine are solely based on how men see us and how they think we should look and act as women.
Because that's exactly what the concept of femininity you're talking about is. It's a product of a patriarchal society no matter where in the world that society exists. I grew up largely separated from men and until being thrown in with them in college I took "feminine" to essentially mean "female" and that anything I do as a woman is automatically "my version" of femininity because I'm a woman doing the thing no matter how hairy I am or if I have kids or if I can have kids or what I do or don't do to my face or how I walk or how I speak or how I dress or what my interests are... which, admittedly, largely negates the usefulness of the word. I know that this is not how the vast majority of the world views this term and I know many people on here have very strong feelings about femininity and how it manifests and "getting the man" or tapping into some collective spiritual feminine force to blossom into whatever it is they think they're supposed to become. I guess I'm just putting forward my particular view of femininity from the point of view of a young girl growing up in an environment specifically created only for women and girls who fulfilled all the social roles and made up the entire range of personalities because most people's ideas about femininity develop in a world where men are a constant presence which changes the dynamic of any given space. The environment is just different.
 

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Anyone that has PCOS, please check into acupuncture! I swear it helps so many female issues, and others too.

I hope you remember that you are good enough as the women you are and don’t let anyone tear you down to build themselves up. That’s all it is, they project their issues onto others to make themselves feel better.

I never played that game, someone comes at me and I will tell them EXACTLY what I think and send them off crying because they started that sh!t. I hate women’s passive aggressive nonsense and I don’t tolerate it for a second. So, when you stop it, it stops. Don’t let them make you unhappy or not feeling like you’re good enough. Who are they anyway? They don’t matter. Don’t waste your precious time and mental space on their BS!
 

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If you continue to understand man and patriarchal standards for women, you will go crazy, like most of the women who pander, to the standards set my men #marilynmunroe #jasmineguy #all the beautiful women who thought they found their knight in shinning armour when in fact it was a monster, out to destroy them.

WHEN MEN HATE WOMEN THEY SEEK THEM OUT.

WHEN WOMEN HATE MEN THEY AVOID THEM.

Meanwhile, men are telling women they're gonna beat it up, bang her, break your back, kill you with it, smash her and a new one I heard a man say.... chop her up.
 
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TheSauce

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I feel this is all related to the current situation where women are having to qualify and justify what it is to be a woman, because there are a lot of men trying to redefine it right now.

A woman is a woman because of the biology, but having a medical issue that affects your biology doesn't make you less of a woman.

And I'm with the font who observed that because I am a woman, a female, everything I do is feminine and womanly. Whether that is playing sports or liking cars or dressing up for a special occasion. Just like everything cat does is feline - it cannot be anything else.

We're in a phase of stylised 'femininity' that seems to be driven by men who want to claim femininity: There are actual women who are watching RuPaul's drag race to get tips on how to look and act like a woman FGS! And we have young men / trans / no binary whatever offering tips to women on how to use make up to ... look like a woman! And young impressionably women aren't questioning that those influencers are having to use a heck of a lot of slap to look like a copy of a woman but that if they - the young girls - do this, they end up looking like people performing womanhood.

It's so damn confusing - the people driving this are playing with our minds, and there's an agenda.

And for black women maybe there's the added agenda of putting pressure on them to distract them from moving onwards & upwards. Wasn't there a thread the other day about how much black women were spending on beauty products, a ridiculously high % of their income, insetad of building wealth. So in whose interest is it to spread the lie that black women don't look feminine enough?

Sorry for getting into conspiracy territory!

OP - sorry to hear about your medical issues. Luckily you're a beautiful, strong black woman and will get through this [**hugs* - and to the other font too!]
 

violette1984

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I think there's no right or wrong way to be the woman you're born to be. I personally think about my feminity as a combination of my physical body, my spirit, the love and expressions of the other women in my life (my mom and my aunt), and the interplay of roles I've taken on.

Every woman has to contend with their own bodies (periods, puberty, whether they can have kids or do you want to, menopause). Feminity isn't conformity, or the way you look. Every part of you is valid and right as is.
 

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Because that's exactly what the concept of femininity you're talking about is. It's a product of a patriarchal society no matter where in the world that society exists. I grew up largely separated from men and until being thrown in with them in college I took "feminine" to essentially mean "female" and that anything I do as a woman is automatically "my version" of femininity because I'm a woman doing the thing no matter how hairy I am or if I have kids or if I can have kids or what I do or don't do to my face or how I walk or how I speak or how I dress or what my interests are... which, admittedly, largely negates the usefulness of the word. I know that this is not how the vast majority of the world views this term and I know many people on here have very strong feelings about femininity and how it manifests and "getting the man" or tapping into some collective spiritual feminine force to blossom into whatever it is they think they're supposed to become. I guess I'm just putting forward my particular view of femininity from the point of view of a young girl growing up in an environment specifically created only for women and girls who fulfilled all the social roles and made up the entire range of personalities because most people's ideas about femininity develop in a world where men are a constant presence which changes the dynamic of any given space. The environment is just different.
This is one of those things that I don’t know of people even think about that deeply until they feel “othered” within it. So much of what defines “feminine” is tied back to the male gaze, attracting, and partnering with one, which is ultimately then back to reproduction. It’s also why we have a tough time after reproductive age. So many women find themselves trying to figure things out again.

Great topic, OP.
 

kimiana

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Hi all, I just wanted to share my thoughts about how some standards for being feminine are extremely shallow and how they entwine with patriarchy in a toxic way.

( this isn’t a conversation on trans people, so pls don’t derail because im talking about bio women)

I personally feel like a lot of fonts ( and people IRL in general) conflate being feminine with body parts, how you look and just over all what a female body could potentially do ( bear a child, have a period etc.) I also feel like this shouldn’t be the way a woman measures her own femininity as well.

I was diagnosed with PCOS after having long bouts of having a constant period to having no period at all, and let me tell y’all; it sent me through a loop to what it meant to be feminine in general.

After looking at those lab results, it honestly made me uncomfortable knowing that my testosterone rates were higher than the “average” woman. Now, I understand men and women both have different levels of testosterone. However because of what I read and what I was told about masculinity, is that testosterone is the end all be all and if you’re a woman with that ( like female body builders) much testosterone, you’re basically manly af.
Not to mention the potential of not being able to conceive as a result of having ovaries that are riddled with cysts as well ( I cried for a good min about this specifically, I’m not going to lie). I have other close friends that also have hormonal imbalances and feel like they aren’t feminine or woman enough in general because of that.

I feel like all these guidelines that dictate on how women should be femme or feminine are solely based on how men see us and how they think we should look and act as women. What about women who lose their breasts because of cancer , or have to take out their uterus as a result of health complications? What about women who are just hairy af and don’t have the “standard” body type that is sought after? Are they not women either because of not having those traits that are deemed as feminine in that sense? I guess it also has to do with how an individual person defines feminine; however I’m tired of all these rules that go into how to be feminine, ESPECIALLY the shallow ones.

(I’m talking about those bogus ass YouTube videos that talk about how black women should be feminine too)
Thank you for this. I have officially decided to stop identifying as a human being because I refuse to share a category with yall. You don’t feel bad to be so stupid? It doesn’t make you feel defeated and embarrassed? Rhetorical questions because obviously not.
 

hellokitty

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Hi all, I just wanted to share my thoughts about how some standards for being feminine are extremely shallow and how they entwine with patriarchy in a toxic way.

( this isn’t a conversation on trans people, so pls don’t derail because im talking about bio women)

I personally feel like a lot of fonts ( and people IRL in general) conflate being feminine with body parts, how you look and just over all what a female body could potentially do ( bear a child, have a period etc.) I also feel like this shouldn’t be the way a woman measures her own femininity as well.

I was diagnosed with PCOS after having long bouts of having a constant period to having no period at all, and let me tell y’all; it sent me through a loop to what it meant to be feminine in general.

After looking at those lab results, it honestly made me uncomfortable knowing that my testosterone rates were higher than the “average” woman. Now, I understand men and women both have different levels of testosterone. However because of what I read and what I was told about masculinity, is that testosterone is the end all be all and if you’re a woman with that ( like female body builders) much testosterone, you’re basically manly af.
Not to mention the potential of not being able to conceive as a result of having ovaries that are riddled with cysts as well ( I cried for a good min about this specifically, I’m not going to lie). I have other close friends that also have hormonal imbalances and feel like they aren’t feminine or woman enough in general because of that.

I feel like all these guidelines that dictate on how women should be femme or feminine are solely based on how men see us and how they think we should look and act as women. What about women who lose their breasts because of cancer , or have to take out their uterus as a result of health complications? What about women who are just hairy af and don’t have the “standard” body type that is sought after? Are they not women either because of not having those traits that are deemed as feminine in that sense? I guess it also has to do with how an individual person defines feminine; however I’m tired of all these rules that go into how to be feminine, ESPECIALLY the shallow ones.

(I’m talking about those bogus ass YouTube videos that talk about how black women should be feminine too)

coming from a medical angle, women have testosterone and men have oestrogen, so difference in balances does not a man or woman make.

being female, a woman, is multifaceted. thats why a trans person can only ever be an imitation of, its not possible to sum up or reduce a woman down to just your hormones or lack or periods or lack of breasts or hair!

if you are XX, you are woman. thats it. after that women vary, from our hormones, to our personalities.

there is no written rulebook or guideline on this, only you can dictate what kind of woman you want to be, you cant be anything else, you are XX, but after that, you and you alone dictate what kind of woman you want to be, do you.

more importantly imo, we are spirits in a human body, so being woman/man/intersex wont matter after this short life is over, dont become so fixated on all this crap,it is dust, and we will go to dust, work on your spiritual health.
 

doseofwisdom

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Acting feminine starts from within especially if you weren't raised to be such. Watching the YouTubers can be a guide so that they can provide pointers on things you can do to highlight your features. I have PCOS but have normal TST levels. I know how you feel though. But dont focus too much of what other people say unless they can serve as suggestions to make you better which is always a good thing. Ultimately wear and b what makes you feel and look your must beautiful self!
 

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I've got PCOS too and now I'm in my 20s, the fact that such a disease barely has enough research despite all the trauma it causes the female body really upsets me. My periods came back regularly once I started keto a couple years ago but they started getting ridiculously painful from last year. I've started taking more supplements since a couple months ago and not only do I look and feel a lot better, my last period was much much less painful.

I was raised very tomboyish, my dad introduced me to video games and would encourage me to play Gameboy and Gamecube rather than stereotypically girly hobbies and I was more interested in running around than playing with dolls. I feel like my femininity was denied to me in a sense because of my socialisation and my illness. My make-up and dress style gets a lot of compliments but I still don't always feel 'feminine' because of how I've been treated.

I was SA'd almost a couple years ago and I felt that those videos helped 'arm' and 'protect' me for the world of men to a degree. I even believed it was my fault I got treated that way because I'm 'too masculine'. They'll say things like 'feminine women don't get abused because they spot red flags and promote the manliness in real men!!!' and that probably struck a chord with me. I think Black women who've experienced abuse by men are more susceptible to those types of videos.
Whaat....sorry to hear you feel like that, but you are feminine for the simple fact you are female! That is your essence whether you wear blue, playsports, chop of your breasts or call yourself manly. You weren't denied anything, you are just mentally conditioned and brainwashed into thinking femininity is what you have reduced it to.
 

SonomaLeedsUK

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Black feminine energy outside the patriarchal white gaze in this world is very fluid. We are capable of all things. We don’t all fit into the cookie cutter box of manicured feminity, that whiteness says is real.
Whiteness has dictated and curated the terms of what it means to be feminine in this world. It’s fake, it’s a farce, it’s fairy dust. It’s not real.

This is why black feminine energy is a threat to whiteness in every way, because embody all things, softeness, hardness, strength, delicate, beauty and even masculine energy the black feminine is fully fluid, unrestrained creative - that’s our birthright as the mothers of the civilization and humanity.

All women win through us and if black women were to be free and as feminine as we like unrestricted, all other women would be free.

Whiteness doesn’t want that. We are a direct threat to them in every way. So whiteness tries to dictate the terms of what is and isn’t feminine in this world.
 

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I feel this is all related to the current situation where women are having to qualify and justify what it is to be a woman, because there are a lot of men trying to redefine it right now.

A woman is a woman because of the biology, but having a medical issue that affects your biology doesn't make you less of a woman.

And I'm with the font who observed that because I am a woman, a female, everything I do is feminine and womanly. Whether that is playing sports or liking cars or dressing up for a special occasion. Just like everything cat does is feline - it cannot be anything else.

We're in a phase of stylised 'femininity' that seems to be driven by men who want to claim femininity: There are actual women who are watching RuPaul's drag race to get tips on how to look and act like a woman FGS! And we have young men / trans / no binary whatever offering tips to women on how to use make up to ... look like a woman! And young impressionably women aren't questioning that those influencers are having to use a heck of a lot of slap to look like a copy of a woman but that if they - the young girls - do this, they end up looking like people performing womanhood.

It's so damn confusing - the people driving this are playing with our minds, and there's an agenda.

And for black women maybe there's the added agenda of putting pressure on them to distract them from moving onwards & upwards. Wasn't there a thread the other day about how much black women were spending on beauty products, a ridiculously high % of their income, insetad of building wealth. So in whose interest is it to spread the lie that black women don't look feminine enough?

Sorry for getting into conspiracy territory!

OP - sorry to hear about your medical issues. Luckily you're a beautiful, strong black woman and will get through this [**hugs* - and to the other font too!]

People talked about this in the 1960s, too. So it's not recent. I imagine that as long as there have been feminists, there have been women talking about this issue.
 

sweetepie842

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@doseofwisdom Hey can you PM me? If you have that option available, I want to ask you something but not here, don’t wanna derail the thread. Thx!
 

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This whole idea of feminity and being womanly is toxic AF, especially for Black women. Feminity was designed in whiteness. Black women, by birth right, will never fit into society’s acceptable image of feminity. Takeaway - live your life and stop trying to fit into a box that wasn't created for you anyway.
 

violette1984

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This whole idea of feminity and being womanly is toxic AF, especially for Black women. Feminity was designed in whiteness. Black women, by birth right, will never fit into society’s acceptable image of feminity. Takeaway - live your life and stop trying to fit into a box that wasn't created for you anyway.
White people don't have a patent on feminity. People have thoughts, feelings, and preferences that can be all their own. We have to stop acting like white people hung the moon or something.
 

SlootMadonna

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Because that's exactly what the concept of femininity you're talking about is. It's a product of a patriarchal society no matter where in the world that society exists. I grew up largely separated from men and until being thrown in with them in college I took "feminine" to essentially mean "female" and that anything I do as a woman is automatically "my version" of femininity because I'm a woman doing the thing no matter how hairy I am or if I have kids or if I can have kids or what I do or don't do to my face or how I walk or how I speak or how I dress or what my interests are... which, admittedly, largely negates the usefulness of the word. I know that this is not how the vast majority of the world views this term and I know many people on here have very strong feelings about femininity and how it manifests and "getting the man" or tapping into some collective spiritual feminine force to blossom into whatever it is they think they're supposed to become. I guess I'm just putting forward my particular view of femininity from the point of view of a young girl growing up in an environment specifically created only for women and girls who fulfilled all the social roles and made up the entire range of personalities because most people's ideas about femininity develop in a world where men are a constant presence which changes the dynamic of any given space. The environment is just different.
I love your concept of feminity. I am what people would call a girly girl naturally small boned like's dresses and makeup but I grew up very close in age to my brother so I know how to do some "guyish" stuff, playing sports, riding fast, building. I love all parts of me, and if guys weren't around I feel like I embrace all those parts of me more freely. All parts of me are beautiful the femine and masculine parts.
 

Misschi_xo

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I've got PCOS too and now I'm in my 20s, the fact that such a disease barely has enough research despite all the trauma it causes the female body really upsets me. My periods came back regularly once I started keto a couple years ago but they started getting ridiculously painful from last year. I've started taking more supplements since a couple months ago and not only do I look and feel a lot better, my last period was much much less painful.

I was raised very tomboyish, my dad introduced me to video games and would encourage me to play Gameboy and Gamecube rather than stereotypically girly hobbies and I was more interested in running around than playing with dolls. I feel like my femininity was denied to me in a sense because of my socialisation and my illness. My make-up and dress style gets a lot of compliments but I still don't always feel 'feminine' because of how I've been treated.

I was SA'd almost a couple years ago and I felt that those videos helped 'arm' and 'protect' me for the world of men to a degree. I even believed it was my fault I got treated that way because I'm 'too masculine'. They'll say things like 'feminine women don't get abused because they spot red flags and promote the manliness in real men!!!' and that probably struck a chord with me. I think Black women who've experienced abuse by men are more susceptible to those types of videos.
If you don’t mind sharing, what supplements do you take?
 

MochaFleur

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Thank you for this. I have officially decided to stop identifying as a human being because I refuse to share a category with yall. You don’t feel bad to be so stupid? It doesn’t make you feel defeated and embarrassed? Rhetorical questions because obviously not.
Now I was confused as hell too but your response was unnecessarily venomous. You can get your point across without being nasty.
 

B00BooKeyS

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If you don’t mind sharing, what supplements do you take?
I don’t mean to hi jack the comment you replying to but I take vitamin B complex + inositol ! I’ve seen a major improvement in my skin and acne compared to last year.
 

MochaFleur

Sucking dxck is not feminine
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I agree with the other font that said: A woman is a woman because of the biology, but having a medical issue that affects your biology doesn't make you less of a woman.

I think too many ppl over analyze things and make stuff more complex than it has to be.

There's also plenty of beautiful FEMININE dark skinned black women in the spotlight : Justine Skye, Dreezy, Tika Sumpter, Kelly Rowland, Yaya Decosta, Ryan Destiny, Camille Winbush etc.

I think it's subjective atp
 

kimiana

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Internet make you wilderbeasts bold....clearly you're the nasty guttersnipe type. I'll leave ya to wallow in your filth & misery :kissing_heart:
that was poetic and enjoyable. hateful but entertaining thank you baby
 

Thelma Evans

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White people don't have a patent on feminity. People have thoughts, feelings, and preferences that can be all their own. We have to stop acting like white people hung the moon or something.
I see that went over your head. The concept of feminity was crafted on white women; their mannerisms and their bodies. Black women’s feminity has always been measured against white women. Think Serena, Michelle Obama, Queen Latifah. Why have they been called unfeminine? Because their bodies don't mirror what is considered feminine which again IS BASED ON WHITE WOMEN. Google Scholar is your friend.
 

Thelma Evans

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Black feminine energy outside the patriarchal white gaze in this world is very fluid. We are capable of all things. We don’t all fit into the cookie cutter box of manicured feminity, that whiteness says is real.
Whiteness has dictated and curated the terms of what it means to be feminine in this world. It’s fake, it’s a farce, it’s fairy dust. It’s not real.

This is why black feminine energy is a threat to whiteness in every way, because embody all things, softeness, hardness, strength, delicate, beauty and even masculine energy the black feminine is fully fluid, unrestrained creative - that’s our birthright as the mothers of the civilization and humanity.

All women win through us and if black women were to be free and as feminine as we like unrestricted, all other women would be free.

Whiteness doesn’t want that. We are a direct threat to them in every way. So whiteness tries to dictate the terms of what is and isn’t feminine in this world.
This ☝☝☝
 

Lionness

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This whole idea of feminity and being womanly is toxic AF, especially for Black women. Feminity was designed in whiteness. Black women, by birth right, will never fit into society’s acceptable image of feminity. Takeaway - live your life and stop trying to fit into a box that wasn't created for you anyway.
How was feminity designed in white women? You know that the world is larger than white people right ?
 

Lionness

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Black feminine energy outside the patriarchal white gaze in this world is very fluid. We are capable of all things. We don’t all fit into the cookie cutter box of manicured feminity, that whiteness says is real.
Whiteness has dictated and curated the terms of what it means to be feminine in this world. It’s fake, it’s a farce, it’s fairy dust. It’s not real.

This is why black feminine energy is a threat to whiteness in every way, because embody all things, softeness, hardness, strength, delicate, beauty and even masculine energy the black feminine is fully fluid, unrestrained creative - that’s our birthright as the mothers of the civilization and humanity.

All women win through us and if black women were to be free and as feminine as we like unrestricted, all other women would be free.

Whiteness doesn’t want that. We are a direct threat to them in every way. So whiteness tries to dictate the terms of what is and isn’t feminine in this world.
What is "black feminine energy" if feminity is whiteness ?

I am baffled to see the falsehoods that some of you are happy to perpetuate.

Gender expectations exist and have always existed outside of the white world. This is inaccurate.

ETA : And how do all women get free through black women ?

Humans evolved differently on this planet and so did gender expectations and the way women are treated in their respective societies.

All women do not "win" through us just because humanity started in Africa. This is mule-ish and innacurate. All black women do not even "win" when some do. How will your "wins" (regardless of what you consider "wins") be wins for other races of women and why should they see it that way ?
 
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JustBaanter

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Whaat....sorry to hear you feel like that, but you are feminine for the simple fact you are female! That is your essence whether you wear blue, playsports, chop of your breasts or call yourself manly. You weren't denied anything, you are just mentally conditioned and brainwashed into thinking femininity is what you have reduced it to.
I know that now but at the time, I was trying to process what had happened to me. Growing up, I remember my mum laughing at me for playing with Bratz dolls when I was still in primary school, my teachers coming over to me when I was sitting with the boys and publicly trying to shame me for not hanging out with the girls, being called a man everyday by boys at school and all this extra stuff.

I thought that the person who SA'd me knew he could get away with it because I'm the 'Strong Black Girl' and everyone's lack of concern when I opened up about his harassment towards me following the incident confirmed by biases. It's been a lot but I know I'm very feminine.
 

Lionness

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I see that went over your head. The concept of feminity was crafted on white women; their mannerisms and their bodies. Black women’s feminity has always been measured against white women. Think Serena, Michelle Obama, Queen Latifah. Why have they been called unfeminine? Because their bodies don't mirror what is considered feminine which again IS BASED ON WHITE WOMEN. Google Scholar is your friend.

The world is larger than America. White people have not invented feminity or gender roles.
 

fitpudd

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Femininity is a birthright. We have to stop letting men and westernized standards determine femininity. Black women are the original woman; we are the blueprint, you don't get more feminine than that.

Femininity has been in existence for millenia, way before this culture of white supremacy. Ladies take your power back.
 

jajabadazz

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OP, please look up myo inositol on Amazon. Look at the thousands of reviews and pictures. Please!!! Get back to me and tell me what you think.
 

SalemMo

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There is no right or wrong way to be feminine. You embody it already. Continue to do what makes you happy. Standards will always be placed on women, live your life for YOU and not what other people want or expect you to do.
 

JustBaanter

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The world is larger than America. White people have not invented feminity or gender roles.
That's a thing I don't understand about the more famous femininity videos. They acknowledge that Nigerian femininity is very different from Western femininity but then chastise women for not following Western femininity standards.
 

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