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Is this xesual Harassment?

Is this xesual harassment?

  • Yes

    Votes: 13 92.9%
  • No

    Votes: 1 7.1%
  • Unclear

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    14

incogneato

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I had a job when I was in my late teens and one of the managers who worked on my floor made me...uncomfortable. I hadn't said anything about it at the time and I don't plan to in future as I don't work at this place anymore (for unrelated reasons) but I'm still confused about it all.

He was definitely old enough to be my father or older and he knew damn well I was the youngest person working in the office (I was the only teenager at the time but I was of age). He would come over to my desk all the time and the conversation was never outright xesual but he flirted occasionally. The conversation was never about work unless I made it about work and asked him a work-related question. It wasn't uncommon for him to fraternize with others so I didn't take notice of it at first but then it started to get annoying and I realized he wouldn't stop as often or for as long at other people's desks as he did with me and I was practically the only one in my row he was stopping to talk to. I also didn't hear him talking to the other women in the office the way he spoke to me.

He would tell me that I was pretty or that I looked good today or that he liked my voice or some other small compliment, so again, nothing overtly xesual but the way he said it and the way he looked me up and down grossed me out. One time he said he wanted to be my man but then he laughed it off and took it back a few seconds after. I think it was because of my facial expression: usually I would just politely nod and smile, keep the conversation brief so he would leave me alone or I would pretend I was busy by shuffling papers, acting like I was looking for things on the computer, or pretending I was on phone calls when no one was on the line, but when he said that, it took me off guard because he had never been that direct before (or after) and I couldn't hide my shock.

He made me so uncomfortable I started to avoid him like the plague. I would go the restroom whenever he was coming my way even though I didn't need to, sometimes I would make sure I didn't take my lunch when he was on his, and I almost had a heart attack when we ran into each other on the staircase early one morning. But I never thought to go to HR because I felt like I might be overreacting and they wouldn't believe me anyways (I was the new girl and I was young, he was older, friendly, and everyone knew him well because he had worked there longer). He never touched me or tried to inappropriately, never followed me outside of the office or offered to buy me lunch or really make any effort outside of the office to spend time with me, never asked for my number or talked to my friends about it. But it was the first time IN MY LIFE anyone made me that uncomfortable, I even had a few nightmares about him. Was I being harassed or was I overreacting?
 

LaVieBoheme

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I had a job when I was in my late teens and one of the managers who worked on my floor made me...uncomfortable. I hadn't said anything about it at the time and I don't plan to in future as I don't work at this place anymore (for unrelated reasons) but I'm still confused about it all.

He was definitely old enough to be my father or older and he knew damn well I was the youngest person working in the office (I was the only teenager at the time but I was of age). He would come over to my desk all the time and the conversation was never outright xesual but he flirted occasionally. The conversation was never about work unless I made it about work and asked him a work-related question. It wasn't uncommon for him to fraternize with others so I didn't take notice of it at first but then it started to get annoying and I realized he wouldn't stop as often or for as long at other people's desks as he did with me and I was practically the only one in my row he was stopping to talk to. I also didn't hear him talking to the other women in the office the way he spoke to me.

He would tell me that I was pretty or that I looked good today or that he liked my voice or some other small compliment, so again, nothing overtly xesual but the way he said it and the way he looked me up and down grossed me out. One time he said he wanted to be my man but then he laughed it off and took it back a few seconds after. I think it was because of my facial expression: usually I would just politely nod and smile, keep the conversation brief so he would leave me alone or I would pretend I was busy by shuffling papers, acting like I was looking for things on the computer, or pretending I was on phone calls when no one was on the line, but when he said that, it took me off guard because he had never been that direct before (or after) and I couldn't hide my shock.

He made me so uncomfortable I started to avoid him like the plague. I would go the restroom whenever he was coming my way even though I didn't need to, sometimes I would make sure I didn't take my lunch when he was on his, and I almost had a heart attack when we ran into each other on the staircase early one morning. But I never thought to go to HR because I felt like I might be overreacting and they wouldn't believe me anyways (I was the new girl and I was young, he was older, friendly, and everyone knew him well because he had worked there longer). He never touched me or tried to inappropriately, never followed me outside of the office or offered to buy me lunch or really make any effort outside of the office to spend time with me, never asked for my number or talked to my friends about it. But it was the first time IN MY LIFE anyone made me that uncomfortable, I even had a few nightmares about him. Was I being harassed or was I overreacting?
You were being harrassed. I wish you could have spoken to someone about how uncomfortable he made you feel.

And yes, his "compliments" were overt. You were justified in feeling discomfort, and the fact that you had to go out of your way to avoid him is proof of that.

xesual harrassment won't always be inappropriate touches or overt xesual advances.

He tried it, and he toed the line because you were young and likely wouldn't check him for his behavior.

You have the right to be respected at work. You have the right to be comfortable in your work space.

I'm sorry you went through that, and I hope you find resources to help you if this ever happens again.
 

Kikyo

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fear alone to be in said person's presence is indicative of harassment.
 

anonyme

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This is harassment he tried to take advantage because you were young and new he is a sick piece of sh!t.
 

Bunbuns

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That was harassment. I'm so sorry you had to go through that and I hope you never have to feel that way again
 

talking2much

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The fact that you would feel so uncomfortable that you would go out of your way to avoid him answers your question. That was harassment. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
 

TheChanteuse

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If your uncomfortable, scared to be in his presence and having nightmares about him than it's harassment.
 

GigiLaMoore

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It sounds as if it still bothers you. Maybe you should talk to someone just in case this issue presents again in the future.
 

Bella8933

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I had a job when I was in my late teens and one of the managers who worked on my floor made me...uncomfortable. I hadn't said anything about it at the time and I don't plan to in future as I don't work at this place anymore (for unrelated reasons) but I'm still confused about it all.

He was definitely old enough to be my father or older and he knew damn well I was the youngest person working in the office (I was the only teenager at the time but I was of age). He would come over to my desk all the time and the conversation was never outright xesual but he flirted occasionally. The conversation was never about work unless I made it about work and asked him a work-related question. It wasn't uncommon for him to fraternize with others so I didn't take notice of it at first but then it started to get annoying and I realized he wouldn't stop as often or for as long at other people's desks as he did with me and I was practically the only one in my row he was stopping to talk to. I also didn't hear him talking to the other women in the office the way he spoke to me.

He would tell me that I was pretty or that I looked good today or that he liked my voice or some other small compliment, so again, nothing overtly xesual but the way he said it and the way he looked me up and down grossed me out. One time he said he wanted to be my man but then he laughed it off and took it back a few seconds after. I think it was because of my facial expression: usually I would just politely nod and smile, keep the conversation brief so he would leave me alone or I would pretend I was busy by shuffling papers, acting like I was looking for things on the computer, or pretending I was on phone calls when no one was on the line, but when he said that, it took me off guard because he had never been that direct before (or after) and I couldn't hide my shock.

He made me so uncomfortable I started to avoid him like the plague. I would go the restroom whenever he was coming my way even though I didn't need to, sometimes I would make sure I didn't take my lunch when he was on his, and I almost had a heart attack when we ran into each other on the staircase early one morning. But I never thought to go to HR because I felt like I might be overreacting and they wouldn't believe me anyways (I was the new girl and I was young, he was older, friendly, and everyone knew him well because he had worked there longer). He never touched me or tried to inappropriately, never followed me outside of the office or offered to buy me lunch or really make any effort outside of the office to spend time with me, never asked for my number or talked to my friends about it. But it was the first time IN MY LIFE anyone made me that uncomfortable, I even had a few nightmares about him. Was I being harassed or was I overreacting?

Umm I think he was interested in you ...but I wouldn't call this harrassment.
 

rennieD

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Yes. When I read your synopsis of what happened and got to the part where he said you're pretty etc and the wanting to be your boyfriend. I didn't have to read any further.
 

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