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Lauren London on Death and Keeping Her Connection to Nipsey Hussle After His Death

AshleyDavenport

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Lauren appeared on The Butterfly Podcast a few weeks ago. She’s known the host Melody Ehsani since she was a teen. Julie the other co-host is a medical intuitive. They hosted a private gathering about death in Jan 2020 after Kobe’s death but before the pandemic so this is essentially a continuation of that conversation.



4:20- Lauren mentions that a lot of her arguments with Nip were about time and time being spent. Feels deep down that maybe she/her spirit knew that there wouldn’t be a lot of time left so she always cherished every moment with him…from being in the car together to listening to music together would be the greatest day for her. She would give Nip the tightest hugs. Looking back she realizes she was overwhelming in her affection towards him, which she doesn’t regret. She follows the mantra “love on your people as hard as you can”. Would give Nip kisses/ “attack him with affection” when they were in the car together at stoplights. Reaffirms that her spirit knew there wasn’t much more time left on Earth so she was trying to soak up as much time together as she could

6:17- Lauren mentions that we all know we’re going to die but a lot of people think they’ll be much older in a delusional way so a lot of people pretend that death doesn’t exist. Mentions that when Nip died she was crying so hard and she felt such a major Earth shift with Nip’s departure. Remembers speaking to Melanie saying his death feels so final. She mentions it’s hard grasping the idea of death because we have so much attachment here on Earth.

9:10- Lauren mentions that the human experience is a gift and that because we are spirits, our connection with people never dies and it’s eternal. Mentions the human experience is special because it’s the one time you get to physically express your soul’s desires and love. She can express her hugs and look people in the eye today and it’s an experience to cherish because it can be gone tomorrow.

12:06- Lauren mentions leaning fully into the grief process when Nipsey died. Chose not to fight it…did a deep dive with her grief, was in the darkness and chose to accept it. She feels she was cracked open from the loss but saw that there was a freedom to it because she lost everything to her so now what? What’s next? Believes when she’s more connected to God, consistent in prayers and in her devotions and eating clean, she’ll dream about Nipsey more, she’ll have a whiff of scent and it’ll be Nip’s. Still feels his essence around her like when something funny happens and she thinks that’s something only her and Nip would laugh at…but this only happens when she believes she’s meeting Nip on his terms in the afterlife.Only at a certain level of consciousness is she able to be clear in her little moments of connection/miracles with Nip throughout the day.

13:52- Lauren mentions to Julie (the medical intuitive) that she initially didn’t want to accept Nip’s death, cried that it wasn’t fair, it was wrong, it wasn’t supposed to happen.

15:40- Lauren mentions this girl she’s following on social media that is battling a terminal illness. Doesn’t understand this girl’s illness in her own education on death in relation to Julie’s statement that everyone’s death is always a benevolent, kind process (Julie later expands on her statement that the taking of another human life is an injustice).

21:26- Lauren mentions that there’s a peace and gift that comes with knowing that death is coming and having the opportunity to prepare affairs on Earth beforehand. Mentions having a detached relationship with death growing up. Shares that her grandmother died on her birthday, all her grandparents are gone, her grandfather was burned to death. Mentions there was always death around her, growing up in LA boys she went to school with were dying violent deaths by the time they got to high school. Thought to herself she was going to die one day, it’s okay…until she had her first son then she didn’t want to die so soon anymore. She wanted to stay with him a little longer. Understood death in theory until she experienced it so intimately that it challenged all her preconceived notions. Thinks death teaches us as much about life as life teaches us about life.

29:25- Lauren questions about whether humans have purpose in the afterlife like we do on Earth.

36:20- Lauren mentions how we take care of ourselves is connected to our aging process. The ability to surrender and let go of things can also play a role in our vitality as humans.

40:26- Lauren mentions there were pieces of her that left with Nipsey when he died. Mentions not being able to look at older pictures of them together because she felt the girl in those pics left with him. She recalls not really seeing any reason to be here when Nip was killed. Started questioning her purpose after. In her mind she would be satisfied being Nip’s woman, supporting his mission, and raising the kids, a simple life. Mentions Nip’s life had so much purpose that his mission still continues after he’s physically transitioned. She concludes that her life has purpose as well after realizing she’s attached so much of herself and fit her life to align with Nip’s purpose. Battled internally after Nip’s passing, questioned why she couldn’t have gone first since she had more education on death, Nip really liked Earth and Lauren didn’t like Earth as much and Nip was helping so many people. Concludes that through her grief process it’s not her time to go yet but in the mean time she wants to be a vessel for God so she hopes not to miss the mark in her life.

43:05- On what Lauren wants people to know about death: She wishes that people were more aware of keeping the connection to people that have transitioned and that it’s possible. That death shouldn’t feel so morbid and final because the connection still remains, just different. Prays to have an overstanding of death.

46:05-Lauren mentions how in her family when someone dies after the funeral that’s it and they’re not really spoken about anymore. She’s teaching her kids that when they miss Nipsey, write a letter, light a candle, give some love to the sun and to be grateful that they had such a personal experience with him and how lucky they were to get to know Nip so intimately. Mentions that when Kross misses his dad (Nip) she’ll tell him to close his eyes and envision his dad…for him to ask his dad to come to him in a dream. Emphasizes the importance of what Nip has accomplished in his death, that his mission and purpose still continues. Mentions that people place so much importance on titles: mom, wife, daughter, that our purpose here on earth is so much bigger than any title or intimate relationship.

49:40-Lauren agrees that someone’s presence and existence on Earth will always be so much bigger than how or why that person died. Gives it an ashé and the podcast ends.

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AshleyDavenport

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So this interview may seem a little “woo-woo” but I thought she seemed more introspective compared to interviews pre-Nipsey’s death. She still seems to be loyal to him in death though, tough for someone to eventually come in and love her when she’s seeking Nip’s presence in her day to day but I understand she’s still grieving.
 
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Paradiseplay

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Dont groan me but i think she loved him more than he loved her btw there is this thing in black culture (i know lauren is biracial)where the wife is never suppose to move on but had it been the other way around he would be sleeping with her homegirls ala diddy kim wasnt dead a WHOLE year he was already sleeping with lori a younger girl who called kim her mom
 

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Looking back she realizes she was overwhelming in her affection towards him, which she doesn’t regret. She follows the mantra “love on your people as hard as you can.”


I agree with Lauren, but women must be careful and discriminating when showing that type of love to men. So many of us love the hell outta men who do not show the same love and loyalty back. It’s unfair.

Most of the threads before Nip’s death were about his cheating on Lauren. He wasn’t good to her in the way she Deserved. I hope that as she heals she realizes that she deserves the same love she gives out.
 

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At the risk of sounding insensitive, I must say that she's doing a whole lot for a man who didn't even marry her. She needs to move on. We all know if the roles were reversed, he would already have a new baby with a new woman. Move on, Lauren. Like another font said, she definitely loved him more than he loved her.
 

dollface89

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In her mind she would be satisfied being Nip’s woman, supporting his mission, and raising the kids, a simple life. Mentions Nip’s life had so much purpose that his mission still continues after he’s physically transitioned. She concludes that her life has purpose as well after realizing she’s attached so much of herself and fit her life to align with Nip’s purpose.

< this is always what I thought of her. That she made her purpose simply being his woman. He knew that. Didn't marry her. So really why the all that attachment? It's good that she realized she has a purpose outside of him
 
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Paradiseplay

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I think lauren doesnt know her worth when i saw lil wayne was her baby daddy i questioned her sanity
Nipsey was just a hood rapper who probably wanted lauren becuz he saw her in atl n thought she was really pretty like 1 million other guys
 

Paradiseplay

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At the risk of sounding insensitive, I must say that she's doing a whole lot for a man who didn't even marry her. She needs to move on. We all know if the roles were reversed, he would already have a new baby with a new woman. Move on, Lauren. Like another font said, she definitely loved him more than he loved her.
Girl yes she is half black so that muling sh!t loyalty to men is in her lol
 

AshleyDavenport

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At the risk of sounding insensitive, I must say that she's doing a whole lot for a man who didn't even marry her. She needs to move on. We all know if the roles were reversed, he would already have a new baby with a new woman. Move on, Lauren. Like another font said, she definitely loved him more than he loved her.
I thought it was interesting that she said she’d be happy simply being his woman (not wife) and looking after the kids and how she’s attached so much of herself in what he was doing with The Marathon. I do think she lost her identity somewhat and has had to become reacquainted with herself after losing Nip.
 

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Interesting read. Thanks for the cliffs.

There is a faction on here that believes she has no reason to grieve because they were not married, so don’t be surprised if this thread turns into a mess.
 

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At the risk of sounding insensitive, I must say that she's doing a whole lot for a man who didn't even marry her. She needs to move on. We all know if the roles were reversed, he would already have a new baby with a new woman. Move on, Lauren. Like another font said, she definitely loved him more than he loved her.
Folks keep acting like their relationship was goals
 

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Dont groan me but i think she loved him more than he loved her btw there is this thing in black culture (i know lauren is biracial)where the wife is never suppose to move on but had it been the other way around he would be sleeping with her homegirls ala diddy kim wasnt dead a WHOLE year he was already sleeping with lori a younger girl who called kim her mom

Lauren was devoted to him, and clearly wanted to get married. I feel uncomfortable with couples where the woman is so devoted to the guy who never has the same level of devotion. I'm glad Lauren was able to realize she has a purpose outside of her significant other.

It's not just Black culture where women grieve for many years while men will be remarried within 2 years after becoming widower.

I think it depends on the generation.

My maternal grandparents were married for almost 60 years when my grandmother passed from cancer. My grandfather never dated. He just grieved for my grandmother before he passed away 2 years later. The same thing happen with my paternal grandparents. They were married for just over 50 years when my grandmother passed away from cancer. My grandfather passed away a few days after the 1 year anniversary of her death.

Thank you for the detailed cliff notes OP. I look forward to listening to the podcast. It sounds interesting and thought provoking.

I hope that Lauren finds love with a man who is 100% devoted to her and her children.
 

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I’m sure people are going to only focus on what she said in relation to Nipsey but I can agree and identify a lot with what she’s talking about (re: connections to loved ones that have passed on).

They never really leave. You just have to be open to their energy.
 

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Awwww poor Lauren. I agree that she loved him more....and that is never a good thing.

I never believed she had low self esteem until now.
 

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From the cliffs, this was such an introspective interview. Thanks for posting, OP. I will listen in its entirety while I'm at work this wk.

I agree with Lauren that as a society we put so much emphasis on titles, product accumulation. There is a purpose we all have on this Earth. Losing Nip abruptly (to Lauren and not to God obviously) can be difficult. Start to question everything. But God has a plan for all of us.

When she said she cannot look at older pics as that girl has left, I understood that. You can see the glimmer in her eyes has dimmed in recent pics after Nip's death. There is no timetable to when someone stops grieving contrary to what is said here.

Pray God cloaks Lauren with strength to raise her children but to also seek her purpose, which could be intertwined with Nip's mission. We just don't know.

ETA: I love that she has the children write a letter or light a candle. Nip has transitioned from Earth but has eternal life with God. The children can still have a relationship with Nip.
 
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Dont groan me but i think she loved him more than he loved her btw there is this thing in black culture (i know lauren is biracial)where the wife is never suppose to move on but had it been the other way around he would be sleeping with her homegirls ala diddy kim wasnt dead a WHOLE year he was already sleeping with lori a younger girl who called kim her mom
I agree 100%.

I like her perspective on death and I hope her message resonates w/ppl who need it.

I agree that losing the closest person in the world to you makes you feel like you hit the bottom, so there’s nothing worse that can happen.

Grief is a lifelong process for many.
 

dollface89

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I thought it was interesting that she said she’d be happy simply being his woman (not wife) and looking after the kids and how she’s attached so much of herself in what he was doing with The Marathon. I do think she lost her identity somewhat and has had to become reacquainted with herself after losing Nip.
My friend had a theory that sometimes your partner dies if you dont evolve with them. Like Lauren could not be her best self so long as Nipsey was alive. She was referring to Kobe and Vanessa at the time of the conversation. How Kobe's death forced her to become independent and have a life of her own. Otherwise if Kobe was still alive.. Vanessa would be same woman shes been since the age of 17 when she met him.

Its just a theory but I'm starting to understand her point of view
 

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Girl yes she is half black so that muling sh!t loyalty to men is in her lol
LOL! I believe her mama is Black too. Whew.
I thought it was interesting that she said she’d be happy simply being his woman (not wife) and looking after the kids and how she’s attached so much of herself in what he was doing with The Marathon. I do think she lost her identity somewhat and has had to become reacquainted with herself after losing Nip.
Lauren clearly has low self esteem like a lot of Black women who play themselves in relationships with men. He was probably cheating on her too, and she wouldn't ever leave him. Sad. She needs therapy. Remember, this is same woman who had a baby from Lil Wayne who knocked up multiple other women around the same time. Lauren has hated herself for a long time now. She's just nice to look at is all.
Folks keep acting like their relationship was goals
Yup. And I think people are just suckers for Lauren's good looks. She's a good looking woman, yes, but she is not a high self esteem woman.
 

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This was interesting. Lauren’s viewpoints really made me think.

I like that she encourages her children to write him and light a candle when they miss him.
 

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My friend had a theory that sometimes your partner dies if you dont evolve with them. Like Lauren could not be her best self so long as Nipsey was alive. She was referring to Kobe and Vanessa at the time of the conversation. How Kobe's death forced her to become independent and have a life of her own. Otherwise if Kobe was still alive.. Vanessa would be same woman shes been since the age of 17 when she met him.

Its just a theory but I'm starting to understand her point of view
Interesting.
 

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From the cliffs, this was such an introspective interview. Thanks for posting, OP. I will listen in its entirety while I'm at work this wk.

I agree with Lauren that as a society we put so much emphasis on titles, product accumulation. There is a purpose we all have on this Earth. Losing Nip abruptly (to Lauren and not to God obviously) can be difficult. Start to question everything. But God has a plan for all of us.

When she said she cannot look at older pics as that girl has left, I understood that. You can see the glimmer in her eyes have dimmed in recent pics after Nip's death. There is no timetable to when someone stops grieving contrary to what is said here.

Pray God cloaks Lauren with strength to raise her children but to also seek her purpose, which could be intertwined with Nip's mission.



I agree but that's something alot of women need to stop saying. It does nothing but givr the man more leeway to not commit to you. If a man really truly loved you and wanted to both create a family and commit to you, if marrige is just a title why don't they do it?

She had to file guardianship for Kross after he passed so that he would get a fair portion of his estate. Marrige is not just a title and I think that women who are content but want more use that as a cop out. What happened to him was wrong and it should not have occured. But it seems like she loved him too much and he didn't. And I'm not even being disrespectful when I say I didn't know of Nipsey until they got together
 

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I agree but that's something alot of women need to stop saying. It does nothing but givr the man more leeway to not commit to you. If a man really truly loved you and wanted to both create a family and commit to you, if marrige is just a title why don't they do it?

She had to file guardianship for Kross after he passed so that he would get a fair portion of his estate. Marrige is not just a title and I think that women who are content but want more use that as a cop out. What happened to him was wrong and it should not have occured. But it seems like she loved him too much and he didn't. And I'm not even being disrespectful when I say I didn't know of Nipsey until they got together
Oh, when I read "titles" I thought she meant job positions and status.

I agree with your stance that marriage isn't just a title. It's important to have.
 

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It's interesting to see the change of tone in these Nip/Lauren threads as compared to maybe a year earlier, and I'm happy to see it.

The kind of devotion she's describing is only sweet when you know the man would've been the same had the shoe been on the other foot...but we can say with almost all certainty that would not have been the case if she was the one who left this earth first. I don't mean to sound cruel, but I believe his death was a blessing in disguise for her. She would've never let him go, and God knew that. I think she's meant for something bigger and better in this life, but she has to let go of her attachment to him to see it.
 

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I definitely think she loved him more than he loved her. He went out of his way to make sure people knew those photos for GQ or People mag(I forgot which one) were not engagement photos. He referred to her as his son’s mother, not girlfriend. I know grieving is hard and takes time but I hope she doesn’t dedicate her whole life to keeping his legacy alive.
 

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Lauren appeared on The Butterfly Podcast a few weeks ago. She’s known the host Melody Ehsani since she was a teen. Julie the other co-host is a medical intuitive. They hosted a private gathering about death in Jan 2020 after Kobe’s death but before the pandemic so this is essentially a continuation of that conversation.



4:20- Lauren mentions that a lot of her arguments with Nip were about time and time being spent. Feels deep down that maybe she/her spirit knew that there wouldn’t be a lot of time left so she always cherished every moment with him…from being in the car together to listening to music together would be the greatest day for her. She would give Nip the tightest hugs. Looking back she realizes she was overwhelming in her affection towards him, which she doesn’t regret. She follows the mantra “love on your people as hard as you can”. Would give Nip kisses/ “attack him with affection” when they were in the car together at stoplights. Reaffirms that her spirit knew there wasn’t much more time left on Earth so she was trying to soak up as much time together as she could

6:17- Lauren mentions that we all know we’re going to die but a lot of people think they’ll be much older in a delusional way so a lot of people pretend that death doesn’t exist. Mentions that when Nip died she was crying so hard and she felt such a major Earth shift with Nip’s departure. Remembers speaking to Melanie saying his death feels so final. She mentions it’s hard grasping the idea of death because we have so much attachment here on Earth.

9:10- Lauren mentions that the human experience is a gift and that because we are spirits, our connection with people never dies and it’s eternal. Mentions the human experience is special because it’s the one time you get to physically express your soul’s desires and love. She can express her hugs and look people in the eye today and it’s an experience to cherish because it can be gone tomorrow.

12:06- Lauren mentions leaning fully into the grief process when Nipsey died. Chose not to fight it…did a deep dive with her grief, was in the darkness and chose to accept it. She feels she was cracked open from the loss but saw that there was a freedom to it because she lost everything to her so now what? What’s next? Believes when she’s more connected to God, consistent in prayers and in her devotions and eating clean, she’ll dream about Nipsey more, she’ll have a whiff of scent and it’ll be Nip’s. Still feels his essence around her like when something funny happens and she thinks that’s something only her and Nip would laugh at…but this only happens when she believes she’s meeting Nip on his terms in the afterlife.Only at a certain level of consciousness is she able to be clear in her little moments of connection/miracles with Nip throughout the day.

13:52- Lauren mentions to Julie (the medical intuitive) that she initially didn’t want to accept Nip’s death, cried that it wasn’t fair, it was wrong, it wasn’t supposed to happen.

15:40- Lauren mentions this girl she’s following on social media that is battling a terminal illness. Doesn’t understand this girl’s illness in her own education on death in relation to Julie’s statement that everyone’s death is always a benevolent, kind process (Julie later expands on her statement that the taking of another human life is an injustice).

21:26- Lauren mentions that there’s a peace and gift that comes with knowing that death is coming and having the opportunity to prepare affairs on Earth beforehand. Mentions having a detached relationship with death growing up. Shares that her grandmother died on her birthday, all her grandparents are gone, her grandfather was burned to death. Mentions there was always death around her, growing up in LA boys she went to school with were dying violent deaths by the time they got to high school. Thought to herself she was going to die one day, it’s okay…until she had her first son then she didn’t want to die so soon anymore. She wanted to stay with him a little longer. Understood death in theory until she experienced it so intimately that it challenged all her preconceived notions. Thinks death teaches us as much about life as life teaches us about life.

29:25- Lauren questions about whether humans have purpose in the afterlife like we do on Earth.

36:20- Lauren mentions how we take care of ourselves is connected to our aging process. The ability to surrender and let go of things can also play a role in our vitality as humans.

40:26- Lauren mentions there were pieces of her that left with Nipsey when he died. Mentions not being able to look at older pictures of them together because she felt the girl in those pics left with him. She recalls not really seeing any reason to be here when Nip was killed. Started questioning her purpose after. In her mind she would be satisfied being Nip’s woman, supporting his mission, and raising the kids, a simple life. Mentions Nip’s life had so much purpose that his mission still continues after he’s physically transitioned. She concludes that her life has purpose as well after realizing she’s attached so much of herself and fit her life to align with Nip’s purpose. Battled internally after Nip’s passing, questioned why she couldn’t have gone first since she had more education on death, Nip really liked Earth and Lauren didn’t like Earth as much and Nip was helping so many people. Concludes that through her grief process it’s not her time to go yet but in the mean time she wants to be a vessel for God so she hopes not to miss the mark in her life.

43:05- On what Lauren wants people to know about death: She wishes that people were more aware of keeping the connection to people that have transitioned and that it’s possible. That death shouldn’t feel so morbid and final because the connection still remains, just different. Prays to have an overstanding of death.

46:05-Lauren mentions how in her family when someone dies after the funeral that’s it and they’re not really spoken about anymore. She’s teaching her kids that when they miss Nipsey, write a letter, light a candle, give some love to the sun and to be grateful that they had such a personal experience with him and how lucky they were to get to know Nip so intimately. Mentions that when Kross misses his dad (Nip) she’ll tell him to close his eyes and envision his dad…for him to ask his dad to come to him in a dream. Emphasizes the importance of what Nip has accomplished in his death, that his mission and purpose still continues. Mentions that people place so much importance on titles: mom, wife, daughter, that our purpose here on earth is so much bigger than any title or intimate relationship.

49:40-Lauren agrees that someone’s presence and existence on Earth will always be so much bigger than how or why that person died. Gives it an ashé and the podcast ends.

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OP magnificent cliffs. I get Lauren’s perspective and it is very beautiful. People clowned her for not being a wife but true love transcends any title. I will listen to this podcast.
 

Thatone7

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Lauren appeared on The Butterfly Podcast a few weeks ago. She’s known the host Melody Ehsani since she was a teen. Julie the other co-host is a medical intuitive. They hosted a private gathering about death in Jan 2020 after Kobe’s death but before the pandemic so this is essentially a continuation of that conversation.



4:20- Lauren mentions that a lot of her arguments with Nip were about time and time being spent. Feels deep down that maybe she/her spirit knew that there wouldn’t be a lot of time left so she always cherished every moment with him…from being in the car together to listening to music together would be the greatest day for her. She would give Nip the tightest hugs. Looking back she realizes she was overwhelming in her affection towards him, which she doesn’t regret. She follows the mantra “love on your people as hard as you can”. Would give Nip kisses/ “attack him with affection” when they were in the car together at stoplights. Reaffirms that her spirit knew there wasn’t much more time left on Earth so she was trying to soak up as much time together as she could

6:17- Lauren mentions that we all know we’re going to die but a lot of people think they’ll be much older in a delusional way so a lot of people pretend that death doesn’t exist. Mentions that when Nip died she was crying so hard and she felt such a major Earth shift with Nip’s departure. Remembers speaking to Melanie saying his death feels so final. She mentions it’s hard grasping the idea of death because we have so much attachment here on Earth.

9:10- Lauren mentions that the human experience is a gift and that because we are spirits, our connection with people never dies and it’s eternal. Mentions the human experience is special because it’s the one time you get to physically express your soul’s desires and love. She can express her hugs and look people in the eye today and it’s an experience to cherish because it can be gone tomorrow.

12:06- Lauren mentions leaning fully into the grief process when Nipsey died. Chose not to fight it…did a deep dive with her grief, was in the darkness and chose to accept it. She feels she was cracked open from the loss but saw that there was a freedom to it because she lost everything to her so now what? What’s next? Believes when she’s more connected to God, consistent in prayers and in her devotions and eating clean, she’ll dream about Nipsey more, she’ll have a whiff of scent and it’ll be Nip’s. Still feels his essence around her like when something funny happens and she thinks that’s something only her and Nip would laugh at…but this only happens when she believes she’s meeting Nip on his terms in the afterlife.Only at a certain level of consciousness is she able to be clear in her little moments of connection/miracles with Nip throughout the day.

13:52- Lauren mentions to Julie (the medical intuitive) that she initially didn’t want to accept Nip’s death, cried that it wasn’t fair, it was wrong, it wasn’t supposed to happen.

15:40- Lauren mentions this girl she’s following on social media that is battling a terminal illness. Doesn’t understand this girl’s illness in her own education on death in relation to Julie’s statement that everyone’s death is always a benevolent, kind process (Julie later expands on her statement that the taking of another human life is an injustice).

21:26- Lauren mentions that there’s a peace and gift that comes with knowing that death is coming and having the opportunity to prepare affairs on Earth beforehand. Mentions having a detached relationship with death growing up. Shares that her grandmother died on her birthday, all her grandparents are gone, her grandfather was burned to death. Mentions there was always death around her, growing up in LA boys she went to school with were dying violent deaths by the time they got to high school. Thought to herself she was going to die one day, it’s okay…until she had her first son then she didn’t want to die so soon anymore. She wanted to stay with him a little longer. Understood death in theory until she experienced it so intimately that it challenged all her preconceived notions. Thinks death teaches us as much about life as life teaches us about life.

29:25- Lauren questions about whether humans have purpose in the afterlife like we do on Earth.

36:20- Lauren mentions how we take care of ourselves is connected to our aging process. The ability to surrender and let go of things can also play a role in our vitality as humans.

40:26- Lauren mentions there were pieces of her that left with Nipsey when he died. Mentions not being able to look at older pictures of them together because she felt the girl in those pics left with him. She recalls not really seeing any reason to be here when Nip was killed. Started questioning her purpose after. In her mind she would be satisfied being Nip’s woman, supporting his mission, and raising the kids, a simple life. Mentions Nip’s life had so much purpose that his mission still continues after he’s physically transitioned. She concludes that her life has purpose as well after realizing she’s attached so much of herself and fit her life to align with Nip’s purpose. Battled internally after Nip’s passing, questioned why she couldn’t have gone first since she had more education on death, Nip really liked Earth and Lauren didn’t like Earth as much and Nip was helping so many people. Concludes that through her grief process it’s not her time to go yet but in the mean time she wants to be a vessel for God so she hopes not to miss the mark in her life.

43:05- On what Lauren wants people to know about death: She wishes that people were more aware of keeping the connection to people that have transitioned and that it’s possible. That death shouldn’t feel so morbid and final because the connection still remains, just different. Prays to have an overstanding of death.

46:05-Lauren mentions how in her family when someone dies after the funeral that’s it and they’re not really spoken about anymore. She’s teaching her kids that when they miss Nipsey, write a letter, light a candle, give some love to the sun and to be grateful that they had such a personal experience with him and how lucky they were to get to know Nip so intimately. Mentions that when Kross misses his dad (Nip) she’ll tell him to close his eyes and envision his dad…for him to ask his dad to come to him in a dream. Emphasizes the importance of what Nip has accomplished in his death, that his mission and purpose still continues. Mentions that people place so much importance on titles: mom, wife, daughter, that our purpose here on earth is so much bigger than any title or intimate relationship.

49:40-Lauren agrees that someone’s presence and existence on Earth will always be so much bigger than how or why that person died. Gives it an ashé and the podcast ends.

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Ok I have other things to worry about. But this is dragging. Hope she’s ok it’s never easy to move on especially after death but dwelling is not healing
 

AshleyDavenport

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Ok I have other things to worry about. But this is dragging. Hope she’s ok it’s never easy to move on especially after death but dwelling is not healing
She’s still so entrenched in their world with his family, friends, business, etc. I understand they have a son and everything was tragic but I’m not even sure healing to her is letting him go if she’s looking for his presence daily. That with those tattoos of him she has on her arms it’s starting to go out sad…
 

nique71

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I agree but that's something alot of women need to stop saying. It does nothing but givr the man more leeway to not commit to you. If a man really truly loved you and wanted to both create a family and commit to you, if marrige is just a title why don't they do it?

She had to file guardianship for Kross after he passed so that he would get a fair portion of his estate. Marrige is not just a title and I think that women who are content but want more use that as a cop out. What happened to him was wrong and it should not have occured. But it seems like she loved him too much and he didn't. And I'm not even being disrespectful when I say I didn't know of Nipsey until they got together

She did that so she could manage his inheritance. Not so he could receive an inheritance. Big difference.


 

EBatiste

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Thanks for the detailed cliffs OP. I’m glad Lauren has spaces like this where she can be so open and introspective. I believe in the long run Lauren will heal and find love again. She’s going to have to allow it though. It may not be on other people’s time tables but just from hearing some of the things she said in this, I do think she’s gradually moving through the grieving process and that’s good.
 

Rere84

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Dont groan me but i think she loved him more than he loved her btw there is this thing in black culture (i know lauren is biracial)where the wife is never suppose to move on but had it been the other way around he would be sleeping with her homegirls ala diddy kim wasnt dead a WHOLE year he was already sleeping with lori a younger girl who called kim her mom

I mean, just look at Mendeces saying he wasn't sure he could have kept Yandy down if the roles had been reversed--I feel like there are more men who think and act like that than Papoose
 

Voiderror404

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She did that so she could manage his inheritance. Not so he could receive an inheritance. Big difference.




My apologies, thanks for clearing it up
 
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It’s really saddening and disgusting seeing all the negativity but obviously this forum isn’t the most positive.

I appreciate and respect her for even opening up and being honest about her grief. This ain’t the space or place to bring up your expectations of what her relationship should’ve been by your standards or what y’all THINK y’all know about their relationship. The assumptions are repetitive and unfounded because nobody here knows anything or them in real life.
Regardless she’ll heal, date, and move forward in the time that God has ordained. She doesn’t put out negative energy so I won’t speak negatively or disrespectfully about her and their relationship. Wishing her family the best!!
 

Ashylisa

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That’s confirmation for me. I said in the GQ spread that he wasn’t in love like she was. I feel he was growing but it was cut short. It’s sad but I’m praying for her healing.
 

Brick Tamland

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I was trying to tell a font in another thread about widows/widowers dating their dead exes best friends that when you’re mourning a loss that great, you don’t see the person who passed in past tense. It still is. She explains that well when she talks about how she still connects with Nip multiple times throughout the day.
 

MmmBop

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My friend had a theory that sometimes your partner dies if you dont evolve with them. Like Lauren could not be her best self so long as Nipsey was alive. She was referring to Kobe and Vanessa at the time of the conversation. How Kobe's death forced her to become independent and have a life of her own. Otherwise if Kobe was still alive.. Vanessa would be same woman shes been since the age of 17 when she met him.

Its just a theory but I'm starting to understand her point of view

I agree with this theory. My cousin was on again/off again with her ex/children’s father for years until he passed away 5 years ago. After he passed, she started going to church, went back to school for her Bachelor’s degree (she was already a nurse but only had an Associate’s), and plus other things.
 

Peaches8

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This was sad. Lauren really loved that man. I cn only imagine wht she went through when she lost him, something must have died inside of her. He obviously meant everything to her.
 

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