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Leaving my abusive boyfriend when he leaves for work

incogneato

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Hello guys I’m just venting I am 21 years old and have been dealing with an abusive SCORPIO man who is 27 for the past 6 Mons !! I am LEAVING tomorrow morning when he goes for work to my dads house or aunts house. He took me on a trip to
Miami for a week and left me in sh!tty air BNB for HOURS he is abusive verbally mentally and physically I have told him all my weaknesses and downfalls only for him to use it against me I have been punching been dragged my my hair pushed into a glass lamp got stitches experienced alcohol abuse (purposely getting me drunk almost every time we drink I black out) saying if I don’t this I will be single I haven’t seen my family this entire time he also likes to use money to make me feel bad or weed (I don’t work but I get unemployment ($500 a week now) and his dumb ass don’t know thank god but before then I spent $7,000 with him on stuff for our apartment etc his past baby mom literally ran away from him even his mother is telling me to go I know this is a rant but I just need some hope and prayers because I am scared he has choked me before etc tried to stomp
Me out a few days ago and he justifies all of this bc of my “smart mouth”
Guys please motivate me to be strong I have tried to leave before and was too scared sad to say I don’t love myself I really need advice
 

incogneato

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Guys I’m ok I will be replying back I a few hour or when I can bc his ass is crazy and goes through my history I will delete everything and keep
U guys updated
 

Vavi1211

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Use the time before he leaves to mentally make a list of what you need to take. Valuable documents, other items of sentimental or monetary value, your belongings such as clothing, medication. Figure out what you're going to pack it in and contact someone you know with the exact time you're going to leave with your stuff. Instruct them to call you at that time and to call the police immediately if you don't answer. This will help in the event that he comes back early and catches you. Good luck.
 

incogneato

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Please leave! Ive been in a similar situation for almost 12 years now. Don’t be like me. I spend a lot of time reflecting on the years I’ve wasted, but at the same time I find it hard to leave. I don’t have family or many friends. He also knows things I’ve been through and uses it to manipulate me and makes me feel that I need him in order to deal with life. (He doesn’t support me financially whatsoever. Never has).
 

YaMomzB ...

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Be prepared for him trying to 'win' you back. He will be seemingly remorseful, crying, begging and he will turn the tables on you to make you seem like the bad guy for leaving.

Make sure you don't fall for it, please. I know right now you are thinking it will be easy not to fall for the b.s. but men like that love to be manipulative and they play off your sympathy masterfully.

Be mindful and be careful.
 

incogneato

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Please leave! Ive been in a similar situation for almost 12 years now. Don’t be like me. I spend a lot of time reflecting on the years I’ve wasted, but at the same time I find it hard to leave. I don’t have family or many friends. He also knows things I’ve been through and uses it to manipulate me and makes me feel that I need him in order to deal with life. (He doesn’t support me financially whatsoever. Never has).
It’s okay you are a strong person they manipulate and never make it seem like they are who they say they are and you can leave too every time I try I convince myself to stay and blame myself but he does the same thing he went through my entire Instagram dms just for him to lie about who calls him etc sleeps with his phone under his pillow and I keep catching him texting his baby mom (the other one who didn’t run away but has a RO on him) multiple times and he says “just break up with me then” he thinks I will never leave and so does your man but you can !! I need to move myself more the money doesn’t help I feel like nothing he calls me a broke b!tch a broke hoe etc says I’m a 12 year old with no job
 

Buckeye Rose

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Go to your father's house. Abusive men are less likely to be aggressive in the presence of another man. Get a restraining order as soon as you get out. If he knows where you work, alert security with his picture. Get protection and take some classes.
 

incogneato

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Be prepared for him trying to 'win' you back. He will be seemingly remorseful, crying, begging and he will turn the tables on you to make you seem like the bad guy for leaving.

Make sure you don't fall for it, please. I know right now you are thinking it will be easy not to fall for the b.s. but men like that love to be manipulative and they play off your sympathy masterfully.

Be mindful and be careful.
I plan on taking the Xbox I might feel bad about that but he should be grateful we have TVs couches etc he also broke my iPhone X and iPhone multiple times and he steals from other females when he leave “out” like he gave me a jacket and a phone that belongs to a girl when we were out in Miami and he even was rubbing up on a girl to steal her cards he literally is a thief my friend thought he stole her card and I didn’t believe her now we aren’t friends I have no one
 

CousinXtina

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leave before he ends up killing you.

it's the right thing to do. i wish you could even move city until the steam dies down. if he's abusive, he could be plotting anything.

girl i wish you all the best.

look at the person his parents raised. disgusting af
 
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You need to leave immediately! You are young with your whole life ahead of you! DO NOT let this POS use and abuse you anymore. Leave and never contact him again. Did you know it’s not even uncommon that when an abuser reaches a level of violence like choking they oftentimes then go on to eventually murder their victim? DO NOT lose your life for this man. JUST GO.
 

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You're doing the right thing. Get out and NEVER look back. He will do everything in his power to get you back through bribes and manipulation. Do not allow this to happen.
 

incogneato

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Be prepared for him trying to 'win' you back. He will be seemingly remorseful, crying, begging and he will turn the tables on you to make you seem like the bad guy for leaving.

Make sure you don't fall for it, please. I know right now you are thinking it will be easy not to fall for the b.s. but men like that love to be manipulative and they play off your sympathy masterfully.

Be mindful and be careful.
He also has said if I leave he will go looking for me and has threaten to kill himself
 

SimplyShai

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I have about 2,000 saved but no job or anything only unemployment but I want to go to school
That should be enough to get you started, we're the same age too. I would say when you get to ur friend/family member's house apply for some Work From Home/Remote jobs in your area. Keep tryna get that unemployment though until you get a job.

Here are some WFH jobs, Sitel, Sutherland, Sykes, 24/7 Intouch, Asurion, Concentrix, VRI, Amazon CSR. Look on Indeed for more
 

mymoonmystars

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He also has said if I leave he will go looking for me and has threaten to kill himself

That is the ultimate manipulation tactic in abusive relationships. He's BLUFFING. Do not fall for it.

EDIT:
Don't side eye me, @Desi Ma. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship before? This has actually happened to me.
 
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ShadyHeaux

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If he kills himself that's better for you, shiiiiiit.

Take what you can that's valuable in the house so you can resell later, but don't take anything that will slow you down or stop you from leaving. Apply for FAFSA so you can start school in the Summer or Fall. You can get the Pell Grant and/or loans. Go to a community college for 2 years then transfer to a 4 year (if your career requires it).

You can do it! The future is yours! You're only 21, don't let that BUM hold you back! You can change your life if you really want to sis. Be careful and good luck.
 
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He also has said if I leave he will go looking for me and has threaten to kill himself


When you leave get bear spray, a high voltage taser, and a gun. keep the first two on you at all times, and the latter in an easily accessible location in your home.

As for whether he kills himself, that's not your problem. In fact, it seems like it'd be the solution to many of your poblems
 

Divakim89

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Please leave. You are still young and have plenty time to build your life back up. So glad you made this decision. Please stick with it! So many people don't have this same opportunity. Run for your life and never look back.

I literally just listened to a story today where a young girl didn't leave her abuser, now she is nowhere to be found and the abusive boyfriend lied and said he didn't know where she was. He burnt her alive and desposed of the ashes. They found a tooth and that's the only way they knew it was her. Because he won't speak or be cooperative he is still free.
 
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Pearl Shay

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Anyone who will kill themselves over you will try to kill you, if just to take you with them, so you can't move on. Be careful, too. A relative left while their mate was at work and someone called and asked about stuff being moved out at the house (saw moving trucks). Thankfully, this person wasn't an abuser, but if they had been, they'd have been tipped off. Got to work quick. Never chance, always leave. The risk isn't worth your life. Especially someone like you described is textbook and will absolutely never change.
 

YaMomzB ...

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He also has said if I leave he will go looking for me and has threaten to kill himself

Yeah baby, I can believe that he threatened to take his own life, and that was probably hard to hear. But the only life you should be worried about is your own. If you stay with him, like he wants you to, it will result in him taking yours.

He is trying to bully you into staying with him. fµck him.
 

LazyDaisy

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Be prepared for him trying to 'win' you back. He will be seemingly remorseful, crying, begging and he will turn the tables on you to make you seem like the bad guy for leaving.

Make sure you don't fall for it, please. I know right now you are thinking it will be easy not to fall for the b.s. but men like that love to be manipulative and they play off your sympathy masterfully.

Be mindful and be careful.
This. OP has to be mentally prepared for this. They will go out of their way and say things you've always wanted to hear, make grand gestures, overextend themselves to win you back, doing everything you never thought he was capable of doing. They'll play the long game too, just to rope you in and make it believable. The moment you buy in and start setting your expectations high and holding him accountable to his promises, word, commitment, etc. he starts to regress until he eventually pulls the rug out from underneath you. When you leave it HAS to be permanent. HAS to be.
 

Carolina_Barbie

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He also has said if I leave he will go looking for me and has threaten to kill himself

OP I’m very proud of you for finding your wait out. If he kills himself as long as he does not take you with him, it’s fine. Good luck and I’ll be sending good vibes your way. You are so very brave
 

JaneFoe

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The most dangerous time for a domestic abuse victim is when they leave. Please make sure you have protections in place and don’t underestimate him.
 

incogneato

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If he kills himself that's better for you, shiiiiiit.

Take what you can that's valuable in the house so you can resell later, but don't take anything that will slow you down or stop you from leaving. Apply for FAFSA so you can start school in the Summer or Fall. You can get the Pell Grant and/or loans. Go to a community college for 2 years then transfer to a 4 year (if your career requires it).

You can do it! The future is yours! You're only 21, don't let that BUM hold you back! You can change your life if you really want to sis. Be careful and good luck.

Yeah let the b!tch die! If he kills himself oh well!! Also if you apply for FASFA the deadline for the summer/fall semester is March 2nd so better hurry.
 

incogneato

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Yeah let the b!tch die! If he kills himself oh well!! Also if you apply for FASFA the deadline for the summer/fall semester is March 2nd so better hurry.

Also OP I’m the same person who posted the comment I’m quoting, DO NOT LET THAT MAN DRAG YOU BACK!!!! That’s what my momma did and she wasted literally ten years on that POC before she finally left!!! Don’t be like that your only 21 leave and never come back.
 
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Anyone who will kill themselves over you will try to kill you, if just to take you with them, so you can't move on. Be careful, too. A relative left while their mate was at work and someone called and asked about stuff being moved out at the house (saw moving trucks). Thankfully, this person wasn't an abuser, but if they had been, they'd have been tipped off. Got to work quick. Never chance, always leave. The risk isn't worth your life. Especially someone like you described is textbook and will absolutely never change.
This right here is the truth! They will even try to kill themselves to get you to feel sorry or guilty so you can come back to them! I know this from experience. Go and don't turn back no matter what. I'm proud that you, sis. I'm sending all my love and positive energy your way.
 

sunburnt

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Good luck OP. That man will kill you before he kills himself. Trust that. Take this chance and GO.
Please give us an update once you are safe.
 

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