Girl, Lot’s wife was too salty when she saw she couldn’t go backJesus inviting the disciples to dinner and reading them at the table is hilarious to me.
Also, I don't know why, but Lott's wife literally being turned to a pillar of salt for looking back. I don't know if it was literally for looking back, or a metaphor of wanting to go back, but I remember being like "wow that is extreme"
Hello Everyone, LongtimeLurkster of this thread, thought I'd share my take on the first few chapters of Esther.
Queen Esther, Mordecai and Haman
Haman was a little too full of himself wnen the King promoted him to be his Right hand man because he threw a fit when Esther's uncle Mordecai wouldn't bow to him when he entered the King's gate...
Haman was like, Everyone should know how fly I am...
Mordecai was like...
Whatever dude you ain't nobody...I'm just here outside the palace to make sure my niece straight gone wit that.
Haman was like
He was so Brazen he was tellin his peeps that if Mordecai won't bow to me I'm going to make the King that favors me so much kill him and his people.
Mordecai overheard the Hater Haman planning to kill him and all the Jews so he had to let his Niece the Queen know what this fool was planning, he told one of the eunuchs to make haste with this news...
When Esther was told about what Haman was going to do she sent word back like...
She's thinking to herself, there's rules to this I just was there. I'll have to wait months until my rotation comes up to see the King
You know this a harem right Unc?
He sent word back to her like dont think you're going to stay alive cause You the Queen...we both know what we are...so
So Esther was like cool, she sent a message back to him to Hootie whoooo the Prayer Warriors
And let them know to fast and pray because we Need GOD'S direction
After the 3 day fast Queen Esther dressed up like she was having company
So the King wouldn't kill her for not waiting her turn to see him.
She was looking so good he hurried up and told her...
Bring yo fine self over here....
So tell me Ya Pretty Young Thang...what is it that you want.
She says...
and Haman you come too
So they're at the 1st party and the King says to Esther you still haven't told me what you want...I'm the King and You're my Queen, You my favorite so you know...
She was like if it's okay I want another party and tell Haman to come and then I'll tell You what I really want.
Haman is still Happy thinking that he's has the favor of the King and Queen, getting invited to both parties and still plotting to kill Mordecai, .little does he know.....
GOD was preparing the table in the midst of their enemy
In the middle of the night the King is up reading historical books cause there's no streaming services and he reads that Mordecai was the person that saved him from 2 officers that were planning to kill him way back in the day and he never ever rewarded him.
The next morning the King's right hand man Haman came in and the King asked him , What should I do for a man that I want to honor?
Haman in all his narcissism thought he was talking about him so he thought of the grandest gestures to reward him self with....
to be continued
Not you possibly making me revert and tickling my spirit after a shxtty day and reevaluating my writing dreams with this hilarious ass, no holds barred rendition of biblical beeeeefLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL My gma yelped when I told her the Bible was so juicy. Thinking of it as a soap opera helped me read it as a teen.
The funniest for me is when some scammers were acting like disciples, trying to cast out demons, and one of the demons was hip and whooped all 7 of their asses.
Scammers:
Demon:
Scammers:
Demon:
They ran out that place 'naked and wounded'
The fact that the demon was out there doing the Lord's work....ch
It is literal and allegorical. She was turned into a pillar of salt. For us, the lesson is when God delivers us from a deep sinful place, moving forward is part of our praise and thanksgiving for the rescue! When we return to old thought patterns, ways of being, places, people and situations that were sinful, we do so to our own destruction.Jesus inviting the disciples to dinner and reading them at the table is hilarious to me.
Also, I don't know why, but Lott's wife literally being turned to a pillar of salt for looking back. I don't know if it was literally for looking back, or a metaphor of wanting to go back, but I remember being like "wow that is extreme"
Loved reading your overview and laughing at the podcasts part of imagining the scribes and pharisees having stashes of gold coins and the flyest stone built homes money could buy and all up in Mary's business....smh.Your overview of Esther is very well done @C Me Fa Me. Imagining Xerxes watching Netflix delighted me.
It was really great exigesis actually. You should lead Bible study. We need more people with humor in leadership.Loved reading your overview and laughing at the podcasts part of imagining the scribes and pharisees having stashes of gold coins and the flyest stone built homes money could buy and all up in Mary's business....smh.
You shole right @Nana Peazant ain't nothing changed.
It was really great exigesis actually. You should lead Bible study. We need more people with humor in leadership.
Luke was a doctor. Matthew was a tax collector. For some reason people think the disciples were homeless poor men. Some of them were quite wealthy and had money which is why they were always scouting other people's pockets in many of the parables. Really the whole book of Luke is him telling his rich friends to follow Jesus and give up those ends.
Since you have a new Bible, you may want to challenge yourself to read the Bible in 90 days. Over time you'll develop a shorthand on all books of the Bible, the author, the audience and the purpose.Looks up exigesis
I've never read the whole book of Luke. I just bought a study Bible so I will definitely have to read and study the whole book when it arrives.
Yep. Jesus was like my time has not yet come woman. Mary didn't even answer him. She knew he would do what she said that's why she looked at the servants and told them to do whatever he asks of you. She was like nope. You going to honor your mother and father todayI don’t know if anyone mentioned this one but it was when Jesus and Mary were at the wedding and the wine finished and Mary told Jesus to make more wine and Jesus was like it was time for me to start my miracles and Mary’s answer was like“DO WHATEVER HE TELLS YOU TO DO” Mary was savage
John 2:1-11
Then they told him they hid because they were naked. He was like "who told you that you were naked?" I mean really God? You already knew what was up. He was like the parent that be like "just tell the truth and I won't beat you"In Genesis when God was walking through the garden of Eden looking for Adam and Eve talking about "where are you?"
Now God, you know you knew where those folks were. The exact bush.
It's like when you ask someone a question knowing they finna lie
And he loved to call her woman. He was like woman I was about my father's business she couldn't say anything ♀️Random, but I always laugh thinking about how annoying Jesus could've been as a kid.
Like when he disappeared and Mary found him and said
"WHERE WERE YOU! YOU MADE YOUR FATHER (Joseph) AND I WORRIED!"
And young Jesus was like "Ummm...I was in my (real) Father's house, you should've known this"
LolI also always think about the side-eyes Mary must've got when she told people she was pregnant by God. You know the old ladies in that village were lookin at her like...
Old post I know. But we are just like them!This one isn't that funny but for some reason it makes me laugh every time I read it. In Acts 1:1-11, Jesus returns after the Crucifixion and tells the Disciples about the coming of the Holy Spirit (Pentecost).
So he's discussing with them
and the Disciples say, "Yeah yeah that's cool power of the spirit and all but when are you going to restore Jerusalem?" (verse 6)
And Jesus is so disappointed in them checking his calendar that he ascends straight into Heaven
He sends two angels to explain things to them. And you could tell the angels didn't even want to be bothered and minister to the Disciples on some
You know he's coming back right?!?! (verse 11)
The Disciples went through that whole experience of being with Jesus and ministering to people and STILL didn't realize that Jesus himself went and tore the veil in the Holy Tabernacle (Zion). That was the restoration of Israel (Jerusalem) to God.
The disciples still wanted a brand new Jerusalem with updated buildings, public transportation with wifi and walkable streets.
After all His lessons they were still focused on material goods and not things of the spirit. We are just like them.
Even when I read that I was like I know you God and all but honor thy mother lol!Jesus calling his mother “woman!”
Paul writing hate mail to the Corinthians telling them they’re not too clever or physically fit so that’s why God chose them. Catch the shade:
View attachment 3986150
How can one compilation of books be so full wisdom, comfort, shade and entertainment? Whew
Paul said: “cos you’re not that cute and your hair is uneven; you look dusty…”
The Bible is a cautionary tale for baby mama drama and men will still think the Bible supports them having multiple wives and baby mamas. Every horrible event on earth in the Bible can be traced back to baby mama drama.
And the same sh!t with Sarah. Told her she was going to have a child at like 99“When the angel came to her, he said, “Rejoice, favored one! The Lord is with you!” She was confused by these words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be.”
Luke 1:28-29 CEB
Mary was looking at the angel like what are you talking about
John made it known THREE times that he was faster than Peter when they ran to see Jesus in the tomb. I always knew he was petty for calling himself the disciple Jesus loved, but this right here took me out.
John 20:3-8
So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. 4 Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first.5 He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. 6 Then Simon Peter came along behind him and went straight into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, 7 as well as the cloth that had been wrapped around Jesus’ head. The cloth was still lying in its place, separate from the linen.8 Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed.
John was one some “whoever gets there first loves Jesus the most” stuff lol