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LSA, at what age did you realize you want to start a family of your own?

incogneato

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I am in my early 30s and realizing how everyone is getting older, starting their families around me, and my immediate family is resistant to change.

Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting to distance myself and move out of state, but I have siblings near 40 still co dependent on our mother who is 70 still spending Christmas opening gifts like we are children. One has no family of his own and doesn't want one so it works for them but not me.

Doing the same thing with everyone passing away or over 40 that have moved on with their lives and we are kind of like sitting ducks in the family.

I am ready to brach out and move away, I also think being reliant on elders in the family and not starting your own is unhealthy so I have started distancing myself in hopes of marrying within the next couple of years and having children.

My mom and some of my siblings guilt trip me for it like not spending holidays or wanting to go out with them like back when we were children is a crime. This serves only her to me.

I don't want to be alone when my parents pass and I feel like they should be respectful of my decision to seek companionship and having a family I can call my own. One of my siblings left a long time ago in her 20s and made a disaster of her life, I am mature enough to leave the nest and make better decisions in spouses and who to have kids with.

Going off the trail is seen as unnecessary in my family which is a little toxic imo.

Have any of you experienced this? What age did you distance from your own family to start your own?
 

Consequence2015

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Like 10 or 11 and I cry for that little girl that was me sometimes. I wanted my own family that young because I felt unloved and unwanted by my own; mainly my mom.

sometimes it affects children in more bad ways than good when you just uproot them from their home and move hundreds of miles away from your family.
 

BoujeeBae

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At 22, right after I graduated and got a job. I knew right away that I needed my own family.

I officially left home when I turned 19. I've always been an independent person. I adore my family but I cherish my own private space.
 

JasminaRege

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I've known I want a family my whole life.

I don't know if this question is random but did you grow up in a traditional family unit? With a present father and married parents? I think people who haven't grown up like that have this confusion and don't really see a family unit in the normal way, that's why your grown relatives think they own you like that.

You're not wrong in wanting what you want, find the right person and build the family that you want.
 

Roxie Hart

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I can remember very clearly from the age of 16 - I’m still striving for that now in my early/mid 20’s equipped with ALL the fertility information I read when I was a teenager, it’s one of the reasons I want to finish having children before 31.
 

LANEZ

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Early 20’s, I didn’t want kids at all before that, I was dead set on that
 

Retired

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I was a toddler and I had my first daughter’s name picked out. I couldn’t have been older than 4.
 

Ports and Slims

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Op, why do you feel you have to distance yourself from your family to start your own? Are they abusive/unhealthy in some way? Your post does reference that so I'm just curious.

I have my own family but extremely close to my immediate family as well. We're a village but I never thought about when I would have a family of my own. Marriage and kids just happened for me but nothing I was looking for or planned out. However, I couldn't imagine leaving to make my own family and leaving my parents and siblings in the past.

I do know someone who did that with his family and neither him nor his wife talk to their family. That's weird to me but Idk their dynamic. Maybe they both come from abusive homes idk
 

Sxcam

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I was 17.
I started picturing myself being older with a white picket fence, a husband, and a whole litter of kids! I had never wanted children before then, (or at least not biological) but the older I get, the more I feel it's entwined with my ideals of womanhood.
 

callmeshelle

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Im 26. I always knew I wanted my own family and I thought Id be married by 28 and have my first child. After my first couple of failed relationships, I was on my get money and wanted to be the single, successful auntie.
I am LDR with my fiance but he’ll be here within the next month. My ovaries are screaming. I want to replaced the void from losing my dad but its just unrealistic right now since im still in nursing school and handling all his business affairs and fiance wants us to have time to enjoy each other as a couple before having a baby. I think Ill be ready in 2-3 years. Im ready for the next phase of my life. My mom is always screaming about grandbabies anyway lol
 

incogneato

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For those who have asked, I'm the op and don't plan on cutting my family off, I just know I would like to live in another state not my hometown.

My childhood wasn't abusive we were very close, both parents were in the home but their relationship was toxic and they were not married.

Family and marriage is not valued in my family. Marriages often don't end well, or the women in my family pick losers and end up as single mothers.

I want children more than anything but want a stable family unit. My mom and siblings don't care for it or are tainted by it.

They don't see the benefit. I felt the same way until I got older and watched parents leeching off their kids, lonely, and dying alone.

I have siblings who still want to celebrate holidays together and have sleepovers and I don't think its healty. They are almost 40 and men. It's weird. I just don't want that for myself.
 

HazelReader

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Around 4-5-ish. I've always wanted to be a mom. Treated my dolls like real babies. At 5 I was "breastfeeding" my dolls. :LOL: I also had names picked out.
 

MuffyCrosswire

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In my early 20s. Now I am not sure I want kids, at least not those I give birth to. I have a great fear of something being wrong with them mentally or physically. I also have a fear of a baby ruining my body. I think I might adopt in my late 30s or marry an older man with money who has kids already.

My family is very close most of the men do not have kids, the women did and were still around my grandmother a lot along with us grandkids. I never feel like I am trapped despite how close we are. They know when I am ready to go I will go.
 

Secrettech25

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29. Up until then I really just wanted to be the rich aunt with a high-rise condo who traveled and then I met my bf and something about him just makes me want a family. Were talking about marriage and I just knew he was the one when the thought of having a family didn't make me wanna throw up like guys in my past.
 

incogneato

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At 22. I love creating memories & traditions during the holidays & my family really doesn’t care. I asked my siblings if they were gonna dye eggs for Easter & they all said no. I told them that they could bring their kids over to my house so I could dye eggs with them since it was something I LOVED to do as a child. They didn’t bring their kids over... Then our grandma’s church was having an Easter egg hunt. Our grandma passed away a couple of months ago & since then my grandma’s siblings have been wanting to keep my niece & spend time with her since she spent a lot of time with my grandma & she’s taking the death hard (she’s 5). They hyped my niece up about an Easter egg hunt. Even gave her a bunch of dresses that she can wear on Sunday if she wants to go to church with them. My niece was so excited & kept talking about how pretty she was gonna look in her dress. My sister got drunk the night before Easter, slept in, & they missed the Easter egg hunt. My niece was so bummed out that she didn’t get to go. My feelings were hurt for her. Then all of my siblings made their kids Easter baskets the day of Easter. Everything was gone at the point. It just made me want to do better for my future children. Not just Easter though. Halloween, Christmas, Groundhog Day, MLK jr Day, Lego Day, black history month etc. I’m doing the most for my kids.
 

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