GreenOwl
General Manager
I've been seeing a lot of threads were women said that they were the placeholder in their relationship. I'm trying to see are any men willing to admit that they used a woman for a placeholder.
Probably just access to a woman for xes, relationship perks a lot of women do for their man, and ego. A woman that will do until the one they want comes a long.I’m wanna know to like what is the point
I’m wanna know to like what is the point
Thanks for sharing your story.Nope, for me it was the other way around. I wasn't ugly but I also wasn't the most handsome. I wasn't swagged out and my personality is kind of boring. I am just a regular/degular dude that's a homebody...Nothing more...nothing less. Even if I could afford more access to women. I wouldn't treat nobody like that cause I know how it feel.
Your honesty and self awareness is admirable.Nope, for me it was the other way around. I wasn't ugly but I also wasn't the most handsome. I wasn't swagged out and my personality is kind of boring. I am just a regular/degular dude that's a homebody...Nothing more...nothing less. Even if I could afford more access to women. I wouldn't treat nobody like that cause I know how it feel.
Probably just access to a woman for xes, relationship perks a lot of women do for their man, and ego. A woman that will do until the one they want comes a long.
But I’ll sit and see if any enlighten us about their reasons.
Not intentionally. I believe its way more complicated than some of the naive fonts here seem to portray it.
I mainly dated with the intention of getting married, so it makes sense that every woman I dated, I initially thought she had the potential of being the one, but we all know that even if we are intentional daters, the overwhelming number of dating relationships dont transition to marriage.
So what happens? More often than not, during the vetting dating process, I either decided that she wasn't the one, or I might have periods of doubt but still wanted to give it more time, to see if I would change my mind back rather than just saying it out loud, hurting the woman, killing the relationship.
For the times when I was convinced she wasn't the one, I would suck it up and end the relationship....often times she was hurt and a little drama ensued.
For the times when I was in doubt but not convinced one way or the other, some might consider that a placeholder....but I really didn't. I considered it still wanting to give the relationship a chance.
I have never intentionally dated someone knowing there was absolutely no chance of them being the one while waiting on someone else.
When relationships ended, it was usually because of me and the specific person, not that someone else better came along causing me to end things. Also, I didn't date casually.
I disagree.People know the difference between a regular failed relationship and being a placeholder. I'd even go as far to say most people don't know or think that they are a placeholder.
It can be when people do things like not invite a significant other to family get togethers or say they don't believe in marriage. Basically, you're not getting the full relationship experience even though this person is happy to call you their gf or bf.
It's like a step up from being in a situationship but not as satisfying as a regular relationship because one party is intentionally holding back and not giving their all.
That's the difference between questioning whether someone is right for you and it not working out vs never allowing yourself to fully engage with a relationship. When you question people/relationships, you usually give it your all before realising it's not a good fit.
To me communication is the ultimate test of whether someone was being used as a placeholder. When you THINK it’s time to break things off, communicate that to your partner so everyone’s on the same page. When you KNOW, break it off so everyone’s on the same page.One additional thought. Some people seem to mistake a person changing their mind as treating them like a placeholder.
Facts are most people, men or women date way more people than they marry.
I guess the question is how soon do you break up after you get the feeling they weren't the one/. if you do it too soon, then you could be characterized as not giving the relationship a chance and being too cruel.
if you try and give it a chance to recover, you may be labeled as treating someone like a placeholder.
I don't think its right to instantly tell your partner while you are figuring it out. that by definition will most likely kill the relationship without even giving it a chance to recover.
I guess failed relationships can appear a number of different ways mostly because people get hurt.
I disagree.
I think some people are not emotionally intelligent and when they get hurt, they default into victim hood instead of trying to see things from the other perspective..
we can agree to disagree on that..I see evidence of that on here every single day, multiple times a day.
I agree and I thought that was clear and obvious in my earlier statements.To me communication is the ultimate test of whether someone was being used as a placeholder. When you THINK it’s time to break things off, communicate that to your partner so everyone’s on the same page. When you KNOW, break it off so everyone’s on the same page.
I've been seeing a lot of threads were women said that they were the placeholder in their relationship. I'm trying to see are any men willing to admit that they used a woman for a placeholder.
Not intentionally. I believe its way more complicated than some of the naive fonts here seem to portray it.
So what happens? More often than not, during the vetting dating process, I either decided that she wasn't the one, or I might have periods of doubt but still wanted to give it more time, to see if I would change my mind back rather than just saying it out loud, hurting the woman, killing the relationship.
For the times when I was convinced she wasn't the one, I would suck it up and end the relationship....often times she was hurt and a little drama ensued.
for me, maybe a few weeks or a month at most...if I couldn't figure it out by then, I would consider the relationship dead....And how long does this vetting / dating process last…3-6 months or 3-6 years?