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Men wanting to know how much you make?

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I'd say it's hypocritical if you don't subscribe to the idea traditional/biological gender roles, and it's not if you do. Tbh, asking how much money someone makes just like that, specially in the first few dates, just feels a bit gauche for me no matter the gender and it probably means the person is just looking for a bag... Nobody likes to feel like a goods and services provider when looking for love and companionship. On the other hand, I'm not American and the last time I went on a first date was about half a decade ago when I was 23 so maybe I'm the one that's out of touch, lol.
 

tt00

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You read my mind. As a Black woman who dates Black men I also had to just ask myself if it’s a Black thing because I am running into this a lot as well.

I feel like if you’re educated or have a skill or trade, a roof over your head, clothes on your back, you’re put together and have money for leisure a man should not need to poke and prode you about how much you make. It’s competitive and tacky.

It is , I have had plenty of dates with other men who could give two ish on what I do
Problem is that too many of men in our community be trying to come up off black women that is why you should be vague as hell with them to vet them properly
 

Ezra Miller

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I haven't experienced it, but I have had some guys either perk up when I say I'm a chemist or become a little sarcastic, harping on my intelligence.

And no, I have never dated a dummy guy.
 

hankertron

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Dude, what the fµck are you talking about? Lol! If a man was truly looking to be the head of household, he would never have to ask a woman how much she makes. Because, as man of the household you have a job to provide for yourself and your family. A man that has to ask a woman that is looking to be a kept man. I take that back; not a kept man, a kept b!tch.
You miss the number one point concerning the BW: she worships money. She loves money much more than honey. She’s been toxified by the insatiable desire for cash. She is not wife worthy. Most BW with a lot of money are hopeless to bond with.
 

hankertron

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It is , I have had plenty of dates with other men who could give two ish on what I do
Problem is that too many of men in our community be trying to come up off black women that is why you should be vague as hell with them to vet them properly
The BM is suppose to be the leader of the family, period. Like I said elsewhere you prioritize you not tight, loving relationships. So it’s both ways we have the problem. BW who prioritize money are not good candidates for a wife. Just girlfriend.
 

Crookdtikcok

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You miss the number one point concerning the BW: she worships money. She loves money much more than honey. She’s been toxified by the insatiable desire for cash. She is not wife worthy. Most BW with a lot of money are hopeless to bond with.
And you are clearly delusional and anti-black (if you are for creating lies and seeing the worst of your people and counterpart, you are anti black; not for discussion). Nobody “worships” money but we focus on what it can provide, which is security, protection, and stability. Which is something everybody wants. Please do better and stop using black woman as a scapegoat for why you can’t/ won’t provide for yourself and your community.
 

hankertron

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And you are clearly delusional and anti-black (if you are for creating lies and seeing the worst of your people and counterpart, you are anti black; not for discussion). Nobody “worships” money but we focus on what it can provide, which is security, protection, and stability. Which is something everybody wants. Please do better and stop using black woman as a scapegoat for why you can’t/ won’t provide for yourself and your community.
You can’t fool me. You admitted my point. You did not say the man is number one. Again many BW, especially the ones with significant cash do not love or prioritize the
BM. They worship the golden calf.

As for me I am a husband and father for over 40 years. Three grown children and until this day I pay the bills. BM now know the deal.
 

dixonpratt

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I usually get men who try to tell me all about themselves and never ask about me.

They brag about what they have going on and have no idea that none of it is impressive to me.

One guy was so shocked I hadn't been to a certain restaurant. He thought he was going to take me there and show me something. I said I haven't been, because I have no interest in going. It's not my scene.
 

hankertron

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I usually get men who try to tell me all about themselves and never ask about me.

They brag about what they have going on and have no idea that none of it is impressive to me.

One guy was so shocked I hadn't been to a certain restaurant. He thought he was going to take me there and show me something. I said I haven't been, because I have no interest in going. It's not my scene.
Your attitude does not seem that positive. Some humility can have positive benefits at times.
 

Crookdtikcok

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You can’t fool me. You admitted my point. You did not say the man is number one. Again many BW, especially the ones with significant cash do not love or prioritize the
BM. They worship the golden calf.

As for me I am a husband and father for over 40 years. Three grown children and until this day I pay the bills. BM now know the deal.
This is my last response to you because you have proven my point and you obviously don’t remember what you were talking about. Any person that is a provider, provides security, and stability is head of household; this in today’s time requires money. Dates and relationships are a way of weeding out undesirable and or unreliable type of men. So, if he can’t pay for a date that he asked a woman on, that is a sign. No woman should be entangled with a man who cannot provide, protect or respect her. Clearly, you and your “wife” know this because as you have stated, you pay the bills; which means on some level you have provided. And again if you are going to bad mouth black women, then you might as well do it to all races of women. No woman with any worth or sense is going to lay up with a man and purposely end up a welfare/food stamp case. This is not Disney or a stereotypical black bashing movie. Also, just to clarify, if the man is not providing, protecting, and providing security, he is not upholding his role and therefore should not be first. Contributors are first.
 

petitefille

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I just said this in another thread, so I’ll repeat the key point here:

I think a guy who has his stuff together won’t be asking about what you do too deeply and won’t care how much you make. Men who are overly concerned with what you do and how much you make probably aren’t on your level.

A lot of men, even some who have “good jobs,” are looking for a woman who is going to elevate their own standard of living. They’re looking for someone who they can go halfsies with so they can have a nicer apartment and live a nicer lifestyle. Yeesh. Run away fast from that type of man.
 

hankertron

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This is my last response to you because you have proven my point and you obviously don’t remember what you were talking about. Any person that is a provider, provides security, and stability is head of household; this in today’s time requires money. Dates and relationships are a way of weeding out undesirable and or unreliable type of men. So, if he can’t pay for a date that he asked a woman on, that is a sign. No woman should be entangled with a man who cannot provide, protect or respect her. Clearly, you and your “wife” know this because as you have stated, you pay the bills; which means on some level you have provided. And again if you are going to bad mouth black women, then you might as well do it to all races of women. No woman with any worth or sense is going to lay up with a man and purposely end up a welfare/food stamp case. This is not Disney or a stereotypical black bashing movie. Also, just to clarify, if the man is not providing, protecting, and providing security, he is not upholding his role and therefore should not be first. Contributors are first.

Carry on. You do disrespect BM and that’s your choice. It’s not going to work out for the BC, thinking you can rightfully take the place of the BM.
 

cherrypop

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i think the real truth is that men want to be the ones earning the most and have the better job titles. a woman with a better job is threatening to them and they would rather just cut out a successful woman from the start because for these kinds of men their ego is more important than a genuine relationship with a woman

there are other men who expect to live off the woman the date, she will of course cook/clean/give him xes because thats what a gf does, he will never give her a ring and when you ask him about his job he will say 'im looking the job market is rough but im doing my best' but he will refuse a job offer from walmart because 'its beneath me'
 

PrincessOfMiami

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I wouldn't trust any man that's pursing me asking how much I make. He's definitely gonna try to ask for money
 

hankertron

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You
i think the real truth is that men want to be the ones earning the most and have the better job titles. a woman with a better job is threatening to them and they would rather just cut out a successful woman from the start because for these kinds of men their ego is more important than a genuine relationship with a woman

there are other men who expect to live off the woman the date, she will of course cook/clean/give him xes because thats what a gf does, he will never give her a ring and when you ask him about his job he will say 'im looking the job market is rough but im doing my best' but he will refuse a job offer from walmart because 'its beneath me'
You are making valid points. It can be a real problem for BM but it need not be. It depends on the couple. What do you want out of marriage? A so called partnership? That’s not a marriage union. The man MUST be seen as the leader. Also the man cannot be intimidated or dominate the
women because she makes a lot of money or no money.

BW are very assertive. A BW with money may be impossible to deal with.
 

Delebe

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I’ve met some of those...I remember being grilled about my credit score and finances and I shut that right down. Mind your business. Also telling me what you make or about your finances doesn’t automatically entitle you to hearing about my personal business.
 

incogneato

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OP, I think it is a turn-off. BE CAREFUL and maybe start to walk to the hills when a man does this. You can tell if the intention is good vs. to be nosey, a hobosexual, a loser trying to put you in your place.

I have a non-traditional story. I graduated high school 2011, went straight to college that fall. Did my first year. Hated my school and program, dealt with severe mental health issues and could not continue. I moved away for a bit to get rid of my abusive family, then came back. I ended up finishing up at that school but it was miserable so I didn't graduate undergrad until I was 26.

I ended up landing an obscure job in Copywriting. I had no idea what a copywriter technically was until someone broke it down to me and because I had the skill but didn't know what it was called, I ended up applying for jobs that I was under qualified for but had the range and talent to execute.
So after a year of graduating without a job in my field (which I am still working towards), I landed a job at a company that paid me 89k a year and gave me a relocation package. I was 27 by this time. For reference, I was in 50k worth of student debt.

I ended up dating around for the first time in my life and I was a late bloomer. I had rules and desires but I also wanted fun like any other young person.

I met a guy who seemed pretty cool, he was really attractive and he was just good energy. But he kept sneakily asking me how much money I made....
The conversation would always come back to that...

He made much more money than me and I knew he did because of what his job was. Without going into too much detail, he worked in entertainment. He was maybe 2 years older than me at the time.

He started to get a bit weird and ask why I didn't pay for certain things because he knew I "Had my own". I cut him off QUICKLY. He went on Glassdoor to check my salary, and I didn't even give him the real company I worked at but he found out through a mutual friend.

Once he saw I was disgusted, eh tried to apologize and text me all this nonsense. I said no thanks because you're not going to disrespect me like that.

What is me making 89,000 (Which I was very grateful for considering that is a salary most people will never see and I happened to get VERY lucky) to you making 80k an episode in a 10 episode per season run?


I am now making 95k elsewhere but I refuse to engage in this. It doesn't matter if I was making 30,000 either. I don't think a man should be asking such a question unless the desire is to provide for you and to see how you can make a life together, not to take anything from you or assume. This dude didn't know that I was actually sending most of my money to my grandma so we can get her home paid-off because that was MY dream. So I wasn't paying no funky ass money on a date to French Laundry. Your dumbass took me there and invited me so I am not paying.


Basically sorry for the rant but please don't entertain men like this. There is a difference between genuine curiosity and a loser looking to leech or belittle you. It doesn't matter if you are collecting unemployment, making less than 30k either. Have standards and believe in yourself. If we ask men how much they make, they'll be crying about how we are gold diggers.

Smh . Good luck girl.
 

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