Quantcast

Moneyist: My boyfriend inherited a home and $700K. He pays me $500 monthly rent. Should I ask him for $86K to pay off my condo?

enchanted

Fall is Beautiful
OLDHEAD
Joined
Feb 10, 2006
Messages
88,076
Reaction score
Reactions
345,871 13,202 10,053
377,406
Alleybux
2

My boyfriend inherited a home and $700K. He pays me $500 monthly rent. Should I ask him for $86K to pay off my condo?


1621279750734.png


Dear Quentin,

I have lived with my boyfriend in my home for over 20 years. We never married, and I have three siblings. I also own another condo in the Caribbean, which I paid for myself.

My boyfriend inherited a home from his dad in the South and a large sum of money, just over $700,000. We just got back from this inherited home. He is still deciding if he/we should keep it.

I owe $86,000 on my current home, and my boyfriend pays me $500 a month rent and he pays the electric and cable bill. We also mutually share groceries. I appreciate all his financial help.


‘His ex-wife will get half of his pension and Social Security in Connecticut. I will not receive that as we were never married.’ —

I am 65 and get a monthly pension of $800 and receive $1,800 Social Security every month.Together, we own three condos. I have no savings, and own two properties.

He is divorced with six adult grown children. I have only met two of his children out of the six. For some reason, he does not want to get involved with their cookouts and parties etc.


He is close with his children, and speaks to his ex-wife on the holidays as needed about any of the children and grandchildren. We always travel alone. His children never travel with us.

His ex-wife will get half of his pension and Social Security in Connecticut. I will not receive that as we were never married. What should I do financially to secure my future?

Should I ask him to pay off my condo balance of $86,000, and promise to leave the condo to him rather than my siblings in my will?

He does not want to get married, for some reason; he was married once and he said he does not want to do it again.


The Girlfriend





Dear Girlfriend,

Your offer assumes that you will predecease your boyfriend, and that is not a given. If you do not die before he does, he is essentially giving you $86,000 because (a) partners should help each other out, (b) he has newfound wealth and he should spread it around, and/or (c) it’s not fair that he should have all of this dough landing in his bank account when you have had to scrimp and save all of these years. It has a faint ring of that school-days refrain, “If you give me one of your sweets, I’ll be your best friend.” In this case, you already are his best friend. So there’s no upside there.

You have been together for 20 years and you never married. The reason for that may be at least partly related to your respective financial affairs. Your boyfriend has a lot of financial responsibilities, one home (at least he had one home before his latest windfall), children, and an ex-wife, while you have two homes, and are free of your partner’s other financial burdens. He also pays you $500 rent every month, which was obviously a convenient arrangement for both of you. But it seems late in the day to draw a line connecting his financial future, that of his ex-wife’s and your own.

Sometimes, it’s good to ask for help. People often want to help, and it’s a privilege to help out a loved one. But to ask him for a chunk of his inheritance to pay off your home, especially when you have another condo in the Caribbean that you could sell, seems bad timing at best, and opportunistic at worst, which brings us back to the “I’ll be your best friend” sentiment. You are effectively asking your boyfriend for something with nothing in return.
By not marrying, you have kept your finances separate. You have gotten this far on your own. There is a lot to be said for that.
 

anaisnin

Semi-Retired, Still Messy
Joined
Dec 27, 2013
Messages
30,548
Reaction score
Reactions
259,431 4,842 1,260
290,383
Alleybux
9,500
No one should live together that long without having certain terms in writing. You don’t have to get married but you do have to be financially smart.
 

Bjxxxx

Team Owner
Joined
Feb 26, 2019
Messages
12,249
Reaction score
Reactions
60,856 1,064 802
78,011
Alleybux
0
She knows why. I did not read everything and I saw that she is 65 wow. Could you imagine being like this at this age.

giphy.gif
The more I read, the more L’s I was tabulating up. Sis dropped the bag, big-time and now hopes the make up for some lost time. This is why women should not split their bills 50/50 with men. 500 per month? Really...
 

IMPERIALE

General Manager
Joined
Sep 23, 2016
Messages
2,990
Reaction score
Reactions
17,200 358 21
17,890
Alleybux
1,500
The more I read, the more L’s I was tabulating up. Sis dropped the bag, big-time and now hopes the make up for some lost time. This is why women should not split their bills 50/50 with men. 500 per month? Really...
I never understand that thing when to begging with being a women is more expensive and for the same job we are not earning the same salary why 50/50 . Couldn't be me.
 

SnazzyWAP

Grogu'in on these hoes
Joined
Oct 22, 2020
Messages
1,260
Reaction score
Reactions
12,850 232 17
13,753
Alleybux
254,470
His money. He decides what he wants to do with it. And I say he should keep it to himself, just like that one incident where the woman inherited some money and her husband was mad. Same thing.
 

Bossgal509

Starter
Joined
Mar 2, 2016
Messages
478
Reaction score
Reactions
3,552 74 53
4,592
Alleybux
4,843
I’m really working hard on not judging people but damn lady! WTF! A girlfriend for 20 years. I stopped reading after that. I guess stupidity comes in all ages.
 

This Is

MVP
Joined
Mar 7, 2021
Messages
676
Reaction score
Reactions
5,441 164 309
5,133
Alleybux
7,414
my boyfriend pays me $500 a month rent and he pays the electric and cable bill
That's a roommate.

I am 65 and get a monthly pension of $800 and receive $1,800 Social Security every month.Together, we own three condos. I have no savings, and own two properties.
She's already sitting on assets, and has the nerve to ask him to share his?

I have only met two of his children out of the six.
Because they're only roommates

he was married once and he said he does not want to do it again.
Yet, she thinks asking him to split his inheritance with her is a good idea?
 

bright22

General Manager
Joined
Jun 7, 2013
Messages
4,971
Reaction score
Reactions
42,529 1,530 730
42,420
Alleybux
334,430
She knows why. I did not read everything and I saw that she is 65 wow. Could you imagine being like this at this age.

giphy.gif
This why I hate that saying that older people are wise. Just because someone is old/older doesn't mean they're wise. There's a whole bunch of old ass birds running this earth who are just as dumb in their old age as they were as young women.
 
Last edited:

Missmatchedshoes88

الحُرِّية_لِفلسطين Call it what it is:GENOCIDE
Joined
Feb 6, 2018
Messages
12,411
Reaction score
Reactions
112,637 3,454 1,206
131,817
Alleybux
130,168

My boyfriend inherited a home and $700K. He pays me $500 monthly rent. Should I ask him for $86K to pay off my condo?


View attachment 2560083

Dear Quentin,

I have lived with my boyfriend in my home for over 20 years. We never married, and I have three siblings. I also own another condo in the Caribbean, which I paid for myself.

My boyfriend inherited a home from his dad in the South and a large sum of money, just over $700,000. We just got back from this inherited home. He is still deciding if he/we should keep it.

I owe $86,000 on my current home, and my boyfriend pays me $500 a month rent and he pays the electric and cable bill. We also mutually share groceries. I appreciate all his financial help.



I am 65 and get a monthly pension of $800 and receive $1,800 Social Security every month.Together, we own three condos. I have no savings, and own two properties.

He is divorced with six adult grown children. I have only met two of his children out of the six. For some reason, he does not want to get involved with their cookouts and parties etc.


He is close with his children, and speaks to his ex-wife on the holidays as needed about any of the children and grandchildren. We always travel alone. His children never travel with us.

His ex-wife will get half of his pension and Social Security in Connecticut. I will not receive that as we were never married. What should I do financially to secure my future?

Should I ask him to pay off my condo balance of $86,000, and promise to leave the condo to him rather than my siblings in my will?

He does not want to get married, for some reason; he was married once and he said he does not want to do it again.


The Girlfriend





Dear Girlfriend,

Your offer assumes that you will predecease your boyfriend, and that is not a given. If you do not die before he does, he is essentially giving you $86,000 because (a) partners should help each other out, (b) he has newfound wealth and he should spread it around, and/or (c) it’s not fair that he should have all of this dough landing in his bank account when you have had to scrimp and save all of these years. It has a faint ring of that school-days refrain, “If you give me one of your sweets, I’ll be your best friend.” In this case, you already are his best friend. So there’s no upside there.

You have been together for 20 years and you never married. The reason for that may be at least partly related to your respective financial affairs. Your boyfriend has a lot of financial responsibilities, one home (at least he had one home before his latest windfall), children, and an ex-wife, while you have two homes, and are free of your partner’s other financial burdens. He also pays you $500 rent every month, which was obviously a convenient arrangement for both of you. But it seems late in the day to draw a line connecting his financial future, that of his ex-wife’s and your own.

Sometimes, it’s good to ask for help. People often want to help, and it’s a privilege to help out a loved one. But to ask him for a chunk of his inheritance to pay off your home, especially when you have another condo in the Caribbean that you could sell, seems bad timing at best, and opportunistic at worst, which brings us back to the “I’ll be your best friend” sentiment. You are effectively asking your boyfriend for something with nothing in return.
By not marrying, you have kept your finances separate. You have gotten this far on your own. There is a lot to be said for that.
500 dollars a month? So he is a roomate ..
 

HereNotHere

Starter
Joined
Oct 5, 2019
Messages
196
Reaction score
Reactions
2,863 40 11
3,399
Alleybux
20,310
Together for over 20 years and haven’t had any hope for marriage or being financially secured. Haven’t even met majority of his children. How is anyone okay with settling for that?
 

Nana Peazant

Obeah Woman
Joined
Jun 23, 2010
Messages
57,095
Reaction score
Reactions
548,447 13,176 1,853
603,790
Alleybux
1,198,600
That's a roommate.

Because they're only roommates
The person she calls boyfriend is her tenant. And if she charged him for 20 years of xes work, emotional labor, caregiving, et. al., it would be way more than $700k +120k for housing.

He's getting a steal. He understands this. She doesn't.
 

LuckyHappyGo

General Manager
Joined
Apr 28, 2015
Messages
2,722
Reaction score
Reactions
14,540 367 233
15,519
Alleybux
78,479
She is stupid AF.... 20 years.... 65 now, in 20 years you’ve met only 2 out of 6 children who he is close with..... guuuurrrlllll GTFOH with that ..... lol. Rod and back springs to mind. That bed is made.
 

Bjxxxx

Team Owner
Joined
Feb 26, 2019
Messages
12,249
Reaction score
Reactions
60,856 1,064 802
78,011
Alleybux
0
That's a roommate.


She's already sitting on assets, and has the nerve to ask him to share his?


Because they're only roommates


Yet, she thinks asking him to split his inheritance with her is a good idea?
She feels like she put in time, but honey, that would be a wife. Which is why if you gon do it, make him wife you. His actual first wife, who he is still cordial with will get his Social security and Pension. You have to figure he is older than her, or at least her age. He’s not getting any new jobs so she is just SOL. No savings either...this is just sad no matter how you look at it, then she has the nerve to say “we own 3 houses”.

I hate reading things like this, just because I hate to think there are women who believe they have a “boyfriend”, when they have nothing accessible D, which they pay for.
 

Bjxxxx

Team Owner
Joined
Feb 26, 2019
Messages
12,249
Reaction score
Reactions
60,856 1,064 802
78,011
Alleybux
0
The person she calls boyfriend is her tenant. And if she charged him for 20 years of xes work, emotional labor, caregiving, et. al., it would be way more than $700k +120k for housing.

He's getting a steal. He understands this. She doesn't.
We must be on the same wave length, I just wrote a similar thing.
 

Fleurella

General Manager
Joined
May 18, 2020
Messages
1,934
Reaction score
Reactions
27,799 355 47
31,554
Alleybux
371,597
You have been together for TWENTY years but have only met two of his SIX children? Is she sure he isn’t still playing family with some of their moms?
 

OctoberBlu

The Heiress
Joined
Jul 13, 2009
Messages
11,957
Reaction score
Reactions
73,678 1,863 306
78,051
Alleybux
500
Together they own three properties....she better change that to she owns three properties. She can't sell or rent a property to have income in her old age? Why is she trying to depend on this man, who is not about to share anything with her (hence why he never wanted to marry again)??? The ex wife probably cleaned him out.
 

LuvMissDee

Team Owner
Joined
Jan 8, 2010
Messages
9,832
Reaction score
Reactions
140,955 5,061 2,012
149,834
Alleybux
767,470
Wowww this is crazy she needs to speak up and ask although I assume because of their ages that money will go to his kids. Atleast in the story about wife getting an inheritance she immediately paid off their mortgage.
 

sankofaa__

Team Owner
Joined
Dec 28, 2016
Messages
10,284
Reaction score
Reactions
207,141 2,991 2,018
224,633
Alleybux
50,493
I feel like this is a well-kept secret but white women are truly taking MAJOR financial Ls when it comes to the men that they shack up with. Just today in the women on FIRE facebook group, there was another grown ass woman (51) who'd just gotten married to a man that owed his wife 5k. The whole reason she brought it up was because they have a "joint" account and she wanted to know if the ex-wife's lawyer could go after it. The joint account had $30K that consisted of her 28K and his 2K!!!!!! Like I'm so sorry miss mamas, but that's not a joint account...that's YOUR account.

And all of the idiot white women were in the comments like "that's HIS money now" and "he's your husband so you should just pay the ex-wife's lawyer"(!!!!!!) and other stupidity. Sadly she closed the comment section before I could hop in there and tell her ass to take back her 28K, get a post-nup, and keep all finances separate from her bum ass husband.

People love to bring up Black women making relationship mistakes but I am truly shocked at how these white women end up losing thousands if not more because they think "love is love" and "what's mine is his"...only to get played like a fool in the end. What's yours is YOURS and what's his is also YOURS, not the other way around goofy!

Anyway good luck to this lady, she's old enough to know better. Chicks in their 20s could finesse better than this smh.
 

driveinsaturday

Team Owner
Joined
Jan 9, 2017
Messages
7,131
Reaction score
Reactions
88,105 1,446 1,126
92,489
Alleybux
442,137
The person she calls boyfriend is her tenant. And if she charged him for 20 years of xes work, emotional labor, caregiving, et. al., it would be way more than $700k +120k for housing.

He's getting a steal. He understands this. She doesn't.

Yup.

You have been together for TWENTY years but have only met two of his SIX children? Is she sure he isn’t still playing family with some of their moms?

I'm sure.

Wow! She's trying to switch up the game 20 years in now that she finally understands that he has money (which I'm sure he's always had and never shared with her) when she's already made it clear she will accept the least. It won't work. Sad to see!
 

Nana Peazant

Obeah Woman
Joined
Jun 23, 2010
Messages
57,095
Reaction score
Reactions
548,447 13,176 1,853
603,790
Alleybux
1,198,600
Some women will do anything for men, even ride their selves to poverty
As she moves to her next life stage, her feminist consciousness is breaking through. Instinctively she knows he should give her some of the money but she doesn't have the language to say it.
 

Nana Peazant

Obeah Woman
Joined
Jun 23, 2010
Messages
57,095
Reaction score
Reactions
548,447 13,176 1,853
603,790
Alleybux
1,198,600
I feel like this is a well-kept secret but white women are truly taking MAJOR financial Ls when it comes to the men that they shack up with. Just today in the women on FIRE facebook group, there was another grown ass woman (51) who'd just gotten married to a man that owed his wife 5k. The whole reason she brought it up was because they have a "joint" account and she wanted to know if the ex-wife's lawyer could go after it. The joint account had $30K that consisted of her 28K and his 2K!!!!!! Like I'm so sorry miss mamas, but that's not a joint account...that's YOUR account.

And all of the idiot white women were in the comments like "that's HIS money now" and "he's your husband so you should just pay the ex-wife's lawyer"(!!!!!!) and other stupidity. Sadly she closed the comment section before I could hop in there and tell her ass to take back her 28K, get a post-nup, and keep all finances separate from her bum ass husband.

People love to bring up Black women making relationship mistakes but I am truly shocked at how these white women end up losing thousands if not more because they think "love is love" and "what's mine is his"...only to get played like a fool in the end. What's yours is YOURS and what's his is also YOURS, not the other way around goofy!

Anyway good luck to this lady, she's old enough to know better. Chicks in their 20s could finesse better than this smh.
Of course white women get pimped in relationships and marriage. They have generational wealth from slavery and white privilege to fall back on when patriarchies imprison them.

Black girls and women don't have that. So I concern myself with us.
 

PebbleIsland

Good Vibes
Joined
Jul 23, 2017
Messages
3,016
Reaction score
Reactions
37,283 448 173
42,362
Alleybux
70,737
There is my money, and then there is OUR money. Wisdom from the elders.

Doesn't matter if you believe in marriage or not, if committed for the long-term, there should be legal commitment and security to protect entitlements. Too many women getting screwed over.

This dude really got her going 50/50 on groceries. SMDH.
 

Similar Threads

Trending Threads

News Alley

Ask LSA

General Alley

Top Bottom