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UPDATE My aunt, mother of 6, is kicking out all her children because "they don't make her happy."

Should we kick her out?


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istjaries

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Some women should be removed from earth honestly. How can you as a mother do that to your kids? A lot of women like her should not have kids. Those innocent kids will get on wrong path.

This is just disgusting.

If you have kids than you are responsible till 18 no matter what.

Good thing I wasn’t there.
 

MsIVYMonroe

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The father was killed in a drive-by about 8 years ago?

I think my aunt is 39 or 40?

She's been going through something for the last 20 years, yet she kept having children.

Kids ages:

20 (joining the army)
17 ( living with us)
11 ( not sure)
8 (not sure)
4 (not sure)

That's five. Is the sixth one younger than the 4 yr old??! That's really sad to abandon children that you young. It's sad all the way around.
 

MsIVYMonroe

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The father was killed in a drive-by about 8 years ago?

I think my aunt is 39 or 40?

She's been going through something for the last 20 years, yet she kept having children.

Kids ages:

20 (joining the army)
17 ( living with us)
11 ( not sure)
8 (not sure)
4 (not sure)

That's five. Is the sixth one younger than the 4 yr old??! That's really sad to abandon children that young. It's sad all the way around.
 

YANAS

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Quoted for emphasis, a lot of y’all are skipping over this. If her first child was at 13 then yea, she’s probably having a mental breakdown from baring the responsibility of raising children her whole life. That has nothing to do with them being girls.

I’m almost 100% that her aunt was abused. Having xes early, multiple fathers, abusive, rash decisions....

OP, does your mom talk about her childhood?

Some of you don’t know how the real world works which is why you keep stating she should’ve stopped having kids after the first one or when she realized it was too much. It would’ve been great but it doesn’t work that way unfortunately which is why the unfit parents are usually the ones with multiple children. A light doesn’t just switch on especially at 13 years old having a baby. She was in survival mode. In survival mode, you don’t love anyone including herself.

She needed therapy long ago. It’s horrible but it’s the best thing that she’s giving them away. OP already stated that the 26 year old isn’t mentally stable .... I hope this gives the other children a new lease on life.

OP, I wish the best for all of you! Make sure your cousin stays in therapy. I hope the rest of them go to a loving, nurturing home.
 

BoredHeaux

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Link to the original post: https://www.lipstickalley.com/threa...ren-because-they-dont-make-her-happy.3964758/


So, we ended up taking my 17-year-old cousin in, and she was OK for the first month or so, it seems as though there was some truth to what my aunt said. Firstly, the girl has been diagnosed with a list of problems including Bipolar type 2 disorder, Depression, Anxiety, etc. However, after October, the month she moved it, it seems as though she does not take her illnesses seriously. There have been no strives to continue counseling, take her medicine, or work on her issues with self-expression, harm, and anger. She goes to work, but that's about it. Most of the time she does not clean her room it is always a mess. Dirty clothes everywhere and clutter, shaken cat litter and food, and containers leftover from whatever she ate. When told to clean, she has a passive-aggressive attitude. When she uses the bathroom, she leaves a mess ( which is annoying since we share bathrooms). Whenever she eats or cooks, she does not wash her dish or put whatever it was away. She leaves everything on the counter, the wrong side of the sink, or half-eaten on the dining room table. She does not help to clean any of the common areas.

We are having issues with her going out at odd times and not saying where she is specifically going. She will say, "I am going with over Janes house," but then I find out later she also went to a party and 5 other people's house who are adults and apparently smoke weed and cigarettes while she is there. When confronted about these issues, she stays silent and looks past you. So she basically ignores you to your face.

Now, I understand mental disorders can change how people perceive things and behave, however; I believe this behavior is unacceptable no matter who does it, especially towards people who care. I am not understanding why she does not get that a 17-year-old has no business being out at 2 am with adults who are consuming drugs. I also don't understand why she can't clean after herself, and why she thinks it's okay to ignore us when we bring up how much of an issue it is.

She has also stopped attending Zoom high school, when asked about it, she does the same "looking past you thing," or explains how it does not matter since she still turns in the work. So, for much of the week, this girl is in her room, doing absolutely nothing, yet somehow decides it's appropriate to go out all the time. She also leaves her cat for us to look after during these "outings" -- sometimes the girl does not return for days claiming that she "spent the night."

She also has a bad habit of starting small disagreements and running to her room before locking her door and not talking to us for days. It can be over something small as a misused word, or us telling her to stop overfeeding her cat (her cat is borderline obese) because she's using up all the cat food. We have three cats ourselves. She likes to yell or speak over you in the midst of a disagreement, and often only talks to you afterward when she wants something. She does not pay for anything that she uses in the house, cat food and litter included. She also keeps asking if her boyfriend can spend the night and makes snarky remarks when you tell her "no."

Since her arrival in October, she has been telling us how bad her mom is/was, yet suddenly they are the best of friends, which slightly annoys my mom. I think she has Stockholm syndrome.

Anyway, this is her fourth home and while we feel bad, I have been thinking about giving her back to her mother since they are "besties" now. I am really conflicted because I think she had plans to stay here past 18, but she does not want to go to college, and she has an attitude problem no one else has or wants to deal with.

Would it be mean to ask her to move out?
 
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WavyDre

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Link to the original post: https://www.lipstickalley.com/threa...cause-they-dont-make-her-happy.3964758/page-6


So, we ended up taking my 17-year-old cousins in, and she was OK for the first month or so, it seems as though there was some truth to what my aunt said. Firstly, the girl has been diagnosed with a list of problems including Bipolar type 2 disorder, Depression, Anxiety, etc. However, after October, the month she moved it, it seems as though she does not take her illnesses seriously. There have been no strives to continue counseling, take her medicine, or work on her issues with self-expression, harm, and anger. She goes to work, but that's about it. Most of the time she does not clean her room it is always a mess. Dirty clothes everywhere and clutter, shaken cat litter and food, and containers leftover from whatever she ate. When told to clean, she has a passive-aggressive attitude. When she uses the bathroom, she leaves a mess ( which is annoying since we share bathrooms). Whenever she eats or cooks, she does not wash her dish or put whatever it was away. She leaves everything on the counter, the wrong side of the sink, or half-eaten on the dining room table. She does not help to clean any of the common areas.

We are having issues with her going out at odd times and not saying where she is specifically going. She will say, "I am going with over Janes house," but then I find out later she also went to a party and 5 other people's house who are adults and apparently smoke weed and cigarettes while she is there. When confronted about these issues, she stays silent and looks past you. So she basically ignores you to your face.

Now, I understand mental disorders can change how people perceive things and behave, however; I believe this behavior is unacceptable no matter who does it, especially towards people who care. I am not understanding why she does not get that a 17-year-old has no business being out at 2 am with adults who are consuming drugs. I also don't understand why she can't clean after herself, and why she thinks it's okay to ignore us when we bring up how much of an issue it is.

She has also stopped attending Zoom high school, when asked about it, she does the same "looking past you thing," or explains how it does matter since she still turns in the work. So, for much of the week, this girl is in her room, doing absolutely nothing, yet somehow decides it's appropriate to go out all the time. She also leaves her cat for us to look after during these "outings" -- sometimes the girl does not return for days claiming that she "spent the night."

She also has a bad habit of starting small disagreements and running to her room before locking her door and not talking to us for days. It can be over some small as a misused word, or us telling her to stop overfeeding her cat because she's using up all the cat food. We have three cats ourselves. She likes to yell or speak over you in the midst of a disagreement, and often only talks to afterward when she wants something. She does not pay for anything that she uses in the house, cat food and litter included. She also keeps asking if her boyfriend can spend the night and makes snarky remarks when you tell her "no."

Since her arrival in October, she has been telling us how bad her mom is/was, yet suddenly they are the best of friends which slightly annoys my mom. I think she has Stockholm syndrome.

Anyway, this is her fourth home and while we feel bad, I have been thinking about giving her back to her mother since they are "besties" now. I am really conflicted because I think she had plans to stay here past 18, but she does not want to go to college, and she has an attitude problem no one else has or wants to deal with.

Would it be mean to ask her to move out?
Take these steps in this order:

Determine the next time she is going to be out of the house then:

Rent a small moving truck, change your locks and have help available to pack up all her stuff including the CAT.

Put all her stuff in the moving truck then when she gets home and has to RING the bell, advise her that she is being relocated back to her Mom's home.


Stop helping people who do not want to help themselves- and then treat you like sh!t.
 

Dulcecaramel

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Now y’all see what the mom was dealing with? That is what you get for taking on other people’s kids. Of course now they are best friends because she doesn’t live with the mom and so there are no expectations. But once they are back under the same roof permanently that will change. Send her back she isn’t your kid. The mom must be relieved that she is someone else’s problem. I hear she has Stockholm syndrome, lmao what? Wait when talks about how bad and mean you and your mom were to her to other people, then you will learn.
 

BoredHeaux

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Now y’all see what the mom was dealing with? That is what you get for taking on other people’s kids. Of course now they are best friends because she doesn’t live with the mom and so there are no expectations.
A lesson we learned the hard way.

It's a lesson learned for sure.
 

AgnesGooch

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Yes I would let her go on to the next house. It is only a matter of time before she winds up with a baby from one of these randoms and expect you to take care of it.
 

reyals

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you're putting up with too much. she doesn't respect you or your home. she needs to go. and it's not mean, she is a literal guest in your house so you can determine when she isn't one anymore. honestly, she needs the wakeup call so explain why you're kicking her out and tell her to do better before it's too late.
 

BoredHeaux

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you're putting up with too much. she doesn't respect you or your home. she needs to go. and it's not mean, she is a literal guest in your house so you can determine when she isn't one anymore. honestly, she needs the wakeup call so explain why you're kicking her out and tell her to do better before it's too late.
That's the plan. Though I have a feeling her mom won't take her even though they are "besties."
 

reyals

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That's the plan. Though I have a feeling her mom won't take her even though they are "besties."
let your cousin worry about begging her mother to take her back. that's not your problem. if she only behaved like a responsible person then this wouldn't have happened anyway.
 

shoe_gasm

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Sounds like borderline personality.

Her mom is her new favorite person.
If you can get her out safely, I would suggest you do.

BP is one of the hardest mental illnesses to deal with. A lot of doctors don’t even like to take them on.
 

Daria M

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Being dirty? Locking her room door? She pays rent? Girl pack up her sh*t, drop her at her moms house and change your locks.
 

O.o

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There was a time, at least for Black folks, when you had to be home before the mother or father of the house locks their house up for the night.

Meaning- wheresome ever you are, in or out, is where you will stay once Auntie locks her house up for the night.

Ain't no in and out

Ain't no choices or negotiations

Grown people have a right to control the entry/exit to there home- ESPECIALLY in a high risk situation

When I was a child and I visited my family down South, once the house was LOCKED UP - that was it.

No going downstairs
No nothing

The house itself AND the living quarters (bedrooms/bathrooms) were locked up and that was it.

There was not ONE time that I ever even breached the living quarters, LET ALONE left the damn house.

I never even thought about it

I will never understand staying in someone else's house AND acting crazy

That's wild as hell

I have keys to my family's house and I STILL don't go in and out

I go to bed when my parents go to bed and don't be in and out of I happen to visit them

If I don't want to sleep under their roof, I go to a hotel.

PeriodT

But what we're not going to do is play musical doors

Y'all need to get a burglar alarm and change the locks.

If she wants to go outside, she can stay outside as long as she wants, as long as she doesn't try to come back

Mental illness doesn't entitle people to become abominable assholes who endanger their families by keeping strange company and coming and going all big willy nilly!!!
 

BoredHeaux

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Sounds like borderline personality.

Her mom is her new favorite person.
If you can get her out safely, I would suggest you do.

BP is one of the hardest mental illnesses to deal with. A lot of doctors don’t even like to take them on.
Maybe, but she isn't taking her mental health seriously so... We will never know
 

BoredHeaux

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There was a time, at least for Black folks, when you had to be home before the mother or father of the house locks their house up for the night.

Meaning- wheresome ever you are, in or out, is where you will stay once Auntie locks her house up for the night.

Ain't no in and out

Ain't no choices or negotiations

Grown people have a right to control the entry/exit to there home- ESPECIALLY in a high risk situation

When I was a child and I visited my family down South, once the house was LOCKED UP - that was it.

No going downstairs
No nothing

The house itself AND the living quarters (bedrooms/bathrooms) were locked up and that was it.

There was not ONE time that I ever even breached the living quarters, LET ALONE left the damn house.

I never even thought about it

I will never understand staying in someone else's house AND acting crazy

That's wild as hell

I have keys to my family's house and I STILL don't go in and out

I go to bed when my parents go to bed and don't be in and out of I happen to visit them

If I don't want to sleep under their roof, I go to a hotel.

PeriodT

But what we're not going to do is play musical doors

Y'all need to get a burglar alarm and change the locks.

If she wants to go outside, she can stay outside as long as she wants, as long as she doesn't try to come back

Mental illness doesn't entitle people to become abominable assholes who endanger their families by keeping strange company and coming and going all big willy nilly!!!


I was raised the same way.
 

shoe_gasm

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Maybe, but she isn't taking her mental health seriously so... We will never know
Whatever you do she will twist it on you.

Is there a way you can convince her to seek treatment without putting blame on her? I’m

I have a close family members that suffers from BP and this was the only way we could convince him.

BP sufferers are the kings and queens of manipulation.

I don’t want you to get in too deep OP. It only gets harder.
 

Spoilt

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Pack her up and send her back home for sure. Her mom is messed up and by 17 most kids that grew up like she did won't change for the better.

She will graduate and mooch off you all because she won't get a job or go to school. She is testing boundaries and it will only get worse.
 

BoredHeaux

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Whatever you do she will twist it on you.

Is there a way you can convince her to seek treatment without putting blame on her? I’m

I have a close family members that suffers from BP and this was the only way we could convince him.

BP sufferers are the kings and queens of manipulation.

I don’t want you to get in too deep OP. It only gets harder.
Yes, I have noticed this already. I will ask my mother to talk to her as I can be too "straightforward."
 

BoredHeaux

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Pack her up and send her back home for sure. Her mom is messed up and by 17 most kids that grew up like she did won't change for the better.

She will graduate and mooch off you all because she won't get a job or go to school. She is testing boundaries and it will only get worse.

I think you're right. She has a job now, but I know she wants to quit so.
 

xoAshanti

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There really is no discussion to be had with her. Send her back to her mother who is LEGALLY responsible for her.
 
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This is sad. I understand that your aunt was wrong for wanting to kick her children out and whatnot, but when somebody is giving you plenty of warnings about a person, please listen. Now you know exactly what mama is going through. smh. It is my golden rule to NEVER let my troubled and down on their luck family members into my home. Yes, it's cruel, but you quickly find out that some people are down on their luck and struggling due to their own shortcomings.

My mother is going through the same thing as you are. Her two nieces had spent 3 whole ass years living with their other aunt and uncle . Eventually the nieces left because they fell out with them. There was lots of bad blood. I warned my mother and advised her to not let them move in. Chile, now my mother sees why the aunt and uncle spoke so badly of them. They are uncouth, nasty, lazy, and unmotivated. My mother is dying to get rid of them and regrets taking them in. If you were so eager to help, you should have offered resources and emotional support, not moved her into your home.

I wish you luck and I hope you learned to help....from a distance.
 

GlamourDoll

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Hey OP I have a question, where did the younger siblings end up going? I know you said the second oldest was joining the army.
 

O.o

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She needs to go home and fck her feelings
Get her out now before there's a court battle, etc
 

HexxeH

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Link to the original post: https://www.lipstickalley.com/threa...ren-because-they-dont-make-her-happy.3964758/


So, we ended up taking my 17-year-old cousin in, and she was OK for the first month or so, it seems as though there was some truth to what my aunt said. Firstly, the girl has been diagnosed with a list of problems including Bipolar type 2 disorder, Depression, Anxiety, etc. However, after October, the month she moved it, it seems as though she does not take her illnesses seriously. There have been no strives to continue counseling, take her medicine, or work on her issues with self-expression, harm, and anger. She goes to work, but that's about it. Most of the time she does not clean her room it is always a mess. Dirty clothes everywhere and clutter, shaken cat litter and food, and containers leftover from whatever she ate. When told to clean, she has a passive-aggressive attitude. When she uses the bathroom, she leaves a mess ( which is annoying since we share bathrooms). Whenever she eats or cooks, she does not wash her dish or put whatever it was away. She leaves everything on the counter, the wrong side of the sink, or half-eaten on the dining room table. She does not help to clean any of the common areas.

We are having issues with her going out at odd times and not saying where she is specifically going. She will say, "I am going with over Janes house," but then I find out later she also went to a party and 5 other people's house who are adults and apparently smoke weed and cigarettes while she is there. When confronted about these issues, she stays silent and looks past you. So she basically ignores you to your face.

Now, I understand mental disorders can change how people perceive things and behave, however; I believe this behavior is unacceptable no matter who does it, especially towards people who care. I am not understanding why she does not get that a 17-year-old has no business being out at 2 am with adults who are consuming drugs. I also don't understand why she can't clean after herself, and why she thinks it's okay to ignore us when we bring up how much of an issue it is.

She has also stopped attending Zoom high school, when asked about it, she does the same "looking past you thing," or explains how it does not matter since she still turns in the work. So, for much of the week, this girl is in her room, doing absolutely nothing, yet somehow decides it's appropriate to go out all the time. She also leaves her cat for us to look after during these "outings" -- sometimes the girl does not return for days claiming that she "spent the night."

She also has a bad habit of starting small disagreements and running to her room before locking her door and not talking to us for days. It can be over something small as a misused word, or us telling her to stop overfeeding her cat (her cat is borderline obese) because she's using up all the cat food. We have three cats ourselves. She likes to yell or speak over you in the midst of a disagreement, and often only talks to you afterward when she wants something. She does not pay for anything that she uses in the house, cat food and litter included. She also keeps asking if her boyfriend can spend the night and makes snarky remarks when you tell her "no."

Since her arrival in October, she has been telling us how bad her mom is/was, yet suddenly they are the best of friends, which slightly annoys my mom. I think she has Stockholm syndrome.

Anyway, this is her fourth home and while we feel bad, I have been thinking about giving her back to her mother since they are "besties" now. I am really conflicted because I think she had plans to stay here past 18, but she does not want to go to college, and she has an attitude problem no one else has or wants to deal with.

Would it be mean to ask her to move out?

kick her out.

she will bring your house down.
 

CLASSY SHADE

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Take these steps in this order:

Determine the next time she is going to be out of the house then:

Rent a small moving truck, change your locks and have help available to pack up all her stuff including the CAT.

Put all her stuff in the moving truck then when she gets home and has to RING the bell, advise her that she is being relocated back to her Mom's home.


Stop helping people who do not want to help themselves- and then treat you like sh!t.
Damn!

This is cold AF.



But I like it....
E75D22D6-9A1E-4E16-9D17-EBED2D9F7013.gif
 

Mantsho

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Clearly she is grown so either she can go pay rent somewhere or go back to her mother but she has to figure it out her grown self.

tenor.gif
 

Blessence

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There are a few things you need to do. For one take away the keys to the house from her so that she doesn't come and go as she pleases. When she comes home at whatever time, she'll have to knock and wait for someone to answer the door and let her in. Someone with her attitude does not deserve keys to the house at all, who does she think she is? Secondly, remove the lock from her bedroom door so she doesn't disrespect you anymore by locking you out of the room during an argument. Thirdly, when she eats and doesn't wash the dishes place the dirty dishes in her room, let them pile up until she cleans it
 

THEDARKVIXEN

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She is 17 years old. Her mother needs to do a better job at trying to help her daughter get the help she needs. Send her back to her mother. You are not trained to diagnose or treat mental health disorders. You do not know evidence based interventions to use. Do not take on this as your cross to carry. Give her back to her parents. The aunt needs to do a better job. I can’t really blame a 17 year old with a mental health disorder.
 

Shelby472MD.

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There was a time, at least for Black folks, when you had to be home before the mother or father of the house locks their house up for the night.

Meaning- wheresome ever you are, in or out, is where you will stay once Auntie locks her house up for the night.

Ain't no in and out

Ain't no choices or negotiations

Grown people have a right to control the entry/exit to there home- ESPECIALLY in a high risk situation

When I was a child and I visited my family down South, once the house was LOCKED UP - that was it.

No going downstairs
No nothing

The house itself AND the living quarters (bedrooms/bathrooms) were locked up and that was it.

There was not ONE time that I ever even breached the living quarters, LET ALONE left the damn house.

I never even thought about it

I will never understand staying in someone else's house AND acting crazy

That's wild as hell

I have keys to my family's house and I STILL don't go in and out

I go to bed when my parents go to bed and don't be in and out of I happen to visit them

If I don't want to sleep under their roof, I go to a hotel.

PeriodT

But what we're not going to do is play musical doors

Y'all need to get a burglar alarm and change the locks.

If she wants to go outside, she can stay outside as long as she wants, as long as she doesn't try to come back

Mental illness doesn't entitle people to become abominable assholes who endanger their families by keeping strange company and coming and going all big willy nilly!!!
I’ll never forget when my mom put the top lock, bottom lock and chain on the door on my ass. And I was a 19 year old college student. I never tried coming in past midnight again. :laugh2
 

edamame_bee

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Unfortunately if she's off her meds it's best to send her back. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. Idk the laws where you are, but maybe some kind of inpatient treatment facility might be something to look into
 

rayaee

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Ship her ass back to her mama asap!! Your aunt has issues & those issues have seemed to pass down to her kids as well. Ain't no helping them unless it's to a psychiatrist office. It's only right since she's legally responsible for her AND didn't raise her to keep up after herself
 

:Axel:

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I think she deserves a chance.
U said yourself her mother was unloving/not a good mother.
This. You are wrong for expecting a traumatized/mentally ill child to act like anything but. This is the type of sh!t you think about before hand. How the do you think it will effect her psyche being abandoned again. You say you understand mental illness yet are confused by her behavior. how? Honestly, a family therapist is in order but I'm not sure yall want to put in the effort. Personally i'd thug it until she turned 18..try to be a guardian to her rebellious ass. At that point on her bday she can do whatever. I would not feel comfortable putting an at risk teen back in the home of an unstable mother because they are dirty and disrespectful. Violent? sure but not this.
 

bustakita

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How can your aunt be 39 or 40 with a 26 year old kid?
Idk but I am about to be 41 and I have a 24 year old son. But him and his 20 year old sister love me to death and say I am the best mom and yes they still live at home with me.
 

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