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My brother has become physically and emotionally abusive.

Foxxy Love

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Your brother sounds like he has some mental issues going on, and your mama is choosing him over everyone else allowing this.
 

incogneato

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That reminds me of my brother. I don't know what would help people like that change. If he's like mines he doesn't think the issue is himself and refuses to change his ways. The way he sees it is if he wasn't disrespected then he wouldn't need to beat, yell, etc. Since he's not getting his way he throws a temper tantrum. He was probably use to getting his way and felt entitled so he couldn't handle it maturely when life didn't go as he expected.


If you can't get your sister out teach her to fight back and show no fear! My brother didn't brutally beat me but he did hit me. Sometimes me being jumpy and flinching was enough for him. He thought it was amusing to have that kind of control over me. He laughed and would raise his hand like he was going to hit me. He didn't always hit me because I guess my reaction was satisfying enough. When he did hit me he'd say I pissed him off with what I said. It could be anything and I never could predict because it wasn't always the same word that set him off.

My mom didn't know all that I endured because she was busy working and left him in charge. He told me not to snitch on him and said if I did he'd hit me harder. I didn't tell but sometimes my mom would ask why I was crying and well I'm not a good liar. He got disciplined with a lecture. She stopped giving spankings in elementary school. I think she was afraid of child abuse accusation. We lived in a white area and spanking was shunned on. Eventually I learned not to cry so for years my mom didn't know. She thought he grew out of it and so did our distant father.

I did my best to please him and walked on eggshells but it wasn't enough! Eventually I stopped trying and he threatened to hit me for not listening to him or showing him respect. He said he missed the nice sweet little sister I was. I told him it didn't make sense for me to be nice and respectful when he wasn't going to respect me or be kind back. His response was to respect your elders and do as I say not as I do. He's only a year older but acts like he's better than me and will do anything to prove that.

When I finally spoke out about the abuse he down played it. He said that I hit back or started it by having a smart mouth. Our parents weren't too phased because they knew he was a bully growing up. They thought it stopped since I stopped complaining about it. They said how they'd see us laugh and having a good time. They seem to still think it was some little sibling disagreement and nothing serious. They don't realize that I am/was traumatized and how it affected my social life. I didn't even realize how my social life was affected until much later. I was withdrawn and tolerated abuse from people at school because I was use to it! Well my brother made sure to not hit me in their presence because they'd yell or hit him back. Then he'd get mad and say they were taking my side. This would cause him to hit me more so I did my best to stay on his good side. Sure he was funny sometimes and was nice when he wanted something. I had hope he'd change because of that. It was a vicious cycle of him being mean and cruel then nice for a day or 2.

I don't know why I didn't distance myself and try to cut him out of my life for good earlier. I tried in the past but he'd promise to change and do good for a week before going back to his old ways. Eventually as he got older he was unapologetic about it. This is the point of no return as I see it and now he's abusive towards our mom. He yells and threatens her almost daily mostly about things out of her control. She still pays everything for him. She also paid for his tuition and he refuses to work. And she won't cut him off because he's her son.


Once again please get her out and if you can't teach her to not show any fear. It's what gives him satisfaction. Fighting back might make things worse but I think it's worth a try. My dad recommended that I beat my brother's ass so bad that he'll know not to ever mess with me again. Unfornately he's not like a normal bully so that won't work. I tried and he just saw it as a challenge to beat me because he loves to win. I got him good a few times and he took revenge to get even so that he'd win. He told me it's cheating if I use objects, kicks or my nails and for years I went by his fighting rules. Our dad said it's ridiculous I actually listened to him and that I should fight however I want if it works for me. And that's exactly it my brother knew that I couldn't do as much damage with my fists because I'm not strong.

I'm at the point of fighting for my life whenever he tries me. Last time he tried me was last year and I went all out for blood. I used to be so scared of him because I know he's stronger so I felt what's the point of trying. If I don't fight back it'll be over sooner because he doesn't like resistance. Well he got mad and said he was only playing. I caught him so off guard and practically won since our mom had to break it up. He was mad at her for not finishing me off with a final blow but oh well darn did I feel good. She was speechless because she's never seen us fight fight and she definitely didn't expect me to go so hard.

Our mom avoids him because he's so nasty unless maybe he wants a favor. He demands that she pay for his expenses like HBO, Starz, car insurance, etc. He breaks things so she gives into his temper tantrums. She tells him to get a job and he yells and threatens to break things if she doesn't leave him alone with that. She complains about him breaking her stuff and hides some but claims she's not scared of him. I guess since he doesn't hit her she can deal with it. If our dad was living with us I don't know if he'd check him for doing that to our mom. To himself or me yeah.
 

same ole bs

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What about your sister? Your mother won't kick him out "because he is her son"....so she is going to continue to let him stay in the house and beat your sister? I'm confused.
Chile this is common in particular community. Black folks will sweep things under the rug and protect their male relatives despite their poor behavior especially at the expense of BW and children.
 

O.o

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My sister is my most immediate concern of course. But I can see that my brother is getting worse. Before he becomes a full-fledged criminal, there needs to be some sought of intervention. Tough love, psychiatric care, I don't know how to go about it, but its affecting everyone. I used to really hate him for ruining my credit, but now I'm just confused. Its like should you push out and ostracize someone who clearly needs help in hopes that they "grow up" or what, you know? Because you also need to protect others from their bs
My mom will never do it, and our relationship is getting messy because she is tired of talking about him. Its like he is the elephant in the room, that everyone has grown to ignore.
How can you give a FCK about A CHILD ABUSER????

FCK HIM!!!!

If I thought it would work, I would go on Craigslist for your country and hire someone to deal with him.

HE BELONGS IN A HOLE IN THE GROUND!!!!

HE IS TORTURING A CHILD, fµck HIM!!!
 

O.o

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This goes beyond just needing to be “straightened up”. He is beyond repair and belongs in the grave. It may seem harsh, but it’s because we’ve been conditioned to Be soft on abusive men despite the irreversible damage they do.
Yes! This! fµck this man! He is beyond saving!!!
 

Driip

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This is what happens when males are too proud. They see survival jobs as beneath them and take out their frustrations on weaker unprotected people. How come you are surviving in America and he couldn't and had to go back home?

Since your mother is selling her property then maybe it's time to sell her house and move away to a place he can't find her.
She has to protect her life.
 

Orange Moon

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Save your sister. Call CPS. Do something. She will have growing resentment towards you if you are in a position to save her from abuse but are doing absolutely nothing. She does not deserve to be someone's punching bag.
 

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