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My father kicked my mentally ill brother out in the cold

incogneato

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My brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia about a year ago. He has been hospitalized multiple times and suffers from anosognosia, so he refuses to undergo treatment or take his medication because he doesn't think he is mentally ill. Until a couple of months ago, he was living with my parents. My mother was supposed to have him involuntarily committed, but has been dragging her feet about it. My father has refused to help or support my mother with any strategies that could help my brother get treatment. He has not sought to learn how to communicate with my brother or do any education that takes real work to navigate this new terrain regarding my brother's mental illness. He doesn't want to deal with my brother anymore and wants to rid himself of him because he is "fµcked up" now.

My brother is not violent, but becomes confrontational with my father when my dad shouts at him or calls him names when he doesn't do things around the house. They got into another verbal argument and my father locked my brother out of the house, in the middle of a Mid-west winter night (it was literally about 10 degrees outside with 3 feet of snow on the ground), where he only had a blanket on and no coat. He refused to let him back in, and my mother and I had to arrange for him to stay at my sister's for a while. I was so upset with him, because he literally locked my brother out of the house and did not care what happened to him. I live in another state and had to pay to have an Uber take my brother to my sister's house. I can't get over the fact that my father was so cruel to my brother. I figure if he did that to my brother, then he would have did it to me if I was suffering from the same mental illness. My father's overall treatment of my brother has strained our relationship to the point where I don't want to talk to him anymore. I figure if he can abrogate his familial duties as a father when he feels like then I can do it to his ass too as a daughter. Am I wrong for feeling his way?

His ass is old and will want some one to take care of him when he can't do that anymore. Will he be expecting for us to put him out of the house when he becomes vulnerable and can no longer take care of himself? When he can't walk or go to the bathroom? He has opened up a can of worms where he will end up reaping what he has sown. Because I won't be looking to do sh!t for his ass. If he can just shake of the shackles of obligation of family when they get a mental illness, I figure I can do it when his ass becomes infirmed.
 

skimup1

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My brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia about a year ago. He has been hospitalized multiple times and suffers from anosognosia, so he refuses to undergo treatment or take his medication because he doesn't think he is mentally ill. Until a couple of months ago, he was living with my parents. My mother was supposed to have him involuntarily committed, but has been dragging her feet about it. My father has refused to help or support my mother with any strategies that could help my brother get treatment. He has not sought to learn how to communicate with my brother or do any education that takes real work to navigate this new terrain regarding my brother's mental illness. He doesn't want to deal with my brother anymore and wants to rid himself of him because he is "fµcked up" now.

My brother is not violent, but becomes confrontational with my father when my dad shouts at him or calls him names when he doesn't do things around the house. They got into another verbal argument and my father locked my brother out of the house, in the middle of a Mid-west winter night (it was literally about 10 degrees outside with 3 feet of snow on the ground), where he only had a blanket on and no coat. He refused to let him back in, and my mother and I had to arrange for him to stay at my sister's for a while. I was so upset with him, because he literally locked my brother out of the house and did not care what happened to him. I live in another state and had to pay to have an Uber take my brother to my sister's house. I can't get over the fact that my father was so cruel to my brother. I figure if he did that to my brother, then he would have did it to me if I was suffering from the same mental illness. My father's overall treatment of my brother has strained our relationship to the point where I don't want to talk to him anymore. I figure if he can abrogate his familial duties as a father when he feels like then I can do it to his ass too as a daughter. Am I wrong for feeling his way?

His ass is old and will want some one to take care of him when he can't do that anymore. Will he be expecting for us to put him out of the house when he becomes vulnerable and can no longer take care of himself? When he can't walk or go to the bathroom? He has opened up a can of worms where he will end up reaping what he has sown. Because I won't be looking to do sh!t for his ass. If he can just shake of the shackles of obligation of family when they get a mental illness, I figure I can do it when his ass becomes infirmed.

This is a sad story. Why does your mom want him committed?
 

Incokneegrow

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Aww im sorry you and your brother have to deal with that. You sound so kind hearted and compassionate. Id distance myself as well. Thats really fµcked up of him and someone need to hold him accountable to see the error of his ways
 

incogneato

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This is a sad story. Why does your mom want him committed?

The family wants him committed because he literally can't take care of himself. He has no job and suffers from delusions and paranoia. If my father dies, he will literally be homeless because my mother will have a limited income and will not be able to financially support him without any help. Two of my other siblings have agreed to take care of him, but only if he takes medication and applies for state support. Honestly, none of my siblings or I have the means to financially support another human being without them being able to contribute. We are barely supporting ourselves. If he doesn't learn to be independent or at least functional, he will end up homeless. Him being committed is really the last resort we have to get him steady treatment and an opportunity to become functional. It is not what we want, but we are desperate at this point.
 

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Get him some help that will count. Find an agency that will work with your brother to get him mental help and independent housing.
 

incogneato

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Aww im sorry you and your brother have to deal with that. You sound so kind hearted and compassionate. Id distance myself as well. Thats really fµcked up of him and someone need to hold him accountable to see the error of his ways

Thank you. I have been stressed with worry for my brother. I feel guilty because I live in another state and I can't help more. I have attended NAMI classes and a family support group to learn more about mental illness. I pass my readings and information on to my mother and sister. It has been a nightmare for us. We have really been blindsided by this.
 

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The family wants him committed because he literally can't take care of himself. He has no job and suffers from delusions and paranoia. If my father dies, he will literally be homeless because my mother will have a limited income and will not be able to financially support him without any help. Two of my other siblings have agreed to take care of him, but only if he takes medication and applies for state support. Honestly, none of my siblings or I have the means to financially support another human being without them being able to contribute. We are barely supporting ourselves. If he doesn't learn to be independent or at least functional, he will end up homeless. Him being committed is really the last resort we have to get him steady treatment and an opportunity to become functional. It is not what we want, but we are desperate at this point.

He needs to be committed. Do not think that he can't become violent ... a lot of women take on mentally ill family members and die because of it. He is not on his meds and cannot take care of himself.

I understand your dad is a parent, but sometimes you gotta choose yourself especially since your bro is grown. Your brother needs help and has a condition where he is in denial about it. He needs to be in someone's assisted living place getting help now vs when your family dies and there is nobody left to take care of him unless you expect you and your sister to forgo your life to take care of your brother.
 

skimup1

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The family wants him committed because he literally can't take care of himself. He has no job and suffers from delusions and paranoia. If my father dies, he will literally be homeless because my mother will have a limited income and will not be able to financially support him without any help. Two of my other siblings have agreed to take care of him, but only if he takes medication and applies for state support. Honestly, none of my siblings or I have the means to financially support another human being without them being able to contribute. We are barely supporting ourselves. If he doesn't learn to be independent or at least functional, he will end up homeless. Him being committed is really the last resort we have to get him steady treatment and an opportunity to become functional. It is not what we want, but we are desperate at this point.

Please get him the help that he needs. It's no good for him to be with a dad that can't and won't understand.
Mental illness is hard, and especially with schizophrenia, many end up on the streets or worse. As well, although he hasn't become violent doesn't mean that he won't. Everyone needs to be aware of that and act appropriately.
As for your father rejecting him, we don't know what has went on in the home.

Good luck
 

incogneato

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He needs to be committed. Do not think that he can't become violent ... a lot of women take on mentally ill family members and die because of it. He is not on his meds and cannot take care of himself.

I understand your dad is a parent, but sometimes you gotta choose yourself especially since your bro is grown. Your brother needs help and has a condition where he is in denial about it. He needs to be in someone's assisted living place getting help now vs when your family dies and there is nobody left to take care of him unless you expect you and your sister to forgo your life to take care of your brother.
Yeah, we've all agreed that he needs to be committed now since his condition will only get worse. I've also stated that he will end up homeless if he doesn't get on medication, since my siblings and I have said that we can't take care of him if he doesn't get treatment. So it has been made very clear that no one will be "taking him on" if he refuses to get help. Everything you're saying we need to do are things we've already come to a conclusion about as a family.

I will choose myself too as a daughter and opt out of caring for my father when he gets older.
 

Nina Mae

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My brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia about a year ago. He has been hospitalized multiple times and suffers from anosognosia, so he refuses to undergo treatment or take his medication because he doesn't think he is mentally ill.
This is above you, your siblings and parents pay grade. I can't even imagine having to live with a schizophrenic refusing to take their meds. They need to get him out of that house and committed asap. Just because he hasn't harmed them doesn't mean it won't happen. None of you have the ability to care for him. Try and have the same empathy for your father as you do for your brother.
 

ProductFiend

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My mother was supposed to have him involuntarily committed, but has been dragging her feet about it.


This is the real problem right here. Taking care of anyone with issues is hard, but taking care of an adult with mental issues can be excessively draining on older adults. Your father isn't completely wrong, because he's probably at his wit's end. It's unfair to suppose that parents, especially elderly ones, innately know how to deal with the stress of dealing with this kind of situation, let alone have the proper skills to do so.
Why does your mother need your father's help getting your brother institutionalized? She needs to handle her business!
It's unfortunate your dad had to kick your brother out, but I understand it.
Maybe you can help your mom get your brother committed instead of berating your dad for not having the skillset to do so. So much wasted energy here.
 

incogneato

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My mother was supposed to have him involuntarily committed, but has been dragging her feet about it.

Maybe you can help your mom get your brother committed instead of berating your dad for not having the skillset to do so. So much wasted energy here.
I actually have helped her. So, you need not assume what you obviously don't know. I was the one who gave her all of the paper work and information to have him committed, which was given to me through my attendance at support groups. I live in another state so I can't file them for her. I can't clone myself to be in two places at one time now can I.
 

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Your best bet is to continously encourage your mother to get your brother committed cause tmrw isn't promised
 

Ruledbyvenus

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Yeah, we've all agreed that he needs to be committed now since his condition will only get worse. I've also stated that he will end up homeless if he doesn't get on medication, since my siblings and I have said that we can't take care of him if he doesn't get treatment. So it has been made very clear that no one will be "taking him on" if he refuses to get help. Everything you're saying we need to do are things we've already come to a conclusion about as a family.

I will choose myself too as a daughter and opt out of caring for my father when he gets older.
I’m not understanding the hard line you’re taking against your father simply because he didn’t react to a situation he doesn’t really understand the way you wanted him to. Did the man not take financial responsibility for you growing up? Did he not provide a stable home, food, clothing? Your mother was able to stay home and raise her children because of him. For you to say this about him because of this situation isn’t fair at all.
 

SuccessfullyMe

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Yeah, we've all agreed that he needs to be committed now since his condition will only get worse. I've also stated that he will end up homeless if he doesn't get on medication, since my siblings and I have said that we can't take care of him if he doesn't get treatment. So it has been made very clear that no one will be "taking him on" if he refuses to get help. Everything you're saying we need to do are things we've already come to a conclusion about as a family.

I will choose myself too as a daughter and opt out of caring for my father when he gets older.

Okay, you can put him into an assisted living home too. I really don't think this should have anything to do with it. Living with a mentally ill person is exhausting. Even if you don't have to interact with the person everyday, it's so exhausting. My sister has mental disordes and just a simple 10 min convo feels like 10 hours and is so tiring. Just because he isn't yelling or doing what is seen as aggressive doesn't mean he isn't exhausting.

You can't take care of your brother if he gets treatment ... y'all are going to get where I am exhausted and full of resentment for my sister. I would keep him in an assisted living place and maybe transition him into an independent living (not one for people on drugs cos that seems to be most common) place because you haven't cared for someone with a mental illness and don't know the reality of it. Your sister may be able to do it short term, but give her 6 months and she will be where your father is. At first you are patient and try your best to deal with it, then you realize that this person is eating my food, not doing anything, AND not getting help or better. You start to resent that that person has no personal growth and feel like you are being taken advantage of. My sister uses her mental illness as an excuse for doing nothing and I'm disabled, but manage to do things that help more than myself ... all she has time for is stuff she wants to do.

It is easy for you to say my dad hasn't done enough or anything ... he let him stay in his home and took care of him. He sat on his resentment ... yelling is when you feel like you aren't being heard and nothing is changing. I wouldn't be judgmental about what your father has done if you haven't been there. You don't live in the state and he most likely had the illness for years but this is them just putting a name on it.
 

incogneato

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This is above you, your siblings and parents pay grade. I can't even imagine having to live with a schizophrenic refusing to take their meds. They need to get him out of that house and committed asap. Just because he hasn't harmed them doesn't mean it won't happen. None of you have the ability to care for him. Try and have the same empathy for your father as you do for your brother.

Yes, I agree that we have all come to the conclusion that this is "above our pay grade." We wanted to see if we could get him to accept treatment without forcing it because the hospitals he will end up in will not be the greatest since he only has state supported health care. We are learning too about dealing with him and this illness. We tried (not my father) some of the communication strategies mentioned in a particular book but it has not been successful in getting him to accept treatment.

I will have to work on having empathy for my father's actions. My brother could have died from frostbite, hypothermia, or exposure to the elements. Some of my other family members were upset with him as well about this. I'm not going to apologize for how I feel about it at this point in time.
 

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This is above you, your siblings and parents pay grade. I can't even imagine having to live with a schizophrenic refusing to take their meds. They need to get him out of that house and committed asap. Just because he hasn't harmed them doesn't mean it won't happen. None of you have the ability to care for him. Try and have the same empathy for your father as you do for your brother.
All of this!
 

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OP you’re being way too hard on your father. You have these expectations of him and what he should do in a situation that would have any parent wringing their hands together. To have so much animosity towards him for dealing with a close, in home matter that can cause loads of stress is cold.

Why haven’t you taken in your brother to help shoulder the responsibility of taking care of an ADULT with mental health issues? Your own mother wants him committed and your siblings are only willing to take him if he takes his meds which he isn’t. He won’t even help himself yet he’s stressing your parents out who probably are at the end of their rope with this matter.

It’s easy to say what someone else should do in a situation like this when you’re not the one dealing with it day in and out. If you’re so bothered by your father and how he’s responded to your brother’s mental illness then you should simply take your brother in. But we know you’re not going to do that.
 

O.o

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Yes, I agree that we have all come to the conclusion that this is "above our pay grade." We wanted to see if we could get him to accept treatment without forcing it because the hospitals he will end up in will not be the greatest since he only has state supported health care. We are learning too about dealing with him and this illness. We tried (not my father) some of the communication strategies mentioned in a particular book but it has not been successful in getting him to accept treatment.

I will have to work on having empathy for my father's actions. My brother could have died from frostbite, hypothermia, or exposure to the elements. Some of my other family members were upset with him as well about this. I'm not going to apologize for how I feel about it at this point in time.
Your brother is a grown ass man who refuses to accept his treatment

You don't know if he hit or threatened your father.

Your father may have very well made the best choice for his and your Mom's safety.

Your mother is the one you should be mad at because she wants to coddle her unstable son instead of taking action that could help him

If you want to help your brother, make sure he has a warm coat and shoes for next winter, but it seems like y'all will have to choose between your safety and your brothers comfort WHILE REFUSING TO TAKE HIS MEDS.

He doesn't need to be in anyone's home WITHOUT BEING ON MEDS.

What if he goes off and harm's your sister and her family?

I think you're being ridiculous when YOUR MOTHER refused to get him help.
 

SuccessfullyMe

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This is above you, your siblings and parents pay grade. I can't even imagine having to live with a schizophrenic refusing to take their meds. They need to get him out of that house and committed asap. Just because he hasn't harmed them doesn't mean it won't happen. None of you have the ability to care for him. Try and have the same empathy for your father as you do for your brother.

I'm confused at the lack of empathy for her dad. It's weird unless they already had a bad relationship. You can't base it off your brother's mental illness because there are levels and you ain't there. It may not even be something he is doing to your dad ... maybe your mom. Your mom may be afraid of him but also afraid for him. Your parents had to live with someone with a mental illness for years ... I'm pretty sure getting a diagnosis wasn't easy and then the relief of the diagnosis became a blow when he refused to get treatment. But somehow your dad is the issue. Unfortunately, your brother is the issue ... he is mentally ill and refusing help. He could kill your parents ... it happens too often when Black parents don't get their kids the help they need. Your parents tried to get him help and he doesn't seem to want it. Your mom dragging her feet on having him committed because who wants to see their child in a mental institution. I'm sure she and your dad have talked to your brother about treatment and your mom is most likely hoping he will get help on his own even if she knows the odds are against her. It's really a sad situation to be in and I wouldn't judge either of my parents for how they reacted.
 

O.o

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OP you’re being way too hard on your father. You have these expectations of him and what he should do in a situation that would have any parent wringing their hands together. Too have so much animosity towards him for dealing with a close, in home matter that can cause loads of stress is cold.

Why haven’t you taken in your brother to help shoulder the responsibility of taking care of an ADULT with mental health issues? Your own mother wants him committed and your siblings are only willing to take him if he takes his meds which he isn’t. He won’t even help himself yet he’s stressing your parents out who probably are at the end of their rope with this matter.

It’s easy to say what someone else should do in a situation like this when you’re not the one dealing with it day in and out. If you’re so bothered by your father and how he’s responded to your brother’s mental illness then you should simply take your brother in. But we know you’re not going to do that.
Her mother has the paperwork to get him committed BUT SHE WON'T!!!!

Schizophrenia is completely unpredictable and no class can prepare you for the unknown.

OP needs to have this smoke for her deadbeat ass mama who HAS THE PAPERWORK for involuntary commitment AND WON'T FILE IT!!!
 

O.o

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OP you’re being way too hard on your father. You have these expectations of him and what he should do in a situation that would have any parent wringing their hands together. To have so much animosity towards him for dealing with a close, in home matter that can cause loads of stress is cold.

Why haven’t you taken in your brother to help shoulder the responsibility of taking care of an ADULT with mental health issues? Your own mother wants him committed and your siblings are only willing to take him if he takes his meds which he isn’t. He won’t even help himself yet he’s stressing your parents out who probably are at the end of their rope with this matter.

It’s easy to say what someone else should do in a situation like this when you’re not the one dealing with it day in and out. If you’re so bothered by your father and how he’s responded to your brother’s mental illness then you should simply take your brother in. But we know you’re not going to do that.
Since OP NOR her mother is going to execute the involuntarily commitment, they just need to take out a simple life insurance policy so that her brother doesn't end up in the potter's field if/when he inevitably passes away prematurely- SINCE HIS MOTHER WON'T GET HIM INVOLUNTARILY COMMITTED.
 

GigiLaMoore

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I’m not understanding the hard line you’re taking against your father simply because he didn’t react to a situation he doesn’t really understand the way you wanted him to. Did the man not take financial responsibility for you growing up? Did he not provide a stable home, food, clothing? Your mother was able to stay home and raise her children because of him. For you to say this about him because of this situation isn’t fair at all.
I agree and the brother has to take the medication. That's the bottom line. Even in a facility, they will force him to take that medication each day. If he can't or won't do it in the father's house, then it is best that he goes into a facility. The father is probably frustrated. I couldn't imagine how I would react dealing with all that.
 

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Your dad is trash.

If my dad did something like this, I would not speak to him.
We need to start making mental health and illness classes mandatory in schools so people can learn how to properly tolerate and treat those affected. It's not their fault they have mental illnesses and I have such low tolerance for people who mistreat them.
 

TheFinalLevel

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OP, even though it was wrong of your father to kick out your brother, dealing with a mentally ill grown man who refuses to get treatment or help is dangerous and draining. Your mother needs to do her job and get him committed. Her child needs help.
 
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You guys understand he literally CANNOT help himself right? Like you posters and the OP don’t seem to understand mental illness. It’s not that he “refuses” to take his meds. He literally CANNOT. His mental illness will not allow him to.

OP, your brother cannot help himself. Your family cannot help him. Your father is wrong as hell because under no circumstances is that an appropriate reaction. And y’all are saying it’s not the father’s responsibility? UM. Yes tf it is. The parents should’ve BEEN involuntarily committed him. The son is not at fault. I don’t care how at your wits end you are....you don’t put a severely mentally ill person out in the cold. You commit them if you can’t take care of them lmao.

OP, I do not blame you for seeing your father in a different light now. A lot of parents love is conditional. I got a simple depression diagnosis as a teen and my entire family ostracized me. I have no idea what type of relationship they have with you brother but that is never an appropriate response.
If things are that bad they should’ve moved him into a group home while they wait for him to get committed.

LSA does not understand or like mental illness so I wouldn’t listen to these people lmao. You need to pressure your parents to comitt him, that’s all yall can do. Also I understand y’all think schizophrenia means someone is violent but it doesn’t necessarily. It is far more likely the son will kill himself. Obv he could hurt others but he’s at more risk of killing him self. You need to get him committed before he kills himself or completely breaks with reality and hurts someone else. It sounds like he’s semi aware but that could change at any moment and ANYTHING could happen. Some people with scizophrenia are able to be functional adults. Some need to be committed for a while like my uncle and many others.

Your family is contributing to the abuse and neglect of an individual incapable of taking care of themselves. Y’all can downvote me all you want but it is considered abuse to lock a severely mentally ill person out in the cold, REGARDLESS of age. Your daddy ain’t sh!t bc he knows damn well he should’ve been locked your brother up. Instead he’s incapable so he reacts illogically.
 

TheFinalLevel

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Yes, I agree that we have all come to the conclusion that this is "above our pay grade." We wanted to see if we could get him to accept treatment without forcing it because the hospitals he will end up in will not be the greatest since he only has state supported health care. We are learning too about dealing with him and this illness. We tried (not my father) some of the communication strategies mentioned in a particular book but it has not been successful in getting him to accept treatment.

I will have to work on having empathy for my father's actions. My brother could have died from frostbite, hypothermia, or exposure to the elements. Some of my other family members were upset with him as well about this. I'm not going to apologize for how I feel about it at this point in time.

Where is all of the smoke for your mother who is delaying his chance of getting treatment? Why don't you have that level of energy for her?

Get your priorities straight and make your mother send him to an institution. If he ends up dead and injured, it will be your mother's fault. Apply the pressure to make her do what she needs to do for her child. It should be instinct, but it's clear your mother is willing to feed into her biases instead of helping her child.
 

MizGhee

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Wow stories like this just break my heart. Is there anyone in the family that can get conservatorship for him? There may be resources out there for him I didn't get a chance to read all the comments but he qualifies for SSI and probably can get other resources maybe. There are group homes that deal with various residents that have mental illness. This is
 

mystic

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I wouldn't fault your Dad. My friend has a relative with schizophrenia and she said it's scary. She's so unpredictable because she also refuses to take her meds. She gets aggressive so family will not allow her to stay with them. She said at last check, she was on the streets but they didn't know where she was and had been looking for her for about a year. They also have concern because she has a child and as she gets older she's been displaying symptoms. It's really sad but self-preservation is important. Your Dad is probably tired and doing what he feels he needs to do to keep himself and your mom safe. I hope you all can figure out a situation to get him help.
 

TennisBracelet

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I’m not understanding the hard line you’re taking against your father simply because he didn’t react to a situation he doesn’t really understand the way you wanted him to. Did the man not take financial responsibility for you growing up? Did he not provide a stable home, food, clothing? Your mother was able to stay home and raise her children because of him. For you to say this about him because of this situation isn’t fair at all.

Her brother could have died.

The father was wrong.

Stop coddling
 

Mirabilia

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You guys understand he literally CANNOT help himself right? Like you posters and the OP don’t seem to understand mental illness. It’s not that he “refuses” to take his meds. He literally CANNOT. His mental illness will not allow him to.

OP, your brother cannot help himself. Your family cannot help him. Your father is wrong as hell because under no circumstances is that an appropriate reaction. And y’all are saying it’s not the father’s responsibility? UM. Yes tf it is. The parents should’ve BEEN involuntarily committed him. The son is not at fault. I don’t care how at your wits end you are....you don’t put a severely mentally ill person out in the cold. You commit them if you can’t take care of them lmao.

OP, I do not blame you for seeing your father in a different light now. A lot of parents love is conditional. I got a simple depression diagnosis as a teen and my entire family ostracized me. I have no idea what type of relationship they have with you brother but that is never an appropriate response.
If things are that bad they should’ve moved him into a group home while they wait for him to get committed.

LSA does not understand or like mental illness so I wouldn’t listen to these people lmao. You need to pressure your parents to comitt him, that’s all yall can do. Also I understand y’all think schizophrenia means someone is violent but it doesn’t necessarily. It is far more likely the son will kill himself. Obv he could hurt others but he’s at more risk of killing him self. You need to get him committed before he kills himself or completely breaks with reality and hurts someone else. It sounds like he’s semi aware but that could change at any moment and ANYTHING could happen. Some people with scizophrenia are able to be functional adults. Some need to be committed for a while like my uncle and many others.

Your family is contributing to the abuse and neglect of an individual incapable of taking care of themselves. Y’all can downvote me all you want but it is considered abuse to lock a severely mentally ill person out in the cold, REGARDLESS of age. Your daddy ain’t sh!t bc he knows damn well he should’ve been locked your brother up. Instead he’s incapable so he reacts illogically.
Treatment of the mentally ill among Blacks, east Asians and Indians is really disgusting. They refuse to beleive that these people cannot help themselves. They process reality completely different from those with normal neurological functions. No one expect you to have the patience of Jesus, but the lack of patience often comes from trying to force these people to conform to a world which is not adapted to accommodate their illness without proper supervision and care.

When I was in Uni, we did a free mental illness clinic and information drive in a Muslim community and no one showed up. In fact, they told us that it's a curse from Allah to the family. Similar sentiments exists in the Black community. It's really gross. I pray none of them end up with dementia in their latter years.

And anyone in here supporting OPs father because "it's difficult" is straight up trash. Who throws out a schizophrenic on the street. I guess you think they'll somehow miraculous find their way to a mental health clinic?
 
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Treatment of the mentally ill among Blacks, east Asians and Indians is really disgusting. They refuse to beleive that these people cannot help themselves. They process reality completely different from those with normal neurological functions. No one expect you to have the patience of Jesus, but the lack of patience often comes from trying to force these people to conform to a world which is not adapted to accommodate their illness without proper supervision and care.

When I was in Uni, we did a free mental illness clinic and information drive in a Muslim community and no one showed up. In fact, they told us that it's a curse from Allah to the family. Similar sentiments exists in the Black community. It's really gross. I pray none of them end up with dementia in their latter years.

And anyone in here supporting OPs father because "it's difficult" is straight up trash. Who throws out a schizophrenic on the street. I guess you think they'll somehow miraculous find their way to a mental health clinic?
The fact alone that the father argues with the son over doing household chores killed it for me. In what world would you ARGUE with someone removed from reality over responsibilities????

Like, OP’s family is delusional and they should’ve BEEN committed him.

it’s so sad how stigmatized it is in our communities
 

Soren

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Your brother is a grown ass man who refuses to accept his treatment

You don't know if he hit or threatened your father.

Your father may have very well made the best choice for his and your Mom's safety.

Your mother is the one you should be mad at because she wants to coddle her unstable son instead of taking action that could help him

If you want to help your brother, make sure he has a warm coat and shoes for next winter, but it seems like y'all will have to choose between your safety and your brothers comfort WHILE REFUSING TO TAKE HIS MEDS.

He doesn't need to be in anyone's home WITHOUT BEING ON MEDS.

What if he goes off and harm's your sister and her family?

I think you're being ridiculous when YOUR MOTHER refused to get him help.
As someone who had an adult sibling with similar mental health issues, this post is spot on.

I've had my father threatened, assaulted, and baby sister choked out by my brother when he was in his episode. My brother claimed those meds were stifling his creativity and other bs like threatening to burn down my family's home.

It's worse when you deal with someone that's incredibly smart and charming who can full mental health professionals and even the police. When you're a black family dealing with a lot of that, people from the outside looking in thinks its easy.

Often times, the systems in place don't help until it's too late and the person does something that seriously harms someone or themselves.
 

TheFinalLevel

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As someone who had an adult sibling with similar mental health issues, this post is spot on.

I've had my father threatened, assaulted, and baby sister choked out by my brother when he was in his episode. My brother claimed those meds were stifling his creativity and other bs like threatening to burn down my family's home.

It's worse when you deal with someone that's incredibly smart and charming who can full mental health professionals and even the police. When you're a black family dealing with a lot of that, people from the outside looking in thinks its easy.

Often times, the systems in place don't help until it's too late and the person does something that seriously harms someone or themselves.

Yes. I truly believe that the fonts who are criticizing and pointing fingers never dealt with someone with mental illness nor ever had to live in fear of someone who is a danger to themselves and to others. I can tell who actually dealt with someone who is mentally ill in their home compared to those who never did.

There are plenty of people with mental illness who are doing well because they acknowledge that they have an illness and they take their medication. They want to get better and do better and they commit themselves every day to do what they need to do.

No one has to put up with an adult who refuses to get treatment and is a danger to other people. I have a cousin who has schizophrenia and she is doing very well despite her illness. No one has a problem with her and we have no problems when she stays with me for the weekend because she takes her medication.
 

ProductFiend

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I actually have helped her. So, you need not assume what you obviously don't know. I was the one who gave her all of the paper work and information to have him committed, which was given to me through my attendance at support groups. I live in another state so I can't file them for her. I can't clone myself to be in two places at one time now can I.
I didn't assume anything. I read what you wrote. If your brother is anything like you, no wonder his dad kicked him out.
 

Cora Cora

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I really have a lot of compassion for you OP. I do not mean to take over your thread but I think it is important for you to know that you are not alone in this and my heart goes out to you. There are regular people like you dealing with family members with mental illness and we feel your pain. I burst out into tears reading this (for real for real) because I am dealing with a similar situation with my mother who likely has late onset schizophrenia. She is high functioning (no history of mental illness) and can pay bills, shop, cook, budget finances and carry on a completely normal conversation. However, the delusions and paranoia of someone being after her is getting too hard to ignore. She reported to police about break-ins that there was no evidence of and recently an assault. I knew she was in trouble when she actually broke down crying about it. My heart sank in my stomach. When my mom is hurting I am hurting. Thank God that young police officer had enough sense to ask her for my number or I never would have known she has been calling the police with wild stories of people harming her. He suggested she go to the hospital and now she is getting crisis treatment services and mental health services set up.

There will be an official diagnosis within a month and I do not know how she is going to take this as she is adamant she is not crazy. I just hope and pray she accepts treatment. I am even willing to move her into my home so she feels safe and supported. This entire situation breaks my heart I find myself crying throughout the day about it because I feel guilty for not seeing the signs that have been there for almost 5 years. When I would call and visit she was completely normal but she would often say she felt unsafe and like people were watching her. My mom is very good at making me think she is perfectly fine and I chalked up her fear of living alone as her just being afraid because it was her first time living completely alone.

The guilt of this is tearing me up because I talk to my mom everyday and I had no idea her fears were to this extent. She has literally been suffering for years and it slipped past me. She is such a strong, proud, beautiful woman who has been through a lot and she never wants people to think she is weak. I think my brother's death 5 years ago brought all of this on--grief/stress induced.

OP I will be praying for you and your brother and please pray for me and my situation. You are blessed to have siblings as I am now and only child and this all falls on me and I literally do not know what to do but I know I am going to do what is best for my mother. She is not at a point where I feel she needs to be committed hopefully we can get her medicated and it never comes to that point. . I was off work this entire week setting up services and making sure she is okay.

I am literally clearing out my 2nd bedroom office to turn into a bedroom for her because I can't stand the thought of her being 50 miles away dealing with this living alone. She needs to be with me and I need her near.

OP do everything you can for your brother and do not give up on him. I have been doing a lot of research and there are new medications and even injections that can now be taken every 1 to 3 months in lieu of daily medication. I think your brother might be a candidate for this since he is not medication compliant. Please please get him some help and do not give up.

I am up against a serious battle but I am not giving up on my mother she is an amazing woman to have been functioning in this world with this disease all of these years without medication and maintaining a roof over her head and her hygiene and everything (she truly has Angels watching over her). God is good and your bother is going to make it you hear me (don't mean to bring religion into this but I had to say what I felt). Stay strong!
 

GenocideJill

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This is a sad situation. I don't understand why your father didn't just had your brother committed if he wasn't able to or interested in caring for him. No one could blame him for that, instead he opted to wait until it escalated to the point where he had to kick him out. I don't blame you for being mad at him.

Your mother taking her sweet time doesn't help either.

Sorry, but your brother is pretty much screwed unless your parents get it together.
 

Urbest

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Your dad is trash.

If my dad did something like this, I would not speak to him.
We need to start making mental health and illness classes mandatory in schools so people can learn how to properly tolerate and treat those affected. It's not their fault they have mental illnesses and I have such low tolerance for people who mistreat them.
As someone who has dealt with multiple people with mental health issues, it’s not easy at all dealing with it. It’s very draining, toxic and sometimes dangerous. And it’s not something the average person can deal with long term. And even if you want to help an adult with mental health issues, particularly schizo, it’s extremely difficult to get help from agencies, hospitals and the like. I don’t blame anyone for saying fµck it.
 

Old School Me

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My first cousin was murdered by schizophrenic husband who wouldn't take his meds. When off his meds, he was someone you didn't want to know. Anyway, they got into a fight and he stabbed her in the back. Her sister lived in the apartment upstairs, heard the fighting (as per usual), then silence. She went to her sister's apartment and found her laying on the floor with a knife in her back. Her last words were...."XXX stabbed me". That dying declaration got her husband life in prison.

I say all that to say, you're being unreasonably cold towards your father. I doubt your parents are telling you everything you brother does to them. Plus, your behavior towards your father should be based on his relationship with you. As many other fonts posted, you haven't walked in your father's shoes so you have no way of understanding someone being at the end of his/her rope - which your father clearly is/was.

Your dad has been footing the bill for your brother all his life - financially and emotionally. Do you send your father money? Did you ever send a plane ticket for your brother to stay with you a few weeks? Did you ever hop on a bus and get your brother, and bring back to your home for a few weeks? Have you ever taken care of your brother for a few days? I think not. So for you to judge your father who has been is unfeeling. Save some sympathy for your father.

Your brother won't take his meds!!!!!! Refusing to take his meds is reason enough for him to be made to leave your parent's home. Your dad put him out and you're angry at your dad. Where was your mom when this happened? Why aren't you angry with your mom? Why didn't your mom call an ambulance to get your brother taken to a hospital? Why didn't your mom sneak your brother back into the house?
 

incogneato

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You might have to commit him yourself. I had to commit my brother because my mom thought she could cure his mental breakdown with religion. You can't make your parents take him back because he is refusing to take your medication. Hopefully you can make sure he gets long term care.
 

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