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My husband left...

incogneato

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Exactly what it says. My husband has been cheating for the past year and a half. He said he stopped talking to the woman. He never did. I tried everything. I gave him more xes. I didn’t argue. I allowed him and his mom to convince me to make a baby (We don’t have children, but recently started trying). I tried everything to save my marriage.

Well today I found his Zelle receipt of him sending her 200.00 on Tuesday while we were away working on our marriage. I called him and asked him why couldn’t he be honest with me. He says I’m tired of this back and forth. It’s stressful to me. You’re working with the ops (the other woman) and y’all can continue to work together because I don’t want to be with none of y’all. I will continue to pay the bills but I can’t do this anymore. I paused because prior (for months) I kept asking him if he wanted to be with her since she makes him happy. I told him in the end your happiness means a lot to me even at the expense of my own. He said he wanted to save his marriage. Foolishly, I believed him, I don’t know why. Now, I found proof of him lying to me he’s ready to call it quits. I wish I had the money to pay for a divorce. I don’t want anything from him so the divorce will be smooth. I know God will eventually provide a way for me to pay for it.

I should have left when I first found out in January, but there was a part of me that wanted to believe he will change. I’m in therapy due to all the trauma I’ve experienced. I’m on the road to healing. I’m not upset. I’m hurt, mentally exhausted, physically drained. He sucked the life out of me. Him and his woman they won. I give up. I’m not here to see who can stay the longest or who can endure the most pain. I’m so very very very tired. God will get me through this. Before, I was afraid, but I’m not afraid any longer. It’s time to let go.
 

Santana919

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I’m sorry sis :heart: He didn’t deserve you. I’m sure you’ll now have more piece of mind being alone. Sending you love.
 

DrAY112

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Anything that is costing your peace, is costing you too much. I'm glad to know you're trusting in God to see you through.
I asked him is it because I live a simple life? I work and go to school. She parties every weekend, got her body done, 3 kids by 3 different men (I’m not trying to put her down) but maybe I was too boring.
That party and drinking life will get old. He will realize the error of his ways when his relationship with this other woman shows no fruits. You're hurt and tired now but you will win in the end. It's his loss.
 

JasminaRege

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I'm sorry OP. I know you must feel heartbroken, defeated and exhausted but you'll get past this. Please don't ever put someone's happiness before your own again. Take your time to heal properly, you'll be loved properly one day. Start by loving on yourself. Sending all my love.
 

lively

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I asked him is it because I live a simple life? I work and go to school. She parties every weekend, got her body done, 3 kids by 3 different men (I’m not trying to put her down) but maybe I was too boring.
If that is the lifestyle he wants let it go and don't look back. Be glad you didn't waste any more time with him or have any kids with him.
 

incogneato

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I'm sorry OP. I know you must feel heartbroken, defeated and exhausted but you'll get past this. Please don't ever put someone's happiness before your own again. Take your time to heal properly, you'll be loved properly one day. Start by loving on yourself. Sending all my love.
I’m beyond heart broken and defeated. I have nothing else to give, I’m that tired! If he wanted to be with her I kept asking him to be honest with me. All I wanted was closure then. But, hearing him say it today after catching him in a lie. All I could do is say “this is what you do to me” and he said he’s not doing anything. He wants peace. I canceled future marriage counseling sessions and I just want to get over this.
 

YourBackYard

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Condolences about your Mom OP :heart:
Good riddance that you’re tired of the LIAR...and he’s givin away the houses’ money too???

Get tested for STDs
Pray, a whole lot, and move in purposeful peace, those people did you a favor...I promise
 

incogneato

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Anything that is costing your peace, is costing you too much. I'm glad to know you're trusting in God to see you through.

That party and drinking life will get old. He will realize the error of his ways when his relationship with this other woman shows no fruits. You're hurt and tired now but you will win in the end. It's his loss.
God is all I have. The only people I speak to about this is God, my therapist, and LSA. At first I used to think of what was I doing wrong that he couldn’t love me like I love him.
 

Cbillion

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First and foremost, please stop blaming yourself.! His cheating is not a reflection of anything you did. He is selfish and flawed.

You loss a husband only in name. He was not a true husband in the last year or so. A husband is supposed to adore, respect and support his wife! He has not done that.

I know you are hurting and I feel for you rn.
 

Incokneegrow

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You’re right, but I just lost my mom and I was so afraid of losing my husband to, but he still left in the end.
Did you make another thread before? This is heartbreaking though. I hope you are at peace with decision because moving on is the best thing for you.
 

Barryglock

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You sound like you've made amend for yourself and are working on healing. Also, you sound like you have a great head on your shoulders and are very caring.

Congratulations on finally walking away, you are strong and it's ok you stayed a little longer than you would've liked.
 

incogneato

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Condolences about your Mom OP :heart:
Good riddance that you’re tired of the LIAR...and he’s givin away the houses’ money too???

Get tested for STDs
Pray, a whole lot, and move in purposeful peace, those people did you a favor...I promise
Thank you. I appreciate it. It’s like she left me to suffer alone. I’m a good person. I don’t deserve any of this.

Yes, I’ve been tested and will continue to get tested.
 

incogneato

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Did you make another thread before? This is heartbreaking though. I hope you are at peace with decision because moving on is the best thing for you.
Yep... that’s my thread. I don’t know how to update, you can link it here if you want. I’m not at peace. I’m still at the point of what I’d is about me that I can’t be loved the way that I love. The one person who loved me unconditionally is gone.
 

BlaqHippy

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OP you said at the end you are tired and that him and the other woman won.

No, my love. YOU did. You won. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but after the grief and the healing begins, you will see.
 

incogneato

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You sound like you've made amend for yourself and are working on healing. Also, you sound like you have a great head on your shoulders and are very caring.

Congratulations on finally walking away, you are strong and it's ok you stayed a little longer than you would've liked.
Thank you for this. I stayed way past the expiration date thinking if I continue to “do” he will change. He left and then said he still loves me, but he can’t be bothered. People treat others so disposable. It’s really sad.
 

O Hellnaw

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They didn’t win, YOU did. You are right about God. He opened your eyes to the truth and He will see you through. Bigger, brighter and better things await you in your future. Thoughts and prayers, as you begin a beautiful new journey (minus the pain and heartache of the past). :heart:
 

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Think of this as fully being able to walk away knowing that you did everything you could to work on and save your marriage. You can't work on a marriage by yourself or with someone who is dishonest. Better to walk away now than years from now with a child involved.
 

incogneato

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OP you said at the end you are tired and that him and the other woman won.

No, my love. YOU did. You won. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but after the grief and the healing begins, you will see.
I can’t wait for the healing to begin. I’m so very tired. I’m tired of the sleepless nights, walking on egg shells, trying to be perfect, trying to not disturb his peace.
 

First Thyme Caller

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Think of this as fully being able to walk away knowing that you did everything you could to work on and save your marriage. You can't work on a marriage by yourself or with someone who is dishonest. Better to walk away now than years from now with a child involved.
Right I'm glad she didn't get trapped with a baby, she can live her life as single as he his.
 

incogneato

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Think of this as fully being able to walk away knowing that you did everything you could to work on and save your marriage. You can't work on a marriage by yourself or with someone who is dishonest. Better to walk away now than years from now with a child involved.
You’re right... my parents did it to me and I don’t want to fail my future children. I never want my kids to think that functioning in disfunction is ok. It’s not.
 

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(since youre INCOG I can’t write)

...hear me out, a professional sports player cousin of mine had a married teammate w/3 kids wife blah blah blah (cool reg dude, I thought)

OUTTA NOWHERE, leaves the wife and 3 kids for a “stylist” with 5 kids/3 baby babies...and yes, the stylist came into the picture helping the wife, and yea they were ‘cool’...wife had to eat it.

it was sad to see at that time but looking back, that ngga was really happy with that messy azz gurl and yes, she was hood (meaning not at all ‘refined’). And yes, he had two more kids with the stylist....wife got the house and cars money 3 kids and a broken heart but they’re at peace and ol’dude’s life is still hectic AF soooo yea- when a person wants what they want you gotta let’em!! ...hope that helps OP...

“...I ain’t in the business of keepin NO ngga that don’t wanna be kept...” Keish, PoeticJustice

*editing
1. Wife had to eat it, meaning after a game he did not go back home yall :broken_heart: he changed his number, had a lawyer to send papers, like...she almost had a breakdown but pushed through for her kids and pride. Left the state type stuff so I hate saying it but people are cold-cruel-all that:broken_heart:
2. *hugs to the OP like the Justice/Keisha scene ...cause I feel that whole line xoxo
 
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incogneato

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Sorry you're going through this but it shall pass.

I hope one of her baby daddies beat his ass just because.
Lol.... He nurtured and babied his relationship with that woman. He said it felt good when he went to see her and her children were happy to see him. It’s a real fµcked up situation. I’m praying that God keeps giving me the strength to move forward.
 
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Take him to the cleaners!!! Use that money to transform into a happier, badder bish! You deserve the best and eff him for not seeing that. It’ll be difficult at first, but you’ll be okay. You are strong, and when you’re ready, you’ll find someone who sees that.
 

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Proud of you for going to therapy.

Think of it this way: cheating is abuse. It's an easier way for modern abusive men to break you down, while blaming you for it.

Put that context on your story and you will see what kind of horror you truly escaped. He had you changing yourself so that he wouldn't hurt you and he got his mom involved. Then of course he went and hurt you again...that was his #1 goal the whole time.

It sucks, but this is the best end to a bad situation.
 
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thynne

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Sorry for your loss. Let him go be a dad of 3 and boyfriend to a woman who is comfy being with a married man. Go live your best life and stay in counseling. You dodged bullets not having his children.
 

NickyLoodle

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He will get tired of that other life and realize he was wrong. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. Stay strong and please don't second guess what you could have done. You done way more than that man deserves, he doesn't deserve any more second thoughts or your time.
 

incogneato

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(since youre INCOG I can’t write)

...hear me out, a professional sports player cousin of mine had a married teammate w/3 kids wife blah blah blah (cool reg dude, I thought)

OUTTA NOWHERE, leaves the wife and 3 kids for a “stylist” with 5 kids/3 baby babies...and yes, the stylist came into the picture helping the wife, and yea they were ‘cool’...wife had to eat it.

it was sad to see at that time but looking back, that ngga was really happy with that messy azz gurl and yes, she was hood (meaning not at all ‘refined’). And yes, he had two more kids with the stylist....wife got the house and cars money 3 kids and a broken heart but they’re at peace and ol’dude’s life is still hectic AF soooo yea- when a person wants what they want you gotta let’em!! ...hope that helps OP...

“...I ain’t in the business of keepin NO ngga that don’t wanna be kept...” Keish, PoeticJustice
This is exactly it. This sounds like my story minus the children. She has 30,000 followers on IG and I don’t have social media. I’m refined and she’s turnt. No matter how much I cried and begged and pleaded. He doesn’t want to be here. I wish I left sooner that’s all.
 

Psalm

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F him and her

you will grieve what coulda shoulda been but six months to a year you’ll be back on top.
 

All About Me Now

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Sorry you are experiencing this. I can relate. If you can not afford a lawyer you can call your county divorce court office and they will walk you through your options. They have free divorce classes and fee waiving. Save any extra funds and plan ahead. Let him continue to cover the expenses. Things are raw now, and you are tired but later you will be glad you took some of these steps.
 

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Make this more about him and less about her.

If he’s a cheater he would of done this regardless if the woman was turnt or a nun on the street.
 

incogneato

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He will get tired of that other life and realize he was wrong. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. Stay strong and please don't second guess what you could have done. You done way more than that man deserves, he doesn't deserve any more second thoughts or your time.
Yesss I definitely need to stop thinking where I could have done more or have been better. It just hurts so much. It’s like someone can rip your life to shreds in seconds and I’m left to put it back together alone.
 

aquariusrising

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I asked him is it because I live a simple life? I work and go to school. She parties every weekend, got her body done, 3 kids by 3 different men (I’m not trying to put her down) but maybe I was too boring.

it looks like you're too good for him. she seems to be his vibrational match. it hurts now, but you'll heal and meet someone better (on your level). he'll always be trash and since she sounds unstable, his relationship with her more than likely won't last. the trash took itself out.
 

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