Quantcast
  • Don't post about your friends here. Post issues with your friends on the Front Porch.

my mother is a bird brained idiot who i have no respect for

Capricornnnn

Team Owner
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
13,503
Reaction score
Reactions
21,495 430 121
22,201
Alleybux
500
I hope you heal this sounds so deep rooted in hatred. Please get help. It’s okay to step away from family if they are toxic. Maybe minding your biz will help. Whatever your mom does is her biz she’s grown. Dont make that too much of your concern.
 

TheFinalLevel

Summertime
Joined
Jan 6, 2015
Messages
12,306
Reaction score
Reactions
74,432 873 640
76,874
Alleybux
159,323
This thread will not go down in vain, OP. If another thread is created or bumped about black daughters and their mothers’ toxicity, I will surely use this thread as a reference and the responses here will show you just how little the black community really cares about black women and girls who deal with awful mothers.

Facts. The responses here are crazy. I'm glad that the OP sees it for what it was.
 

AgnesGooch

Cool With You
Joined
Feb 14, 2009
Messages
65,580
Reaction score
Reactions
640,834 19,021 12,528
655,227
Alleybux
170,505
This thread will not go down in vain, OP. If another thread is created or bumped about black daughters and their mothers’ toxicity, I will surely use this thread as a reference and the responses here will show you just how little the black community really cares about black women and girls who deal with awful mothers.

what do you think people should say? All OP said in the original post was that her mom was a bird brained b!tch and rants about her mom. Later she adds on that she was abused. TBH most of the people ranting about their toxic moms are actually going to be those toxic moms in 20 years themsleves to some poor kid because they only want to vent and not do anything to stop the cycle.
 

madameposh

✨feminine goddess✨
Joined
Apr 2, 2021
Messages
2,473
Reaction score
Reactions
65,503 565 33
65,528
Alleybux
54,000
It sounds like a serious situation and unfortunately it is causing you a lot of anger and resentment that its only hurting you, while your mom is continuing (will continue) screwing up. Seek help and find a way to heal, not because of your mom, but think about YOU FIRST.
 

ProductFiend

Sally ain't got nuffin' on me!
Joined
Apr 11, 2017
Messages
11,116
Reaction score
Reactions
72,396 5,007 6,365
73,473
Alleybux
168,500
I hear you, OP. I hated my birther with a vengeance, too, for many years until I had a baby. I found my heart didn't have enough room for that kind of hate battling for space with the love I had for my little guy, so I let it go. Don't get it twisted. I dislike that bird brained idiot to this day and will never have any respect for her, but I cut her out of our lives and KIM.

I hope you find something that fills your heart with love and joy some day so you, too, can move on from the hate (for yourself, NOT for your mother).
 

doeeyedgirl

HRH, Princess of LSA
Joined
Feb 23, 2021
Messages
7,624
Reaction score
Reactions
115,296 4,293 646
115,255
Alleybux
154,500
Y'all lack critical thinking skills and emotional maturity. It's unfortunate that there seems to be a correlation between lack of brain activity and number of kids popped out.

Of course OP developed issues. Parents are the single most formative figures in a human's life. Your childhood literally shapes your neural pathways and affects every aspect of your life trajectory. Abuse requires years of professional therapy to undo; it's a process.

The reason why people always get defensive is because they're probably in denial about their own incompetent parents and have yet to call a therapist for their own selves. It requires nothing to just foist ignorance and trauma on the next generation.
 

KingwoodHeaux

Team Owner
Joined
Sep 21, 2018
Messages
5,056
Reaction score
Reactions
48,427 1,757 1,277
52,089
Alleybux
637,471
yall dont know how old i am, what im going through or anything and assuming i want to be around an abuser out of choice. wow, you people are legit assholes.
You came here. People are going off what YOU said. It's clear you have issues and we see where you get them from. If you didn't want people assuming you should've wrote in a diary
 

UWildNoseyb

Team Owner
Joined
Jan 28, 2021
Messages
5,288
Reaction score
Reactions
15,425 4,314 1,484
15,445
Alleybux
359,734
You came here. People are going off what YOU said. It's clear you have issues and we see where you get them from. If you didn't want people assuming you should've wrote in a diary
You must’ve forgotten this was the family alley.. don’t harass and bully someone, then try to tell them where they should express themselves.
 

Ladidadi

Justice for Takeoff
Joined
Oct 28, 2019
Messages
6,885
Reaction score
Reactions
90,411 3,706 475
100,878
Alleybux
1,413,110
Facts. The responses here are crazy. I'm glad that the OP sees it for what it was.
Between this thread and the one about that middle school teacher attacking a bunch of students and most of the fonts excusing his behavior as "having a mental break", I feel like I'm in the LSA twilight zone. I think all the fonts in here negatively responding to the OP probably identify with the likes of OPs mother and are lowkey feeling insulted by OPs feelings towards her mother because they are probably sh!tty mothers just like her.

Anyway OP you probably won't see this since you said you're ignoring the thread but I hope you get peace from what your mother has put you and your siblings through. Unfortunately LSA has proven time and time again it is not the place to come to to vent about certain issues because these psychotic fonts will turn on you like rabid dogs for no reason. Peace and blessings to you, dear.
 
Last edited:
Joined
Nov 26, 2016
Messages
990
Reaction score
Reactions
8,120 394 335
8,023
Alleybux
89,323
Hmmm... you have a lot of "smoke" for your mother... but you haven't even mentioned your father.

What's the deal with him??? You know your mom didn't create you on her own. If it's so bad living with her, why won't you go live with your father???

You mention "sh!tty parents"... that's plural. But you only insult your mother.
 

Pancakes123

General Manager
Joined
Aug 10, 2019
Messages
4,660
Reaction score
Reactions
42,631 741 724
43,064
Alleybux
0
Hmmm... you have a lot of "smoke" for your mother... but you haven't even mentioned your father.

What's the deal with him??? You know your mom didn't create you on her own. If it's so bad living with her, why won't you go live with your father???

You mention "sh!tty parents"... that's plural. But you only insult your mother.
This is a good question. Why hasn’t the op mentioned her father and if her mother is so bad, why can’t she go and live with him?
 

TheFinalLevel

Summertime
Joined
Jan 6, 2015
Messages
12,306
Reaction score
Reactions
74,432 873 640
76,874
Alleybux
159,323
Y'all lack critical thinking skills and emotional maturity. It's unfortunate that there seems to be a correlation between lack of brain activity and number of kids popped out.

Of course OP developed issues. Parents are the single most formative figures in a human's life. Your childhood literally shapes your neural pathways and affects every aspect of your life trajectory. Abuse requires years of professional therapy to undo; it's a process.

The reason why people always get defensive is because they're probably in denial about their own incompetent parents and have yet to call a therapist for their own selves. It requires nothing to just foist ignorance and trauma on the next generation.
Science shows that getting beaten with cords and switches is the same as physical abuse. But fonts will deny deny deny till they turn blue. Until we recognize this and learn to parent our children and get help before we bring them into the world, the cycle will continue.
 

Blueberry77

General Manager
Joined
Apr 5, 2019
Messages
2,047
Reaction score
Reactions
15,884 422 143
15,835
Alleybux
0
It sounds as though your mother was extremely abusive to you growing up. There’s nothing wrong with cutting her out of your life now. Every person has the right to cut ties with toxic people, parents included.
 

KingwoodHeaux

Team Owner
Joined
Sep 21, 2018
Messages
5,056
Reaction score
Reactions
48,427 1,757 1,277
52,089
Alleybux
637,471
You must’ve forgotten this was the family alley.. don’t harass and bully someone, then try to tell them where they should express themselves.
No one is harassing or bullying anyone. It's true. Op does need to talk to a professional for the abuse she endured. She clearly has a problem. Instead of hopping on lsa and getting mad at people telling her to leave her toxic mom and to let go of that hurt, she needs to get a diary if she just wants to vent. The only person who was nasty in this thread was op. Again how are you mad because people responsed to only what they know?
 

SumthinDumbToDo

Team Owner
Joined
Jul 4, 2015
Messages
7,707
Reaction score
Reactions
85,995 1,442 528
93,571
Alleybux
553,904
Black women like your mother are apart of the problem so I’m glad you’re calling her out OP. I’m also glad that you understand what a bird she is so you can break the cycle for the next generation of black girls. These types of black women need to start being held accountable just like the men, I’m sick of the desperation and degeneracy in our community.
 

ALLOFTHIS

Team Owner
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
42,180
Reaction score
Reactions
185,061 4,466 2,068
221,854
Alleybux
859,727
This thread will not go down in vain, OP. If another thread is created or bumped about black daughters and their mothers’ toxicity, I will surely use this thread as a reference and the responses here will show you just how little the black community really cares about black women and girls who deal with awful mothers.
LSA is a tiny snippet of the black community. Don't act like people are careless. More than anything we can only help with words of encouragement. But straight out the gate OP was defensive.

I can't help that I saw the issue and not the solution first. Life is cold...get a sweater. Everybody is not going to sugar coat what they feel to protect her feelings.

Maybe she should have did a blog post or something. Hell, people make up so much sh!t on here it's hard to give a fµck.
 

Gold Ghost

General Manager
Joined
Nov 15, 2018
Messages
2,786
Reaction score
Reactions
34,259 638 304
35,690
Alleybux
217,054
Some people on LSA believe parents can never be criticized and no matter what they do you shouldn’t complain. It’s annoying.

This was clearly a rant from OP when she was in an emotional state. Sorry you’re going through this. I think you should separate from your mom if you can. Not saying never speak to her, but you need some kind of separation (such as moving out if possible). Get therapy, focus on your mental health and success. If you plan to be a mother then I recommend therapy even more. Good luck!
 

Troy

Carmichael
Joined
May 5, 2014
Messages
551
Reaction score
Reactions
1,766 62 121
1,686
Alleybux
22,341
If her mother is toxic, it’s safe to assume that her mother has isolated her from her other family, or her outside family chooses to distance themselves.

So telling Op leave is not a solution, Where will she go?
How is putting her in the foster system ( a truly broken system) helpful to her?
her mother doesn’t work, BIG CLUE, to indicate Op likely has little or no financial resources to get therapy, or really any help for her underlying resentment ( which she is entitled to btw and hopefully will resolve)
let alone to leave on her own, it would take years at least. And in disfunction, it better to take the trauma you know, then step out and invite new trauma, before she is financially secure too, or supported.

it weird y’all even think Op WANTS TO KNOW about her mother’s relationship, and not something foisted on her.

OP IS STUCK. Reading between the lines will get you there. Is it really hard on LSA to just be a supportive ear? It embarrassing I even have to explain.
 

incogneato

No face, no case.
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
396,379
Reaction score
Reactions
2,689,264 494,930 222,843
2,889,211
Alleybux
800,869
The way some people are victim-blaming in this thread is so sad. People get messed up for life because of toxic parents, op should be allowed to vent and get sympathy.
 

TheChanteuse

LSA: where the average bw looks like Mariah!
Joined
May 29, 2015
Messages
8,018
Reaction score
Reactions
71,165 1,901 724
86,596
Alleybux
201,490
One thing I don't tolerate is toxic family members. The black community is obsessed with protecting degenerate family members because they share the same blood from drug dealers, child molesters/ abusers. I'm ready for them to be held accountable.

I'm glad your calling your mother out. The way you described her; she sounds to be male identified or suffering from self hate or internal misogyny.

Funny no one cares about the abuse of black daughters but people are still coddling a grown man DMX for what his mother put him through.

Hopefully you're break the cycle and heal. If your still at home stay in your room and limit your time with her as much as possible and start planning your departure.
 

Selam

Team Owner
Joined
Nov 8, 2010
Messages
27,171
Reaction score
Reactions
81,100 1,831 3,824
78,878
Alleybux
23,180
I’ll say it agin - this board is going downhill. There was a time people could create threads like this and just vent but now we have people berating OP for her feelings and telling her she has “no home training”. Sick.
 

bigheadgirl

You WISH I was your Auntie lol
Joined
Sep 2, 2013
Messages
2,505
Reaction score
Reactions
9,193 577 343
9,898
Alleybux
82,939
b!tch never took of her kids and shes quite delusional. shes 48 years old and has accomplished absolute nothing in her life. i have no feelings of affection towards her. on mothers day im acting like it doesnt exist because she a trash ass parent.

anyway, shes been dating this guy since july 2020. she moved to another state in september and the guy said he wanted to move to that state too. after 2 weeks shes telling me how hes in love with her. how the fµck do you fall in love with someone you rarely know

september comes and he doesnt move. he makes all these excuses. he comes to visit her for 2 days lol. no christmas, no thanksgiving, no new years, no valentines day not sh!t, not even a gift for the holiday. she even found out he was cheating in february and took him back talking about "i know she doesnt compare to me"

anyway, hes only visited her one time since september. he didnt even want to stay with her in a big city like houston vs being back home in indiana. hell go out with his friends to atlanta or miami for a week but couldn't stay with you lmfaoo for a few days. he literally left 2 days later RUSHING to get home. WHO THE fµck WOULD RATHER STAY IN A SMALL TOWN VS A BIG TOWN WITH GREAT OPPORTUNITIES? OH RIGHT A MAN WHO DOESN'T fµck!ng LIKE YOU.

So, on April 1st, she decided to go to indiana to stay with this dude. Shes been there 3 weeks living out of a hotel or his apt sometimes. When she got there she found out he was cheating and took him back talking about "his other women dont compare to me" and "im taking him for his money" this dude is a street dude with not sh!t to his name. SAD.

This bum would rather stay in hotels and ghetto apartments instead of the house God blessed her with. She has NO job but gets unemployment. I tried to tell her to uber but shes talking about shes too tired but the bum can go in another state and spend money for a fµck!ng man. yet always complains about being broke.

she has low self esteem and talking about getting a bbl, meanwhile she drives a 2011 car, has no credit, doesnt even own a house. doesnt workout or sh!t. just gross. anyway just wanted to rant about a useless pathetic 48 yr old who i cant wait to be from forever.
I always wonder what the mothers in these type posts think of the poster. I'm not tryna start no sh!t but I just wonder...
 

RaRaRaHu

The petty princess
Joined
Feb 22, 2020
Messages
10,177
Reaction score
Reactions
52,920 1,520 1,308
56,070
Alleybux
90,500
I'll be ignoring this thread from now on because the stockholm syndrome that the community has for sh!tty black parents is beyond me. i'm not angry or bitter nor am i miserable. i dont spend my time with an abuser out of choice.

couldn't even let out my frustrations without being the one called problematic lol..

keep being loud, wrong and assuming. the entire thread minus a couple posts were a waste of my time. thanks everyone who helped!
OP I dont agree with most of the responses from here. Too much coddling of stupidity is why there's so much problems in our community. While I don't agree with hating a parent and calling them names, I understand your frustrations. I dont have any advice as I've never had a parent like that but I wish you the best.

Just ignore everyone really, I can't believe they're excusing your moms behaviour.

Don't understand why others are assuming either.
 

Anomie

Team Owner
Joined
Jun 29, 2018
Messages
17,639
Reaction score
Reactions
111,781 5,871 3,617
115,754
Alleybux
259,150
you're not happy obviously.

people whove healed just wish their crazy parents the best and let them go.

it seems whatever she did still pains you
 

Anomie

Team Owner
Joined
Jun 29, 2018
Messages
17,639
Reaction score
Reactions
111,781 5,871 3,617
115,754
Alleybux
259,150
If her mother is toxic, it’s safe to assume that her mother has isolated her from her other family, or her outside family chooses to distance themselves.

So telling Op leave is not a solution, Where will she go?
How is putting her in the foster system ( a truly broken system) helpful to her?
her mother doesn’t work, BIG CLUE, to indicate Op likely has little or no financial resources to get therapy, or really any help for her underlying resentment ( which she is entitled to btw and hopefully will resolve)
let alone to leave on her own, it would take years at least. And in disfunction, it better to take the trauma you know, then step out and invite new trauma, before she is financially secure too, or supported.

it weird y’all even think Op WANTS TO KNOW about her mother’s relationship, and not something foisted on her.

OP IS STUCK. Reading between the lines will get you there. Is it really hard on LSA to just be a supportive ear? It embarrassing I even have to explain.
op is an adult and it doesn't seem she lives with her mother...

why did you assume that?

that's why everyone is saying to just cut her off.

there's so much toxicity in this relationship. between the mothers past abuse and ops anger at the abuse.

I can't imagine these two having any productive or loving conversations and it cuts both ways.
 

3sugarspls

bonnet association affiliate
Joined
Feb 7, 2018
Messages
2,749
Reaction score
Reactions
47,887 3,028 1,002
52,510
Alleybux
4,141
OP, I feel for you. No child, especially a daughter should feel like their mother constantly chose a man over them, and will constantly make bad decisions behind a man. Please understand that she may never do right by you, and the more and more you think there’s a chance..the likelihood you’ll continue to be hurt and upset by her actions. Take her for what she is, and if you plan on having children, learn from her mistakes and do right by them always.

Wishing you healing!
 

Juwanna Mann

I always have something to say
Joined
Sep 28, 2020
Messages
1,733
Reaction score
Reactions
12,778 202 106
15,095
Alleybux
1,100
i would suggest you get a therapist and limit communication to your mother. it seems like she affects you more than you know and might even be having residual impact in your life today.

Step 1: get a therapist and limit contact to your mother. twice weekly max.
Step 2: if they suggest a psychiatrist....go
Step 3: do not think you're strong and don't need medication if its suggested / prescribed, you can always switch brands and have dosage adjusted.
Step 4: start a journal. record your day, highs and lows

Step 5: rewards yourself regularly. new clothes, handbag, ice cream, go to the beach, a candle etc.

Long story short....start loving yourself first and stop worrying about things and people you can't control or change.
 

GoldenRoses

Future Wife of a Trillionaire
Joined
Mar 13, 2020
Messages
368
Reaction score
Reactions
3,982 140 165
3,778
Alleybux
14,535
A lot of the people here are unnecessarily defensive on your post. Maybe they're just like your mother and don't like being reminded of what they are. Don't mind them and work to get away from your mother. Some people can't be saved and will always be low-lives. I wish you luck and a happy life, OP.
 

Troy

Carmichael
Joined
May 5, 2014
Messages
551
Reaction score
Reactions
1,766 62 121
1,686
Alleybux
22,341
op is an adult and it doesn't seem she lives with her mother...

why did you assume that?

that's why everyone is saying to just cut her off.

there's so much toxicity in this relationship. between the mothers past abuse and ops anger at the abuse.

I can't imagine these two having any productive or loving conversations and it cuts both ways.

1. Cutting someone off really is a privilege. Especially if you don’t have support. There is a reason for women shelters, because abuse leaves people isolated.

2. why are you assuming OP is an adult or living separately from her mom?
 

Anomie

Team Owner
Joined
Jun 29, 2018
Messages
17,639
Reaction score
Reactions
111,781 5,871 3,617
115,754
Alleybux
259,150
1. Cutting someone off really is a privilege. Especially if you don’t have support. There is a reason for women shelters, because abuse leaves people isolated.

2. why are you assuming OP is an adult or living separately from her mom?
cuz they live in different states...?
 

Space ghost

Higher & Higher & Higher He Climbed
Joined
Sep 10, 2011
Messages
2,541
Reaction score
Reactions
22,637 1,151 1,443
25,466
Alleybux
78,727
This thread is all over the place. I didn’t see anyone trying to absolve the mother. I just saw people urging op to take responsibility for her role in their dysfunctional relationship. Victim mentality made op hear that as “you’re wrong. Your mama is right.” No one said that. OP your mama will never change, you can only change how you let her affect you.
 

TheFinalLevel

Summertime
Joined
Jan 6, 2015
Messages
12,306
Reaction score
Reactions
74,432 873 640
76,874
Alleybux
159,323
I just know that some of you fonts will end up alone in a nursing home wondering why your children won't visit you.
 

GoldenRoses

Future Wife of a Trillionaire
Joined
Mar 13, 2020
Messages
368
Reaction score
Reactions
3,982 140 165
3,778
Alleybux
14,535
This thread is all over the place. I didn’t see anyone trying to absolve the mother. I just saw people urging op to take responsibility for her role in their dysfunctional relationship. Victim mentality made op hear that as “you’re wrong. Your mama is right.” No one said that. OP your mama will never change, you can only change how you let her affect you.
What exactly is OP's role in their dysfunctional relationship? Is having a dead-beat careless parent the responsibility of the child... or? Please explain, I'm genuinely curious.
 
Last edited:

Space ghost

Higher & Higher & Higher He Climbed
Joined
Sep 10, 2011
Messages
2,541
Reaction score
Reactions
22,637 1,151 1,443
25,466
Alleybux
78,727
What exactly is OP's role in their dysfunctional relationship? Is having a dead-beat careless parent the responsibility of the child... or? Please explain, I'm genuinely curious.
Op came here complaining about her mom being an old bird. She’s obviously keeping up with her mother’s updates about her bum. She needs to establish boundaries so she can stop the bleeding and attempt to heal the wound that is caused by having a dead beat careless parent, unless she is only interested in blaming and victimhood.
 
Joined
Jul 2, 2018
Messages
1,587
Reaction score
Reactions
18,030 1,671 212
23,247
Alleybux
36,500
Op if you’re still here then go to Reddit or psychforums, they’ll offer you a sympathetic ear. the majority of fonts here get mad when sh!tty mothers are held accountable.
 

RaRaRaHu

The petty princess
Joined
Feb 22, 2020
Messages
10,177
Reaction score
Reactions
52,920 1,520 1,308
56,070
Alleybux
90,500
Op if you’re still here then go to Reddit or psychforums, they’ll offer you a sympathetic ear. the majority of fonts here get mad when sh!tty mothers are held accountable.
Exactly. I wonder how most ppl would act if their mother starved them and neglected them their whole lives. Don't agree with the choice of words but I can't blame her.

OP LSA is the LAST place you should be coming to for advice.
 

Similar Threads

News Alley

General Alley

Top Bottom