incogneato
No face, no case.
I just feel tired and drained. I woke up feeling sad. I don't think I can live my life fully happily as a lesbian. I have NO INTEREST in men xesually or romantically but I wonder if I should consider submitting myself to men to be protected in life.
PLEASE DON'T ATTACK ME. This has nothing to even do with xesual desire. I am just thinking in terms of my life down the line. How can I successfully navigate through life in a relationship or while even being married to another woman considering that women aren't respected in society like men are.
What protections do I have?
I have knots in my stomach and feel like vomiting. I have such anxiety right now.
I am denying myself, I know.
Here I am....in the closet and don't think I will ever come out because I am too scared.
A part of me feels like I need to marry a man in order to survive but I wouldn't be able to live with myself for long if I were to do that.
I try not to think about it and just sometimes tell myself that I will be fine without being in a relationship but then I lay down at night feeling lonely and empty that I will never know what romantic love feels like.
Am I even worthy?
Me accepting myself as a gay woman has been so challenging.
I am okay until I get triggered....until I see something pertaining to LGBT...until someone asks me "do I have a boyfriend"....until someone says....I just know God is going to send a man in your life.....until someone reminds me that I am supposed to be with a man.
Oh, I needed that I guess. I need to be reminded of everything I am not I guess.
Society has done a number on me. I accept the fact that I am responsible for my own happiness but I just don't feel like I am worthy sometimes.
I am hurting.
PLEASE DON'T ATTACK ME. This has nothing to even do with xesual desire. I am just thinking in terms of my life down the line. How can I successfully navigate through life in a relationship or while even being married to another woman considering that women aren't respected in society like men are.
What protections do I have?
I have knots in my stomach and feel like vomiting. I have such anxiety right now.
I am denying myself, I know.
Here I am....in the closet and don't think I will ever come out because I am too scared.
A part of me feels like I need to marry a man in order to survive but I wouldn't be able to live with myself for long if I were to do that.
I try not to think about it and just sometimes tell myself that I will be fine without being in a relationship but then I lay down at night feeling lonely and empty that I will never know what romantic love feels like.
Am I even worthy?
Me accepting myself as a gay woman has been so challenging.
I am okay until I get triggered....until I see something pertaining to LGBT...until someone asks me "do I have a boyfriend"....until someone says....I just know God is going to send a man in your life.....until someone reminds me that I am supposed to be with a man.
Oh, I needed that I guess. I need to be reminded of everything I am not I guess.
Society has done a number on me. I accept the fact that I am responsible for my own happiness but I just don't feel like I am worthy sometimes.
I am hurting.