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One frustrating thing about being a black woman...

Esdeath

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You’re constantly seen as the issue. You may engage with someone on an acquaintance level and then bounce once that person (who’s nonblack) starts to rub you the wrong way. After a while people start to think that you’re the issue, “If we all get along and you’re always the one having the issue then it’s clearly you!”. If you choose not to get too close to nonblacks in any type of situation for whatever reason then they obsess over you and paint you out to be this nasty person who refuses to be a team player or that you can’t get along with other people.
Just something that I’ve noticed.
 

Ultraviolet42

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I get it all the time. You can't just mind your business as a black woman. You are then seen as hostile. At this point and age in my life, I simply don't care.
 

THE GENERAL

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Yes its true. Black people are ALWAYS the problem in any situation but being a black woman, people act as if you automatically did something because of your "attitude"
 

LaineLaine

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I'm always quiet when I start a new job and I always get asked by white coworkers why am I so quiet. I be wanting to say, I DON'T KNOW YOU, KAREN so bad
 

Esdeath

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Yes its true. Black people are ALWAYS the problem in any situation but being a black woman, people act as if you automatically did something because of your "attitude"

This!! We deal with so much micro aggression and racism that isn’t so blunt all the time. It’s like if we choose to remove ourselves from being around people too many times then somehow it clearly ends up being our fault. I’m in a mom group for SAHM that’s unfortunately heavily nonblack and I’ve dipped and cold shoulder a few who thought they were slick. Just waiting for the moment when someone things I’m the one who’s the problem.
 

S91Reign

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Pre-conceived notions and assumptions are the worst.
People being confused, intimidated by your beauty, presence, and aura.

There are many things, but I wouldn't be anything else even if I could.
 

bribri23

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Black women have to accept that we are both invisible and hyper visible at the same time.

Good point. As I move up the corporate later I'm experiencing this more and more. I've mentioned this b4.... I am a introvert and I'm pretty quiet. People seem to hate that I don't fit the description of how they want me to act.

I was just transferred to a new job because of that
 

LaMochaCoca

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Sometimes I feel guilty, and I know yall may judge me for this, but most times I'm not even interested in having nonblack friends. Don't get me wrong, I know there are amazing nonblack individuals out there who will help you in your career/friendship, but I prefer the company of Black people. There is just some type of comfort there. Am I the only one that feels this way?
 

fashionfreak

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White people don’t like when we don’t want to engage with them, let alone be friends with them. They take it personally.

I was on a flight the other day and this white man was chatting my head off. I told him as nicely as I could I wanted to sleep after he wouldn’t shut up. You would have thought I called his mother a hoe. Ridiculous.
 

aquaria11

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It's hard for us out there. People want to steal our swag, but are constantly trying to police us. But we are divine beings for a reason. There's nothing more magical in this world than a black woman. Real recognize real. We don't need those who don't. It can be a lonely existence, but heavy is the head who wears the crown.
 

THE GENERAL

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Sometimes I feel guilty, and I know yall may judge me for this, but most times I'm not even interested in having nonblack friends. Don't get me wrong, I know there are amazing nonblack individuals out there who will help you in your career/friendship, but I prefer the company of Black people. There is just some type of comfort there. Am I the only one that feels this way?

No. I spend my personal time with black folks only.
 

Aems

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Every bit of this is true. It used to bother me a lot but these days I really don't mind. It's life.

Personally, most people annoy me anyway regardless of race, so if me being myself keeps people at arm's length or rubs people the wrong way, that actually makes life easier for me. I'll stay in my lane and you stay in yours.
 

Mrs Ossoff

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It's hard for us out there. People want to steal our swag, but are constantly trying to police us. But we are divine beings for a reason. There's nothing more magical in this world than a black woman. Real recognize real. We don't need those who don't. It can be a lonely existence, but heavy is the head who wears the crown.

All of this. My situation is that everything about me is weaponized and my coworker who does nothing and is repeatedly inappropriate is valued and given favor. All of this is sad to me because of their jealousy, the yt women coworkers try to sabotage me. I swear, if yt people experienced the level of vitriol and active hate we do for merely existing in the world, they'd kill themselves. It's disgusting.

I try to make friends with some down black people but generally seem to do ok w/ some yt men in the work place. It's crazy out there.
 

Mrs Ossoff

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I feel like I don’t matter at work,i feel i work hard or even harder but for some strange reason im not trusted.

Moving the goal post. These women barely acknowledge me so when i return that same energy, somehow i don't spend enough time getting to know them. Yt women are so delusional. One had the nerve (former boss) told me I am always working on something so she never gets to talk to me. I wanted to say, "b!tch, when you come to my office, you do not acknowledge me. You talk to the yt women then head out." I hate how lacking in self awareness they are. Nothing is ever yt woman's fault. Like damn.
 

MERVEILLEUSE

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I don't worry much about white opinions, or the beliefs of those that have already made up their mind and can never be convinced otherwise. I just try to be thoughtful of others and kind so that I know I've done all I could do to foster a positive relationship... but if someone wants a problem they can have a problem all by themselves.
 

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I feel like I don’t matter at work,i feel i work hard or even harder but for some strange reason im not trusted.

I completely understand.
These days I do what is required of my job, and I do it well.

Nothing less and nothing more. I can't be bothered.

Especially if you know its going to be a short term stint.
 

Esdeath

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Sometimes I feel guilty, and I know yall may judge me for this, but most times I'm not even interested in having nonblack friends. Don't get me wrong, I know there are amazing nonblack individuals out there who will help you in your career/friendship, but I prefer the company of Black people. There is just some type of comfort there. Am I the only one that feels this way?

I see nothing wrong with having only black friends. Nothing. Seems to be the safest way to move anyway. I have a few who are really good to me and never feel uncomfortable when I talk about my blackness. Having to navigate so much antiblackness and deal with nonblacks daily in such a close way is exhausting.
 

Esdeath

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White people don’t like when we don’t want to engage with them, let alone be friends with them. They take it personally.

I was on a flight the other day and this white man was chatting my head off. I told him as nicely as I could I wanted to sleep after he wouldn’t shut up. You would have thought I called his mother a hoe. Ridiculous.


Nonblack minorities are just as aggravating! They want to cling to being more accepted by whites than us while pulling the minority card when we bring up how problematic they are also.
 

Esdeath

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I don't worry much about white opinions, or the beliefs of those that have already made up their mind and can never be convinced otherwise. I just try to be thoughtful of others and kind so that I know I've done all I could do to foster a positive relationship... but if someone wants a problem they can have a problem all by themselves.

Im going to remember this!
 

Esdeath

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too many non-blacks on lsa for ya'll to be spilling your hearts out like this

A white person on this site has issue deep down inside that not even the highest rated therapist can fix. I am not silencing myself on this site because of them.
 

Mantsho

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Well the only good or bad thing I can offer is that it is global. It seems all spaces you enter, you're immediately treated with suspicion. I've been told that I've studied enough and I don't want to be too educated.
Meanwhile Susie gets by with the bare minimum.

I wish I had some positive feedback but I am tired. Tired of having to work twice as hard for half the recognition and still be in danger.
 

Esdeath

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Well the only good or bad thing I can offer is that it is global. It seems all spaces you enter, you're immediately treated with suspicion. I've been told that I've studied enough and I don't want to be too educated.
Meanwhile Susie gets by with the bare minimum.

I wish I had some positive feedback but I am tired. Tired of having to work twice as hard for half the recognition and still be in danger.


And don’t let people start with their micro aggressions. As soon as you choose not to interact with those people again then you’re seen as the outcast and issue.
 

sevenof8

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Sometimes I feel guilty, and I know yall may judge me for this, but most times I'm not even interested in having nonblack friends. Don't get me wrong, I know there are amazing nonblack individuals out there who will help you in your career/friendship, but I prefer the company of Black people. There is just some type of comfort there. Am I the only one that feels this way?

No, you aren't alone and don't ever feel guilty about it. White people dont explain why they only have white friends, Asians sure don't...heck, I even had an Asian colleague openly state they would never move somewhere if they didn't have a sizable Asian population in the area because his wife wouldn't hear of it. He said that at work without a care in the world. Why should we feel we need to explain ourselves and who we feel comfortable? I never trust non blacks to have my back at work; I play chess, they are a means to an end nothing more and nothing less.
 

badjuju_xo

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Nonblack minorities are just as aggravating! They want to cling to being more accepted by whites than us while pulling the minority card when we bring up how problematic they are also.

I am more suspicious of nonblack minorities

I had one befriend me, and we were friendly enough. She knew about the struggles of my current job (as I wasn't getting trained on anything and I would literally have one hour of work to sustain me per day).

About 6 months in, she just stopped talking to me altogether. Then I noticed that colleagues in the office, who would once acknowledge and greet me in the halls. Stopped doing so. People went out of their way to avoid me altogether.

I don't know what story she took from me and spun. But it just goes to show, that 'allies' cannot be trusted as much as a white person.
 

ninam0sley

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People always trying to tell us how to be a black woman when you don't fit their idea of what one is. There's not one way to be a black woman, sorry.
 

LindaB

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this is so real. Dealing with this rn. There aren't too many blck folks where I live. Its only ytes and Azians and oh my lord I go through it every day especially at work. I want to leave and be in an area that's more diverse however I don't want them to think they won. It can be so hard on your mental health. The constant microaggressions, the disrespect. It would be nice to have a day when you are not fighting
 

Rhett

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White racism and white colourism because that sh!t fucks with my money.
 

sevenof8

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this is so real. Dealing with this rn. There aren't too many blck folks where I live. Its only ytes and Azians and oh my lord I go through it every day especially at work. I want to leave and be in an area that's more diverse however I don't want them to think they won. It can be so hard on your mental health. The constant microaggressions, the disrespect. It would be nice to have a day when you are not fighting

I learned some valuable things when my mother and brother passed within a year of each other. Life is short. Your happiness and peace of mind is the most important thing. If you are living or working or in a situation or relationship that doesn't bring you happiness, change it. It isn't about proving anything to those people, they honestly don't care about you. You could fall into a hole in the room and disappear forever and they wouldn't care, so focus on yourself and your peace of mind.

We live in an upper class black community and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am an Executive and we have a very diverse work environment. I deal with non blacks professionally and I keep them at arm's length AT ALL TIMES and I don't trust them at all. I'm happy and peaceful.
 

ILikeYoFace

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Sometimes I feel guilty, and I know yall may judge me for this, but most times I'm not even interested in having nonblack friends. Don't get me wrong, I know there are amazing nonblack individuals out there who will help you in your career/friendship, but I prefer the company of Black people. There is just some type of comfort there. Am I the only one that feels this way?
I don’t do white friendships at all. My relationships with non black non-whites are conversational at best.

In everything, my peace comes first. I care nothing about how people judge me. And I always feel like things work out for me. So if I gotta swerve my way out of a situation, I’ll be good.
 

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