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One frustrating thing about being a black woman...

Fredsaid1841

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I would say the hardest thing for me is just being in corporate America. It’s just so mentally and emotionally draining on my soul.

People don’t like to see you too confident, but also not too quiet. They want you to be familiar and friendly, yet criticize you as unprofessional or too “informal”.

I am 5+ years younger than anyone on my team at my level. I produce twice as much as my peers do. I am the only one on my team besides my director with a masters degree. And I still don’t get anything in return. More work and more criticism.

I just feel so used. I know it doesn’t get any better. That’s why I’m trying to get out. This ish is aging me.
 

BlaiseBeauty

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I get it all the time. You can't just mind your business as a black woman. You are then seen as hostile. At this point and age in my life, I simply don't care.

THIS...

I like to work in my office, door halfway shut and play my smooth jazz quietly while I focus...If i go too long like this, then I'm antisocial....If I socialize with work colleagues, I don't wanna hear drama and I usually dismiss myself when they start or try to end the Convo with its just work and let it go all to be met with how I don't understand and why I can't just agree stares mixed with "goody 2 shoes" remarks and how I don't fit in and I'm stuck up...

When I'm too quiet in life, I'm too isolated and stuck up...if I share my views, its not conforming enough and my opinions are too much..

Sigh....
 

BigMayBelle

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I get it all the time. You can't just mind your business as a black woman. You are then seen as hostile. At this point and age in my life, I simply don't care.

Everyone wants our bodies and have control over us. But they can’t and when they don’t they get real angry. :ROFLMAO:and don’t get it twisted that these people are genuinely concerned a real person (some of the time) who genuinely wants to know you can see an introverted person or someone who wants to stay to themselves and take it for what it is, but the vast majority people are insecure (everyone is) but people want to know your flaws and weaknesses before they know your strengths; so they know a quiet reserved black woman who slow to anger or excitement isn’t giving up that information.
 

Cosmogram

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All these problems y'all are complaining about can be applied to social and professional situations involving other Black people as well.

Black people don't stick together and stay on code.
 

inasundress

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All these problems y'all are complaining about can be applied to social and professional situations involving other Black people as well.

Black people don't stick together and stay on code.

Don’t mind Boris, he normally doesn’t stray far from the politics forum or complaining about being fat and ugly.

His whole deal is to try to make other black people hate themselves as much as he does. Note the ridiculous choice of username.
 

Cosmogram

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I would say the biggest thing is people thinking they know you. People assuming what you are like, what you like and don't like and trying to form connections with you based on stereotypes.

1. Assuming I like certain types of music
2. Assuming I only like and am attracted to black men
3. Assuming what types of food I eat
4. Assuming that I'm confrontational
5. Assuming that I'm materialistic
6. Assuming I'm angry and loud

Other black people can be just as guilty of these assumptions as non-black people.

Exactly why I don't limit this to just White people. Other Black people will isolate you if you aren't like them.
 

Bubblyflute

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I had an obnoxious hispanic woman who hated me simply because I wouldn't divulge personal information about myself. It was so scary. She looked at me like she wanted to kill me. The job practically gave me PTSD. It was a temp assignment and she ended the assignment early because of my supposed incompetence. Super fake.

Also all of the black people except for me were very stereotypical and I think she was upset I wouldn't tap dance for her. And when I mean stereotypical I mean screaming on the top of their lungs. One black woman was very fat and very hood. Two of the other black woman were baby mammas. And I just kept to myself. And the hispanic woman from Florida would put on this fake black accent. Ugh.
 

Cosmogram

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I agree with you to a certain extent.

I also avoid Black humans in the workplace. Because the current climate America is in, almost 8/10 times, all skinfolk ain't kinfolk. In this America of today, a lot of Black people want to be accepted by "the others" before their own. I'm not sure if age or location plays a major part in what I've witnessed, but I know for sure, many Black women/ humans would rather side with their oppressor than to be considered an outcast or different than their white counterparts.

In 2019 when I meet Black people, the first question I think of is what type of Black person are you?

I know exactly what you mean. Black Women and Men have been my biggest enemies on the job.
 

hankertron

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this is so real. Dealing with this rn. There aren't too many blck folks where I live. Its only ytes and Azians and oh my lord I go through it every day especially at work. I want to leave and be in an area that's more diverse however I don't want them to think they won. It can be so hard on your mental health. The constant microaggressions, the disrespect. It would be nice to have a day when you are not fighting
You are talking about bad energy; it’s everywhere now.
 

Blaqduchess

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I remember my first year on the job during evaluation time, my manager gave me low scores because he said I was antisocial. I’m an introvert for the most part and didn’t feel obligated to hang with any of my coworkers after work for social functions. That was almost 15 years ago. I’ve since learned to play the game. I speak and engage with them just enough to make them believe I enjoy their company(about 5 minutes) and ghost them for the rest of my shift. I don’t need them to do my job.
 

Blaqduchess

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I'm always quiet when I start a new job and I always get asked by white coworkers why am I so quiet. I be wanting to say, I DON'T KNOW YOU, KAREN so bad
Even if I’ve known them for ten years, I don’t want to hear about their pets, husband, kids, vacation, tannin experience, Pinterest board, in laws, personal problems, financial woes,etc.
 

Blaqduchess

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Black women have to accept that we are both invisible and hyper visible at the same time.
Reminds me of the black woman spy sketch on Black Lady Sketch Show. The gist was that she was the best in the field because people totally ignored her.
 

Blaqduchess

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I feel like I don’t matter at work,i feel i work hard or even harder but for some strange reason im not trusted.
Stop trying to get them to trust you. Just be yourself.
No, you aren't alone and don't ever feel guilty about it. White people dont explain why they only have white friends, Asians sure don't...heck, I even had an Asian colleague openly state they would never move somewhere if they didn't have a sizable Asian population in the area because his wife wouldn't hear of it. He said that at work without a care in the world. Why should we feel we need to explain ourselves and who we feel comfortable? I never trust non blacks to have my back at work; I play chess, they are a means to an end nothing more and nothing less.
When I was on a travel assignment my agency provided a condo for me. I was the lone brown face in the entire complex. Every other day I was scrutinized. Neighbors would see me in scrubs and ask if I was a caregiver for so and so. The last straw was when management stood over me as I swam in the pool one morning. Came out of the office to remind me that the pool was for residents and not employees. Needless to say, that will never happen to me again.
 

Blaqduchess

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I had a conversation like this with a wm friend. He and coworkers would go eat lunch together everyday. I said if I worked there I would be the person who was not a part of the lunch group and would stay in my office/eat alone. He knows I’m antisocial. But in his view he would be offended by the person who stays in their office instead of eating with the group, taking it to mean the person thought they were too good or some kind of big deal where they didn’t want to socialize with others. This man told me out of his mouth he would take it personally if a coworker didn’t want to get lunch with the group.

WP are extremely fragile with the lowest self esteem you can imagine. Bp stay measuring things according to Wp without even getting that they are the most miserable group of people around.
I’m the queen of acting like they’re invisible. I will walk off mid conversation. Hell, one minute into the conversation I’ll dip if it’s not important. I know it’s rude AF but time is money and if they’re not talking business. Peace out. Deuces.
 

Blaqduchess

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while i have experienced the stuff other posters mentioned at my own job, it now happens more in customer service settings. i am so tired of people implying that i will be difficult so therefore i shouldn't be treated fairly or having people always implying that i am stealing or trying to do something illegal. i have reported some of the really outrageous behavior and now i actively avoid certain stores but it is exhausting. i shouldn't be made to feel like a criminal for spending MY money or using a service i paid for.

Some stores I stopped frequenting all together. I should not have to page an employee overhead just to unlock the cabinet so that I can buy detergent and hair products. I shop online or opt for grocery delivery. I can’t be bothered with that foolishness. I haven’t been inside an actual beauty supply store in over a year now. The last one I visited had security stickers on .99 eyeliner pencils. On all of them. Ridiculous.
 

Blaqduchess

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“The function, the very serious function of racism is distraction. It keeps you from doing your work. It keeps you explaining, over and over again, your reason for being. Somebody says you have no language and you spend twenty years proving that you do. Somebody says your head isn’t shaped properly so you have scientists working on the fact that it is. Somebody says you have no art, so you dredge that up. Somebody says you have no kingdoms, so you dredge that up. None of this is necessary. There will always be one more thing.”

-Toni Morrison

REMEMBER THIS. Toni said this about racism, but the same applies to sexism, your preferences no matter how innocuous, your opinions, the way you choose to live your life... the purpose of all of this is to keep US in a constant state of trauma and unease and steal our mental and physical resources.

Black women are convinced that they must be universally liked to be happy, we must be accepted to be content. This is an impossible task by design. There's only but so much one can do to "get along", and after that point it's a pointless clusterfuck. DISENGAGE.
A204396F-8D76-41A9-A2E1-96D535BC364B.jpeg
Yes, that was read at a local memorial in my city after her passing.
 

Blaqduchess

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This is ironic because there's a 13 page thread dragging a black female artist because she doesn't give interviews

You heard that?

LSA, a site full of black women has a thread dragging a black woman for minding her business and not getting involved in petty drama.

It speaks volumes that just about anybody would be applauded for this behavior but a black woman simply minding her business is enough to warrant constant circle jerks,a jealousy and hatred.

But I mean when your great what else can they do? Your mere presence as a black woman can trigger some people. Stay gracious the best revenge is your paper, remember that.

I grew up in an era where if you wanted to hear from one of your favorite artist then you attended one of their concerts.
 

Mipsaf

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I had my agency give me the housing stipend and I find my own housing. I research the property, demographics & reviews on corporate housing websites myself before moving in.
Did you tell them the reason for providing a stipend versus allowing them to find corporate housing on your behalf?
 

Tika79

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They're not your allies and never were just because they are non-white. That’s why when I hear Michael Eric Dyson (bumbling fool) excitedly yellin about “black and brown people” it lets you know how confused black people are. This POC broken record played to black people is primarily to make us give time, attention, money, resources and votes to people that have nothing in common with us other than the fact that they’re not white.

Amen!!!!! But that’s cuz Dyson is trying to appeal to as broad an audience as possible with his Shaun King questionably black a$$.
 

Deletedandgo

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The most frustrating thing of being a black woman is trying to help other black women out with their confidence but they don’t see the light
 

hankertron

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The most frustrating thing of being a black woman is trying to help other black women out with their confidence but they don’t see the light
I am so glad you said this. BM have the SAME problem. But we are all seen the same at times because we can’t get struggling and disrespectful BM to change their minds.
 

DeepPonderer

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I had an obnoxious hispanic woman who hated me simply because I wouldn't divulge personal information about myself. It was so scary. She looked at me like she wanted to kill me. The job practically gave me PTSD. It was a temp assignment and she ended the assignment early because of my supposed incompetence. Super fake.

Also all of the black people except for me were very stereotypical and I think she was upset I wouldn't tap dance for her. And when I mean stereotypical I mean screaming on the top of their lungs. One black woman was very fat and very hood. Two of the other black woman were baby mammas. And I just kept to myself. And the hispanic woman from Florida would put on this fake black accent. Ugh.

I had a latina project manager. Rude as fµck toward me and a bully. She lowkey can't stand black people and merely tolerate the ones she figure she can get something out of.
 

DeepPonderer

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1)People assuming you're on welfare even when you're not.

2)People saying that your phone has to be an Obama phone because why wouldn't a black person have an Obama phone?

3)People asking rude questions about or always wanting to touch your hair.

4)People gaslighting you to get a reaction then when you get mad, they act as if you're the aggressor. Black women are ALWAYS seen as angry and aggressive even when our anger is provoked and justified.

5)Being seen as less intelligent than non-black women.

6)Seeing non-black women with black men. That alone doesn't bother me. What irks me is when the woman puts on an over the top PDA then looks to see if I'm watching.

7)Not getting the proper treatment when you seek medical help.
 

DeepPonderer

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Nonblack minorities are just as aggravating! They want to cling to being more accepted by whites than us while pulling the minority card when we bring up how problematic they are also.

THIS. They mistreat black people for white acceptance and the moment you call them out on it, they say "I can't be racist. I'm Mexican." Or whatever non-black POC they happen to be.
 

DeepPonderer

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I am more suspicious of nonblack minorities

I had one befriend me, and we were friendly enough. She knew about the struggles of my current job (as I wasn't getting trained on anything and I would literally have one hour of work to sustain me per day).

About 6 months in, she just stopped talking to me altogether. Then I noticed that colleagues in the office, who would once acknowledge and greet me in the halls. Stopped doing so. People went out of their way to avoid me altogether.

I don't know what story she took from me and spun. But it just goes to show, that 'allies' cannot be trusted as much as a white person.
 

DeepPonderer

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I am more suspicious of nonblack minorities

I had one befriend me, and we were friendly enough. She knew about the struggles of my current job (as I wasn't getting trained on anything and I would literally have one hour of work to sustain me per day).

About 6 months in, she just stopped talking to me altogether. Then I noticed that colleagues in the office, who would once acknowledge and greet me in the halls. Stopped doing so. People went out of their way to avoid me altogether.

I don't know what story she took from me and spun. But it just goes to show, that 'allies' cannot be trusted as much as a white person.

I work with mostly non-black people and the same thing happened to me. They act as if I did something to them. They are also sneaky af and I don't trust any of them.
 
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Indielocks

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If you choose not to get too close to nonblacks in any type of situation for whatever reason then they obsess over you and paint you out to be this nasty person who refuses to be a team player or that you can’t get along with other people.
Just something that I’ve noticed.
Blacks can be clickish too and if you don't go to lunch with them, go out for drinks, tell them your personal business......
1659902543153.png
 

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