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Parents that hide serious medical issues

Writerdie18

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Anyone else deal with this growing up?

I didn't find out my dad had prostate cancer (and a slew of other medical issues) until he was on hospice and had weeks to live. I'd only known about the congestive heart failure.

My mom has also always been secretive/iffy about her medical issues (but then has the nerve to say that we don't care about her). Before I stopped talking to her, the only thing I knew she had was type 1 diabetes and that's because she told me when I was very young. But there was a period of time around 2010 when she lost a lot of weight for some unexplained reason. She also has trouble walking long distances. And before COVID, she had to have surgery on the carotid arteries in her neck to fix blockages. Now I guess they're back to being blocked because my sis texted me that my mom might have possibly had a stroke yesterday and the doctors are keeping her. She's not even 60.

Why does it seem like especially black parents keep diagnosis hidden from their kids? They're not helping or protecting us from anything. As a 30 year old woman (24 when my dad died) I'd rather know how serious things are vs being out of the loop.

If you're a parent please don't do this to your kids.
 

dfgreen

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They’re either in denial, don’t want to burden their children, want privacy or don’t want many people to find out as bad news tends to spread rather quickly
 
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boom1234

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This is very common in black families. Mine were the same way and still won’t talk about it to this day. They view illness as a root, instead of scientifically, so they don’t want to give it power by talking about it.
 

PartyRocker

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My dad hid his prostate cancer diagnosis until he had all the scans and test needed to determine the severity of it.
He said he wanted to wait until he had all the information to tell us because he didn’t want us worrying.
Thankfully, his was caught early and he is cancer free.
Honestly, I could see him keeping the severity of it a secret if the doctor had given a different prognosis.
 

incogneato

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My mom hid having uterine fibroids until she had to go to the hospital and they told her she needed to have a hysterectomy.
 

incogneato

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Same here. My Mom hid her illness from her family members until the very end. I had her placed in hospice, because I wasn't going to deal with her randomly dying in my home, and none of her family members knowing what even happened.

It drove a wedge between me and the other family, we weren't that close to begin with. But my Mom dying without telling them anything, just left me looking odd, and I just peaced out.

Parents who do this are selfish, imo, and don't want to deal with hard emotions.
 

incogneato

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Also especially for women, knowing certain medical information about your mother is important. So when mothers hide this stuff, that means the daughters won't know what to look out for. Doubly problematic.
 

incogneato

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My father is very secretive about his battle with prostate cancer and I fµck!ng hate it. Me and mom try to ask questions and he never gives us straight forward answers.

I completely understand not wanting people to worry, but I think children have a right to time to prepare in case of the worst. Tbh my grandmother on his side is the same way so I'm just stressed out on all fronts.
 

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