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Red flag if a man wants to meet up without much conversation?

LustNLuxury

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This isn’t a red flag.
This is a whole ass stop sign.
This isn’t a man you met in person at a store and you know what he looks like. This is someone online and you don’t know if they’re real or not.
A conversation and a FaceTime call to verify who they are is the LEAST they can do before agreeing to meet up.

Realize this, OP. They don’t know if you’re real yet they’re willing to meet up with you after a sentence. That’s not weird to you?
 

PinkPancakes

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Meet in a public place..why waste all of that time chatting? People are so different in person so it’s best to meet sooner than later. Just be smart about it.

That's just it. Too many women are blocking their blessings over bs they get from this site. If I used this site as my life guide, I would be confined to my home forever with no interaction with anyone or life experiences.

Just go out and be smart. Meet in a public space that is well trafficked, share your whereabouts with a few trusted contacts, as well as info about who you are meeting. People act as if someone you've known for a while can't turn around and kill or rape you, when most of those attacks happen by someone you know. If you need a few more days to talk to this person, then kindly decline his invite and reschedule for a week or so while you get to "know" him better.
Agreed about the sooner the better!!! Majoity of the good dates Ive been on had limited conversation. Ive only had one bad date for drinks I left after the first drink lol. Not because he was creepy but because it was just lame. But you can assess based on interaction and where he picks for dinner. Now a guy who messages you immediately about meeting, especially those with the lets meet tonight are a NO. But im against long never ending coversations with someone who lives within an hour of you. The sooner you meet the better as its very easy to talk and fake who they are, what they want and are willing to do when they havent met you. I fell for that in my early 20s and learned my lesson.

This was my experience every time I've gone on a date with a guy I spent weeks talking to. I always thought they'd be the one because they seemed so amazing online but in person we had zero chemistry. Too many lulls in the conversation. I can fake a convo with anyone for as long as needed but these men were hopeless. I remember one guy even requested a phone chat with me to chat further and that conversation was full of "ya", "cool" ,"um" ,"so what you doing now?". Just lame as hell and a waste of time.

Two of the best dates I've had were with men who I only messaged for a date. Hell I remember one guy offered to take me out for my birthday one year and we had matched the day before. 2 days later he treated me to a beautiful dinner and even got me a gift and card. Expected nothing in return and was incredibly sweet and thoughtful.
 

PinkPancakes

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If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it. But most men want to meet up right away, even the good ones.

I find the ones who drag their feet aren't serious and are just online cause they're bored. They're just happy a woman wants to chat with them for however long until they're ready to move on to someone else.
 

Buffalo Butt

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So on dating apps I’ve had men that want to go on a date before we’ve even exchanged more than a couple of messages. I prefer to build a connection through conversation before I feel comfortable meeting in person.

Is this a red flag or am I overreacting?
It’s a red flag. Please don’t let the desperate crew bully you into thinking something is wrong with you for wanting to be careful.

I wouldn’t even accept a date from a guy I met at the gym without talking to him a bit on the phone.
 

fatgvx

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Personally I don’t see an issue,
I prefer a couple texts and a phone call to feel them out and let’s set the date up right away if you seem cool. Don’t see why you need to text someone a lot before the date because anyone can create any persona over text it’s best to meet in person. Just when you go on your date make sure it’s a public place.
 

Edensong

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How is anything a red flag when it concerns your safety? Meetups can and have gone tragically wrong if you require specific information to vet individuals so that you feel comfortable meeting them In person, the only red flag would be if they had a problem with why you needed it.


Now sis you know the desperation level is always at an all time high on here. How dare you come in with this honest piece of advice?
 

GAnopeach

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Def a red flag. I would require a FT and a few phone convos before I went on a date. That helps you weed them out quickly. You’ll be able to pick up on any weird psycho killer vibes (hopefully) and if they’re just tryna take you out to smash vibes. Usually guys wanna FT me or video chat on the app to see if I’m a catfish smh lol they’ve said they’ve been catfished too many times and wanna make sure it’s me smh
 

QueeninJeans

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Trust your instinct sis. If it wasn’t a red flag u wouldn’t feel that way. Any man who is worth your time and has good intentions will want u to be comfortable. It’s not all about what he wants
 

GAnopeach

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Def a red flag. I would require a FT and a few phone convos before I went on a date. That helps you weed them out quickly. You’ll be able to pick up on any weird psycho killer vibes (hopefully) and if they’re just tryna take you out to smash vibes. Usually guys wanna FT me or video chat on the app to see if I’m a catfish smh lol they’ve said they’ve been catfished too many times and wanna make sure it’s me smh

forgot to say this should be ab 1-2 weeks; after that if the dude not tryna go out he just playing around and tryna win you over w convo to then invite you to his house with hopes to smash
 

allicat

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So on dating apps I’ve had men that want to go on a date before we’ve even exchanged more than a couple of messages. I prefer to build a connection through conversation before I feel comfortable meeting in person.

Is this a red flag or am I overreacting?

it's not understanding the concept of dating. you "met" online, but in order to "connect," ya'll have to meet in person. a man wants to know the attraction level of his date, and the fact that he isn't interested in wasting time with school girl phone conversations speaks to his desire to actually seriously explore the possibility of a relationship. pretty yourself up and go meet that man for coffee/tea/drinks.
 

D E L E T E

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It is not something I would want. I think it is an unspoken rule to get a woman comfortable and feeling safe before you go on the date, especially if you meet online. A man who rushes to ask tells me that he is disregarding my comfort and safety. It is a matter of subtext.
 

The0ne

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I don’t think so. Those are the ones who catch my attention the most. I’m not spending weeks chatting on an app with you.
 

AfroSoul

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It depends .
It's not good to stay to do too much virtual talking either , a couple of facetimes should be enough to know if you feel confortable with someone , prolonging too much can be a sign you lack self-esteem , you dont want him to see your real appearance .
 

OrangeGiraff

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It’s funny bc I had to question if I asked this or not! I have this same concern! I’d like at least a phone call to talk and get a feel for a persons personality before I go out w them. Someone got mad at me for that, but I just have to feel your energy before we go out.
 

naturallemons

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I talked to a guy for three weeks and when we finally met in person I was disappointed. He lied about his height. This guy was not 6’0 as he stated in his profile. FYI guys I’m 5’10 so I could spot that sh!t real quick. Lemme tell y’all this guy had the nerve to look at me and say “wow, you’re tall.” Yet I had 5’10 listed on my profile like wtf
 
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Riley Yo

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No you’re not overreacting. Listen to your intuition; does it normally fail you? Is it worth the risk?
 

lollawolf

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What you both say may very well be true. But I’ve been single my whole life so I’m wondering if my cautious approach has made me overthink things and miss out on potential relationships.
Dating apps is not the best for someone who never dated....
I say meet people in real life, have some experience and then turn to dating apps.
Most of the time guys do lie, manipulate and only look for xes.
There are very few good guys whether it's online or in real life.
 

shadylady

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I was discussing this with a friend. I know of this guy who I usually see in passing while on my way to work. After just saying hello (just hello) for for a couple months, we struck up a 10 minute convo. That was that after because I’m usually in a rush. We did go back to just hellos after.

Fast forward to a month ago, he asked for my Instagram, I gave it to me and a couple days after we reacted to my story and in his third message was asking to take me out for something to eat.

My friend said that I was looking too deep into it but idk, it seemed kinda rushed. We never had a verbal convo since that one time and i honestly didn’t feel comfortable agreeing to a date with someone who I barely spoke to. I don’t want weeks long convo but a date in the third message was too much for me.
 

Bella8933

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So on dating apps I’ve had men that want to go on a date before we’ve even exchanged more than a couple of messages. I prefer to build a connection through conversation before I feel comfortable meeting in person.

Is this a red flag or am I overreacting?

Itś a red flag for sure.

Don't meet them.

I wish you girls would learn how to attend to yourself so you wouldn't be so desperate to find 'a man' that you even get on these dating apps.

They are full of creeps.
 

Genovese

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If you are creating connections online to lead to dates, it defeats the purpose. People can exaggerate and lie about who they are behind a screen.
 

Bella8933

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unless hes inviting you to his home or a hotel, youre overreacting. A man knows hes interested in the 1st 20 secs and a woman knows in the 1st 4 so if the interest isnt there for you, it isnt there and youre looking for a reason to justify your no.

This is only true when you meet each other in person. 90% of communication is nonverbal ... so you can tell a lot about a guy you first meet in person.

If you meet online like this ... you have to have SOME conversation to see if he is even in the running.

To me itś not that you will really get to KNOW him online. People lie to make you like them To me itś all about screening these men... you have to have SOME sort of filter.

If you find out he's a car mechanic, he has 2 BMs, he doesn't believe in credit so he has no cc (this means he has messed up his credit), he doesn't drive etc .... these kinds of things and much more would immediately cancel him out as someone I would ever meet in person.

Then thereś the obvious. He probably looks nothing like his picture so you would be stuck on a date with him. :/

I am against online dating for the obvious reasons but if you do, I think basic talking for a couple of weeks will help cancel out a lot of losers, then have a few zoom calls and if they go well, you meet in public for a short lunch at a busy place.

Of course, we are still in the FKNG pandemic so you really can't meet like this so why are these people looking for men online anyway?

Wait until this mess is over.
 
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Bella8933

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He didn’t specify a place but I made it clear in my profile that I don’t do hookups. He said we share mutual interests so I figured he wanted to go on a real date.

Okay, just because you said you don't do hookups ... doesn't mean men won't try to do hookups with you. Duh!

It really doesn't matter what you 'say' with men .. it's your actions that matter.

And you can't make 'assumptions´ about complete strangers. He has to specifically ask to meet for lunch at a certain place etc . Otherwise, I would 100% 'assume' he wants to meet at your place or his place and it would 100% be for xes. :/

You sound way too naive for the online dating thing.
 

stubborn

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So on dating apps I’ve had men that want to go on a date before we’ve even exchanged more than a couple of messages. I prefer to build a connection through conversation before I feel comfortable meeting in person.

Is this a red flag or am I overreacting?
No it is not a red flag. This generation just prefers to text bc they have poor verbal/in person social skills. You don’t really get to know people through text and some of us prefer to skip that and face time or talk in person where you get how the person really is. Face time him instead of texting. If the date is in a public place and you’re meeting there vs him picking you up, I don’t see how you think it’s a red flag.

unless hes inviting you to his home or a hotel, youre overreacting. A man knows hes interested in the 1st 20 secs and a woman knows in the 1st 4 so if the interest isnt there for you, it isnt there and youre looking for a reason to justify your no.
You need to remember that many people of this generation have poor social skills. That’s why they’re reacting the way the are.
 

O.o

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Itś a red flag for sure.

Don't meet them.

I wish you girls would learn how to attend to yourself so you wouldn't be so desperate to find 'a man' that you even get on these dating apps.

They are full of creeps.
:LOL:
 

lanoire

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It is a red flag if you haven’t had a single conversation. Typically means a guy who’s trying to fµck and dip.

But at the same time, you shouldn’t be texting for weeks with no meet up in sight. It should take within 7 days max to set up a date. Two weeks is pushing it, but if your schedules aren’t really aligning then okay.
 
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When dating you want options meaning not spending weeks talking to the same dude, romanticizing the conversation, and placing all your eggs in that one basket..

It doesn't take weeks or days to be more acquainted. Are you asking the necessary questions to get to know more or are you just going with the flow?

Clearly lots of women on this site doesn't date and are very skeptical of the whole process. If you need sound advice please read dating articles created by specialist.
 

Amandabby22

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I don’t respond to dudes like that, they’re just trying to speed up the process to get in your pants. I disagree with the whole “Give it a chance, and just go” posts.

The man hasn’t even held a full conversation with you yet he’s rushing to take you out. That doesn’t sound right. They know if they fµck up during the conversation part you’re more prone to refuse going out with them at all.

Don’t fall for that OP.
 

PinkPancakes

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It is a red flag if you haven’t had a single conversation. Typically means a guy who’s trying to fµck and dip.

But at the same time, you shouldn’t be texting for weeks with no meet up in sight. It should take within 7 days max to set up a date. Two weeks is pushing it, but if your schedules aren’t really aligning then okay.

This is my rule 7 days max. If he hasn't asked me out within that timeline then I know he has no serious intentions. Those are he folks who are still on the apps months to years later.
 

rasclautmangos

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Idk how much experience you have with these apps or how to properly vet men in general, so if YOU feel that it's a red flag for you, then it's a red flag. Take however long you personally feel comfortable with talking with a guy before meeting.

Don't let any fonts make you feel bad for doing so. A lot on here seem to think the one or two good experiences they had invalidates the concerns and bad experiences of others.

A lot of these men only want xes, if they "lose interest" quickly from just chatting it's because they don't give af about anything you have to say, they just want to f*ck.
 

sumyra

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OP said these men are asking to meet up “before we’ve even exchanged more than a couple of messages”

I can’t believe so many fonts are recommending OP meet a strange man in public that she’s barely spoken to. These guys are just asking to meet, there’s no reservation being made.

But if OP ends up in the true crime forum you will all be on your high horses judging the deceased.

OP if these men are genuine then they’ll be happy to wait a few days and video chat you.
 

AutoPilot

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He didn’t specify a place but I made it clear in my profile that I don’t do hookups. He said we share mutual interests so I figured he wanted to go on a real date.
If all he said was that you 2 share mutual interest then that's not asking you out tho or even asking you to meet up.

To answer the original topic I don't and have never liked going out or meet someone with little to no conversation. Like even when you sell things online like FB Marketplace you have an initial conversation. I'm socially awkward and introverted, I don't like going out unless I feel comfortable with a person. I have to speak to a dude for at least 3-5days before we meet in person.

You should always listen to red flags tho. They keep you safe and prevent your time and patience from being wasted. I've developed quite a few red flags over the years. I was on Tinder like a week ago talking to a guy. He lives a town away which is only like 5 minutes away. He mentioned we should hangout sometime since we live so close...that was a redflag #1. Wrong choice of words. He didn't mention a date...hangout is just a white way of sayin Netflix and Chill. Then he asked if I smoked weed. That was red flag #2. I continued talking to him for a little longer (I let the conversation go on because I was bored and wanted attention...shrugs) but I honestly was turned off. I ended up unmatching a little while after. I've had so many run ins with Netflix and Chill/Hangout, do you smoke weed, do you drink 40's (alchol), etc kind of fuckboi. So now whenever a dude mentions hangin out, coming over, me going to his place, weed, drinking, etc it triggers me and instantly turns me off. If a dude isn't or doesn't mention a date then I want nothing to do with him. At this point I know and can sme;; the bµllsh!t before even having to meetup. Ain't nobody got time for that.
 

Katia000

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Most men seem to struggle maintaining a conversation with someone they just wanna stick their dick in. Why get to know someone you don’t have an emotional interest in?
 

SweetLikeSugar

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So on dating apps I’ve had men that want to go on a date before we’ve even exchanged more than a couple of messages. I prefer to build a connection through conversation before I feel comfortable meeting in person.

Is this a red flag or am I overreacting?
I don't feel it's a red flag. Some men would just prefer to get to know you in person. I prefer to meet fairly quickly too. I can't keep up back and forth messages for more than a week without getting bored.
 

SumthinDumbToDo

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I just don’t understand the difference between a cute stranger you meet in the grocery store and a cute stranger you meet online. They’re both strangers. Both equally likely to end up being crazy. If they’re offering to take you on a date go on the date. If you’re not into it, walk the fµck out and don’t look back. They’re not gonna murder you in the middle of Red Lobster.
 

DrNurse2014

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I must be crazy because I barely talk to guys online before meeting. I exchange a few messages and then meet in a public place. Small talk exhaust me, and I hate texting someone back and forth I barely know.
I actually met up with a guy recently from Bumble who I only sent like 5 messages to and our conversations in person were way better than on the app. If we only met based on our chats, I would never met him. People act differently online compared to in person.
 

NarcoticVenus

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unless hes inviting you to his home or a hotel, youre overreacting. A man knows hes interested in the 1st 20 secs and a woman knows in the 1st 4 so if the interest isnt there for you, it isnt there and youre looking for a reason to justify your no.
I would love to see a source for those numbers. I am a woman and I can tell you that 4 seconds after I meet a man I still haven't made it down to his shoes yet, let alone know if I am interested in him. Maybe that's just me though....
Like I said you should know someone before meeting them, you don’t want to meet with a crazy stalker or a rapist.
She should be meeting in a public place and taking precautions against stalking on the first few dates anyway, no matter how long they have been talking.
a man wants to know the attraction level of his date, and the fact that he isn't interested in wasting time with school girl phone conversations speaks to his desire to actually seriously explore the possibility of a relationship. pretty yourself up and go meet that man for coffee/tea/drinks.
Thank you. You can tell most of the people in here are only used to young, immature, dusty fboys.
It depends .
It's not good to stay to do too much virtual talking either , a couple of facetimes should be enough to know if you feel confortable with someone , prolonging too much can be a sign you lack self-esteem , you dont want him to see your real appearance .
I feel like this is the heart of it. Low self-esteem. I am willing to meet guys early because I know he will like what he sees. And if he doesn't, I get to scratch him off the list real quick without wasting time on the phone.
When dating you want options meaning not spending weeks talking to the same dude, romanticizing the conversation, and placing all your eggs in that one basket.
That's why they are so bent out of shape when some dusty ghosts them
But if OP ends up in the true crime forum you will all be on your high horses judging the deceased.
She won't. She will take the necessary precautions, meet in a public place and not share her personal information. The only way she can end up hurt is if she goes off alone with him and no one is advocating that. Any woman who cannot guard her personal safety should not be dating.
I just don’t understand the difference between a cute stranger you meet in the grocery store and a cute stranger you meet online.
There is none. It comes back to self-esteem. They feel that if he approaches out and about, they already know he likes how she looks. Online, they want to hide behind the endless talking because they are scared he will reject them face to face.
 

badgalari

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So on dating apps I’ve had men that want to go on a date before we’ve even exchanged more than a couple of messages. I prefer to build a connection through conversation before I feel comfortable meeting in person.

Is this a red flag or am I overreacting?
Y’all pls be careful w these crazy men online!!! Some guy found my IG, and because we’re both artists he never asked me did I want to meet up, he just said we would be doing it. We had barely spoke and it was only about art. Even said he would be driving an hour out to my college. I said NO more than once.

This man wound up posting a video of a dumbass pick me thot telling other black women to stop outting our black male abusers bc white men are the “rEaL eNeMy!!1!1” and that black men’s abuse of us isn’t ‘real’. I literally cussed him out so bad he blocked me.

now had I been naive and met up w him he likely would’ve abused me cause I believe men that feel that way about xesual abuse are abusers themselves. Either want to protect hypothetical actions they fantasize about (& may one day commit) or to cover up sh!t from their past.
 

Archeo

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I think you should have had a couple of phone calls and a video chat first at least before meeting in person.

Even if it is in a public place during the day, that's a lot of access to give a complete stranger. At the very least you want to make sure you're not being catfished.
 

hershey sweet

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Alleybux
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If you feel uncomfortable and aren’t interested in these guys then don’t meet up with them. I don’t care if it’s been three days or three years. Trust your instinct. Let me just get that out the way.

However if it’s someone you are getting good vibes from after a couple of days by all means meet up with him and get it out of the way so you’re not wasting your time. Take all the precautions- text your friends his picture and license plate number and telephone number and let them know when you arrive and depart. A lot of women hate it but I think coffee dates are perfect for these types of introductory meetings because they’re informal and you can easily leave.

Once I learned from my experience that men who you build up in your head for weeks on end will really be a huge letdown I was better off for it. Plus a lot of men who are serious want to meet up quickly, not just the ones looking to have xes.
 

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