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REDDIT: I regret having kids and I need someone to talk to...

ProductFiend

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It's both their faults for not communicating effectively about their wants and needs.
 

Fluff

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As a mother, I agree with this because there was a time that I felt this way.

It's a shame that mothers won't admit this sh!t. Having children has seriously impacted my life in ways that I will never get back. I love my children, but there is regret. For what I did to myself and what I did to them.

I wish that I would have had them later in life, rather than in my 20s. But my children know this because I want them to see it from my view. I DON'T WANT THEM TO BE LIKE ME, I WANT THEM TO DO AND BE BETTER. I struggled...and they struggled along with me. Plus the way the world is going to be for them is frightening.

If I had a clue what kind of future Gen Zs and Gen Ps are looking ahead to...I would never have had kids. The world is going down fast. I contributed the people who will suffer the most to that descent and this is my biggest regret.
Thank you for your honesty and your perspective! I too am terrified of sending even my nonexistent, hypothetical children out into this world and this future. I don't even let my cats go outside anymore, and they've got a few thousand years of instinct built in, to help them out!

But honestly, my parents struggled a bit, and I would be crazy not to acknowledge that part of that had to do with having my expensive butt around. However, back then I had the proverbial "village": a gaggle of aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents who were both willing to watch me and who had the money to spoil me and (in the case of my grandparents) help my parents out some financially. Back then, my grandfather was a retired trucker, and his union made sure he got one heck of a good retirement package (pssh, try simply saying the word "union" at a job now and watch what happens, SMH). Plus, my grandmother was still happily working too, and a few of my Mom's siblings were still living at home so they showered me with gifts and attention.

Not sure if people know this, but my parents' generation having to borrow money off their parents is a super common thing. It doesn't mean all parents from that era are grifting con men who couldn't plan ahead! The reason for this is because my grandparents' generation was the last to have proper economic stability in the US, and to be able to save and even get ahead. This country hasn't been like that since the 1950s.

My generation will not have that luxury of leaning on parents for help, as my parents did not get to experience any such prosperity in their lifetime. One good thing though: it gives me grim pleasure to realize that these ridiculously priced, sh!tty "assisted living" facilities, charging $5000 a month for piss poor care, will all go out of business one day soon - cos these later generations don't have that kind if money! They. Just. Don't.

This all makes it very hard to raise a kid nowadays. Family members are so harried, stressed and busy themselves that there is no time to help babysit, and no one has money to spare. I don't know how you parents do it nowadays. It's a totally different landscape than even when I was growing up in the late 80s and early 90s.

No wonder new parents are stressed to the gills! The way things are (purposely) set up has made it damn near impossible to afford raising a child. Hell, I've said it before: it's hard AF for DINK couples to get ahead, so what chance do families have?! Then you get the resentment, the regret, the loneliness (because by god, one of the new parents had best get their ass back to work or they'll be replaced with a quickness), and the constant fear of what's coming next. It can really do a number on you psychologically, but the parents are expected to STFU and deal, because it's all about the baby now. I don't think that's right or good at all.

The mother in particular isn't some giant, unfeeling incubator FFS, she has needs too, and just risked her life and health to do what society so badly wanted her to do: reproduce. Stop shoving new mothers to the side and just focusing on the baby! We women have had a few millennia of that treatment already, and it's primitive and needs to stop.

The OP needs to understand that his little 3× a week gym trips are looking like a dream vacation to that new mother. Let her go potter around for hours, three times a week, while you take care of your kids, and see how you cope. The mother needs some time away from the kids, and no, trips to the damned grocery store, getting the oil changed or any other errand doesn't count. And they've got twins! Oh Lord. That mom is probably touched out, not a shred of privacy or alone time, her body is still trying to mend (TWO babies came out of that poor woman simultaneously, FFS) and she is losing her own identity.

It's so common that one woman wrote a whole book called The Mental Load, which explains the massive psychological burden women (especially mothers) are carrying around daily. It's unreal what we women are expected to deal with. We have to keep whole households on track, and that infuriatingly includes the damned husband. The woman is keeping track of finances, and making sure bills get paid on time; she's keeping up with everyone's schedules and appointments; she's cooking, shopping and cleaning; she's feeding the kids, bathing them, playing with them and teaching them; and she is expected to be pretty omnipotent too, and to just be able to predict things that need doing. It's ridiculous, and way too much to handle.

Any new moms out there, please take care of YOU! You are valuable too, and none of us would be here today if not for the incredible danger you put yourselves in, and the sacrifices you made, to bring us into the world. Do NOT let anyone shove your feelings or concerns to the side. People have no idea how insane and downright ravaging pregnancy can be on the human body (seriously, we do birth like no other species, in the most dangerous way imaginable), or the birthing process. Try your best to make time for yourself, and remember that you deserve to have an identity outside of "mom"!
 
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Cersei L

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When I was young, I wanted a boy and a girl. As I got older, I came to the realization, kids were not for me. I am too self centered and selfish for that. I commend this man to admitting it.
 

JamieJames

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Regardless of what people say, raising two very young kids is much harder than what he's doing for sure. I'm almost positive given the opportunity, the wife would swap stay at home for going to work and let him see how taxing it is. That's not even including the actual giving birth and suffering from post partum depression or anything like that. Wifes nag, I'm sure that nothing new to him. Sounds like his communication skills are lacking and the wife is struggling by herself. He does sound a bit selfish, and needs to do some reflecting. It's more to family responsibility than bringing home money. They need to go to therapy and put it all on the table so serious issues can be addressed and taken care of.
 

mystic

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Regardless of what people say, raising two very young kids is much harder than what he's doing for sure. I'm almost positive given the opportunity, the wife would swap stay at home for going to work and let him see how taxing it is.
I think the biggest problem here is that she’s the one who wanted to do this though. He said he was on the fence but she really wanted kids and shes also who wanted to stay home. She had to convince him to let her be a SAHM. Now she’s doing it and likely hates being cooped up with two fussy kids. He’s tried to get her to get some hobbies but she chooses to solely focus on the kids. She’s just as responsible for the situation she’s in but seems to be lashing out because it’s probably harder than what she expected.
 

NordieNARS

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Smh. Parenting is hard! You need a village, and it sounds like they’re doing it all by themselves. One baby is hard enough, but two at the same time is even worse.

It might be time to get a nanny, or send the babies to daycare. They might be better off with mom returning to work
 

CheapCoffee

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He needs someone to talk to? His wife would be the best person to start with...you know, candor? If not his wife, a professional...those are the only people that can truly help.

Some men have no sense of accountability; he knew what he was signing up for when he got married and was open to having one kid. Life has a tendency to throw curveballs and a marriage is not exempt.

I wonder if he ever considered the possibility that his wife feels the same damned way but instead of whining, she is sucking it up and dealing with a situation she willingly created.

If he chooses to confide in an outside source, especially a female source, there is a high chance that it’ll develop into an emotional affair which could lead to a full-blown, xes included affair.


He can't talk to his wife because she is stressed out and overwhelmed with raising twins.

And this asshole doesn't help with them at all. Notice how he talks about his work, needing his personal time and working out, but it does not occur to him to HELP WITH HIS KIDS. Lol men.
 

CheapCoffee

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If he was mature he wouldn‘t have had children knowing he doesn’t want any. If he was mature he wouldn’t have married a woman that wants children. Working 9-5 is no excuse to not bond with your children at all. Millions of women do this and are the primary or sole caretaker of their children. He says he wants his wife to have outside hobbies but he does not say who will look after the children while she‘s not at home. He‘s „too tired“ to watch after the children. They’re already financially struggling so hiring a babysitter two or three times a week isn‘t really possible. He already made the decision to abandon his family. He just wants people to assure him that he‘s not being an asshole (which he is).

THANK YOU!!!!!

People love piling on women.

I bet if he gave his wife an hour in the evenings of alone time the relationship would improve dramatically.

What did he expect his life to be like? Having young babies is difficult . You are literally in the trenches for the first few years.

This guy is a dickhead
 

JamieJames

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Regardless of what people say, raising two very young kids is much harder than what he's doing for sure. I'm almost positive given the opportunity, the wife would swap stay at home for going to work and let him see how taxing it is. That's not even including the actual giving birth and suffering from post partum depression or anything like that. Wifes nag, I'm sure that nothing new to him. Sounds like his communication skills are lacking and the wife is struggling by herself. He does sound a bit selfish, and needs to do some reflecting. It's more to family responsibility than bringing home money. They need to go to therapy and put it all on the table so serious issues can be addressed and taken
I think the biggest problem here is that she’s the one who wanted to do this though. He said he was on the fence but she really wanted kids and shes also who wanted to stay home. She had to convince him to let her be a SAHM. Now she’s doing it and likely hates being cooped up with two fussy kids. He’s tried to get her to get some hobbies but she chooses to solely focus on the kids. She’s just as responsible for the situation she’s in but seems to be lashing out because it’s probably harder than what she expected.

I agree to a certain extent. While yes she is the one who wanted to have children... he committed to it. If he really didn't want to, he wouldn't have done it. Yes she wanted to be a SAHM the first year, this doesn't mean she deserves to pull ALL the at home weight. A good portion? Yes, but all? Not fair. Humans don't operate like machines and she's dealing with double than what she wanted. Because you know what... life give you the unexpected! He needs to adapt and help and stop complaining. Actually communicate with his wife instead of blaming her like this is all her fault. I also would encourage you to read a few replies in the thread from the redditors on both sides. They would both agree that parenting is tuff and everyone wants a divorce the first 2 years because they feel it's too much of a lifestyle change. Also that he needs to calm down, stop being selfish, and like I said... adapt.
 

Nubienne

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This is why im about be 40 and still very meh about kids.
Its really not for everyone.
Cos that sh!t looks HARD!
And i just...im not ready to have my entire world turned upside down by tiny demanding humans.
Obviously having 2 at once has made it even more overwhelming...
But all they can do is go to therapy cos those kids arent going anywhere.

This man is gonna start not wanting to go home at all then eventually meet someone and start cheating...
 

LovelyLamp

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In my culture (I’m Nigerian), the mother, or another female family member stays with the family for a couple of months after the woman has given birth to help with the kids.
 

Ezra Miller

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I think the biggest problem here is that she’s the one who wanted to do this though. He said he was on the fence but she really wanted kids and shes also who wanted to stay home. She had to convince him to let her be a SAHM. Now she’s doing it and likely hates being cooped up with two fussy kids. He’s tried to get her to get some hobbies but she chooses to solely focus on the kids. She’s just as responsible for the situation she’s in but seems to be lashing out because it’s probably harder than what she expected.

He wasn't raped. This man entered marriage and fathered children willingly. Now he's complaining to strangers when he should be speaking to his wife.

And like I stated previously, the fathers in the thread were calling him out and many noted that he never bothered to reply to a thread he created even though sensible solutions were offered.

It must have been a cold day in hell when even men on reddit are calling another man out.
 

finessse

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I agree to a certain extent. While yes she is the one who wanted to have children... he committed to it. If he really didn't want to, he wouldn't have done it. Yes she wanted to be a SAHM the first year, this doesn't mean she deserves to pull ALL the at home weight. A good portion? Yes, but all? Not fair. Humans don't operate like machines and she's dealing with double than what she wanted. Because you know what... life give you the unexpected! He needs to adapt and help and stop complaining. Actually communicate with his wife instead of blaming her like this is all her fault. I also would encourage you to read a few replies in the thread from the redditors on both sides. They would both agree that parenting is tuff and everyone wants a divorce the first 2 years because they feel it's too much of a lifestyle change. Also that he needs to calm down, stop being selfish, and like I said... adapt.
so this man is supposed to work 10-12 hours a day, then come home and be yelled and nagged at for another 12 hours? is anyone considering the fact that he is also burnt out? this is what she signed up for. she cannot have it both ways, if you want a man to be the sole provider you need to be the sole caretaker. hire a babysitter or nanny or something. and it's not like he's not trying to give her a break, he's literally encouraging her to get out the house and find a hobby but she refuses. this is her fault

realistically they probably cannot afford for her to be a SAHM nor does she want to be one, so she should go back to work and send the kids to daycare. problem solved on both ends and everyone is happy
 

Prettyglitter

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He’s just saying what a lot of people feel but are afraid to say because it’s taboo. I truly feel for him and hope that they can work something out.
This is one reason I’ve really been taking my time with deciding if I want a kid.
 

mystic

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If he really didn't want to, he wouldn't have done it.
Not true. People do sh!t they don’t want to all the time, for various reasons. It sounds like he went along with it to appease her. She likely didn’t anticipate things being this hard which is why she’s also miserable. But If she knew he wasn’t fully invested, she should’ve waited until he was ready or found someone who wanted kids as bad as she did. It seems she also wasn’t aware of how big a deal raising kids is because if so, she wouldn’t have had them with someone who was wavering in the first place.
Humans don't operate like machines and she's dealing with double than what she wanted.
But, so is he. He isn’t a machine either and I don’t think his feelings should be discounted. Going off for being 15 mins late when the person has an hour commute as it is would piss anyone off.
Actually communicate with his wife instead of blaming her like this is all her fault.

It sounds like he’s tried but she just gets angry bc she doesn’t like being home. At the same time, when he tells her to get out, she doesn’t want to do that either. He says they keep arguing so obviously that’s not effective.
I also would encourage you to read a few replies in the thread from the redditors on both sides. They would both agree that parenting is tuff and everyone wants a divorce the first 2 years because they feel it's too much of a lifestyle change.
I’ve read the replies and I take that with a grain of salt. When I’ve expressed reservations about children people love to say it’ll be different or you’ll survive. Everyone’s tolerances are different, so just because they sucked it up and toughed it out doesn’t mean everyone else is built for that.
 

HayleySmith

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He has the right to share his frustration.

I don’t understand what she was expecting: She stay at home to take care of the kids. That’s her job. He also has a job to do.

I haven’t heard him say that he doesn’t care for the kids at all.
But it’s completely normal for her to do the majority of the work since she doesn’t work outside the house and the reason why she stopped working was to take care of the kids.

LSA believe men are supposed to be slave. Go to work, deal with the stress at work and the commute, come back and handle the kids.

No, that is not the way it works in real life, all those font who have that fairy tale image of being provided for need a wake up call:

You gonna handle the house and the kids unless you marry a high earner who can afford extra help.

If she is not happy, she need to go back to work so that they can hire a nanny and both take care of the kids equally the rest of the time.

He will leave her because he is done with being screamed at.
 

SmokeALot

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4 year old Reddit post?

There are a lot of people who regret having kids or just don't want them. That’s not new. Curious to know what the family is up to now though.
 

SocaPrincess

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Used search bar and didn't see this posted, this was from another site: Any advise you would give him?

My wife and I had twins 6 months ago. When we met 5 years ago I was on the fence (but open) to one child. We found out that we were having twins about a year ago. At first I was kind of happy, but now that they have been here I dont know. I love each of them very much, but I'm having trouble thinking about my future and the future of my relationship with my wife.
My wife really wanted to stay home for a year raising the kids, it took some convincing on her part and I had to redo our budget but eventually we determined we could do it. She works very hard at home with thw twins and spends almost all day with them. Her only rest is when they are napping/sleeping or occasional outing on the weekend.
Between my commute and work schedule I'm gone anywhere between 10-12 hours a day. I really like my current job because I've had some very very stressful jobs in the past that included traveling for months at a time. My wife gets frustrated when I get home 15 minutes later than normal and takes it out on me. This makes me feel like crap because I work hard all day and sit in an hour of traffic only for my wife to give lay into me when I get home. It makes me resentful.
I'm also the type of person that value my personal time. My main hobby is working out, which I do 3 times a week in the morning. However, lately I've been struggling to find the energy or motivation for this. When my wife and I argue, which is becoming more frequent, she accuses me of wanting to work out more than spend time with my kids. This isn't true at all. I just have to have some time during the week to myself to remain sane. I think she resents me a little for having the ability to get out of the house. This is something I understand and have encouraged her to schedule hobbies/yoga outside the house. But she has no interest in these things. She has made her life completely about the children at the expense of our own personal and mental health.
I love them and I love my wife, but if there was a magical reset button I think I would press it (on having kids and maybe even on my relationship?). I'm afraid my relationship with my wife is falling a part and my I will never have any time for myself ever again. I guess I just need to talk to someone or anyone else about this.



[Edited: Moderator added source link.]

1. Don’t have kids with someone who is on the fence. I will never understand people who get into serious relationships and even marriage without talking about whether or not they really want kids. This is a conversation for earlier in the relationship - it’s one of those nonnegotiable things IMO but people never seem to think so. (But he chose this life of fatherhood ) 2. He should talk to a professional before he does or says something he regrets & the children suffer. He should also see if his wife will go to a counselor to help their marriage. Children are hard work. His wife is taking on a lot / too much because she thinks she has to - she needs to find time for herself so there isn’t more resentment
 
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Metaphysique

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Uh...the babies are only six months. Most new parents are in survival mode during the first year. This is well-known. The first two years post-kids is said to be the most stressful time for a couple due to the demands of adjusting to parenthood and the changing priorities and household dynamics. He needs to be honest about his feelings and stressors. They both need to have a sit down because there’s obvious resentment on both ends. They’re both overworked and stressed out, and they’re both struggling in their own ways. It’s a bit premature to start thinking about a reset button.
 

MelonJuice

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It actually doesn't truly sound like he regrets the *kids*. He is moreso upset that his relationship with his wife is deteriorating, his wife is clearly struggling and he feels guilty for not knowing how to best support her, what support he does offer his wife doesn't take, and it seems like they need more household help in general. Those things are all fixable. It's just the growing pains of having multiples. They need better tools to organize themselves, work as a team, and work on their communication.
 

dixonpratt

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He needs a vasectomy pronto before bringing any more innocents into the world. I don't understand how a grown adult doesn't realize how taxing children are. If he really cared about his wife he would budget even more for her to get her a nanny or housekeeper so she isn't burden alone with twins.
He seems like he understands that, but it also seems his partner gets mad when he does anything, so trying to offer suggestions or ideas won't help.
 

dixonpratt

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It actually doesn't truly sound like he regrets the *kids*. He is moreso upset that his relationship with his wife is deteriorating, his wife is clearly struggling and he feels guilty for not knowing how to best support her, what support he does offer his wife doesn't take, and it seems like they need more household help in general. Those things are all fixable. It's just the growing pains of having multiples. They need better tools to organize themselves, work as a team, and work on their communication.
Exactly what I was thinking. I work and have a long commute. If I got home 15 minutes later and got yelled at, I'd be looking for solutions too.
 

PinkPancakes

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Untrue and very damaging way of thinking. There needs to be me time - it's part of being a functional human being, partner, and parent. You can't pour into others if you're running on empty. Besides, you conveniently missed out the part where he suggested to his wife that she too should schedule her own me time but she basically refuses. Is it really unreasonable to want to work out???

It's sad that people still have that mentality. I just did a workshop on burnout through my job. The burnout rate in my profession is HUGE. They emphasized how important self-cafe is. Even if it's just taking 10 mins to sit and do nothing. Everyone whether or not you have children should make an effort to look after themselves. Burnout leads to other health issues and if you get so sick how do you expect to be there for your kids?
 

Urbest

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I had a statement but I'm childless and unmarried so I'm just gonna sit here and eat my salad.
You can still voice your opinion. I don’t have kids and I believe most people just have kids or get married Because they feel it’s something to do in life. I also don’t see the point in having kids besides the biological purpose of reproduction and self interests aka to feel loved, etc. And I feel the cons often outweighs the pros and most people making kids have no business making them. In terms of marriage, I think it’s a beautiful concept but many people in this current culture , in America anyway, don’t take relationships serious .
 

Winter

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FYI OP is not the man complaining in the post. They just added the post for discussion.

P. S

Your advice is turrible *your wife may not be cut out for this* when his ass is crying and whining.

She's telling the man off whenever she can so both of them are mad.

I don't understand where he's wrong here. He wasn't too keen on this idea to begin with but he buckled and gave her what she wanted. She sounds exactly like a friend of mine whom wanted to take off a good eight months to "spend time with her baby" after the birth. It was all fun and games until the baby was born and crying for that bottle at 3am. Now this lady realizes she bit off a bit more than she can chew with these kids and he has to buckle some more? Where can he compromise when he's at work so they can sit at home all day? It sounds rude but let's be serious here. Without him working the bills won't get paid. I understand and agree that he needs to have a bit more understanding for her but come on ya'll. How much is anyone going to take getting yelled at before they snap? She's going to keep on and push him right out that door. They both need help. I wouldn't suggest a nanny but maybe a babysitter once in awhile so they can get some time to themselves? I would even suggest a grandparent to babysit the twins and allow them date nights or something like that? Because the way this is headed they're going to end up divorced.
 

Giggles2cute

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This is exactly how I felt with my ex and vice versa! Parenting SUCKS! It completely destroys your relationship....especially if you don’t have family or a community to help you.

I’m sooo glad that my son is almost grown and I’m single and they won’t be any children to ruin our relationship!

Honestly just get married and be childfree or do emergency foster care from time to time if you want kids so badly.

DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN they will most likely ruin your life unless you have a lot of money.
 

Urbest

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This is exactly how I felt with my ex and vice versa! Parenting SUCKS! It completely destroys your relationship....especially if you don’t have family or a community to help you.

I’m sooo glad that my son is almost grown and I’m single and they won’t be any children to ruin our relationship!

Honestly just get married and be childfree or do emergency foster care from time to time if you want kids so badly.

DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN they will most likely ruin your life unless you have a lot of money.
Thanks for being transparent, how does it destroy your relationship? Because it's harder to balance both? How do children ruin your life in your opinion? Do you regret having your son?
 

Giggles2cute

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Thanks for being transparent, how does it destroy your relationship? Because it's harder to balance both? How do children ruin your life in your opinion? Do you regret having your son?
Your xes life was become nonexistent. If your child has a rare disorder or any health issue then that’s harder for you all and more work and money out the door. You could end up just being miserable because kids bring out the worst in your partner and you may end up alone anyway. You could feel more alone. Being a stay at home mom SUCKS other than the stress of not having to work. However if things don’t work out then you’re screwed and have no back up plan. Being a working mother is hard because other people are raising your kids and balancing work and home. I work from home (since way before Covid) and lucked out but most don’t have that option. I did stay at home and working mother thing and both are so hard.

I’m on the fence. I love that my son is older and I can connect to him better and I do love him. But I also know my life would be 100% better without him. His Dad and my parent’s are really supportive so as long as you have a legit support system then it makes it easier. But if you’ll end up a single mother their family helping you out and you aren’t rich then don’t do it, you will regret it!
 

Urbest

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Your xes life was become nonexistent. If your child has a rare disorder or any health issue then that’s harder for you all and more work and money out the door. You could end up just being miserable because kids bring out the worst in your partner and you may end up alone anyway. You could feel more alone. Being a stay at home mom SUCKS other than the stress of not having to work. However if things don’t work out then you’re screwed and have no back up plan. Being a working mother is hard because other people are raising your kids and balancing work and home. I work from home (since way before Covid) and lucked out but most don’t have that option. I did stay at home and working mother thing and both are so hard.

I’m on the fence. I love that my son is older and I can connect to him better and I do love him. But I also know my life would be 100% better without him. His Dad and my parent’s are really supportive so as long as you have a legit support system then it makes it easier. But if you’ll end up a single mother their family helping you out and you aren’t rich then don’t do it, you will regret it!
Wow, well, I hope things get better for you. At least you have support, some mothers or even fathers don’t. Did you want kids? Or did you feel pressured to have one?

Anyway, I don’t have kids..don’t have a strong interest too, and what you said is kinda how I feel - they can make life harder. From a practical standpoint, you can make kids as some type of investment and get a bad return. I know parents who were decent parents and their kids are sh!t. One of my friends brother doesn’t help out at all even though he still lives at home. I know of parents who went through hell for their kids and that’s it. For instance, one became a career criminal despite coming from a good home. Beside that, it’s expensive AF and your life is no longer for you. No one ever talks about the downsides publicly.
 
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I didn’t have twins but my two youngest are 12 months apart, and the older of the two was just as needy and even more demanding than her infant sibling at the time. When you plan for one child and get two nothing prepares you fully for it.

Thankfully for me, I was already a parent when I had my youngest children so close together, but having twins as a 1st time parent would have been so challenging for me. Sounds like the wife is stretched to her limit and knows she can’t count on her husband because he can’t go beyond his capacity to give her relief. I’ve been there, when those 15 mins feel like a lifetime.

He needs to come to terms that the life he envisioned with one child is not his reality, stop resenting his wife and just be willing to really listen to her instead of being defensive. He probably “can’t talk to her” because he refuses hear her beyond what he thinks he needs to defend.
 

Sabby101101

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This is exactly how I felt with my ex and vice versa! Parenting SUCKS! It completely destroys your relationship....especially if you don’t have family or a community to help you.

I’m sooo glad that my son is almost grown and I’m single and they won’t be any children to ruin our relationship!

Honestly just get married and be childfree or do emergency foster care from time to time if you want kids so badly.

DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN they will most likely ruin your life unless you have a lot of money.
This is my biggest fear.
I don’t think I really want children but I do want a relationship & I feel like I’d have to compromise myself for that.

Kids only seem cool when you have a lot of money to spend on them.
 

Letscook11

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This is my biggest fear.
I don’t think I really want children but I do want a relationship & I feel like I’d have to compromise myself for that.

Kids only seem cool when you have a lot of money to spend on them.
There's lots of childfree men out there that want to be childfree for the rest of their lives. You can be childfree and have a relationship.
 

Sabby101101

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There's lots of childfree men out there that want to be childfree for the rest of their lives. You can be childfree and have a relationship.
I hope I run into one. Now that men in my age group are entering their 30s I’ve had some hint at children. Like they feel they need a child bc of their age. But you are right. There is someone who has my same outlook who will want a relationship long term with me. I am terrified of pregnancy and esp birth. Just seems so so dangerous and I already have terrible anxiety.
 

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