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Should I invite my siblings to my rehearsal dinner?

incogneato

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Tl;dr My siblings and I have a fractured relationship and they not part of my wedding party. My future in-laws are paying for the rehearsal dinner, which currently has a guest list of 30 people. Do I have to invite my siblings?

Background:

My siblings and I are not close at all. They are invited to my wedding but they are not part of my wedding party. I’ve never been close with my older brother, who, when we were younger, would randomly decide to stop talking to me for months or years at a time with zero explanation (we lived in the same household and he would just pretend I didn’t exist...). My sisters and I used to be “close,” but I had a falling out with one of them a few weeks before I got engaged. Weeks after I got engagedI called out the other one for not reaching out to me whatsoever. It’s been a long time coming, and I’m simply no longer interested in a close relationship with them.

We grew up in a toxic, narcissistic family where I was the scapegoat and I’ve had to go through a ton of therapy and spiritual growth to heal from the trauma. I used to blame my parents for my trauma, and I’ve worked through forgiving them and having a cordial relationship with them, but it’s only since the falling out with my sisters that I realized my siblings are a huge part of my trauma as well, and I’ve never addressed that.

Our parents tried hard to convince me to make them my bridesmaids. They claimed I would regret it for the rest of my life, if I didn’t have them as bridesmaids over what they believe will be a temporary situation. When I spoke to my sisters, they didn’t even want to be my bridesmaids, so... Anyway, luckily I have really great friends.

My future husband’s parents will be paying for the rehearsal. Right now, with immediate family and our wedding party, nearly half our wedding attendees will be at the rehearsal and it seems like a LOT. If I were to cut my siblings and their spouses/kids, it would cut 6 people. And I’ll be honest... I don’t really want my siblings there. My parents are also hosting another event, where everyone will get a chance to meet before the wedding. Is it really that important that my siblings be there?
 

KarmaPolice

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No, I wouldn't invite them. You're already being generous by inviting them to the actual wedding. If they're not happy for you and supportive (which it sounds like they're not), they're much more likely to start drama that takes away from your events.

If your family tries to question it and you don't want it blowing up into a bigger thing, just point out that your future in-laws are paying for it and you have to stick to their budget.
 

Birdshu

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You and your sisters used to be close? One argument with one sister stopped you from being close to both sisters permanently? You sound like a bridezilla to me, but it must be ok to be that way because you certainly aren't the first.

So if you want to use your wedding to punish your siblings for not being who you want them to be, have at it. It's YOUR big day. Do what's best for you and your fiance.
 

SlowYourRoll

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No, why burden your in-laws with the additional expense of people that you're not really close to ?, you invited them to the wedding, so it's not like you cut them out completely.
 

GitchiYaYa

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Big emphatic NO.

Your optimism hopes they will come and be on their best behavior but they won’t. They will do what you’ve always known them to do.

Don’t spoil your big moment, dear
 

honey8271

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No. Your parents are hosting their own event no need to invite them to both unless you think it will cause unnecessary problems.
 

Balloo

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You and your sisters used to be close? One argument with one sister stopped you from being close to both sisters permanently? You sound like a bridezilla to me, but it must be ok to be that way because you certainly aren't the first.

So if you want to use your wedding to punish your siblings for not being who you want them to be, have at it. It's YOUR big day. Do what's best for you and your fiance.
Honestly sounds like the narcissistic parents she forgave are back to their triangulation business. Now OP blames her siblings for her childhood trauma, more than the parents.....interesting and convenient for the new GC.
 

Incokneegrow

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What argument did you have with your sister that make yall want to write each other off like that after being close?
 

shady_boots

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No you don’t have to invite them. I disagree with your parents. This isn’t a temporary problem. Your family has had issues for years and it doesn’t sound like it will change. They don’t need to be there. Attending the wedding is enough.
 

Sirenk

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OP I can relate to some of what you’re saying, it’s tough being the scapegoat in the family and then suddenly it’s your big day and now Narc parents are making demands of you. I’ll be praying for you.
 

allicat

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Tl;dr My siblings and I have a fractured relationship and they not part of my wedding party. My future in-laws are paying for the rehearsal dinner, which currently has a guest list of 30 people. Do I have to invite my siblings?
no. they're not a part of the wedding party. this is suppose to be a prelude to the beginning of the rest of your happy life, don't spoil it by keeping some sh!t going. try real hard to stay away from people who aren't going to bring some sunshine and joy into your everyday life. tell yourself, convince yourself that you deserve as much...
 

O.o

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Tl;dr My siblings and I have a fractured relationship and they not part of my wedding party. My future in-laws are paying for the rehearsal dinner, which currently has a guest list of 30 people. Do I have to invite my siblings?

Background:

My siblings and I are not close at all. They are invited to my wedding but they are not part of my wedding party. I’ve never been close with my older brother, who, when we were younger, would randomly decide to stop talking to me for months or years at a time with zero explanation (we lived in the same household and he would just pretend I didn’t exist...). My sisters and I used to be “close,” but I had a falling out with one of them a few weeks before I got engaged. Weeks after I got engagedI called out the other one for not reaching out to me whatsoever. It’s been a long time coming, and I’m simply no longer interested in a close relationship with them.

We grew up in a toxic, narcissistic family where I was the scapegoat and I’ve had to go through a ton of therapy and spiritual growth to heal from the trauma. I used to blame my parents for my trauma, and I’ve worked through forgiving them and having a cordial relationship with them, but it’s only since the falling out with my sisters that I realized my siblings are a huge part of my trauma as well, and I’ve never addressed that.

Our parents tried hard to convince me to make them my bridesmaids. They claimed I would regret it for the rest of my life, if I didn’t have them as bridesmaids over what they believe will be a temporary situation. When I spoke to my sisters, they didn’t even want to be my bridesmaids, so... Anyway, luckily I have really great friends.

My future husband’s parents will be paying for the rehearsal. Right now, with immediate family and our wedding party, nearly half our wedding attendees will be at the rehearsal and it seems like a LOT. If I were to cut my siblings and their spouses/kids, it would cut 6 people. And I’ll be honest... I don’t really want my siblings there. My parents are also hosting another event, where everyone will get a chance to meet before the wedding. Is it really that important that my siblings be there?
Your parents and siblings are snakes.

Why are they involved in your wedding AT ALL???
 

LatxLeather

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ETIQUETTE .
See a book.
Google.
If you have a wedding coordinator, she/ he will tell you.
No.
Rehearsal dinners are for : the bride, the groom, the groomen, bridesmaids, parents , grandparents of the bride and groom, ushers, tea girl, flower gril, ringbearer. The kids can bring their parents. Spouses of bridal party, ehhhhhh, iffy. Any bridesmaid who are attached to their man like that csn take their dinner to go. Any groosman , same thing.

Table .
Bride and bridesmaid together.
Groom and groosmen together.
No. This is not speed dating.
Parents and grands at another table.

Rehearsal dinner , a buffet style thing at in- laws house. So much the better. Get your plate and go.

The rehearsal dinner is not for all of these people in the wedding plus organists, singer, out of town friends, siblings and cousins who are not in the wedding, attendants spouses and their kids. The list is endless. Wedding coordinator and one or two staff of his/ hers. You are at now...uuhhhhhh, about 75 people. A reception.

You are then entering a reception.
Rehearsal dinners are for those who are rehearsing for the wedding. It takes one evening for this. Maybe an hour for the rehearsal. 2 hours max. An hour for a dinner.

You future in- laws are paying, hosting the rehearsal dinner. 30 people or 75 people?

Be happy. It is your wedding. Do not let people stress you out. One of your happiness days in life. Enjoy your special moment. Bride n groom, their day. Everyone else is a supporter to the couple. A happy, proud support group.


If one is lucky, one only gets about 10 happiness days , milestone days in life that are just theirs and uinque for them.
College grad, 2-3 special birthdays, wedding, birth of children.
One has a birthday every year. One does not grad college or higher or marry every year.
Birth of one’s child is your personal, special day.
Most people do not have big, grand birthday parties every year.
2-4 in your life.
 

LatxLeather

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Separate posts.
The relationship is not best , whole and healthy, so the answer is NO.


How much can you stand of them all , parents too who you are cordial with, for your life, future life, and sanity is up to you.

Distance like a neighbor from arround the corner or some people you see in the lobby or elevator at work, , ok?
Cease and cut off all communication, ok ?

What happened, why, who....etc. is there , can there be forgiveness, up to you. I am not asking you to spill it here. Answer yourself.


NOTE. you had therapy. Whoa. Everything else you saud, wow.

Honey, you are starting a new life, a new part of your life. Marriage- best friend, mate, partner in life.
Your in- laws sound good. Poof, now you have a shot at getting new parents and good ones.
Sweetie, let old life go. Do not bring “ all that of them, them too in the physical, etc” in your marital home and to your husband.

That karma , those vibes , those thoughts, those people would love nothing to enter your new life and destroy your new life and future of happiness.

What do people here often post? Things about keeping certain people and stuff away and out of your spirit and peace.

Best blessed.
 

KieraMonae

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So, from what I've read immediate family should be invited, but with all of the tension, I would not bother. You want to enjoy the day & not feel like you are on edge the whole day.
 

freckledbruh

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From an etiquette standpoint, you’re not doing anything wrong. Your siblings aren’t a part of the wedding and that’s what the rehearsal dinner is for. Also, your future in laws are the actual hosts so it’s really up to them whether or not they get an invite anyway.
 

incogneato

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Thank you all for the comments, I really appreciate y’all. My future mother-in-law said we could invite immediately family, wedding party, and partners. So it looks like having a big rehearsal won’t be a problem for them. I do appreciate the general consensus in this thread being I don’t have to invite my siblings. With the pressure of finances and etiquette off, it seems I just have to search my heart and see what I should do. I will pray about this. Thank you again.
 

Bella8933

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Tl;dr My siblings and I have a fractured relationship and they not part of my wedding party. My future in-laws are paying for the rehearsal dinner, which currently has a guest list of 30 people. Do I have to invite my siblings?

Background:

My siblings and I are not close at all. They are invited to my wedding but they are not part of my wedding party. I’ve never been close with my older brother, who, when we were younger, would randomly decide to stop talking to me for months or years at a time with zero explanation (we lived in the same household and he would just pretend I didn’t exist...). My sisters and I used to be “close,” but I had a falling out with one of them a few weeks before I got engaged. Weeks after I got engagedI called out the other one for not reaching out to me whatsoever. It’s been a long time coming, and I’m simply no longer interested in a close relationship with them.

We grew up in a toxic, narcissistic family where I was the scapegoat and I’ve had to go through a ton of therapy and spiritual growth to heal from the trauma. I used to blame my parents for my trauma, and I’ve worked through forgiving them and having a cordial relationship with them, but it’s only since the falling out with my sisters that I realized my siblings are a huge part of my trauma as well, and I’ve never addressed that.

Our parents tried hard to convince me to make them my bridesmaids. They claimed I would regret it for the rest of my life, if I didn’t have them as bridesmaids over what they believe will be a temporary situation. When I spoke to my sisters, they didn’t even want to be my bridesmaids, so... Anyway, luckily I have really great friends.

My future husband’s parents will be paying for the rehearsal. Right now, with immediate family and our wedding party, nearly half our wedding attendees will be at the rehearsal and it seems like a LOT. If I were to cut my siblings and their spouses/kids, it would cut 6 people. And I’ll be honest... I don’t really want my siblings there. My parents are also hosting another event, where everyone will get a chance to meet before the wedding. Is it really that important that my siblings be there?

No.

Not after that situation. Don't let family guilt you into involving people like your sisters that are going to ADD stress to your big day, If they are that dysfunctional .. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't pull a number on your wedding day.

I've witnessed some ugly behavior at weddings where me gfs were pressured into inviting people they did not want around them. :/ Just not nice at all.

You need to put your foot down. Itś YOUR wedding and there is nothing like having the people that truly care about YOU surrounding you at this important life event.
 

Birdshu

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I'm happy for Charlie and Davis. I hope it works out. I guess we'll find out what Micah thinks next season.

Oops. Wrong thread.
 
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