Significant Other Upset I Left...

SungQueen's B*tch
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Just to give some context before I elaborate I suffer from severe Social Anxiety, I'm Introverted and I've been with my S.O for around 4 years.

Last night, after getting back from a little baecation we go to my S.O's place so I sit down in the living room and start watching the news on my iPad. One of his friends comes by since he was in the area to smoke (I was already expecting this person to show up so it was prepared) so I just continue on my iPad since I don't smoke weed.
Then his neighbor comes knocking to get/buy some of his weed and my S.O tells him he doesn't really have enough to sell but he can smoke with him & his friend. So the neighbor was like ok I left my boy alone in my apartment can he come over too and I'll bring some liquor back, my S.O agrees and he leaves to get his friend. Now, mind you I don't drink or smoke and I'm already feeling a little nervous about this spontaneous gathering but I just continue to sit back with my iPad.
So, the neighbor comes back with his friend and the bottle of liquor to smoke and he tells my S.O to turn on some music while they smoke & stuff, which he does. My S.O then comes over to me with the liquor bottle and tries to give me some to which I reply "You know I don't drink" and laugh it off. So, I'm really just sitting by myself watching my iPad while they're smoking/drinking, having random convos and stuff and I after a while I get up to use the bathroom. When I comeback his neighbor kinda stared at me and me uncomfortable (as I mentioned earlier I have Social Anxiety and am Introverted) so I notice the show I was watching was about to end so I take that as an opportunity to head home since I'm not partaking with them anyways. I let my S.O know that I'm going home to watch my shows and quietly gather up my things.
He walks with me to the door with this bothered look on his face and when I get out in the hall he asks, "How I'm getting home?" so I tell him I'll take either the bus or train whichever comes first since I don't live that far but I needed to check the App first. Then he makes a comment about me embarrassing him because I just got up and was leaving in front of his people with liquor on his breath. I'm confused, so I remind him that I don't hang out with people that I don't know and remind him of my anxiety (that he's obviously aware of). So he kinda starts trying to check me and I stop him in his tracks and tells him to call me once he sobers up cause he's clearly having a lapse of memory at this point and walk off. He catches up to me and grabs onto my arm causing me to get annoyed/irritated so I tell him "Don't touch me" and we have a little argument and he says something about I can't just do him any kind of way and some other BS like that and I call him drunk/high again we go our separate ways.
He tries to call me a couple minutes later but I ignore it and he starts text bombing me. So I just call him and he gets on the phone sounding like he trying to check me again in front of his people so I tell him again to call me when he sobers up and reminds him of my anxiety again and hang up. He texts me some more and he starts saying he's hurt and all this and that and that they were just smoking and his neighbors ended up leaving and he doesn't understand and demands an apology. I keep telling him you know I'm not comfortable around people I don't know and if I get nervous I'll just leave on my own accord. That he knows this about me and I've been consistent over the last 4 years since it's extremely rare and non existent that I willingly do stuff like that especially spontaneous kickbacks like that.
So, am I in the wrong as he feels for just up and leaving like that in front of his people (who I wasn't interacting with anyways) when he known for years about my anxiety issues?
 
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You didn't do anything unreasonable. He's not compatible with you.

My tolerance for what you described him doing (grabbing you, calling to "check you") is non-existent. Those are breakup terms and he'd go home single.
 
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I didn't read anything about him asking you if you were comfortable with all of this going on out of the blue before you got up to leave so I'm guessing he isn't your people. Cut your losses and good luck with your anxiety.
 
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Its called you're single hun. That dude ain't for you since he don't seem to remember miniscule details even in his drunk/high state. 4 yrs and still a gf?? You're sure you wanna keep that 1?

Piggy backing off what @chocolateTy said, he would've took that isht elsewhere if he truly cared or even told the neighbor to come back another time
 
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You need to leave this man. It almost sounds like he and his friends had something planned for you, but even if that's not the case there are several red flags. He likes to smoke and drink, but you don't. He tried to check you for leaving, when leaving was a totally natural response given the situation. He grabbed your arm in anger (or even annoyance). He text bombed you after you left.

Dump him, block him and move on.
 
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You are never wrong for enforcing your boundaries and maintaining your own physical, mental, and emotional safety. You should be proud of yourself!

Leave him to his friends, you owe him nothing--apology or otherwise.
 
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Just to give some context before I elaborate I suffer from severe Social Anxiety, I'm Introverted and I've been with my S.O for around 4 years.

Last night, after getting back from a little baecation we go to my S.O's place so I sit down in the living room and start watching the news on my iPad. One of his friends comes by since he was in the area to smoke (I was already expecting this person to show up so it was prepared) so I just continue on my iPad since I don't smoke weed.
Then his neighbor comes knocking to get/buy some of his weed and my S.O tells him he doesn't really have enough to sell but he can smoke with him & his friend. So the neighbor was like ok I left my boy alone in my apartment can he come over too and I'll bring some liquor back, my S.O agrees and he leaves to get his friend. Now, mind you I don't drink or smoke and I'm already feeling a little nervous about this spontaneous gathering but I just continue to sit back with my iPad.
So, the neighbor comes back with his friend and the bottle of liquor to smoke and he tells my S.O to turn on some music while they smoke & stuff, which he does. My S.O then comes over to me with the liquor bottle and tries to give me some to which I reply "You know I don't drink" and laugh it off. So, I'm really just sitting by myself watching my iPad while they're smoking/drinking, having random convos and stuff and I after a while I get up to use the bathroom. When I comeback his neighbor kinda stared at me and me uncomfortable (as I mentioned earlier I have Social Anxiety and am Introverted) so I notice the show I was watching was about to end so I take that as an opportunity to head home since I'm not partaking with them anyways. I let my S.O know that I'm going home to watch my shows and quietly gather up my things.
He walks with me to the door with this bothered look on his face and when I get out in the hall he asks, "How I'm getting home?" so I tell him I'll take either the bus or train whichever comes first since I don't live that far but I needed to check the App first. Then he makes a comment about me embarrassing him because I just got up and was leaving in front of his people with liquor on his breath. I'm confused, so I remind him that I don't hang out with people that I don't know and remind him of my anxiety (that he's obviously aware of). So he kinda starts trying to check me and I stop him in his tracks and tells him to call me once he sobers up cause he's clearly having a lapse of memory at this point and walk off. He catches up to me and grabs onto my arm causing me to get annoyed/irritated so I tell him "Don't touch me" and we have a little argument and he says something about I can't just do him any kind of way and some other BS like that and I call him drunk/high again we go our separate ways.
He tries to call me a couple minutes later but I ignore it and he starts text bombing me. So I just call him and he gets on the phone sounding like he trying to check me again in front of his people so I tell him again to call me when he sobers up and reminds him of my anxiety again and hang up. He texts me some more and he starts saying he's hurt and all this and that and that they were just smoking and his neighbors ended up leaving and he doesn't understand and demands an apology. I keep telling him you know I'm not comfortable around people I don't know and if I get nervous I'll just leave on my own accord. That he knows this about me and I've been consistent over the last 4 years since it's extremely rare and non existent that I willingly do stuff like that especially spontaneous kickbacks like that.
So, am I in the wrong as he feels for just up and leaving like that in front of his people (who I wasn't interacting with anyways) when he known for years about my anxiety issues?
I understand where you’re coming from, OP.

Back in my younger days, I had this happen with a guy. My social anxiety is off the wall sometimes. But also I am not comfortable being a room with men I don’t know, especially the neighbor and his friend; while everyone is partaking.

I don’t drink or smoke and being the only sober one gets annoying.

honestly, this relationship shouldn’t go any further. But you didn’t ask for that advice. Water seeks its own level.
 
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I understand what you're saying about social anxiety and commend you for knowing when to remove yourself from a social situation that makes you uncomfortable. Your BF of 4 years knows that and he should've nipped that kickback in the bud, "my girl is here, we'll link later".
 
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Nah, you're good. Any woman (extrovert, introvert, with anxiety, or without) would feel uncomfortable in a room full of intoxicated men (assuming that the bf's guests were all male).
 
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asks, "How I'm getting home?" so I tell him I'll take either the bus or train whichever comes first since I don't live that far but I needed to check the App first

I've been consistent over the last 4 years
4 years and he's letting you leave at night to take unreliable and potentially dangerous public transportation home???

All while he sits around and drinks with virtual strangers?

No man who cared about you would put you in this situation.

No man who cared about you would let you leave knowing you would have to stand outside alone at night pulling up train schedules to figure a way home.

Nevermind all that other stuff.
 
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I don’t understand how anything you did was a problem. You don’t live there, you don’t partake in the lifestyle and you wanted to go home. His ego is way too fragile because there’s no way those men who are drinking and smoking give a damn if you’re coming or going. It’s just weird how he tried to take that agency from you and grabbed you. I don’t have that level of anxiety but I can tell you that I would not stay in an apartment as the only woman when there are three men smoking and drinking. There’s something really wrong with him.
 
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Is it just me, but did anyone else get the vibe he was setting her up for some "fun" with his friend and neighbor?

And OP when I say fun I mean sexual assault. He was mad he couldn't get you loose enough for them to take advantage of you. I'm sorry. I'm blunt. Dump him.
 
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I would leave him. The only defense he could possibly have was that it seemed like you were being a buzzkill but that's only totally ignoring the pandemic, your social anxiety, and the fact that you don't smoke or drink. All this considered, he's definitely in the wrong and there are some serious red flags here. Don't be the girl who stays with the wrong man just to say she has one.
 
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You don’t even sound compatible, are you with him because your anxiety prevents you from getting to know others? Sounds like you settled.
 
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You need to leave this man. It almost sounds like he and his friends had something planned for you, but even if that's not the case there are several red flags. He likes to smoke and drink, but you don't. He tried to check you for leaving, when leaving was a totally natural response given the situation. He grabbed your arm in anger (or even annoyance). He text bombed you after you left.

Dump him, block him and move on.
right? why would he insist so much? i'd like to think you managed to get out of a nasty situation, op
don't go back to that man, regardless of whether he was planning to hurt you it's obvious he doesn't care about your feelings or your mental health
 
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Men are weird. His boys are probably gonna crack at him about being in the “doghouse” when you were out of earshot since you left. It looks like you left because you were unhappy with something.

As long as you weren’t rude or disrespectful then you didn’t do anything wrong. This is his ego and it hasn’t absolutely nothing to do with you. He was out of pocket for how he acted.

I don’t believe they were going to do anything nefarious to you and I don’t understand why people would project that on a person who already admitted they have severe social anxiety. It’s just gonna fuel her fears around being people she doesn’t know even more smh.
 
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I think he just wanted to get lit then have sex with you afterwards. He probably feels like you overreacted by just up and leaving instead of talking to him first to let him know why.

I like to leave places too. My man said its ok, but he would like for me to talk to him and let him know so he can walk with me. When i would leave abruptly, it would look like i was mad at him and people would start questioning him, making the situation worse.

If you want to be with him, sit and talk about why this happened and what the solution is.

If you're done, then be done.
 
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I don’t think he was setting his girlfriend up. I think he just didn’t want her to leave and wanted to spend more time with her once his company left.
However, you did nothing wrong, OP. I don’t blame you for not wanting to be in that setting. You know and trust your boyfriend and his friend. You don’t know the neighbor and his friend. You were uncomfortable and have anxiety. Your boyfriend of 4 years should’ve been able to recognize that. I also don’t like that he grabbed you and unless y’all live in NYC, I don’t understand the “how you getting home” conversation.

Y’all need to talk while he’s sober. If you aren’t breaking up with him, don’t spend days upset at him, y’all need to talk.
 
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First I’m proud of you for leaving and standing up fo me yourself.
Second we’re in a pandemic so he’s comfortable with the risk of Covid by having strangers in his apartment (ie - the neighbour’s friend)
Third, he didn’t ask if you were okay with this arrangement or offer to take the invitees outside so you could be at peace
Fourth, he clearly acts up with alochol and is easily influenced because not only did he try to check you when you were leaving, but after you left he repeatedly texts you and tries to call you to berate you further with other people around him. It seems to me the alochol & these other men got in his head about you leaving like that & he wanted to show himself up.
He doesn’t respect you or your mental health & I don’t think this will be the last time.
 
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Men are weird. His boys are probably gonna crack at him about being in the “doghouse” when you were out of earshot since you left. It looks like you left because you were unhappy with something.

As long as you weren’t rude or disrespectful then you didn’t do anything wrong. This is his ego and it hasn’t absolutely nothing to do with you. He was out of pocket for how he acted.

I don’t believe they were going to do anything nefarious to you and I don’t understand why people would project that on a person who already admitted they have severe social anxiety. It’s just gonna fuel her fears around being people she doesn’t know even more smh.
Social anxiety is different from generalized anxiety. If she feels something is not right or a situation is uncomfortable, she should do exactly what she did and leave. Suggesting that women downplay their feelings that something may be off is very dangerous.

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Idk if they had anything planned but I don’t like how it sounds as if the one man was staring you down. I would have left too since this definitely isn’t my scene. Your man should have been much more understanding and definitely shouldn’t be grabbing or text bombing you.
 
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Social anxiety is different from generalized anxiety. If she feels something is not right or a situation is uncomfortable, she should do exactly what she did and leave. Suggesting that women downplay their feelings that something may be off is very dangerous.

View attachment 2457548
Can you quote where I said she should downplay her feelings? Or that she shouldn’t have left?

I’ll wait.
 
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Glad to know they didn’t try to run a train on you, all of this made me extremely uncomfortable, and I was only reading your story, so I can’t imagine what it must have felt like actually being there.
Be firm with your SO and make sure that it doesn’t happen again.
Hope you feel better.
 

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