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Sometimes it be ya own fam. Truelife: my mom is a hater lol

50ShadesofPale

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I mean I've always suspected she was one or just didn't k own how to be genuinely happy for someone. I remember talking about going for my masters or MBA and instead of ok girl you go head or some words of encouragement it was met with negative thoughts and or why do you want to do that?

Latest news, I been with my boo for a year and we looked at rings the other day, I saw something I liked and cause they had a deal on it, he bought the ring that same day. I told my mom about it a few days later and she was like oh ok. Just no enthusiasm, and this is a guy who she supposedly likes and love.

Because I got a custom ring, I picked it up today and sent her a pic of it, she goes, did he propose? I'm like no we just have the ring. Then she goes its nice, very unique. And then changed the subject. Like her response to the ring and me mentioning he about to propose was very lackluster and not once did she say congratulations, I'm happy for you.

Like I have a mentor at work I'm close to and she was squealing with joy when I told her what we picked a ring. We spoke today after I sent pix and you could hear the joy in her voice. Hell even my aunt and old coworker were more geeked up.

Point of the story is... watch who is genuinely happy for you in your up times. It may not always be who you think will be happy for you.

But on another note, think me n the boo will just elope in Vegas and my mom is not invited cause she already casting a stain on my engagement. Hater
 
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I’m sorry, love. Don’t let that sour your mood, you have many things to be excited about and people in your corner. It could be that she’s dealing with her own demons and can’t see around it long enough to really be there for you— or she could be a plain ole hater.
Maybe limit your good news/ideas delivery to her or at least talk extensively with those in your corner before you do
 

LoveSupreme

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I mean I've always suspected she was one or just didn't k own how to be genuinely happy for someone. I remember talking about going for my masters or MBA and instead of ok girl you go head or some words of encouragement it was met with negative thoughts and or why do you want to do that?

Latest news, I been with my boo for a year and we looked at rings the other day, I saw something I liked and cause they had a deal on it, he bought the ring that same day. I told my mom about it a few days later and she was like oh ok. Just no enthusiasm, and this is a guy who she supposedly likes and love.

Because I got a custom ring, I picked it up today and sent her a pic of it, she goes, did he propose? I'm like no we just have the ring. Then she goes its nice, very unique. And then changed the subject. Like her response to the ring and me mentioning he about to propose was very lackluster and not once did she say congratulations, I'm happy for you.

Like I have a mentor at work I'm close to and she was squealing with joy when I told her what we picked a ring. We spoke today after I sent pix and you could hear the joy in her voice. Hell even my aunt and old coworker were more geeked up.

Point of the story is... watch who is genuinely happy for you in your up times. It may not always be who you think will be happy for you.

But on another note, think me n the boo will just elope in Vegas and my
mom is not invited cause she already casting a stain on my engagement. Hater
———————————————_———————————————

I don’t detect any “hate” in your story. I do detect possibly low energy. Maybe mom has some issues she’s not discussing with you. As far as comparing her response versus coworkers and such; she is much closer to the people involved than any of those other people you mentioned. So, you’ve left a lot out.

I could understand your anger, if she were trying to get in the way or to stop your marriage. According to you, she is going along with your plans and letting you live your life. You don’t sound very interested in your mother, however.

Not inviting her to your nuptials is going to hurt you more than it hurts her in the long run. You are just too self-involved to see it.
 
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50ShadesofPale

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I don’t detect any “hate” in your story. I do detect possibly low energy. Maybe mom had some issues she’s not discussing with you. As far as comparing her response versus coworkers and such; she is closer to the people involved than any of those other people you mentioned. So, you’ve left a lot out.

I could understand your anger, if she were trying to get in the way or to stop your marriage. According to you, she is going along with your plans and letting you live your life. You don’t sound very interested in your mother.

Not inviting her to your nuptials is going to hurt you more than it hurts her in the long run. You are just too self-involved to see it.
Well if she does have issues she is not discussing with me it goes beyond my engagement. Told her I was considering MBA she had something negative to say about it. But a month ago she tells me she is going for her masters. I started a biz this year as well, no support or congrats. Been this way my whole life.

Me comparing her response to others is important because the only person who has met boo was my old coworker. I expect my mom to at least pretend to be happy for me vs others. If she had such an issue with my boo she wouldn't always invite him over for movie and dinner night at her place. She don't have to establish a relationship with him, unless she is lying about how she feels about him she should be over the moon to have him as her son n law.

And nah at this point in my life her not being at my wedding wouldn't hurt me at all honestly. She has never been supportive of things I've done as a child or an adult so I'm not tryna have that negative energy during my happy moments. I strive to live a happy life and in order to do that I gotta protect the energy around it. So I'm def limiting telling her things in my life. She will find out after the fact. I hate to be that way, but eh it is what it is. And honey I'm the least self involved person in the world, so no that ain't it. Mom is a hater
 

whutsthetea

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I mean I've always suspected she was one or just didn't k own how to be genuinely happy for someone. I remember talking about going for my masters or MBA and instead of ok girl you go head or some words of encouragement it was met with negative thoughts and or why do you want to do that?

Latest news, I been with my boo for a year and we looked at rings the other day, I saw something I liked and cause they had a deal on it, he bought the ring that same day. I told my mom about it a few days later and she was like oh ok. Just no enthusiasm, and this is a guy who she supposedly likes and love.

Because I got a custom ring, I picked it up today and sent her a pic of it, she goes, did he propose? I'm like no we just have the ring. Then she goes its nice, very unique. And then changed the subject. Like her response to the ring and me mentioning he about to propose was very lackluster and not once did she say congratulations, I'm happy for you.

Like I have a mentor at work I'm close to and she was squealing with joy when I told her what we picked a ring. We spoke today after I sent pix and you could hear the joy in her voice. Hell even my aunt and old coworker were more geeked up.

Point of the story is... watch who is genuinely happy for you in your up times. It may not always be who you think will be happy for you.

But on another note, think me n the boo will just elope in Vegas and my mom is not invited cause she already casting a stain on my engagement. Hater
It’s a bittersweet feeling to realize in your adult life your mother of all people isn’t a great person. But know you aren’t alone. Many of us also have very difficult, negative, bitter mother’s we’ve had to distance ourselves from. Finding forgiveness and not dwelling on it as you move on and live in your destiny is a challenge but a true key to happiness. It’s okay to have to distance yourself from your mother. Sometimes you have to give yourself that permission while knowing you don’t mean harm or malice toward that person. You just have to move on. You have to also give yourself permission to be happy.

I’ve had to dig for years to find reasoning within myself to be happy because my mom has made me so unhappy. I chased her throughout my childhood, teens, and 20s just trying to have a relationship with her. But she makes it really clear she wants her own life and wants to only know me sometimes from a distance. I had to let that go, and it really bothered me for a long time. Sometimes I fall into depression about it but I have to always remind myself despite everything she’s done or says I have to give myself permission to be happy. Look forward to the new chapter in your life.
 

SpicyHeat

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Maybe you should talk to your mom and let her know your not feeling her energy and what is the issue. You say she like your fiancée and invites him over for dinner and etc, so she can't be too much of a hater or disapproves of your relationship. Maybe she dealing with something herself and her reactions and responses are not positive atm.

Talk it out with her, remember you only get one mom. Don't let this ruin or further damage your relationship with her.
 

LoveSupreme

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Well if she does have issues she is not discussing with me it goes beyond my engagement. Told her I was considering MBA she had something negative to say about it. But a month ago she tells me she is going for her masters. I started a biz this year as well, no support or congrats. Been this way my whole life.

Me comparing her response to others is important because the only person who has met boo was my old coworker. I expect my mom to at least pretend to be happy for me vs others. If she had such an issue with my boo she wouldn't always invite him over for movie and dinner night at her place. She don't have to establish a relationship with him, unless she is lying about how she feels about him she should be over the moon to have him as her son n law.

And nah at this point in my life her not being at my wedding wouldn't hurt me at all honestly. She has never been supportive of things I've done as a child or an adult so I'm not tryna have that negative energy during my happy moments. I strive to live a happy life and in order to do that I gotta protect the energy around it. So I'm def limiting telling her things in my life. She will find out after the fact. I hate to be that way, but eh it is what it is. And honey I'm the least self involved person in the world, so no that ain't it. Mom is a hater
It pretty much sticks out to me thst you are the “hater.” You have so much animosity towards this woman, who is working towards her Masters degree, and who has accepted your fiancé with open arms.

She hasn’t hurt you, stopped you from succeeding, nor interfered in your career or relationship.

Just nothing! You sound so cold and callous, and mom just seems to go along to not further inflame all of this animosity you have towards her. Throughout your rant, you never once asked your mother how she is doing or if she needed anything.

You don’t realize how you come off on a page.

Your mother is afraid of you. You’re an angry person who counts every slight—real or Imagined—and you look for a way to up the anti and hurt your mother as deeply as you can.

You can not invite your mother to your nuptials; you can cut her with a knife.

But if you think that you are getting ready to ride off happily ever after into the sunset; you are wrong!

You’re a very angry person, who doesn’t let things go. Unfortunately, it is you who is going to pay in the long run.
 

Dulcecaramel

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One thing you will learn about life is that sometimes those who shout the most and cheer you on the loudest can also be your haters. They just know how to easily cover it up because folks are so superficial, so they know what to do. I wouldn’t use how cheerful someone was as the gauge of whether they are truly supportive or not.
 

Amandabby22

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My mother is the same way but I genuinely peg it as just her personality. I’ve never really seen her excited or jumping for joy about anything. She’s not really the type to build up anybody either. The most you may hear from her is “You can do it”. She’s not the type of person to be squealing for joy over things. She does exactly what your mom does. Deep down I know she’s not a hater, she’s just not the most expressive person. When my grandmother passed she didn’t even cry (at least not in front of us) and they were extremely tight.

I kinda agree with @LoveSupreme.. I’m not picking up malicious intent or jealousy.. sounds like she’s more emotionally unavailable if anything but you know her better than we do. As far your engagement I sorta understand her response. It’s a little confusing to me too. He didn’t proposed and you acknowledged that but the ring has been purchased & you’re adamant he’s going to propose.. I wouldn’t know how to respond to that either because what if he doesn’t? Idk I’m just used to when people have the ring it’s “Yes we’re getting married. He proposed”.

Have you had a conversation with her about it instead of jumping to conclusions? Is she not even worth giving the benefit of the doubt?
 

Mantsho

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Girl, have you met her or her mother. That's a lot to infer.

tenor.gif


It pretty much sticks out to me thst you are the “hater.” You have so much animosity towards this woman, who is working towards her Masters degree, and who has accepted your fiancé with open arms.

She hasn’t hurt you, stopped you from succeeding, nor interfered in your career or relationship.

Just nothing! You sound so cold and callous, and mom just seems to go along to not further inflame all of this animosity you have towards her. Throughout your rant, you never once asked your mother how she is doing or if she needed anything.

You don’t realize how you come off on a page.

Your mother is afraid of you. You’re an angry person who counts every slight—real or Imagined—and you look for a way to up the anti and hurt your mother as deeply as you can.

You can not invite your mother to your nuptials; you can cut her with a knife.

But if you think that you are getting ready to ride off happily ever after into the sunset; you are wrong!

You’re a very angry person, who doesn’t let things go. Unfortunately, it is you who is going to pay in the long run.
 

50ShadesofPale

I avada kedavra yall hoz
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It pretty much sticks out to me thst you are the “hater.” You have so much animosity towards this woman, who is working towards her Masters degree, and who has accepted your fiancé with open arms.

She hasn’t hurt you, stopped you from succeeding, nor interfered in your career or relationship.

Just nothing! You sound so cold and callous, and mom just seems to go along to not further inflame all of this animosity you have towards her. Throughout your rant, you never once asked your mother how she is doing or if she needed anything.

You don’t realize how you come off on a page.

Your mother is afraid of you. You’re an angry person who counts every slight—real or Imagined—and you look for a way to up the anti and hurt your mother as deeply as you can.

You can not invite your mother to your nuptials; you can cut her with a knife.

But if you think that you are getting ready to ride off happily ever after into the sunset; you are wrong!

You’re a very angry person, who doesn’t let things go. Unfortunately, it is you who is going to pay in the long run.
I wonder how many people have you on ignore.. lol... girl bye cause you are truly reaching.
 

50ShadesofPale

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My mother is the same way but I genuinely peg it as just her personality. I’ve never really seen her excited or jumping for joy about anything. She’s not really the type to build up anybody either. The most you may hear from her is “You can do it”. She’s not the type of person to be squealing for joy over things. She does exactly what your mom does. Deep down I know she’s not a hater, she’s just not the most expressive person. When my grandmother passed she didn’t even cry (at least not in front of us) and they were extremely tight.

I kinda agree with @LoveSupreme.. I’m not picking up malicious intent or jealousy.. sounds like she’s more emotionally unavailable if anything but you know her better than we do. As far your engagement I sorta understand her response. It’s a little confusing to me too. He didn’t proposed and you acknowledged that but the ring has been purchased & you’re adamant he’s going to propose.. I wouldn’t know how to respond to that either because what if he doesn’t? Idk I’m just used to when people have the ring it’s “Yes we’re getting married. He proposed”.

Have you had a conversation with her about it instead of jumping to conclusions? Is she not even worth giving the benefit of the doubt?
Yea i would say she is not an expressive person. I'll have a convo with her, but I mean this is just the straw that broke the camels back. I've dealt with her lack of support since I was a child, so honestly I'm used to it and just do me. But this latest thing make me not wanna rock with her like that. I'll be cordial but won't disclose any personal life events going on at the moment.

But I'll def talk to her and see where do we go from here, cause the lack of support is bad energy for me right now and I don't need it.
 

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