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Tension at home-no dinner being made

incogneato

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I work in a hospital and I’ve been working ever since the pandemic has taken place meaning I never quarantined and whilst everyone else was at home I was working every single day during the weekends. I think this pandemic has really opened my eyes to how my family treats me apart from my father. Coming home from work I would barely see any food being made at home, at first I kept quite I didn’t understand why no one was cooking any dinner and I was too exhausted to make dinner myself all I would do was make a quick sandwich for myself to have for my packed lunch but that wasn’t convenient for me especially because I would be working long hours and I needed more than a sandwich to keep my going. I even became sick with covid and after becoming ‘better’ I still wasn’t 100%. When the lockdown was lifted my mom and sisters excuses was that they were working and didn’t have time to make dinner but whenever our country goes into lockdown again everyone stays at home and I come to find the house looking unkempt, dirty with no dinner or lunch even made. I’ve spoken to my mother but she instead flips it on me saying I need to make my own dinner and how will I cope if I was to get married someday because I will need to cook for both myself and my future husband and my future kids. My dad is diabetic and needs dinner as well and sometimes he will come home to fine no dinner being made. Whenever we do come home we always hear my mum and sisters having a nice conversation and laughing away without a care for anyone.

what’s hurtful more than anything is I remember there was a period when I was unemployed and everyone else was working or in school, I would make dinner for my family everyday and I would keep myself busy by tidying the house, buying groceries and making dinner as well as tidying the kitchen up afterwards. There were times I didn’t have the energy to make dinner because I would be preparing for job applications and job interviews that were very stressful but I was guilt tripped into making dinner because everyone would be tired and hungry but why isn’t this extended to me?

I’ve spoken about other issues I’ve faced with my family especially my mom It’s just that today I was feeling light headed and saw some pasta made but my sister only made it for herself and my mom said it’s my fault dinner hasn’t been made for me
 

ManicMondayz

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On your days off, maybe try prepping a few days worth of dinners. That way your food is already made and you won't have to complain about no one making dinner for you.
 

MsBIGChoc

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How old are you? Move out and get take out if you're worried about being feed by your mom and sisters.
I thought I was going to read about a husband.
You're seriously upset bc your mom and sister not making dinner?
Everyone is grown in this situation
 

MERVEILLEUSE

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You’re an adult, right? Why do you expect to not cook for yourself? Are you the only one working?

Prep your own meals in advance. Look towards moving out.
 

AlleyChat

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That does suck, but they are adults. Maybe you were the glue holding the family together? I know what you mean though, because I stayed home every day for the last part of my degree. It's hard to cook and study at the same time, and I felt guilty that my husband would have to come home from work to cook for me. As a compromise, he bought me a slow cooker for busy days.
 
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How old are you? Move out and get take out if you're worried about being feed by your mom and sisters.
I thought I was going to read about a husband.
You're seriously upset bc your mom and sister not making dinner?
Everyone is grown in this situation
LOL. I literally just wrote this response!

Your family has shown you how they are. Believe them. Move out. Find some roommates if necessary. If you're saving for a car or apartment or something and that's why you're still at home then embrace the suck. Stay focused on your goal and STOP DOING SO MUCH. You're not the maid or the chef. If they want to live in filth, let them. Yes, it will suck for you. Adulting sucks some time. Use the suckage as motivation for getting your ass up outta there. If they are prone to eat your sh!t, get yourself one of those dorm fridges for your room and keep your prepped meals in there.
 

SpicyHeat

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Move out and start cooking for yourself. You're grown and your family has no obligation to make sure food is cooked for you especially if they haven't done so ever since your hit adulthood.

Sounds like everyone must fend for themselves in your household, so unless you plan to grin and bear it and accept it wont change no matter what you say, getting your own place is your only option.
 

abijean

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what’s hurtful more than anything is I remember there was a period when I was unemployed and everyone else was working or in school, I would make dinner for my family everyday and I would keep myself busy by tidying the house, buying groceries and making dinner as well as tidying the kitchen up afterwards. There were times I didn’t have the energy to make dinner because I would be preparing for job applications and job interviews that were very stressful but I was guilt tripped into making dinner because everyone would be tired and hungry but why isn’t this extended to me?

Stop doing for them. Just stop. Take care of yourself.
 

MsBIGChoc

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I just dont understand why you expect people to cook for you when you're a grown woman?
I may was raised differently but my mom did not cook for me. She cooked for my dad and I ate left over when I lived there.

You work a hospital job and you should have enough on your next paycheck to get an apartment and purchase anything you want to eat.
It's not that deep sis.
I sometimes wonder if people can really be like this
 

honey8271

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Well now that you know what it is meal prep for yourself on your day off. Clean up any messes that you make and your area alone. If you want you can do something for your Dad but I wouldn't lift a finger for the rest of them. If they catch attitude I would make plans to move out. Ridiculous but if that is the way your mom wants to live so be it.
 

goldenchile

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My grandfather said "You passed all those eating joints on your way home and you came home hungry?" Look out for yaself OP cause no one is looking out for you
 

Sackboy

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I know how you feel OP. When I come out of my home office and don’t smell any food cooking in the kitchen, I sometimes wonder what’s wrong. Lol
 
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TBH, Dad can make his own meals too. Your mom is talking about giving you experience cooking for your future spouse yet there she is sitting on her hypocritical ass not practicing what she preaches. These people will use you forever. Get away from them and don't let them lure you back to the home with some sob story.
 

hellokitty

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hugs, it not about being grown or anything else, this is about other people not being caring. they aint doin for her what she has done for them and that can be painful.

esp working non stop in this climate.

hugs hun. it is time you do put yourself first, perhaps order/buy pre made meals for a while, do some self care
 

Onyxprincess

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I understand if they don’t want to be spending all day everyday making large meals.

But even if each of them cooked twice a week and you cooked once or twice a week, you could have a week of home-cooked meals.

You could’ve gone out of your way in the past but some families are sh!t and will not reciprocate.

Don’t waste anymore of your energy expecting them to be better than they are. Don’t presume u can count on them.

Girl, you are preaching to the choir.
 

Sallie Blair

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Your family doesn't sound very family like. Meal times are when everyone comes together. The ritual of breaking bread with others is important for bonding.

You need to move out, and in the interim, you need to buy a personal fridge and hot plate for your room and have meal prep in there.
 

You

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I understand how it feels to not have your past efforts appreciated and reciprocated. It's a bad feeling to know people aren't looking out for you in the way you looked out for them

But, like said, the solution is moving out and fully fending for yourself. I know easier said than done, but it's not impossible to do either (unless some very harsh circumstances you didn't tell us)

Get into hyper-saving mode and save as much as you can, as fast as you can, so that you can get your own place

And stop having conversations about this with your mother. She's made it clear she doesn't care about your feelings and she's not changing her behaviors, so it's a waste of your time to try

And thank you for being a healthcare worker during these times, I know it's a lot to deal with
 

Dairy Free

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Sorry your family sounds ratchet and uncaring especially if they have the time to prepare meals. However I agree with other posters that it’s not their job to feed you but at the same time I come from a family that loves food and they’re always making sure we’re (husband, child and I) eating good and well fed (i.e. my brother/SIL and my MIL calling daily to see if we need food dropped off, etc.) so I understand your frustrations about family not helping out and being caring.

Going forward just prepare meals on your day off to eat throughout the week and set days to bring home takeout. Hopefully they aren’t the type to eat your food either.
 

Psalm

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I actually agree with OP here. I’m real grown with a husband and kids and if my husband and I are working crazy hours my mom cooks for us. I guess that’s how families that care about each other operate and if my daughter is busting her ass at a hospital job being exposed to who knows what the least I can do is have a little food prepared for her and my diabetic spouse. Smdh
 

incogneato

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How old are you? Move out and get take out if you're worried about being feed by your mom and sisters.
I thought I was going to read about a husband.
You're seriously upset bc your mom and sister not making dinner?
Everyone is grown in this situation
You’re missing the point. What I was trying to say is that when I was unemployed I used to take care of the house and ensure there was dinner made for when everyone came home from work because I know how tiring it can be sometimes and I would keep the house spotless. I work at a job where I don’t earn much money and half of my income goes to paying rent and utility bills and I would come home and see that the house is a mess and there is hardly any dinner made which to me seems hypocritical if you’re expecting me to look after the house because I’m not working whereas the people I live with can’t do the same
 

incogneato

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I actually agree with OP here. I’m real grown with a husband and kids and if my husband and I are working crazy hours my mom cooks for us. I guess that’s how families that care about each other operate and if my daughter is busting her ass at a hospital job being exposed to who knows what the least I can do is have a little food prepared for her and my diabetic spouse. Smdh
Thankyou sis for understanding I work in a covid area and my job has become really draining and my health hasn’t been good recently so I thought my family would help each other out but everywhere it’s just dirty with nothing being made. If I was to make dinner for myself I would be guilt tripped to give my dinner to everyone else in the family when they hardly do anything for themselves
 

goldenchile

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Your grandfather is so wise. I like him.
Thank you. He was the first love of my life! He was very wise. I was 10yrs old when he told me "keep your credit straight. If you have good credit, you can buy anything" I'm standing there thinking wtf is credit! :oops:
 

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