Quantcast

The Coldest Thing A Man Has Said To You

incogneato

No face, no case.
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
396,311
Reaction score
Reactions
2,688,694 494,836 222,827
2,888,657
Alleybux
1,054,637
Said I was his sidechick because another woman was sleeping with him and I didn't feel comfortable having xes. I asked him was you in a relationship with this woman, and he said "No. But I'm fµck!ng her and I should be trying to compete, instead of figuring out who is the main"... He embarrassed me in front people. It got so bad his friend jumped into to defend me.

I still went to work and cried on the bathroom floor for hours. Took two years to get over that, and he never really apologized just said he was immature and I was getting on his nerves. He apologized because he was shamed but it wasn't sincere

I'm no longer with him of course and did not sleep with him after, but I was traumatized and confused for a very long time after that

I'm just now recovering but I'm still hurting bad and feel shame for no reason. Therapy has helped. He wasn't my 1st bad relationship but he didn't help.

I got called a hoe or names for not having xes more times than not. I've been told I think I'm better and all types of wild stuff. I really now just starting to build myself. I didn't feel like I deserved good treatment for no reason for a very long time. I still don't, but I don't let it show.

His words destroyed me on the side because I was already battling with self-esteem issues
 

barbieedoll96

LongLiveTakeBae
Joined
Feb 11, 2012
Messages
1,197
Reaction score
Reactions
8,202 189 31
8,218
Alleybux
565,054
Dude said he built me up just to tear me down ..which did not hurt me one bit bc it wasn’t true and there was nothing he could say to hurt me bc I didn’t gaf about him anymore. He was just mad bc he commented on my pic on IG and said he made me thick and I told him no tf he didn’t , my new dude was responsible for it not him lol oh well.
 

splinter

Starter
Joined
Dec 17, 2020
Messages
323
Reaction score
Reactions
480 214 349
131
Alleybux
166,000
"you're never going to change. maybe being sad is just who you are." - said to me two months after a suicide attempt
maybe he was keeping it real. Sometimes people need that impetus to go and get the therapy they need. I'd see it as a positive, not a negative. The "never going to change" makes me believe there is a pattern of behavior on your end, so yes, I'd get in some kind of therapy if I were you and fix the source. He's helping you here.
 

cjanesprint

Bench Warmer
Joined
Aug 26, 2023
Messages
1
Reaction score
Reactions
34 6
34
Alleybux
500
The love of my life told me during an argument, "Do you know the reason why I never married you?!... Cause you can't turn a hoe into a housewife." We were together for a number of years then. Broke up, he apologized, and got back together. But I never brought marriage back up. Although I forgave, I never forgot. We had a child a few years later. On a Saturday in January he asked me if I wanted to get married. Instead of saying yes, I said "to who?! Cause YOU told me that you can't turn a hoe into a housewife." We argued, he accused me of bringing up old arguments, things he apologized/I forgave him for already. He left. That coming Wednesday, he was murdered, ...he was gone. I've been crying ever since, asking myself why I didn't just say yes. I knew I wanted to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. But I just never forgot what he had said to me. I haven't been the same since.
 

Lurkylurk007

Rookie
Joined
Jan 20, 2023
Messages
68
Reaction score
Reactions
308 55 4
304
Alleybux
4,000
When I was younger, two different guys told me that they prayed about our relationship and that God told them I wasn't the woman they was supposed to marry. They both dumped me.

I'm so mad and bitter at God for that. And for being molested as a kid. I try to be the best woman I can be, but I'm now 40 and single with no kids and I think God hates me and thinks I'll be a terrible wife and mother. I think I'll be alone forever. :cry:
Look at what thread we're on. All of us have gone through this. You're not alone, you're not flawed, these men were just straight up trash.
 

incogneato

No face, no case.
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
396,311
Reaction score
Reactions
2,688,694 494,836 222,827
2,888,657
Alleybux
1,054,637
I had been talking to this dude and after a while of dealing with his inconsistent lying ass, I fell back and stopped giving him attention. That didn’t stop him from hitting me up with “wyd? I wanna see you.” texts and when I didn’t agree or was busy with other things it turned into “fµck you” “you ain’t nothing in real life” “I slutted you out then ghosted you dumb hoe” “broke b!tch go get some money” “b!tch I’ll shoot you” and honestly I wasn’t taking him serious. I’m like this is an ego thing, you having a meltdown because in reality I’m the one who started paying you dust and your pride is hurt.. cussed his ass out right back but I can’t front like it didn’t hurt me. Never had a guy that wasn’t even my man disrespect me that way. Very unwarranted.
 

Kalia6

General Manager
Joined
May 19, 2018
Messages
1,047
Reaction score
Reactions
2,973 47 6
3,546
Alleybux
62,662
maybe he was keeping it real. Sometimes people need that impetus to go and get the therapy they need. I'd see it as a positive, not a negative. The "never going to change" makes me believe there is a pattern of behavior on your end, so yes, I'd get in some kind of therapy if I were you and fix the source. He's helping you here.
I disagree with this, while understanding what you might be trying to say.

Pointing out flaws is one thing but to flat out say you’re “never going to change” also implies that he didn’t think she could if she had the help she needed - nor did he offer it.

It’s condescending.
 

splinter

Starter
Joined
Dec 17, 2020
Messages
323
Reaction score
Reactions
480 214 349
131
Alleybux
166,000
I disagree with this, while understanding what you might be trying to say.

Pointing out flaws is one thing but to flat out say you’re “never going to change” also implies that he didn’t think she could if she had the help she needed - nor did he offer it.

It’s condescending.
I disagree, especially with your mention of what it "implies". Once you start guessing implications, you are now legislating his thoughts. I'm sure you know how dangerous and irresponsible it is to legislate people's thoughts.

One can say "he's evil", another can say "he means well", but what is undeniably true is what OP takes from it. If OP cares about herself, it would seem very responsible to get the therapy she needs.

It's sort of like someone giving you 100 dollars and you still finding a way to say "well it's condescending...it implies that they don't think I'm able to make my own money" lol. Cynics, Realists, Optimists all see the same situation through different lenses. It doesn't help OP 1 bit to dwell on negative implications. Why can't she CHOOSE to see the positives instead eg. say "thank you sir for the 100 dollar bill" and have that be the end. I think negative people and cynics always will find a way to extract bad from good faith interactions.
 
Last edited:

Kalia6

General Manager
Joined
May 19, 2018
Messages
1,047
Reaction score
Reactions
2,973 47 6
3,546
Alleybux
62,662
I disagree, especially with your mention of what it "implies". Once you start guessing implications, you are now legislating his thoughts. I'm sure you know how dangerous and irresponsible it is to legislate people's thoughts.

One can say "he's evil", another can say "he means well", but what is undeniably true is what OP takes from it. If OP cares about herself, it would seem very responsible to get the therapy she needs.

It's sort of like someone giving you 100 dollars and you still finding a way to say "well it's condescending...it implies that they don't think I'm able to make my own money" lol. Cynics, Realists, Optimists all see the same situation through different lenses. It doesn't help OP 1 bit to dwell on negative implications. Why can't she CHOOSE to see the positives instead eg. say "thank you sir for the 100 dollar bill" and have that be the end. I think negative people and cynics always will find a way to extract bad from good faith interactions.
I get what you’re saying. But maybe she wasn’t mentally ready and in a space to choose - as you say.

I’m just not about kicking people when you can see they’re already down. There is a way to communicate concerns that are %100 percent valid. In this scenario I didn’t get that vibe.

But hey, I could be entirely wrong.
 

Seoe

General Manager
Joined
Jul 10, 2014
Messages
4,298
Reaction score
Reactions
15,588 398 299
16,879
Alleybux
11,479
'Everyone has something that is special about them, what is special about you because I am still trying to figure it out?' - I cried bitterly that night, because I never felt special and someone confirmed it, it crushed me.

Also another guy I really liked and was in a situationship with & having really great xes with, decided in his little mind that since I like him and give him good xes, it means I will like any man and give him good xes. Got a text from a random guy one day, iphone suggested an old friend's name, so I thought it was my old friend and kept texting back, but through the conversation something wasn't adding up as it didn't sound like my old friend. So I check on whatsapp and realize the person texting me is a very close friend of the guy I was currently fµck!ng. Like how the fµck did he get my number and what the hell did he want?

Completely ghosted both of them once I realized their sick plan , even till today I am still traumatized by that experience, I feel like I would have to tell any man I am about to have xes with that 'look just because I am having xes with you doesn't mean I will have xes with your friend'. I guess that's the kind of conversation we need to be having when we meet new people.
It seems that the guy you were dealing with got really possessive (over the xes) and sent his friend in to test you. For what it is worth.

Glad you dumped him. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too
 

incogneato

No face, no case.
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
396,311
Reaction score
Reactions
2,688,694 494,836 222,827
2,888,657
Alleybux
1,054,637
Broke up with me due to weight gain. The same day he did it, we had morning xes, then suddenly later in the evening while I was at home, I get a rant that I’m too big, he didn’t sign up to date a fat woman. That I’m gigantic… also, get this he used to say I’m too skinny and to gain weight.

I’m a size 10 sometimes 12.

Told him I can lose the weight whenever I want, but he will always remain a piece of sh!t no matter what.

Saw many couples out today and most of the women weren’t thin… I’d say I hope to find someone that isn’t shallow, but I’m done with men for very, very a long time.

Wish he was honest and just say “I’m bored of you, need a new body” instead of this lame sh!t.
 

incogneato

No face, no case.
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
396,311
Reaction score
Reactions
2,688,694 494,836 222,827
2,888,657
Alleybux
1,054,637
Broke up with me due to weight gain. The same day he did it, we had morning xes, then suddenly later in the evening while I was at home, I get a rant that I’m too big, he didn’t sign up to date a fat woman. That I’m gigantic… also, get this he used to say I’m too skinny and to gain weight.

I’m a size 10 sometimes 12.

Told him I can lose the weight whenever I want, but he will always remain a piece of sh!t no matter what.

Saw many couples out today and most of the women weren’t thin… I’d say I hope to find someone that isn’t shallow, but I’m done with men for very, very a long time.

Wish he was honest and just say “I’m bored of you, need a new body” instead of this lame sh!t.

Edit: (writing error) **a very, very long time
 

Tweetynsc

General Manager
Joined
Apr 15, 2017
Messages
2,328
Reaction score
Reactions
27,123 824 519
32,699
Alleybux
151,060
This might have hurt at the time, but this is a blessing in disguise. People don't always have the curtesy of telling us the truth... But babyyy, if this wasn't it.

From now on, if a guy isn't acting correctly I will tell myself:

He's a smart man, he knows how to treat people. If he isn't responding or calling it's because he doesn't want to. It's not because he's busy. If he wanted to make time for me, her would have.

Then: block & delete
Life changing
 

gorseland

Rookie
Joined
Oct 15, 2023
Messages
91
Reaction score
Reactions
679 30 7
672
Alleybux
45,500
We dated for about 8-9 months, very chill breakup, no tears or drama. He was moving away for grad school. But anyways I asked what it was about me that attracted him in the first place, I was mid-breakup, I needed the ego boost. He says the meanest thing a man has ever said to me. "Oh I've always had a thing for really pretty girls with really ugly smiles"
 

sienned

General Manager
Joined
Oct 22, 2023
Messages
1,011
Reaction score
Reactions
3,681 314 25
3,656
Alleybux
488,000
I got an allergic reaction to an bite that blew up my whole torso (couldn't wear any shirts, anything over the area.), and also swelled up my lymph nodes underarms to breasts to the size of golfballs.

And he laughed at me, and said I deserved it.

It took me 3 months to recover.
 

Dizzy123

Rookie
Joined
Jul 17, 2018
Messages
73
Reaction score
Reactions
122 5 17
105
Alleybux
30,458
My self esteem is in the trash. He was drunk and git mad because I didn’t want to ride around with him all night. Called me a b!tch, hoe, and a slut. Said I should forget I ever met him.
 

incogneato

No face, no case.
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
396,311
Reaction score
Reactions
2,688,694 494,836 222,827
2,888,657
Alleybux
1,054,637
That i am miserable and no man would ever want to play step father to my children and that I am damaged goods (even tho I am married) My ex is feeling himself cause his student loans were just forgiven, some dumb girl let him move in so now he's going 50/50 with a hoe after just getting off his ass from his mama's house at the ripe age of 32 but has the audacity to tell me all of this bc I wouldn't let him spin the block. Then goes on to brag to me about being a "highly valuable man" and he's in the process of "building an empire to make millions" that he's "building profolios now" LMFAO like boy you should've been had all of that years ago and you should he ashamed to move in with a women and brag about yourself like it wasn't all off the strength of a woman cause if it wasn't ya mama it was this girl coming to save your weak ass. He also tried to trigger me but I spared him cause he will eat these words. Period. Hopefully he humbles himself before God does.

This student loan forgiveness gonna have these males acting up huh?
 

Lala12333

General Manager
Joined
Jul 18, 2018
Messages
1,486
Reaction score
Reactions
7,217 921 488
6,743
Alleybux
142,371
That i am miserable and no man would ever want to play step father to my children and that I am damaged goods (even tho I am married) My ex is feeling himself cause his student loans were just forgiven, some dumb girl let him move in so now he's going 50/50 with a hoe after just getting off his ass from his mama's house at the ripe age of 32 but has the audacity to tell me all of this bc I wouldn't let him spin the block. Then goes on to brag to me about being a "highly valuable man" and he's in the process of "building an empire to make millions" that he's "building profolios now" LMFAO like boy you should've been had all of that years ago and you should he ashamed to move in with a women and brag about yourself like it wasn't all off the strength of a woman cause if it wasn't ya mama it was this girl coming to save your weak ass. He also tried to trigger me but I spared him cause he will eat these words. Period. Hopefully he humbles himself before God does.

This student loan forgiveness gonna have these males acting up huh?
I’m sorry he said that , he’s trash & that girl will kick him out soon.. I thought Biden aid the Supreme Court overturned the student loan forgiveness
 

GoldLkYellow

Alien hoe
Joined
Jun 29, 2019
Messages
358
Reaction score
Reactions
2,517 134 68
2,793
Alleybux
97,085
i was venting to my POS BD one day about all the cheating nd BS and how it has traumatized me when dealing with him, he cut me off sighed and said "oh here we go again this diary of a mad black woman sh!t, get over it or shut up about it"

had my current bf actually tell me to get ready so we can go to a restaurant i had been telling him about, i get dressed all black with a hot pink barbie boot. he looked me up n dpwn n said nothing... he made some excuse to not show up to our reservations and just ended up turning back home..literally two days later we are watching the family chantel & she has an almost identical outfit all black and a hot pink heel TELL ME WHY THIS MAN HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY "idk why she would wear them ugly bright pink shoes, she could have done something better, thats embarrassing" it INSTANTLY triggered me he literally clowned me vicariously thru her in my face and i havent been able to shake that whole experience.

my ex of 5 years went on a week long trip with friends and his ex to the DR i told him i wasnt comfortable with her and me being there and to ask her to respectfully not go, he said hes not doing that so i said then im not comfortable going....this ninja really said you could have just fought her if she did anythiiing on the trip... i had to drink myself to sleep that whole week because i was SICK to my stomach over the thought of them on a baecation. this man aslo looked me dead in the eyes one day i said i was trying to save this relationship he said what relationship? were not together.....he also told me when he kept coming home with blonde hair all over him each day from work that it means he must be fµck!ng other women & if i was really that dumb to not put two and two together. he also told me one day that he smelled like a womans perfume because he was ashy and went over to her desk to borrow some and i was acting crazy. he alsooooo told me that find my location was wrong when i literally screenshotted the house and address he was at for an hour while he ignored all of my calls. one day i came home early and thought i would surprise him i creep upstairs hes gone but his phone was on the bed and it made sense why he wasnt answering my texts calls all day on my shift(he left the phone so when i checked his location it showed him at home). so i leave and come back at my normal off time i asked him about his day and why he was unreachable he swore up n down on his dead daddy he was home doing laundry all damn day...yea ight. when i asked him why he lied and kept his phone at home he flipped it on me ofcourse. he also took me 9 hours from home to visit his family for the weekend and leaves me drunk barefoot and took my phone, to make matters worse he immediatly filed a missing persons report and went back to our house 9 hours away. HE HAD MY PHONE WITH HIM WHEN HE LEFT ME DRUNK AND BAREFOOT AT 3 AM AND TOOK IT HOME WITH HIM. one time he froze a half gallon of milk so my child couldnt use it until he wanted to unfreeze it himself. he also told me not to get the school provided laptop because he would get me a better one that week i needed it to start school.....never got me the laptop and i had already declined the school issued one at admissions. as i mentioned myself and my small child lived with him and he would constantly say why are you guys still here just leave already so i said if you really mean it then go get boxes because you say it so often, he went and got boxes the moment i said that, so i stand on bidness and pack up and bounce while hes at work one day....5-6 months later i called him sobbing losing my mind misiing him so bad begging to come home, he said im at work i cant spend time on the phone hearing you cry, and no stay where you are it was your choice to leave......................
he is a few years in my past now and i feel like ive healed from that, but the way i loved him more than myself coupled with the way he treated me and what he said to me thru the years is something that is bittersweet. im happy i found myself but unfortunate that was the way it had to happen.


alot of these have never been shared with anyone but my therapist but reaading everyones vulnerability in this thread made me feel safe to share. its really too sad that we as woman have had any of the experinces posted in this thread and im sending hugs to everyone here.
 
Last edited:

pasolini

General Manager
Joined
May 25, 2019
Messages
2,072
Reaction score
Reactions
7,368 428 175
8,692
Alleybux
210,320
I've been allowing myself to get strung along by this guy (till recently), he's 5 years younger (I know, I had sworn off going younger but caved) he would list my character defects out as non-negotiables and I agreed to try to change. a lot of his criticism was constructive, and I appreciated it.

he has an ex he describes as "fat, ugly, body count in the 60's" but that he never slept with her and wouldn't because she's such a good person. they speak daily. when we first met he had her look me up and she found my IG. a few weeks ago when I asked him what's the worst thing his friends had said about my appearance (bc he had just confessed to his friends bantering about my looks teetering on unkind) he told me she's a jealous b!tch and she had called me a butterface. I hadn't heard that since like freshman year. this woman also followed me on IG and liked my face pic. so a few days later I say "if she's a jealous b!tch in your words and called me ugly when she looks objectively worse, how is she too good of a person to be with you?" he said "no, you're the jealous one. she gives me the good feels."

I realize I dug my own grave, but its the callousness of this man making excessive fuckboi jokes even publicly that I'm supposed to take on the chin, avoiding eye contact, and calling this woman who unfairly called me ugly an amazing person. he says he respects thick-skinned people, but I bet he doesn't tell this woman to her face that she's fat and ugly (he claims he does). otherwise she wouldn't be popping up with gifts for him.

he's a libra btw. and I'm a fool.
 

incogneato

No face, no case.
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
396,311
Reaction score
Reactions
2,688,694 494,836 222,827
2,888,657
Alleybux
1,054,637
“I broke my vows because you’re not worth it.”
I divorced him shortly after he said that. Fast forward later, karma caught up to him. He’s in his 30s, br0ke like his 2 brothers, lives with his controlling mom who put me through hell and back, and his current girlfriend owes the IRS money. Someone in her social circle reported her. He messaged me with his fake account to apologize and to tell me his sob story. I left him on read and blocked that fake account of his.
 

incogneato

No face, no case.
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
396,311
Reaction score
Reactions
2,688,694 494,836 222,827
2,888,657
Alleybux
1,054,637
It's an accumulation of things that make this cold.

I was told that I could express myself freely and share how I felt no matter what it was. When I did, I was mocked, told I was playing the victim, and overtalked. It's cold because this person presented themselves as a safe space for me but that wasn't the case at all. It reminded me of when I tried to express myself to my father when I was younger (he was verbally abusive). I felt gaslit, and painted to be a bad person for expressing my feelings.

I don't express myself to many people and I admittedly don't have many friends so this was really hurtful.
 

incogneato

No face, no case.
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
396,311
Reaction score
Reactions
2,688,694 494,836 222,827
2,888,657
Alleybux
1,054,637
after i ghosted a situationship and replaced him in the span of 2 days, with a more accomplished guy, who took me on a lavish vacation, he told me i am empty and have no heart.


that hurt a little, considering that i actually just endured him because i saw potential in him but he bored the hell out of me mentally, emotionally and physically because he himself has zero substance and i never saw him doing anything else beside being drunk, high , making dumb and tasteless jokes, eating junk food, sleeping or hanging with losers.
 

Similar Threads

News Alley

The Lounge

General Alley

Top Bottom