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Thin privilege and black women

Miss-Anthropist

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Hear me out and please read in full before you comment.

I understand that being skinny is a white beauty standard but how is that applicable to me as a black woman? Who will never be white or seen as white (and has no intention in doing so) irrespective of my weight, how I do my hair, talk or carry myself? And more importantly why would or should a white beauty standard matter to me as a black woman who wishes to assimilate with her own people?

So how does it work?

I say this because of 2 things; my life experience as a skinny black woman and the way other skinny black women are treated in popular media.

I've been bullied over my shape and pretty much have to cover up unless I want someone to say something. I don't receive special privilege for being thin in fact I get a lot of backlash from it. My weight is a significant part of my life it's just that the insults are catered to my frame.

There are 3 main things I go experience as skinny woman that I notice other skinny women go through in general

Which are;

- Infantilization - being treated like and/or physically compared to a child or adolescent female by lack of display of secondary xes characteristics (big breasts, big hips, ect.)

- Desexualisation - Told you look stiff, frigid or awkward. Told xes with you wouldn't be pleasant because of your small breasts or buttocks. Told you don't look sexy or that your body isn't sensual. Body is compared to planks, twigs and various other objects

(Look at when Zendaya done Malcom and Marie, the amount of people saying they couldn't take her seriously or that the relationship between her and John was pedophilic esque or made them uncomfortable. But why when she's an adult female?)

- Masculinisation - being compared to male physique. Being told you don't look like a woman or that you aren't feminine despite presenting as female or expressing feminity in style or appearance.

(countless videos from black women on TikTok talking about how men like to say that Megan Thee Stallion is a man even though Zendaya is the same height and doesn't recieve the same vitriol, even though her body is "more masculine". And the funniest thing about that was on one of those videos (because there's multiple) the user actually mentioned that Amber Rose is also the same height as the both of them yet they only focused on Zendaya. Wouldn't it have made more sense to talk about Amber Rose seeing as they have the same body type and appeal to the same audience?)

And also

- being told you look sick/have a disease/ that you're dying
- being compared to a drug addict or people assuming you have a substance abuse issue
- people assuming you have an eating disorder or asking you if you have one

I don't understand how you can call a skinny woman masculine because she "doesn't have a shape" in one breath then peddle thin privilege in another?

Especially in a community that's renowned for uplifting curvy women? I guess the rest of us black women who don't fit are supposed to go fµck ourselves? Because no ones rooting for us like that.

I look at Nicole TV and whilst she's successful she has to practically turn herself into a joke and a caricature just to get recognition and it makes me so upset because I know if she was a normal weight she wouldn't have to do all that.

And yet despite the fact that she's confident people practically fight over themselves to call her ugly and body shame her. I don't think it's far fetched that a significant portion of her audience are laughing at her and I'm sure she knows it too given this heartfelt Instagram post.
Screenshot_20210328_235103.jpg

Look up apetamin on YouTube and you'll see thousands of videos of black females (because some of them are teens) taking this unregulated substance just to be seen as feminine, desirable ect.

Screenshot_20210328_234808.jpg


You can't say that femininity has nothing to do with being a woman then laugh at and shame other women who don't fit the mould of that same femininity. It doesn't make sense.

Other women have often made me feel very alienated from them because of the way that they talk about my body, from my friend that was struggling with her weight making digs at me ( I often have a strange relationship with women like this as they both idolise and diss me. Say they wish they were smaller but not like me), to people comparing me to a guy which I don't like because I'm very feminine and enjoy feminity. Just too many things happening to list here. It just makes me not want to be around people at all.

What people don't understand is that when it comes to beauty it's all about proportions whether it's body weight, height or facial features ect. I've always said that these things exist on a bell curve, and that when you go to the extreme ends of that spectrum you will see that level of attraction drops, whether it's that you're super skinny or super large.

When people talk about "thin privilege" they actually mean people that have an average or "normal" body weight, people in the middle of the spectrum. That's just life, that's how beauty as a whole works, which is why people who's eyes are too far apart are viewed as unattractive or weird looking. There's a bell curve to everything.
 
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GigiLaMoore

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I am black and thin and I have heard a lot of that stuff over the years. What has been my saving grace is I like my body the way it is. I like ME the way I am. That's enough. It is not my job to make people like or accept me. As far as men are concerned, they can either take me or leave me. It's not my job to appeal to men. To the type of man I want to deal with, I am enough. Just. As. I. Am.
 

Prettyeyes212

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Chile skinny women are not a privileged class in our community

thick women? Absolutely

slim thick women? Absolutely

When people go on and on about skinny privilege, they are talking about white society. Because skinny has NEVER been the business for us
 

emptybubbles

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When we talk about black communities, yes, the body standard is not thin women and I really cannot think of a time, place, or culture where being thin has been the beauty standard in black communities and so thinner women within the community do have to deal with lots of bullying and harassment about their appearance.

I will say though that thin black women do have an easier time outside of the community in more diverse or non-black spaces than the black women who are more in line with black beauty standards. So this privilege thing has its own caveats and is not evenly applicable all the way around.

Last thing, I understand the frustration of hearing all the time that you're supposed to have this privilege but your experience doesn't correlate with that at all. It's a matter of separating your personal experience, or experience within your community, with more generalized and widely applicable standards and experiences.
 
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LLCoolFae

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As someone who was 245 and then sub-100 (now 115ish), I still do think there are more positive connotations with being thin. Despite being incredibly sick at 100 lbs, the way people treated me at 100 was much nicer than the way I was treated at 245 even in the black community.

As a woman, you're kind of set up to lose. There's a lot of money in convincing women that they aren't good enough no matter their size, body type, etc. It's going to sound mean, but the sooner you block out what other people feel about your body, the better.
 

shesonone

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As a black woman who loves fashion, my ideal shape is the white female blogger. (Sue me LSA). BUT I definitely can see black society shaming thin women. I’ve always been slim thick because my thighs are bigger, so I’ve never felt the hate.
When I dropped to 115, one of my thicker friends did compare me to a boy. But honestly, it didn’t bother me because I felt like the root of it was that she was fat.And I still pulled more men that her. xes appeal has no size IMO.
Saying all that to say as a black woman I truly admire skinny women bodies; clothes hang so well on y’all.
Also I will add, when you’re beautiful and skinny, you usually don’t get the vitriol. (I’m not calling you ugly op) but average, cute or pretty can’t usually get away with being skinny. You usually have to be duckie thot gorgeous or edgy from what I’ve seen.
 

Mother

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Nobody has ever said anything to me but I haven’t grown up in predominantly black environment.
 

Jeff Bezos

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I've never really understood it myself. Most of the comments I have gotten on my weight were not positive, and this is dating back to me being a CHILD (think 8 or 9 years old). On top of that, Black media has always coveted women with thicker/bigger frames so...

I've kind of blocked it out though. There's nothing that can be done IMO. I believe Black communities around the world have been like this for centuries and it's hard to change things like that. Plus it's based a lot of reproductivity (something about child-bearing hips, better chances at carrying and rearing children, and whatnot), so I understand part of it is just biological.

For those of you suggesting thin(er) Black women just date outside... that's sad. Not all of us like, want to date, or have children with White/non-Black men. To even think that is an appropriate suggestion is too many levels of gross.
 

Farashalady

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Hear me out and please read in full before you comment.

I understand that being skinny is a white beauty standard but how is that applicable to me as a black woman? Who will never be white or seen as white (and has no in doing so) irrespective of my weight, how I do my hair, talk or carry myself? And more importantly why would or should a white beauty standard matter to me as a black woman who wishes to assimilate with her own people?

So how does it work?

I say this because of 2 things; my life experience as a skinny black woman and the way other skinny black women are treated in popular media.

I've been bullied over my shape and pretty much have to cover up unless I want someone to say something. I don't receive special privilege for being thin in fact I get a lot of backlash from it. My weight is a significant part of my life it's just that the insults are catered to my frame.

There are 3 main things I go experience as skinny woman that I notice other skinny women go through in general

Which are;

- Infantilization - being treated like and/or physically compared to a child or adolescent female by lack of display of secondary xes characteristics (big breasts, big hips, ect.)

- Desexualisation - Told you look stiff, frigid or awkward. Told xes with you wouldn't be pleasant because of your small breasts or buttocks. Told you don't look sexy or that your body isn't sensual. Body is compared to planks, twigs and various other objects

(Look at when Zendaya done Malcom and Marie, the amount of people saying they couldn't take her seriously or that the relationship between her and John was pedophilic esque or made them uncomfortable. But why when she's an adult female?)

- Masculinisation - being compared to male physique. Being told you don't look like a woman or that you aren't feminine despite presenting as female or expressing feminity in style or appearance.

(countless videos from black women on TikTok talking about how men like to say that Megan Thee Stallion is a man even though Zendaya is the same height and doesn't recieve the same vitriol, even though her body is "more masculine". And the funniest thing about that was on one of those videos (because there's multiple) the user actually mentioned that Amber Rose is also the same height as the both of them yet they only focused on Zendaya. Wouldn't it have made more sense to talk about Amber Rose seeing as they have the same body type and appeal to the same audience?)

And also

- being told you look sick/have a disease/ that you're dying
- being compared to a drug addict or people assuming you have a substance abuse issue
- people assuming you have an eating disorder or asking you if you have one

I don't understand how you can call a skinny woman masculine because she "doesn't have a shape" in one breath then peddle thin privilege in another?

Especially in a community that's renowned for uplifting curvy women? I guess the rest of us black women who don't fit are supposed to go fµck ourselves? Because no ones rooting for us like that.

I look at Nicole TV and whilst she's successful she has to practically turn herself into a joke and a caricature just to get recognition and it makes me so upset because I know if she was a normal weight she wouldn't have to do all that.

And yet despite the fact that she's confident people practically fight over themselves to call her ugly and body shame her. I don't think it's far fetched that a significant portion of her audience are laughing at her and I'm sure she knows it too given this heartfelt Instagram post.
View attachment 2428090
Look up apetamin on YouTube and you'll see thousands of videos of black females (because some of them are teens) taking this unregulated substance just to be seen as feminine, desirable ect.

View attachment 2428083

You can't say that femininity has nothing to do with being a woman then laugh at and shame other women who don't fit the mould of that same femininity. It doesn't make sense.

Other women have often made me feel very alienated from them because of the way that they talk about my body, from my friend that was struggling with her weight making digs at me ( I often have a strange relationship with women like this as they both idolise and diss me. Say they wish they were smaller but not like me), to people comparing me to a guy which I don't like because I'm very feminine and enjoy feminity. Just too many things happening to list here. It just makes me not want to be around people at all.

What people don't understand is that when it comes to beauty it's all about proportions whether it's body weight, height or facial features ect. I've always said that these things exist on a bell curve, and that when you go to the extreme ends of that spectrum you will see that level of attraction drops, whether it's that you're super skinny or super large.

When people talk about "thin privilege" they actually mean people that have an average or "normal" body weight, people in the middle of the spectrum. That's just life, that's how beauty as a whole works, which is why people who's eyes are too far apart are viewed as unattractive or weird looking. There's a bell curve to everything.
First and foremost I want to say your experiences are valid. There is skinny pri ledge, but i do think being skinny with are more ruler body can be looked down upon in some communities in the black community.

im so sorry that people were rude to you. Love it sounds like you are insecure, I am sure you are cause I’ve been there and at 29 am finally growing out of that!

im not invalidating your experience but I will say get therapy. That way you will learn how to set boundaries, stand up from yourself and stay away from mean people.

people will always find ways to bully you. People made fun of me for my features- I use to get called ugly all the time, people ( men) would treat me differently cause they weren’t attracted to me. Girls would make catty and rude comments to me and call me mz Celie. I could go on and on. I had to learn that insecure ppl will find ways to make others insecure . People can also sense when your insecure and take advantage.

I say get some therapy. DROP THAT “friend” she’s probably jealous. a friend that’s says hurtful things about your body is no friend. And take some time for yourself to heal.

im sure your body is bangin. There’s notthing wrong with being thin, and you should not change unless you want to for yourself.
 

Farashalady

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Obvious solution: date white men and avoid toxic black people who fixate on your body.
Horrible advice. The girl sounds down on herself. No matter a persons race, I’d you are insecure about yourself you will find “ harmful” people who will abuse you. Thats has nothing to do with color
 

Lilmisspriss

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Obvious solution: date white men and avoid toxic black people who fixate on your body.

You'd be surprised -- *some* non-Black men perpetuate this mess also. I had to cut off a dude last year who said that Black women are "thick" and "have big hips, butts, breasts" and said I should eat more (mind you, this is after I lost over 50+ from being overweight). Let me know then and there how much he fetishized Black women and how disgusting he was
 

leblumeii

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I hoenstly haven't experienced what you've experienced OP because while I've been thin all my life, I've always had curves so no one could really say sh!t if they tried. I know before my hips came in (pre high-school), I'd definitely got called bony by family members but I chalked it up to literally being a child lol. People have tried to come for me being flat chested pre-boob job to make themselves feel better about their body shapes but whatever. I'm sure you look great OP, don't gain weight for other people.

I've been about 147lbs at the biggest and 118lbs at the smallest (ranging from a size 0 to 4) and I would pick being thin anyday over being 147lbs (which was still small but still). It sucks when you can feel the extra weight and know you're bloated and feel sh!tty because of it. I'm 135lbs (size 2/4 for me) right now and am shooting for and maintaining 125lbs (size 2). I've never felt the need to gain weight because even if being slim thick is celebrated in the black community, I really don't care. I just want to be healthy and know I'm at my natural weight and have lots of energy.
 

true2this

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Horrible advice. The girl sounds down on herself. No matter a persons race, I’d you are insecure about yourself you will find “ harmful” people who will abuse you. Thats has nothing to do with color
fair enough, OP needs to focus on building self-esteem and self-confidence and then drop the toxic friends
 

true2this

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You'd be surprised -- *some* non-Black men perpetuate this mess also. I had to cut off a dude last year who said that Black women are "thick" and "have big hips, butts, breasts" and said I should eat more (mind you, this is after I lost over 50+ from being overweight). Let me know then and there how much he fetishized Black women and how disgusting he was
that's wild, and super cringe. I haven't come across white men who talk like this but I believe you
 

Nikki_04

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I know it's easy to say to just ignore it, but really that's the best thing to do.

When I was younger (teens to early 20s), I was underweight for my height even though I had a big appetite. I was called twig, stick, and bones by my fat friend and her family (they were black). I also had people get mad if guys complimented me on my shape/size. It did make me uncomfortable and want to gain weight...not to look better, but just to be accepted/blend in. Some older black women would tell me not to try to gain weight because everyone eventually gains some weight as they get older.

They weren't lying. I still tried to gain weight, especially after seeing a close cousin achieve weight gain. But fast forward 10 years and now I am working hard to loose some of the weight I gained because the grass was not greener. My cousin also lost the weight she gained and went back to a size that she deemed more appropriate for her. She didn't like the attention she got from the weight gain and overall didn't like the size she was at.

For me it's more about health. We need to stop letting unhealthy people dictate how we should look. I highly doubt a health conscious person would tell you to gain weight or that being overweight is better. That is the big issue in our community, we uplift unhealthy practices on a superficial level.

It's the same thing that white people did to white women in the 90's and early 00's (resulting in high levels of anorexia/bulimia) just on the opposite end of the spectrum.
 

TiaJ88

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Chile skinny women are not a privileged class in our community

thick women? Absolutely

slim thick women? Absolutely

When people go on and on about skinny privilege, they are talking about white society. Because skinny has NEVER been the business for us

But we live in a white society and most privileges within this society are handed down to skinny women first (generally).

Even when it comes to hiring or giving black women a platform for certain things, skinny BW are usually chosen before big women unless they need a ***** stereotype.

All the top black female celebrities are thin or average/athletic except for Lizzo.
 

Iced tea

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Honestly. People say a lot of sh!t, you dont have to stay around them or take it in. I remember when I was sickly and losing tons of weight, I was still on the heavy side but the dude always talk sh!t about my weight and made other (kids I would say, but theyre adults) join in and laugh. I cut that sh!t out real fast and went to the manager. I did not like the managers reaction but the mess stopped.

Your privilege to whomever treats you right.
 

Prettyeyes212

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But we live in a white society and most privileges within this society are handed down to skinny women first (generally).

Even when it comes to hiring or giving black women a platform for certain things, skinny BW are usually chosen before big women unless they need a ***** stereotype.

All the top black female celebrities are thin or average/athletic except for Lizzo.
White beauty standards only matter if you’re around them all the time

if you’re in a majority black community like most black people, being skinny is not the business

most of the top black female celebrities are on the slim thick side, not skinny. They still are curvy with nice thighs and butt.

Idk too many black female celebrities that don’t have curves, especially ones that are beauty symbols.

I want to be clear that I do see a distinction between skinny and slim thick.
 

herbalmintea

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I do think skinny black women have privilege compared to bigger black women, but I agree that in the black community, skinny women aren't seen as attractive as bigger, curvier women. It's a horrible standard because not all of us have an hourglass figure or a big butt.
 

buttahpecan_

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fair enough, OP needs to focus on building self-esteem and self-confidence and then drop the toxic friends
Pointing out how skinny people are treated doesn’t mean that OP has self esteem issues or doesn’t have confidence

She’s just simply making a thread about it
 

TiaJ88

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White beauty standards only matter if you’re around them all the time

if you’re in a majority black community like most black people, being skinny is not the business

most of the top black female celebrities are on the slim thick side, not skinny. They still are curvy with nice thighs and butt.

Idk too many black female celebrities that don’t have curves, especially ones that are beauty symbols.

I want to be clear that I do see a distinction between skinny and slim thick.

Zendaya would not have the platform she has if she were “thick”. Let’s be honest here.

And even within the black community you have so many people commenting that Megan Thee stallion needs to lose weight, that she’s brolic, calling her body type nasty, etc.

I have noticed some of the nasty comments thrown at skinny women, but they are not nearly as bad as the treatment dished out to bigger women. Generally thin/skinnier women will still receive privileges that big or “thick” women can’t access. That’s across the board.
 

ChocolateCandi

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Hear me out and please read in full before you comment.

I understand that being skinny is a white beauty standard but how is that applicable to me as a black woman? Who will never be white or seen as white (and has no in doing so) irrespective of my weight, how I do my hair, talk or carry myself? And more importantly why would or should a white beauty standard matter to me as a black woman who wishes to assimilate with her own people?

So how does it work?

I say this because of 2 things; my life experience as a skinny black woman and the way other skinny black women are treated in popular media.

I've been bullied over my shape and pretty much have to cover up unless I want someone to say something. I don't receive special privilege for being thin in fact I get a lot of backlash from it. My weight is a significant part of my life it's just that the insults are catered to my frame.

There are 3 main things I go experience as skinny woman that I notice other skinny women go through in general

Which are;

- Infantilization - being treated like and/or physically compared to a child or adolescent female by lack of display of secondary xes characteristics (big breasts, big hips, ect.)

- Desexualisation - Told you look stiff, frigid or awkward. Told xes with you wouldn't be pleasant because of your small breasts or buttocks. Told you don't look sexy or that your body isn't sensual. Body is compared to planks, twigs and various other objects

(Look at when Zendaya done Malcom and Marie, the amount of people saying they couldn't take her seriously or that the relationship between her and John was pedophilic esque or made them uncomfortable. But why when she's an adult female?)

- Masculinisation - being compared to male physique. Being told you don't look like a woman or that you aren't feminine despite presenting as female or expressing feminity in style or appearance.

(countless videos from black women on TikTok talking about how men like to say that Megan Thee Stallion is a man even though Zendaya is the same height and doesn't recieve the same vitriol, even though her body is "more masculine". And the funniest thing about that was on one of those videos (because there's multiple) the user actually mentioned that Amber Rose is also the same height as the both of them yet they only focused on Zendaya. Wouldn't it have made more sense to talk about Amber Rose seeing as they have the same body type and appeal to the same audience?)

And also

- being told you look sick/have a disease/ that you're dying
- being compared to a drug addict or people assuming you have a substance abuse issue
- people assuming you have an eating disorder or asking you if you have one

I don't understand how you can call a skinny woman masculine because she "doesn't have a shape" in one breath then peddle thin privilege in another?

Especially in a community that's renowned for uplifting curvy women? I guess the rest of us black women who don't fit are supposed to go fµck ourselves? Because no ones rooting for us like that.

I look at Nicole TV and whilst she's successful she has to practically turn herself into a joke and a caricature just to get recognition and it makes me so upset because I know if she was a normal weight she wouldn't have to do all that.

And yet despite the fact that she's confident people practically fight over themselves to call her ugly and body shame her. I don't think it's far fetched that a significant portion of her audience are laughing at her and I'm sure she knows it too given this heartfelt Instagram post.
View attachment 2428090
Look up apetamin on YouTube and you'll see thousands of videos of black females (because some of them are teens) taking this unregulated substance just to be seen as feminine, desirable ect.

View attachment 2428083

You can't say that femininity has nothing to do with being a woman then laugh at and shame other women who don't fit the mould of that same femininity. It doesn't make sense.

Other women have often made me feel very alienated from them because of the way that they talk about my body, from my friend that was struggling with her weight making digs at me ( I often have a strange relationship with women like this as they both idolise and diss me. Say they wish they were smaller but not like me), to people comparing me to a guy which I don't like because I'm very feminine and enjoy feminity. Just too many things happening to list here. It just makes me not want to be around people at all.

What people don't understand is that when it comes to beauty it's all about proportions whether it's body weight, height or facial features ect. I've always said that these things exist on a bell curve, and that when you go to the extreme ends of that spectrum you will see that level of attraction drops, whether it's that you're super skinny or super large.

When people talk about "thin privilege" they actually mean people that have an average or "normal" body weight, people in the middle of the spectrum. That's just life, that's how beauty as a whole works, which is why people who's eyes are too far apart are viewed as unattractive or weird looking. There's a bell curve to everything.
I didn’t know the privileges being thin afforded me before it was too late. Skew your wardrobe to a trendy and more colorful version of what upper middle class white women wear and start hanging out in spaces that they hang out. Also, don’t limit yourself to black social events. You will see what I’m talking about.
 

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All these things sound like you grew up in a predominantly black spaces, move out of those spaces into mixed or white spaces and you’ll rarely hear any of that.
 

Prettyeyes212

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Zendaya would not have the platform she has if she were “thick”. Let’s be honest here.

And even within the black community you have so many people commenting that Megan Thee stallion needs to lose weight, that she’s brolic, calling her body type nasty, etc.

I have noticed some of the nasty comments thrown at skinny women, but they are not nearly as bad as the treatment dished out to bigger women. Generally thin/skinnier women will still receive privileges that big or “thick” women can’t access. That’s across the board.
I don’t really consider zendaya as one of our girls tho. Like she’s mixed with black but her main fans aren’t really black people, she’s more on the white Hollywood wave imo.

literally all the black girls that are hyped are slim thick or thick.

the main negative comments I see for Megan is her height. She’s literally the perfect body in our community except for height. especially since she’s naturally built that way

there’s a reason our girls are getting ass shots and boob jobs rather than simply starving themselves like white girls.

no one wants to look like skye Jackson or Kayla Nicole. They want little waist, big butt, big boobs. Coke bottle shape
 

buttahpecan_

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All these things sound like you grew up in a predominantly black spaces, move out of those spaces into mixed or white spaces and you’ll rarely hear any of that.
Why should she have to move for? Everyone doesn’t have money to move to Europe
 

SinCndomPapi

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I wouldn’t take serious anything regarding diet and health from a community who on average dies early from preventable diseases mostly associated to excess weight.

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whatever the majority are doing do the exact opposite lol
 

Jigsaw

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My black friend who is skinny experienced the same thing. She would get really annoyed when black people would tell her she is too skinny. She would let people know she was annoyed by them critiquing her weight and they usually backed off. Maybe you should do the same.

Just find people who appreciate you for you OP.
 

buttahpecan_

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As with everything else (complexion, hair type, etc), when you're pretty it doesn't matter.
It does matter though. I’m conventionally pretty and even as a child people used to point it out even now

That’s why people should stick to their preferences and not try to change others especially when it comes to dating
 

Minimal

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Obvious solution: date white men and avoid toxic black people who fixate on your body.
Yea sure. Would you believe it if I told you I had a white man tell me if they wanted to date a thin woman he could just get with a white or asian woman instead... Of course this was all said online (you know people's balls grow astronomically behind a keyboard).
 

La garconne

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Lol I am in Europe. I guess it depends where in Europe
I'm sure your experience is valid OP, however I have never heard it before.
In fact, in France, dudes in their 20's/30's prefer what they call "a skinny chargée" (slim women with some boobs and a behind).
I don't know where you live though.
I'm like my counterparts since I love fashion, so I prefer slim, athletic bodies in both genders.
 

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