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Tired of being treated like the homie

incogneato

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Hey ya'll,

Please don't make fun of me cause I just don't understand. A little back story, I'm a 24 year old late bloomer when it comes to life basically. I've should've gotten my degree last year and this year but life happened( Started college this year as a second semester freshmen) I just lost some weight and trying to glow up. People tell me that I'm easy to talk too, cute, fun, funny and nice but can be mean sometimes.

What just got me in my feeling is how I've never experienced romance and dating. My mom and sister will always tell me stories of how guys will holla at them and chased them (tbh my mother and sister can be mean to men lol). Then, there is me, I've never had that. Guys that I liked never wanted me and they will honestly put me in the sister zone asap (I don't come off desperate, people tell me all the time I come off nonchalant) . Like recently, I have this coworker ( he is half white and half Mexican) who randomly told me that I am the gas to his fire. He said that its a good thing ( idk he shocked me. I don't believe him what so ever. Plus we can bump heads at times but then we will have many moments of giggles and laughs.) and I never had a man tell me that before. He is really passionate and some of the stuff he said to me made me question did he like me? Again, I question it because I'm inexperience.

We have a new woman in my dept. and all the guys are having googly eyes for her ( btw she is white and the other coworkers are white). my half Mexican coworker really thinks she is attractive and he even helped her out of tasks related to work . Before she came, he agreed/volunteered to be my partner on Friday's. It is our busiest days of the week and I was legit the only one working for the rest of the night. He is putting more effort with her then helping me. Like dude you always say I am the gas to his freaking fire! Well damn! do the work so we can finish the day off and I can go home!
Basically, what frustrates that I see so many (ww) women who are average and sometimes mediocre that can easily get what they want. It's like as a black woman I feel like I HAVE TO BE ON 10 FROM HEAD TO TOE to just get be "notice" ( rarely happens) from guys of any race of my age. I know y'all going to say focus on yourself but that's all I've ever do. It honestly hurts because I wonder what is wrong with me? I know its my environment but there is black men that comes to my job but just walk pass me. Honestly I don't want my coworker at all but its so tiring that I get hit on by old men, hoodboogers, and hobosexuals.

Should I just become the lesbian everyone thinks I am? lol jk I had to throw some humor in there


Sorry if there is a lot of grammatical and spelling errors. I'm too sad to even correct them.
 

7thSense

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I really feel for the younger generation right now. I've seen this type of post a million times online.

First off, it seems you were a bit taken by your co-worker's comment and swooned. Now you're bothered by his interaction with new girl. Regardless, don't flirt or date with co-workers. Get that paycheck, clock out and meet people.

You put way too much importance on what others think of you. Way too much. Get out of your head about what white women are doing. Live your life outside of work so when you come in, the socialization won't bother you.
 

Ms Muse

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It's like as a black woman I feel like I HAVE TO BE ON 10 FROM HEAD TO TOE to just get be "notice" ( rarely happens) from guys of any race of my age. I know y'all going to say focus on yourself but that's all I've ever do. It honestly hurts because I wonder what is wrong with me? I know its my environment but there is black men that comes to my job but just walk pass me. Honestly I don't want my coworker at all but its so tiring that I get hit on by old men, hoodboogers, and hobosexuals.
I understand what you're feeling and I'm right there with you. The standards for BW are higher for a multitude of reasons, one of which being that we have to disprove a mountain of negative stereotypes about us. There is nothing wrong with you, the problem is them.

When things start opening up and you feel safe enough, you should venture out into the community because you're right that your environment is part of the problem. I know it hurts, but you have to push it down and focus on living (going to new places, trying new activities, nurturing your physical/mental/spiritual health, making positive platonic/romantic/professional connections) because you can't control other people. All you can control is yourself.

Trust me when I say that dwelling on that reality only set me back. You're allowed to feel and your feelings are valid, but don't let it rule you because you will get stuck because of it.
 

allicat

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Sorry if there is a lot of grammatical and spelling errors. I'm too sad to even correct them.

first of all, never be too sad to correct your grammar. no excuses.

secondly, pretty yourself up to the best of your ability and start paying attention to the men who are paying attention to you.
 
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Why would anyone make fun of you, OP ? :hugleft

All sorts of men will hit on you, no matter what they or you look like, because once they get over their fear of rejection they don't have much to lose. So I wouldn't necessarily use it as a measurement of your attractiveness. And yes, white women get elevated because they're white, an aspirational target for many non whites like BM, Latinos and Indians. Don't envy them, they're often not seen as people because of it and their relationships are vacuous.

You seem to be a lovely human being, who tries to keep their head up and smile even in sh!tty situations and those are all great qualities to have, qualities that mature and humane men look for in a life partner. With the pandemic and the current dating mechanics I can imagine it's a bit harder now than before but your time will come. I've no doubt that someone will be charmed by you and fall in love with you organically, and that you'll feel the same way, but you can't hurry love, you just have to wait...

It'll all be fine, OP! Sometimes we just need to vent a bit. Oh and congrats on continuing with your academic pursuits, things don't always go the ideal way but that's why we call it "ideal" and not "real", just keep at it and it'll all pay dividends in the end (as someone graduating in a couple of months at the age of 28!). Good luck and don't ruminate too much on it, you sound great!
 
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incogneato

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Why would anyone make fun of you, OP ? :hugleft

All sorts of men will hit on you, no matter what they or you look like, because once they get over their fear of rejection they don't have much to lose. So I wouldn't necessarily use it as a measurement of your attractiveness. And yes, white women get elevated because they're white, an aspirational target for many non whites like BM, Latinos and Indians. Don't envy them, they're often not seen as people because of it and their relationships are vacuous.

You seem to be a lovely human being, who tries to keep their head up and smile even in sh!tty situations and those are all great qualities to have, qualities that mature and humane men look for in a life partner. With the pandemic and the current dating mechanics I can imagine it's a bit harder now than before but your time will come. I've no doubt that someone will be charmed by you and fall in love with you organically, and that you'll feel the same way, but you can't hurry love, you just have to wait...

It'll all be fine, OP! Sometimes we just need to vent a bit. Oh and congrats on continuing with your academic pursuits, things don't always go the ideal way but that's why we call it "ideal" and not "real", just keep at it and it'll all pay dividends in the end (as someone graduating in a couple of months at the age of 28!). Good luck and don't ruminate too much on it, you sound great!
Thank you so much!! Reading your post reminds me of my mother and how she would give advice and uplift me! I wish you all the success and happiness. Congrats on you're new degree.
 

incogneato

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first of all, never be too sad to correct your grammar. no excuses.

secondly, pretty yourself up to the best of your ability and start paying attention to the men who are paying attention to you.
yeah you're right. I let my emotions get the best of me.
 
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Thank you so much!! Reading your post reminds me of my mother and how she would give advice and uplift me! I wish you all the success and happiness. Congrats on you're new degree.

I'm glad I could help and thanks for the comparison, it's really sweet of you. Be good to yourself, I'll see you around! :giggle:
 

incogneato

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I understand what you're feeling and I'm right there with you. The standards for BW are higher for a multitude of reasons, one of which being that we have to disprove a mountain of negative stereotypes about us. There is nothing wrong with you, the problem is them.

When things start opening up and you feel safe enough, you should venture out into the community because you're right that your environment is part of the problem. I know it hurts, but you have to push it down and focus on living (going to new places, trying new activities, nurturing your physical/mental/spiritual health, making positive platonic/romantic/professional connections) because you can't control other people. All you can control is yourself.

Trust me when I say that dwelling on that reality only set me back. You're allowed to feel and your feelings are valid, but don't let it rule you because you!

Aww I hope you find genuine love. I agree that dwelling is a set back and I need to stop that. I appreciate the feedback!
 

incogneato

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I really feel for the younger generation right now. I've seen this type of post a million times online.

First off, it seems you were a bit taken by your co-worker's comment and swooned. Now you're bothered by his interaction with new girl. Regardless, don't flirt or date with co-workers. Get that paycheck, clock out and meet people.

You put way too much importance on what others think of you. Way too much. Get out of your head about what white women are doing. Live your life outside of work so when you come in, the socialization won't bother you.
You're right. I just needed to vent but I agree.
 

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