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Turning 30 soon...not taking it well.

incogneato

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I find myself constantly thinking about the past, what I've could've done and if I had a better support system. I've always felt like I've had no one to talk to and no one that understood me. I wasn't able to go for my dreams (actress and model) due to the strict household that I lived in. I was ostracised for not being like my older sisters. Now I'm 29 and I feel defeated. I'm not as youthful as I once was. Due to not having no one to talk to, I settle in 2 horrible, exhausting relationships. I feel like I've wasted my 20s and could've been dating rich men and been more adventurous. I settled. It's so sad..I often get depressed and my anxiety is bad. I've been trying to see a therapist but for one reason or another I can't get connected to one. What is the universe trying to tell me.?
 

vaguebeaut

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Everyday is a new day to make new goals and achieve or accomplish something new. Take your experiences and think of them as lessons, rather than regrets. If you learned from those relationships, that is a good thing. I hope you continue looking for a therapist and find a good one soon.
 

Passion4Muzik

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30's are the new 20's. Just pick yourself up from here and move forward. Everyone's journey is different. Your 20's were for you to try to figure things out. Now that you know better, just do better and don't look back. You had things to learn and you learned lessons in your own time. The issue will be if you have learned a lesson but don't make better choices.
 

sweetfusion™

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Forgive yourself and learn to let go of the past. You are turning 30, at least you have another opportunity to live your dreams.

29-30 is still youthful to me. 30 is not the same as being 50 or 60. As long as you are trying to eat right, exercise, develop a good skin regimen and take care of yourself, you can look good. You wont look 18 but you will look good for your age or if you are lucky, younger than your age.

I encourage you to get therapy ASAP in order to help fix your mindset. The bad relationships, drop them. Start all over beginning with your belief system.

- Taraji P. Henson's organization is offering free therapy

- Open Path is another resource

- Better Help

- Talk Space

- Therapy for Black Girls

Also, you can try self help books.

- Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by Dr. David Burns (for those with depression/anxiety)

- The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris

- The Self Esteem Workbook for Women

- You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay

- How To Love Yourself cards by Louise Hay.

- Boundaries by Henry Cloud

- Boundaries In Dating by Henry Cloud.

If you still want to be an actress/model, why dont you take some acting and modeling classes, build an actor's reel/modeling portfolio and try out for auditions. There are plenty of actors who got their big break in their 30s.
 

Pagliacci

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you really just gotta live for you. i come from a tight knit family and there was a lot of pressure and expectations and it's a cultural thing. i turned 30 last year and i wouldn't want to be in my 20s again. By allowing myself to become the woman i was meant to be and focusing on my needs i've started to really get to know and love myself. don't let these girls on the internet lie to you, it's not all of them that are dating rich men, getting bags, and popping pussy at the club plus dating a rich man doesn't mean he will love and respect you. rich men know they're valuable for their wallets and will put the women through it knowing she'll stay. imagine bagging a rich man that expects you to let him sh!t on you or fµck someone you don't want to. Don't covet what others have because what's a blessing for you is a curse to them. It doesn't serve us as women to be passive in our own lives, you only have one. You know all those things you've been wanting to try that you keep writing off as "someday" activities? you can do that sh!t now, girl. get your whole life! <3
 
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One thing I’ve learned as I’ve turned 30 is rejection is a part of life, you will not be accepted by everyone and if you cannot enjoy solitude you will always be miserable. As you get older you are going to have a lot of those moments so it’s a choice, you either embrace it and find some good in it or be consumed by it.
Enjoy your 30s.
Aging is wonderful, you grow more confident, graceful as the years go by.
 

sugarvenom

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It’s not too late, you can still be adventurous! I know women your age and older who are living their best life doing whatever their heart desires. It sounds like one of your main blockages is not having the confidence to go after the life you truly want. No one is forcing you to settle, that’s a limiting belief you set for yourself. Why not sign up for a modeling or acting class? You can still pull a rich guy at your age as long as you look great and know where to find em. Your life isn’t over.
 

canadiangirl

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30 is young tho! I turned 30 this year. I havent had many experiences in the relationship department but I still feel like I can. Maybe its because I'm making pretty good money and I have travelled and love my friends and family. But I do know that objectively most ppl my age are getting married and having kids and I havent even been in a long term relationship :LOL: I should care more but I don't. COVID kinda fµcked things up cause at 29 I really wanted to try dating seriously. Anyways OP I think were still good. As long as youre keeping youre body in good shape and have a decent job you dont have to worry :)
 

201520162017

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What is it about 30 that makes people feel like their life is over if they don't have it together by then? How long do you plan to live?
 

MsBIGChoc

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20s is the adult adolescents you live, learn and grow throughout your 20s and even your 30s.

I'll be 30 next year and I did have those same sentiments ad you but when I actually look back at my 20s, I enjoyed. Despite not doing the things that I felt like I should have been doing.

Also, this idea of wanting to date a rich man is somewhat unrealistic. Yes date a man who's stable to take care if you and not using you as a mule, but half of your issue is not being realistic. Are you in a position or lifestyle to date someone rich?

Also, you still can go into acting as a lot of actors do not hit their break until they are well into their 30s. That's their peak.
Look at Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer, the late great Chadwick Boseman, and Regina King didn't win her first Oscar until she was about almost 50.
You're at the age where you can get into serious movie roles instead of those teeny bopper movies
 

MsBIGChoc

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30 is young tho! I turned 30 this year. I havent had many experiences in the relationship department but I still feel like I can. Maybe its because I'm making pretty good money and I have travelled and love my friends and family. But I do know that objectively most ppl my age are getting married and having kids and I havent even been in a long term relationship :LOL: I should care more but I don't. COVID kinda fµcked things up cause at 29 I really wanted to try dating seriously. Anyways OP I think were still good. As long as youre keeping youre body in good shape and have a decent job you dont have to worry :)
Thank you! I also never had a relationship that lasted past a year. Im dating and I do feel marriage and children are around the corner but just not now.
I never traveled around the world but I feel like I lived tf outta my 20s and I managed to gain career goals to appreciate my life right now. I feel more stable, healthier, and independent. I'll be 29 next month
 

Belluh Noche

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Welp sis, you're not alone :ROFLMAO:. Literally I felt like I was reading a summary of my life in your post. That's why I'm getting serious about my skincare and fitness routine. My youth may be slipping away but at least I can still look good.
 

MsBIGChoc

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Welp sis, you're not alone :ROFLMAO:. Literally I felt like I was reading a summary of my life in your post. That's why I'm getting serious about my skincare and fitness routine. My youth may be slipping away but at least I can still look good.
Your youth isn't slipping at 30
 

canadiangirl

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Thank you! I also never had a relationship that lasted past a year. Im dating and I do feel marriage and children are around the corner but just not now.
I never traveled around the world but I feel like I lived tf outta my 20s and I managed to gain career goals to appreciate my life right now. I feel more stable, healthier, and independent. I'll be 29 next month

Amazing! I feel like aging is a mindset. Its sad but alot of women let it affect their entire outlook on life. I remember asking my friend to go out one night (pre covid) and she said "I cant be out in a club, I'm almost 30!" Whaaat? So you cant go dancing with a friend cause you've reached a certain age. That kind of mentality is sad to me. I always get told I look younger and I don't even think its because I PHYSICALLY look younger its cause I don't complain, have a smile on my face and love being out and about and trying new things. I see it with my friends its like they just want to shout out to the world that their old and cranky :LOL: sometimes its funny but really, enjoy youre life in whatever way you want. You only get one.

Can't wait till COVID restrictions lift in Canada. I have already made a pact with myself to enjoy the summer as much as I can!
 

MsBIGChoc

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Amazing! I feel like aging is a mindset. Its sad but alot of women let it affect their entire outlook on life. I remember asking my friend to go out one night (pre covid) and she said "I cant be out in a club, I'm almost 30!" Whaaat? So you cant go dancing with a friend cause you've reached a certain age. That kind of mentality is sad to me. I always get told I look younger and I don't even think its because I PHYSICALLY look younger its cause I don't complain, have a smile on my face and love being out and about and trying new things. I see it with my friends its like they just want to shout out to the world that their old and cranky :LOL: sometimes its funny but really, enjoy youre life in whatever way you want. You only get one.

Can't wait till COVID restrictions lift in Canada. I have already made a pact with myself to enjoy the summer as much as I can!
Thank you! There are definitely places for the 25 and up. I tend to go drinking at swanky clubs or upscale sit down places. I'm in Florida and the restrictions never happened lmao
 

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Instead of looking at turning 30 as all doom and gloom. Look at it as the time to accomplish old and new goals. The average human in America live to about 80 y/o you have time to accomplish all your goals.

My 20’s sucked probably the best thing I did was get my bachelors and I also had some “fun” dating experiences but I wasn’t popping like I am now at almost 39. I was mostly broke in my 20s also... not fun.
 

TDEE

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I’m turning 28 this year & I feel the same way OP. The thought of turning 30 mortifies me & shoots my nerves to hell. I take it one day at a time & live in the moment. Also ,if given the opportunity some people wouldn’t hesitate to be in our age bracket again.
 

D E L E T E

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I find myself constantly thinking about the past, what I've could've done and if I had a better support system. I've always felt like I've had no one to talk to and no one that understood me. I wasn't able to go for my dreams (actress and model) due to the strict household that I lived in. I was ostracised for not being like my older sisters. Now I'm 29 and I feel defeated. I'm not as youthful as I once was. Due to not having no one to talk to, I settle in 2 horrible, exhausting relationships. I feel like I've wasted my 20s and could've been dating rich men and been more adventurous. I settled. It's so sad..I often get depressed and my anxiety is bad. I've been trying to see a therapist but for one reason or another I can't get connected to one. What is the universe trying to tell me.?
The universe is trying to tell you that all things happen according to your path.

You never know.

Perhaps if you had pursued your modeling and acting dreams, you would not be here today. A lot of people get sucked in and spit out of that world with drug addictions or some kind of abuse.

If you are interested in acting creatively, you can still do community theater which might help you work through that longing to have tried it. Or sign up to be an extra on a movie set so you're a part of it at least once.

You have other gifts to offer the world. I promise.

I know what it is like to have wasted time. It hurts more now because we have so much to compare ourself to with the internet. But try to remember you aren't any one else and their journey is not yours.
 

Master Pooh

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It can take time to find a therapist you can be genuine with. Look into other types of therapy such as humanistic, integrative.

You've lived 1/3 of your life already and you don't want the remaining 2/3 to be the same.
 

GOAT4EVR

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Lord have mercy, I'm so tired of the "I'm old at 30" and "My youth is fading away" foolishness. This narrative doesn't even make sense OP. Please seek help. I'm serious.
 

Andenam

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Kim Kardashian is 40 and can still bag a rich man. Erika Jayne is 49, and can still bag a rich man. Who is telling you 29 is too old? Kevin Samuels?
 

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30 is not a death sentence. It’s when most people get some common sense. Even if you did things the way you wanted, would you be happy? Things happen for a reason. If your life wasn’t a wreck, you wouldn’t be relatable and present. Experiences is what life is about. That way you can advise the younger generation not to do the dumb stuff you did. You can still redeem yourself and change things. As long as your breathing you can turn things around.
 

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Every time you get a bit older you'll look back at yourself and say "Damn when I was X age I thought I was old and my life was over, but I was still so young, why was I down on myself so much?"

Live in the moment and go after what you want, no matter what that may be! It's only too late when you're dead.
 

MASja2

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I felt like I "messed up" my 20s too and the reality is that tons of women do too. You're still transitioning into adulthood in yours 20s so there's a lot of room for error and learning. Society tells you that your youth ends in your 20s but the reality is your 30s is still very young too. You can still get married, have kids, improve yourself, further your career, and achieve whatever goals you want. It's really never too late.
 

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30 is not even old. your age is not holding you back, it's your mindset! quit feeling sorry for yourself, cut the pity party bµllsh!t! you still have plenty of time to do everything you want to do and get everything you want to get out of life. look forward and start making plans and taking action to get to where you want to be. and quit looking back at the past, you can't change it.
 

LaMochaCoca

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Society/men have done an EXCELLENT job brainwashing women into thinking 30 is an old age. 30, imagine! Incredible.
 

TrixyStar

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Me too. It is mentally eating me the fµck up. I feel like it is too late and no one will care anymore cause I'm 30 and supposed to always have it all together and everything figured out!
 

Sailor Pluto

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Can yall blame OP for feeling old at 30? Society beats it over our heads that we’re most valuable in our late teens and 20s and that at 30+ it’s “over” for us. Some really sick types are trying to say that we’re “past our prime” at 25+ now. It’s disgusting and sad how patriarchy makes women feel like we should feel bad for not dying earlier.

Anyways OP you’re not old! You still have time to turn things around and start living your life for YOU! Op it’s only “over” for you if you start feeling and acting like it really is. You can still be adventurous and have fun. There’s no point in lamenting over the past. Learn from it and remember it, yes but don’t lament over it. Lamenting over the past often times just results in folks letting more years of their life pass them by when they could’ve been working on creating a life they didn’t feel the need to mentally “escape” from
 

Chizi

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I find myself constantly thinking about the past, what I've could've done and if I had a better support system. I've always felt like I've had no one to talk to and no one that understood me. I wasn't able to go for my dreams (actress and model) due to the strict household that I lived in. I was ostracised for not being like my older sisters. Now I'm 29 and I feel defeated. I'm not as youthful as I once was. Due to not having no one to talk to, I settle in 2 horrible, exhausting relationships. I feel like I've wasted my 20s and could've been dating rich men and been more adventurous. I settled. It's so sad..I often get depressed and my anxiety is bad. I've been trying to see a therapist but for one reason or another I can't get connected to one. What is the universe trying to tell me.?

hey sis, your age does not define you. I know we live in this era where there’s a lot of pressure to accomplish our goals by a certain age but that’s just not truth in reality. I know it’s sound cliche but your dreams do not have a deadline. Believe that!

if you want some support I’m happy to help. I’ve helped people move forward and overcome their fears confidently. If you want to we can have a quick chat, just book a call here: BOOK CALL LINK
 

incogneato

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Amazing! I feel like aging is a mindset. Its sad but alot of women let it affect their entire outlook on life. I remember asking my friend to go out one night (pre covid) and she said "I cant be out in a club, I'm almost 30!" Whaaat? So you cant go dancing with a friend cause you've reached a certain age. That kind of mentality is sad to me. I always get told I look younger and I don't even think its because I PHYSICALLY look younger its cause I don't complain, have a smile on my face and love being out and about and trying new things. I see it with my friends its like they just want to shout out to the world that their old and cranky :LOL: sometimes its funny but really, enjoy youre life in whatever way you want. You only get one.

Can't wait till COVID restrictions lift in Canada. I have already made a pact with myself to enjoy the summer as much as I can!
Exactly. It's like once a woman is 30, it's time for her to stay in a box until death. Tf!!! What kind of life is that. I'm in my late 20s and my mom tells me I need to hurry up and settle because I'm headed towards being an old woman. I don't mind settling down with the right man for me but girl if you think I'm going to let myself go because I'm not 20, fµck outta here
 

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