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Was my dad trying to use me?

incogneato

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My dad is into stocks and day trading, and it's currently how he makes his living. A little while ago, when dogecoin first blew up, he said I should buy some and asked me to buy some for him too because he wasn't able to at the time (he gave a reason for it that I believed) but he said he'd pay me back. I bought $500 for myself and $1000 for him. I ended up cashing mine out shortly after, but I mostly forgot about his shares. Last night, he started blowing up my phone with texts saying that he wanted to buy more because it's going up again. I asked how much and he said "1k if you have it, I'll refund you". I told him I'd cash out, give it to him, and then he can just repurchase his shares plus whatever else he wanted. There was a pause on the texts and then he told me to just leave the stocks he has there, I don't have to buy anymore.

I don't want to hold his shares for him like this. I feel pretty uncomfortable about it because I don't like taking risks with money, no matter how much I have. He hasn't paid me back from the first time but I just want my money back and to give them to him. Even if I did want to buy more, I don't want them combined with his shares. I feel like he was trying to use me because he doesn't have the money himself right now. I don't really know his financial situation but I know he needs more money for some family matters and that he lost a lot in the stock market a few months ago. When I was a child, I was once gifted $1,000 from a family member but didn't know about it -- I found out later that he spent it on funeral costs for a relative because he didn't have the money at the time. When he told me he apologized and said he'd pay it back, but he never did. He also bought me a credit card but "lost it" and I've never gotten it back. I don't know if it's used but I think he does make the minimum payment on it monthly based on my credit reports.

I don't want to face this because I want to believe he's a good person, but is my dad using me financially?
 

Loveyaself88

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Uuummm yea. If he never paid you back the first time and is coming to ask for more..... I would leave his stock right where it is and not worry about him getting it, he didn’t pay for it. Try to avoid money situations with him, he obviously has a tricky history.
 

SlootMadonna

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This is really sad. I'm seriously tired of men trying to bully women/family members into money situations. "Neither borrower nor lender be," he should know that by now. He is insulted that you don't trust him and has issues separating himself from you when it benefits him. This is why I hate lending money, I hate having to ask for it back because men are psycho, it's easier to borrow money than to give it back. And those are BIG amounts I guess what you should do is let him be mad, but be careful he seems the type to take it very personally and get back at you somehow.
 

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I'm also worried about the legality of it. That just occurred to me last night.
Some of these cryptocurrencies are like pyramid schemes, and DOGE has a limited amount in circulation. Some of these coins can be produced into infinity, but not DOGE. That's why Elon Musk was offering to buy them from people.

So, DOGE isn't a bad investment, but the way your father is going about it makes me think he's involved in something shadier than currency trading. It sounds like he's laundering money at the very least. I'd sell his shares back to him, if you don't know much about his business or want to talk to the police.
 

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I'm more concerned about that credit card he has in your name. You need the shut that down NOW!!!!
 

incogneato

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I'm more concerned about that credit card he has in your name. You need the shut that down NOW!!!!
I tried to get him to give it to me for a long time but he kept saying he'd look or he couldn't find it or something. I previously told him to cancel it but he kind of exhausted me so I just gave up. I'll try to get it from him again.

This situation reminded me that he suggested buying a house in my name a few times because he didn't want my stepmom to have any claim to it or something. I didn't go through with it but I did consider it. I love my dad and I want to help him. He's always been very manipulative, though.

This revelation is really hurting me. We've always had a strained relationship and I've been trying to fix it but something has always held me back from really opening up to him or feeling like I can be close to him. It must've been my intuition this whole time. I wanted to cut him off completely in the past but the idea of it made me feel intensely guilty. My feelings toward my father have always been extremely complicated.
 

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i would tell him if that I’m taking the money out of you don’t pay me because I’m currently using my money
 

mesmerize

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He wants more of the cryptocurrency because it is going up. He was asking you to fund an investment he couldn’t afford. You said no. He said ok.

He should not cash out what he already purchased. He should leave it in. At some point in the future he’ll be sad he missed out on a second investment that he couldn’t afford but I’m sad I didn’t buy into the Google IPO.

The $1,000 for you ... did you live with him growing up and did he provide for you? Paying for a relative’s funeral is not like blowing the money in the club.

Cancel the credit card if you are uncomfortable with him having it. He can continue to make payments.

There is nothing remotely illegal about you holding the cryptocurrency for him. It’s a small amount of money. It’s not a hidden Swiss bank account.
 

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I tried to get him to give it to me for a long time but he kept saying he'd look or he couldn't find it or something. I previously told him to cancel it but he kind of exhausted me so I just gave up. I'll try to get it from him again.

This situation reminded me that he suggested buying a house in my name a few times because he didn't want my stepmom to have any claim to it or something. I didn't go through with it but I did consider it. I love my dad and I want to help him. He's always been very manipulative, though.

We've always had a strained relationship and I've been trying to fix it but something has always held me back from really opening up to him or feeling like I can be close to him. It must've been my intuition this whole time. I wanted to cut him off completely in the past but the idea of it made me feel intensely guilty. My feelings toward my father have always been extremely complicated.
Yes, he is using you. Is he trying to fix the relationship? If he's not, you should stop trying to fix it. If he doesn't care, you shouldn't either. And you shouldn't feel guilty about cutting someone off who uses and manipulates, regardless of who they are.
 
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BrownSkyn22

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I may be misinterpreting what is being said but shouldn't OP just take the money she invested for him? It's her money anyway. Especially if it has made a profit.

You invested 1,000 of your own money for him and he hasn't paid you back? I would keep the money and never do that for him again.
 

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He doesnt want you to sell the shares and have him repurchase them in his name because he'd have to buy the same shares at a higher price now and lose money. Still, if this is how he makes his living, he should have a trading account already set up in his name and available funds. Closing credit cards that have balances can hurt your credit. Take whatever money you were going to put toward helping your dad and pay off the card and put a freeze on your credit. Dont lend him anything else you cant afford to just completely forget about.
 

BrownSkyn22

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I tried to get him to give it to me for a long time but he kept saying he'd look or he couldn't find it or something. I previously told him to cancel it but he kind of exhausted me so I just gave up. I'll try to get it from him again.

This situation reminded me that he suggested buying a house in my name a few times because he didn't want my stepmom to have any claim to it or something. I didn't go through with it but I did consider it. I love my dad and I want to help him. He's always been very manipulative, though.

This revelation is really hurting me. We've always had a strained relationship and I've been trying to fix it but something has always held me back from really opening up to him or feeling like I can be close to him. It must've been my intuition this whole time. I wanted to cut him off completely in the past but the idea of it made me feel intensely guilty. My feelings toward my father have always been extremely complicated.
Baby he's using you and taking advantage of your kindness. Never let him put anything in your name. He knows that you have a good heart which is why he's preying on you. It's time to start setting firm boundaries.

He's a user and the only way he will stop is when you shut him down. You don't owe him shyt! He's the father. IT'S NOT YOUR JOB TO FIX YALL'S RELATIONSHIP!!!! He should be ashamed of himself!

Start saying "NO" and stand in it! It really pisses me off when I see parents using their damn kids.
 

incogneato

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My dad is into stocks and day trading, and it's currently how he makes his living. A little while ago, when dogecoin first blew up, he said I should buy some and asked me to buy some for him too because he wasn't able to at the time (he gave a reason for it that I believed) but he said he'd pay me back. I bought $500 for myself and $1000 for him. I ended up cashing mine out shortly after, but I mostly forgot about his shares. Last night, he started blowing up my phone with texts saying that he wanted to buy more because it's going up again. I asked how much and he said "1k if you have it, I'll refund you". I told him I'd cash out, give it to him, and then he can just repurchase his shares plus whatever else he wanted. There was a pause on the texts and then he told me to just leave the stocks he has there, I don't have to buy anymore.

I don't want to hold his shares for him like this. I feel pretty uncomfortable about it because I don't like taking risks with money, no matter how much I have. He hasn't paid me back from the first time but I just want my money back and to give them to him. Even if I did want to buy more, I don't want them combined with his shares. I feel like he was trying to use me because he doesn't have the money himself right now. I don't really know his financial situation but I know he needs more money for some family matters and that he lost a lot in the stock market a few months ago. When I was a child, I was once gifted $1,000 from a family member but didn't know about it -- I found out later that he spent it on funeral costs for a relative because he didn't have the money at the time. When he told me he apologized and said he'd pay it back, but he never did. He also bought me a credit card but "lost it" and I've never gotten it back. I don't know if it's used but I think he does make the minimum payment on it monthly based on my credit reports.

I don't want to face this because I want to believe he's a good person, but is my dad using me financially?
girl, get your money and he doesn't get a cent until he pays you back.
 

SlootMadonna

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You could cancel your credit card without the card, you just have to know the name of the institution and call, tell them you lost it, it might be harder if his name is on it too though.
 

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For the $1,000 he owes you:
- Let it go. You can ask one last time, but if he doesn’t give it to you, let it go. You cannot take something he owns that is worth $1,000 from somewhere else and apply it to what he owes you, so don’t do that.

For the credit card in your name:
- Find out what the credit card company is and have the card cancelled. You don’t need anything else from him to have it cancelled. And then work out a payment plan with the company to pay the balance off. You can take it a step further and tell your dad to never take out another card in your name or on your behalf again just to make it clear.

For the “shared” investment:
- Withdraw the value of the investment, get cash, and give your dad the cash value of the investment. Also make a contract that states this is the value of the investment on this day and going further you two have no further investment ties. You sign it and make him sign it. Then you can invest your own money going forward if you want.

That is what I would personally do to resolve the issues mentioned.
 

mesmerize

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Since he didn’t pay her, I would just say forget it. You don’t need to pay me back. Keep the profit from the crypto coin investment and forget it.

He had the option to buy it and chose not to.

For the $1,000 he owes you:
- Let it go. You can ask one last time, but if he doesn’t give it to you, let it go. You cannot take something he owns that is worth $1,000 from somewhere else and apply it to what he owes you, so don’t do that.

For the credit card in your name:
- Find out what the credit card company is and have the card cancelled. You don’t need anything else from him to have it cancelled. And then work out a payment plan with the company to pay the balance off. You can take it a step further and tell your dad to never take out another card in your name or on your behalf again just to make it clear.

For the “shared” investment:
- Withdraw the value of the investment, get cash, and give your dad the cash value of the investment. Also make a contract that states this is the value of the investment on this day and going further you two have no further investment ties. You sign it and make him sign it. Then you can invest your own money going forward if you want.

That is what I would personally do to resolve the issues mentioned.
 

mesmerize

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I wanted to add that this is not how he makes a living. He might make some pocket money but if he was making a living on this or anything he would puke be able to buy it himself

My dad is into stocks and day trading, and it's currently how he makes his living. A little while ago, when dogecoin first blew up, he said I should buy some and asked me to buy some for him too because he wasn't able to at the time (he gave a reason for it that I believed) but he said he'd pay me back. I bought $500 for myself and $1000 for him. I ended up cashing mine out shortly after, but I mostly forgot about his shares. Last night, he started blowing up my phone with texts saying that he wanted to buy more because it's going up again. I asked how much and he said "1k if you have it, I'll refund you". I told him I'd cash out, give it to him, and then he can just repurchase his shares plus whatever else he wanted. There was a pause on the texts and then he told me to just leave the stocks he has there, I don't have to buy anymore.

I don't want to hold his shares for him like this. I feel pretty uncomfortable about it because I don't like taking risks with money, no matter how much I have. He hasn't paid me back from the first time but I just want my money back and to give them to him. Even if I did want to buy more, I don't want them combined with his shares. I feel like he was trying to use me because he doesn't have the money himself right now. I don't really know his financial situation but I know he needs more money for some family matters and that he lost a lot in the stock market a few months ago. When I was a child, I was once gifted $1,000 from a family member but didn't know about it -- I found out later that he spent it on funeral costs for a relative because he didn't have the money at the time. When he told me he apologized and said he'd pay it back, but he never did. He also bought me a credit card but "lost it" and I've never gotten it back. I don't know if it's used but I think he does make the minimum payment on it monthly based on my credit reports.

I don't want to face this because I want to believe he's a good person, but is my dad using me financially?
 

MeOhMeOhMy

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My dad is into stocks and day trading, and it's currently how he makes his living. A little while ago, when dogecoin first blew up, he said I should buy some and asked me to buy some for him too because he wasn't able to at the time (he gave a reason for it that I believed) but he said he'd pay me back. I bought $500 for myself and $1000 for him. I ended up cashing mine out shortly after, but I mostly forgot about his shares. Last night, he started blowing up my phone with texts saying that he wanted to buy more because it's going up again. I asked how much and he said "1k if you have it, I'll refund you". I told him I'd cash out, give it to him, and then he can just repurchase his shares plus whatever else he wanted. There was a pause on the texts and then he told me to just leave the stocks he has there, I don't have to buy anymore.

I don't want to hold his shares for him like this. I feel pretty uncomfortable about it because I don't like taking risks with money, no matter how much I have. He hasn't paid me back from the first time but I just want my money back and to give them to him. Even if I did want to buy more, I don't want them combined with his shares. I feel like he was trying to use me because he doesn't have the money himself right now. I don't really know his financial situation but I know he needs more money for some family matters and that he lost a lot in the stock market a few months ago. When I was a child, I was once gifted $1,000 from a family member but didn't know about it -- I found out later that he spent it on funeral costs for a relative because he didn't have the money at the time. When he told me he apologized and said he'd pay it back, but he never did. He also bought me a credit card but "lost it" and I've never gotten it back. I don't know if it's used but I think he does make the minimum payment on it monthly based on my credit reports.

I don't want to face this because I want to believe he's a good person, but is my dad using me financially?

The IRS will be collecting on trading cryptocurrency.
They will be collecting those taxes from YOU, not your father.
You will have to report the transactions & profit on your income taxes, not your fathers.

Please keep this in mind and deduct those expenses accordingly when you cash out for him.
 

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I tried to get him to give it to me for a long time but he kept saying he'd look or he couldn't find it or something. I previously told him to cancel it but he kind of exhausted me so I just gave up. I'll try to get it from him again.
If the card is under your name, maybe you can cancel it yourself? I hope he will not put you in a bad situation...
 

CC3

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So, in other words - he's a user and professional gambler?

giphy.gif


Cancel your card and cut your losses because you aren't getting anything back and stop loaning him money.
 
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MZJazzmine

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My dad is into stocks and day trading, and it's currently how he makes his living. A little while ago, when dogecoin first blew up, he said I should buy some and asked me to buy some for him too because he wasn't able to at the time (he gave a reason for it that I believed) but he said he'd pay me back. I bought $500 for myself and $1000 for him. I ended up cashing mine out shortly after, but I mostly forgot about his shares. Last night, he started blowing up my phone with texts saying that he wanted to buy more because it's going up again. I asked how much and he said "1k if you have it, I'll refund you". I told him I'd cash out, give it to him, and then he can just repurchase his shares plus whatever else he wanted. There was a pause on the texts and then he told me to just leave the stocks he has there, I don't have to buy anymore.

I don't want to hold his shares for him like this. I feel pretty uncomfortable about it because I don't like taking risks with money, no matter how much I have. He hasn't paid me back from the first time but I just want my money back and to give them to him. Even if I did want to buy more, I don't want them combined with his shares. I feel like he was trying to use me because he doesn't have the money himself right now. I don't really know his financial situation but I know he needs more money for some family matters and that he lost a lot in the stock market a few months ago. When I was a child, I was once gifted $1,000 from a family member but didn't know about it -- I found out later that he spent it on funeral costs for a relative because he didn't have the money at the time. When he told me he apologized and said he'd pay it back, but he never did. He also bought me a credit card but "lost it" and I've never gotten it back. I don't know if it's used but I think he does make the minimum payment on it monthly based on my credit reports.

I don't want to face this because I want to believe he's a good person, but is my dad using me financially?

You already know he's using you. You just have to decide how long you want to allow him to do this. Where is your mom and if she's alive what does she say about all of this and him?
 

incogneato

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My dad called earlier and I talked to him about this. He paid me back the $1000. I told him I wanted him to close the credit cards and he said he would. I told him I wasn't comfortable holding his shares for him so he said he'd figure out when the best time is for us to transfer them over to him. I'm not sure whether he'll do it or not but I'm glad he paid me back for them.

Yes, he is using you. Is he trying to fix the relationship? If he's not, you should stop trying to fix it. If he doesn't care, you shouldn't either. And you shouldn't feel guilty about cutting someone off who uses and manipulates, regardless of who they are.

He's always tried to fix our relationship and I've always been the one in the way of it. I have a difficult time with him.

You already know he's using you. You just have to decide how long you want to allow him to do this. Where is your mom and if she's alive what does she say about all of this and him?

I don't talk to my mom about him. I don't talk to my parents about each other. She hasn't said much about him throughout my life because she didn't want what happened between them to affect my relationship with him. I know she hates him, though. They had a terrible marriage.
 

You

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I told him I wanted him to close the credit cards and he said he would.

I don't talk to my mom about him. I don't talk to my parents about each other. She hasn't said much about him throughout my life because she didn't want what happened between them to affect my relationship with him. I know she hates him, though. They had a terrible marriage.



You wrote "cardS". Typo or more than 1 card?

Him saying "he would" is what he's told you before. Get the lender name and the number or a statement from him and tell him you will close it yourself because he's never going to do it

Credit check yourself (Get My Free Credit Report) to see what overdue/in collections accounts on it because I bet you'll see some surprises. Freeze your credit (Credit Freeze FAQs) so no one can use

Also, therapy (check your school for resources) to begin healing from his treatment (and it seems your childhood was lacking seeing as they had a bad marriage) and to begin setting boundaries with him

This is a good thread for you: I have something to say to you high wage fonts
 
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MZJazzmine

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I don't talk to my mom about him. I don't talk to my parents about each other. She hasn't said much about him throughout my life because she didn't want what happened between them to affect my relationship with him. I know she hates him, though. They had a terrible marriage.

I was asking about your mom because I was thinking you might have been able to avoid all this had you sat down and had an honest ADULT conversation with her concerning your father. After all she was married to him and knows the pitfalls. So now that you're an adult and having your own experiences with your father, it might be a good ideal to have "that" conversation with your mother. At the very least it might be help you in establishing concrete boundaries with your father, especially when it comes to anything financial. I'm just saying...
 

incogneato

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I was asking about your mom because I was thinking you might have been able to avoid all this had you sat down and had an honest ADULT conversation with her concerning your father. After all she was married to him and knows the pitfalls. So now that you're an adult and having your own experiences with your father, it might be a good ideal to have "that" conversation with your mother. At the very least it might be help you in establishing concrete boundaries with your father, especially when it comes to anything financial. I'm just saying...
I want to but I have this overwhelming urge to protect his image. Despite our problems, I love him very much. I've mentioned things about him to my mom in the past and it always made me feel guilty. I really need to get over it. I'll see if I can talk to her today
 

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Good luck OP.
Your dad is a character and has you thinking you're the one doing wrong and 'standing in the way'.
He's your parent. You are 23.
He needs to be your rock, foundation and protector. He's the woman/daughter/child/one in need of care in your relationship.
Good luck.
 

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Boo those shares are yours! Are u rich, rich now???

If he didnt pay they dont belong to him, i told my friends about doge when it was at 13cents noobody reacted, i even said if they where busy to send me the money id transfer to them, no1 reacted till the next morning when it was at 20cents. I brought for MYSELF and 13 and for them when they paid.
Enjoy your money
 

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I tried to get him to give it to me for a long time but he kept saying he'd look or he couldn't find it or something. I previously told him to cancel it but he kind of exhausted me so I just gave up. I'll try to get it from him again.

This situation reminded me that he suggested buying a house in my name a few times because he didn't want my stepmom to have any claim to it or something. I didn't go through with it but I did consider it. I love my dad and I want to help him. He's always been very manipulative, though.

This revelation is really hurting me. We've always had a strained relationship and I've been trying to fix it but something has always held me back from really opening up to him or feeling like I can be close to him. It must've been my intuition this whole time. I wanted to cut him off completely in the past but the idea of it made me feel intensely guilty. My feelings toward my father have always been extremely complicated.


DO NOT wait for him to give you the card back. If it is in your name, report it stolen and they will cancel the card. You need that card cancelled PRONTO. Do you even get the bills for that card? Do you have any idea how much he's charged on the card? You need to pull all three of your credit reports because it seems you are completely in the dark about that side of your finances. You need to find out what else he's put into your name. It is time for your to be proactive. Do not wait until you want to buy a car or a home to get hit with surprises. ACT NOW!!!!
 

SafeLanding

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I just saw the news and it's going down so sell when you can. If you lose money he won't pay you the $1k you invested.
 

AloneNLonely

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Sounds like he trying to get some of that child support money back

you really have a trifling loser for a father
 

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