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What are you teaching your daughter?

scarlettxo

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Hi ladies!

Before I begin I want to share something with you all. I already have a name picked out for my future daughter. For quite some time now even though I'm not anywhere close to married or in a relationship. My mother bought me a christmas gift and ya'll I looked and then looked again. THE BRAND NAME OF THE GIFT MY MOTHER BOUGHT ME IS MY DAUGHTER'S FUTURE NAME! I know that this is a sign from God and not a coincidence.

Anyway I have been doing some heavy thinking. My family for generations has had/have cycles of abuse. Mostly unhealthy relationships between man and woman. I am going to break this cycle. To my family I guess dysfunction is normal and i'm kind of the odd one. I think they think I'm uppity and better than them. No, I'm better than their behavior. I'm determined to break this cycle and to have a healthy and happy family in the future.

Below are a list of things I have learned and will teach my daughter one day. You ladies can share what you teach or will teach or are teaching your daughter or children.

1. Do not make excuses for bad behavior in men
2. Do not EVER let a man hit you, slap you, push you
3. be aware of how your body works don't be afraid to come to me and ask me questions
4. stand up straight and don't be ashamed
5. being confident is not acting "fast"
6. Explore
7. take care of yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally
8 it's okay to be nice but don't be a pushover and constantly give your time, emotions and energy to people that do not deserve it and this is not being bad or not christian

9. it's okay to not agree with mommy all the time
10. take time out for yourself
11. love yourself first
12. it's okay to not "feel" every single thing. it's hard being black and a woman in this world
13. be proud of your skin and be proud to be black
14. dress nice! show a little shoulder ( when you are at the appropriate age) have your own style
15. do not have serious relationships so young
16 do not give yourself to a man without wanting to with your heart 100%
17. always have protected xes ( unless or until you are in a serious and committed relationship with someone and they respect you and your body)

18 love yourself really really hard. love your flaws, your voice, your thoughts, the kink/ curl/ wave of your hair

19 follow your intuition

20. you are a precious jewel and should never ever hide yourself or under value yourself

That's all i have for now. I'm sorry if this is a bit long. I'm in my emotions right now.
 

waterflower

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Pretty much most of what you written is what I will teach her when she can understand. My daughter is very loving <3
 

hotgirl1983

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So my 30+ year old self is gonna print this out and hang this on my wall. Thanks Op:)
 

Minimal

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Awe you sound like you'd be a great mom. I won't be having any children, but maybe I can utilize this list and possibly advise other young girls if I happen to mentor one.
 

whatsayu

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giphy.gif
 

j_da_belle

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Agreed.

The only thing I would change is #2 . It is more complicated than letting. I would say (or add), don't be ashamed to ask for help if you are in a situation where you are getting abused. It isn't your fault when you are assaulted in that manner & don't let anyone tell you differently. I would make sure that she doesn't see herself as a failure if she ended up in a bad domestic situation or was xesually assaulted.

**Another good addition: Don't be afraid to be a girly-girl. Don't apologize for your emotions. Don't let perceptions alter your behavior (men are going to think what they want regardless of behavior, they will find a reason to not respect you even if you are "perfect").
 

scarlettxo

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Agreed.

The only thing I would change is #2 . It is more complicated than letting. I would say (or add), don't be ashamed to ask for help if you are in a situation where you are getting abused. It isn't your fault when you are assaulted in that manner & don't let anyone tell you differently. I would make sure that she doesn't see herself as a failure if she ended up in a bad domestic situation or was xesually assaulted.

I guess i didn't see it that way but i do now.it's not anyone's fault if they are abused physically, xesually etc. thanks
 

j_da_belle

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I guess i didn't see it that way but i do now.it's not anyone's fault if they are abused physically, xesually etc. thanks

I understood what you meant (I just wanted to add it for myself). I couldn't find a way to make it less wordy. Love this list. (Especially the "fast" part)


It is sad they we even have to prepare girls for worst case scenario. I want kids someday, but I am terrified for my future daughter(s).
 

DemiLovato

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In addition to the ones you wrote.

I would teach my daughter to always be able to personally sustain yourself financially. To never be dependent on anyone to financially provide for you.

I would teach my daughter to always be mindful of making good choices...because big and small can have long and lasting, good or bad impacts.

I would teach her to develop a good social skill set, and become an expert problem solver.

I would teach her the importance of being assertive, intuitive, proactive, prepared and organized.

Basically I would teach my daughter how to be able to survive and know how to be resourceful and capable.

I think these things will greatly compliment the ones OP said, and together this will be a KICK ASS DAUGHTER!!
 

Pearl Shay

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Great list, OP! Except 14. I hated this growing up and I hate this now when older relatives do it (even over these holidays) when they make comments about my conservative dress or why don't I wear this or that (frilly little shirts and things, when I avoid scoop necks and things like that. It's harmless to them, but it irritates me because 1.) I'm naturally more reserved. 2.) I was assault in a way that I was publicly exposed (unbeknownst to them), so goading to show more skin feels like being punished for what happened.

Anywho, you hit a lot of good bases..esp. not being apologetic for being who you are and knowing your worth. These are really important, because it sets the tone for everything else: how you allow people treat you in general, who you deal with romantically and what you'll accept, and even the type of money you will make because you have the confidence to negotiate a better wage (shown to be one of the reasons other than discrimination why some women don't make as much).
 

Sashasash

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Aww I love your list OP

But to my future daughter,

Love the lord with all your heart, and always put him first.

Love and accept yourself for who you are- flaws and all.

Don't ever let anyone make you feel inferior or unworthy. You are the creme de la creme, and you are because I'm your mama, and you are loved. (Don't judge me lol)

You can have, and be all that you want in life, but remember, nothing comes easy. So work hard, follow your dreams, never give up, and don't ever settle.

Independence is key, but find and love a good man, and leave some seeds on the earth.

And when the world gets too much for my baby girl, just know that Mommy will always be here for you.

Anddd everything else in OP's list.

PS: I can't wait to be done with school so that I can have kids, y'all.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

MorallyCorrupt

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(My nieces and goddaughter) I'm teaching them that they are beautiful and smart. Hair is not important. Never be afraid to ask questions and always be honest with your feelings. Let people know if they're making you uncomfortable. Way too much anti-blackness kicking around (especially from within Black families), for me not to reiterate to them that they are beautiful and naturally so.
 

Ellimaculate2

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Love these suggestions! We are having a girl and I'm so over the moon. Can't wait to teach her these things!
 

lique831

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Love your list!!

One thing we have agreed that we will teach our daughter is to be able to provide for herself. In no way do we want her to be dependent on anyone. We do not want her to be at the mercy of any man.
 

Eliana

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Teaching my daughter through actions, pretty much not to make the same worthless mistakes I did. She's a daddy's girl like I am, so her relationship with her father will ensure that. My husband is an amazing father to our kids, I'm always hearing convos between my daughter and husband and they're so cute. I'm positive she will have a healthy sense of self and positive development.
 

WorkingBeez

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Teaching my daughter through actions, pretty much not to make the same worthless mistakes I did.

Yes! We can give as many verbal lessons as we want but what stands out more to our children is the model we give them.

Which is why I will go above and beyond to keep my life right. It's one thing to do me, it's another to do me and have these innocent eyes watching.

We must teach them the importance of financial independence, never wasting an opportunity, working HARD, and not giving a fµck about roles and expectations. Encouraging, validating their intelligence versus the superficial and materialism. To be kind to everyone, not be a waste of air and space. Do something, be someone.

Sure, there is still adversity to deal with but in this day and age - females have so many more opportunities and choices that our kin have never had. It's always glossed over but the young need to be reminded, not everything is as easy as pop culture makes things out to be.
 

Eliana

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Yes! We can give as many verbal lessons as we want but what stands out more to our children is the model we give them.

Which is why I will go above and beyond to keep my life right. It's one thing to do me, it's another to do me and have these innocent eyes watching.

We must teach them the importance of financial independence, never wasting an opportunity, working HARD, and not giving a fµck about roles and expectations. Encouraging, validating their intelligence versus the superficial and materialism. To be kind to everyone, not be a waste of air and space. Do something, be someone.

Sure, there is still adversity to deal with but in this day and age - females have so many more opportunities and choices that our kin have never had. It's always glossed over but the young need to be reminded, not everything is as easy as pop culture makes things out to be.

That's true. I bring my daughter to my lab and have her sit on my lap or watch me work. I think she's going to be scientifically inclined like I am lol. On a real though, it's true what you've mentioned, we have to take advantage of our opportunities as women and open doors for even more of us. As well as the importance of values, and valuing yourself as a woman.
 

WorkingBeez

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That's true. I bring my daughter to my lab and have her sit on my lap or watch me work. I think she's going to be scientifically inclined like I am lol. On a real though, it's true what you've mentioned, we have to take advantage of our opportunities as women and open doors for even more of us. As well as the importance of values, and valuing yourself as a woman.
That's awesome modeling! Even a few decades ago it would be rare to have those doors and experience opened for girls. Let's break down those educational stereotypes and expectations and open the doors of opportunity.
 

IrisOsiris

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basically everything you wrote. damn. thought i could have written this myself! way to go future mom!

i was thinking about this very thing today. debating how i feel about dolls and stereotypically girl things. how i feel about education. how i feel about black womanhood. what i'm gonna say to her about the society we live in from a socioeconomic vantage point. my advice on xes and men and relationships. you echo my sentiments.
 

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