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What does it say about you if you keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners?

NaNana1456

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The last 4 people I have had an interest in it hooked up with have turned out to be not ready for a relationship or just not wanting anything serious. Someone said it’s brcause I’m also emotionally unavailable because you attract what you are and all that Jazz. If that’s the case what exactly do I do to get myself emotionally ready?

The last 3-4 of years have been dedicated to healing myself through therapy, some energy healing, dealing with karmic stuff, removing toxic people and relationships out of my life, saying no, learning to love myself. I take myself out on dates, I nurture my creative parts and travel a lot on my own. So how can I still be in a place where I attract these men? What exactly do I need to do to attract different men or men who want similar things like me? What am I doing wrong?
 

Chocolatediamonds155

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Stop believing that bµllsh!t. I hate that men have got us believing that it's our aura and vibes that have us attracting unavailable and no good men. It's all numbers for a man and you just happen to take the bait.

Everything you're doing is right. Just continue to love on yourself and ignore these men. Most of them are utter trash anyway.

Don't ever question yourself again.
 

chocolatesaauce

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Because that’s who you are choosing. As soon as they show you who they are and you are aware of it, set boundaries or move on. Very few people/men have done the spiritual/ self reflective work that you are doing so don’t be dismayed that you keep running into unavailable men. Just move on.
 

Supreme Reign

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You're emotionally unavailable so that's the energy you're putting put there and thus, it's coming back to you. Take a look at yourself and think about why you are emotionally unavailable. Are you afraid of commitment? Scared to be hurt? Focused on school, finances, etc.? Once you start opening yourself up, you'll stop attracting emotionally unavailable people.
 

Babygirlmari

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A psychic snatched the weave out my head yesterday I wasn't getting a reading on me but apparently one of myselves from another dimension that stays getting cheated on. The reason why my other dimension self stayed getting dogged out was because they believed that all men are cheaters and by believing that they put themselves on a vibration where cheaters are attracted to them. I was having a similar situation but regarding friends and I realized I have alot of negative beliefs regarding friendship that I need to change to attract the friends I really want.
 

Sereine

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You are an attractive woman and will attract ALL sorts of men.

Now once you are in the dating stage you should vet these men, and note the red flags, and then remove them out of your life if they are not suited for you.

You cannot undo the past, but can always have a more loving future.
 

MessyB0ttom

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Well it’s true. I don’t think it’s as simple as like attracts like, but you can want intimacy but also fear real intimacy at the same time. Dating an emotional unavailable guy is like getting your feet wet but not getting all the way in the pool. They won’t require the same level of vulnerability that a real relationship takes. If you’ve struggled with self worth/esteem issues this can be a symptom. Do you have men that actually pursue serious relationships with you but you just aren’t into them ??? That’s a telltale sign.
 

Twyla

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A friend of mine has chosen emotionally unavailable men her whole life and still hasn't figured out why.

All I can say is do some self work and examine WHY are you choosing the men you are choosing to committ to. The flaw is in your judgement, perception/outlook and what your making yourself vulnerable to concerning these men.
 

DaBrokeHomieTre

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nothing is wrong with you per se, but you keep liking people who dont like you back.


Ask a lot of questions. Get all in their business(you don't want a stranger getting close to your heart) Make sure actions line up with words and words line up with actions.


I'm not looking for anything serious is just the polite way of saying "i just want to fµck you but I don't like you outside of that"
 

bettyboop121

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You're emotionally unavailable so that's the energy you're putting put there and thus, it's coming back to you. Take a look at yourself and think about why you are emotionally unavailable. Are you afraid of commitment? Scared to be hurt? Focused on school, finances, etc.? Once you start opening yourself up, you'll stop attracting emotionally unavailable people.

Agreed!
 

NaNana1456

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I have been practicing for a couple of years. I even found a journal from 2014 where I wrote down the partner I wanted to be with. Granted back then I had not done as much work Adviser the present moment.

Maybe it's your beliefs? Try using loa, start believing you attract emotionally available partners.

Thank you sis. I do agree and see what you’re saying but after being proper single for 4 years you do start questioning yourself. But I will not!

Stop believing that bµllsh!t. I hate that men have got us believing that it's our aura and vibes that have us attracting unavailable and no good men. It's all numbers for a man and you just happen to take the bait.

Everything you're doing is right. Just continue to love on yourself and ignore these men. Most of them are utter trash anyway.

Don't ever question yourself again.

Once they tell me they don’t want anything serious I don’t stay. I always leave. I don’t try and change their mind and all that but it’s like dejavu - I am having the same conversation again!

Because that’s who you are choosing. As soon as they show you who they are and you are aware of it, set boundaries or move on. Very few people/men have done the spiritual/ self reflective work that you are doing so don’t be dismayed that you keep running into unavailable men. Just move on.

I’m not afraid of commitment though unless I am unaware of it - ie it’s something in my subconscious. I do hon out and date even date people who are not my usual type but the end is similar.

You're emotionally unavailable so that's the energy you're putting put there and thus, it's coming back to you. Take a look at yourself and think about why you are emotionally unavailable. Are you afraid of commitment? Scared to be hurt? Focused on school, finances, etc.? Once you start opening yourself up, you'll stop attracting emotionally unavailable people.

I do sis. I remove them as soon as they show me they are not interested in anything serious. You’re right I can’t do anything about the Past but I thought if I worked on myself I would attract someone’s on my level xoxox

You are an attractive woman and will attract ALL sorts of men.

Now once you are in the dating stage you should vet these men, and note the red flags, and then remove them out of your life if they are not suited for you.

You cannot undo the past, but can always have a more loving future.

Not really. They pursue but when it comes down to it it wasn never anything serious. Only one guy who wanted something serious but we were SO different tha it wouldn’t have worked.

Well it’s true. I don’t think it’s as simple as like attracts like, but you can want intimacy but also fear real intimacy at the same time. Dating an emotional unavailable guy is like getting your feet wet but not getting all the way in the pool. They won’t require the same level of vulnerability that a real relationship takes. If you’ve struggled with self worth/esteem issues this can be a symptom. Do you have men that actually pursue serious relationships with you but you just aren’t into them ??? That’s a telltale sign.
 

TONYC

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i'm guessing you present yourself as an "independent woman" type

so they don't respond to you as needing to be treated femininely
 

Countess Moon

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It means you’re unavailable yourself. My therapist had me read Mr unavailable and the fall back girl. Changed my life. Now I attract available men but we are just out of alignment as far as compatibility usually so I gotta work on that.
 

Supreme Reign

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I didn't read the OP when I originally answered, but now I have. Wait, you're hooking up with people and hoping it'll turn into something serious? What do you mean by hooking up? If you mean having xes, those situations can turn into something serious sometimes, but that's the exception, not the rule. More times, you won't be taken seriously. He didn't have to work for you. You come across as easy.

It may also have nothing to do with you. This generation is different. They don't value human relationships and are very selfish. They'd rather just get what they need in that moment and keep it moving. In this case, it's xes. If they need emotional support, they'd come back to you or whomever can provide it at the time, and keep moving again. They don't care about creating and maintaining reciprocity.

I think you have to keep doing what you're doing and focus on other things in life. When the timing is right (The Most High's time), you and the man you are supposed to be with long term's paths will cross and there will be nothing that you did or didn't do.

Best wishes to you OP.

Edit: typo.
 
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NaNana1456

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I didn't read the OP when I originally answered, but now I have. Wait, you're hooking up with people and hoping it'll turn into something serious? What do you mean by hooking up? If you mean having xes, those situations can turn into something serious sometimes, but that's the exception, not the role. More times, you won't be taken seriously. He didn't have to work for you. You come across as easy.

It may also have nothing to do with you. This generation is different. They don't value human relationships and are very selfish. They'd rather just get what they need in that moment and keep it moving. In this case, it's xes. If they need emotional support, they'd come back to you or whomever can provide it at the time, and keep moving again. They don't care about creating and maintaining reciprocity.

I think you have to keep doing what you're doing and focus on other things in life. When the timing is right (The Most High's time), you and the man you are supposed to be with long term's paths will cross and there will be nothing that you did or didn't do.

Best wishes to you OP.

Thank you sis. Yes to clarify, I do hook up with them sometimes (have xes, a girl has needs ) because in the beginning because they pursue and present as if they want a relationship until it’s relationship time. But when it’s clear, I just let it go. But you’re right I’m gonna keep my cookies in the jar until I know where everybody stands from now on!!! Thanks for the advice
 
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NaNana1456

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I’m gonna check these books out. Thank you x

It means you’re unavailable yourself. My therapist had me read Mr unavailable and the fall back girl. Changed my life. Now I attract available men but we are just out of alignment as far as compatibility usually so I gotta work on that.
 

Dani_Blanco

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The last 4 people I have had an interest in it hooked up with have turned out to be not ready for a relationship or just not wanting anything serious. Someone said it’s brcause I’m also emotionally unavailable because you attract what you are and all that Jazz. If that’s the case what exactly do I do to get myself emotionally ready?

The last 3-4 of years have been dedicated to healing myself through therapy, some energy healing, dealing with karmic stuff, removing toxic people and relationships out of my life, saying no, learning to love myself. I take myself out on dates, I nurture my creative parts and travel a lot on my own. So how can I still be in a place where I attract these men? What exactly do I need to do to attract different men or men who want similar things like me? What am I doing wrong?
Make sure that heart chakra is balanced. Also keep meditating for healing. I had completely closed mine girl.
 

plutonia

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The last 4 people I have had an interest in it hooked up with have turned out to be not ready for a relationship or just not wanting anything serious. Someone said it’s brcause I’m also emotionally unavailable because you attract what you are and all that Jazz. If that’s the case what exactly do I do to get myself emotionally ready?

The last 3-4 of years have been dedicated to healing myself through therapy, some energy healing, dealing with karmic stuff, removing toxic people and relationships out of my life, saying no, learning to love myself. I take myself out on dates, I nurture my creative parts and travel a lot on my own. So how can I still be in a place where I attract these men? What exactly do I need to do to attract different men or men who want similar things like me? What am I doing wrong?

If you've devoted yourself to doing the inner work, then there's nothing you're lacking.
 

EducatedWiseOne

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I was always wondering why I attracted emotionally unavailable men. Then, when I finally attraced one that was available guess what I wasn't ready. At the time, I realized that I was emotionally unavailable. I guess God said alright you keep complaining, let me give you what you want and then BAM... I fµcked it up.


Also @Dani_Blanco 's advice is A1.
 
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TessaDeLaIsla

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Ask up front If they are ready for a relationship. Check in after three or four dates To see if their wants have changed.

Move on if the answer is ever No or differing from what you want.

It can be hard to do if you’re starting to like someone, but it’s better not to waste time and keep it moving.

I’ve also seen as an added benefit, it kind of put a few people in their place who thought they could have their cake and eat it too. You absolutely have to be willing to walk away from someone who doesn’t wanna relationship if that’s what you were looking for.

Do not be afraid to say it upfront.
 

chocolatesaauce

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If you've devoted yourself to doing the inner work, then there's nothing you're lacking.
Except patience.

A couple people have given OP sage advice but she keeps pitying herself. She’s begun her personal journey but doesn’t realize she might have a long way to go and might not be ready for a relationship just yet. Instead of accepting that right now is not the time for her to be in a relationship, she’s offering every excuse about what men are doing wrong and what she’s doing “right”. If she learns to truly love herself and live her life with purpose instead of worrying about finding a boyfriend, she will experience a deeper love with a guy.
 
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NaNana1456

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Except patience.

A couple people have given OP sage advice but she keeps pitying herself. She’s begun her personal journey but doesn’t realize she might have a long way to go and might not be ready for a relationship just yet. Instead of accepting that right now is not the time for her to be in a relationship, she’s offering every excuse about what men are doing wrong and what she’s doing “right”. If she learns to truly love herself and live her life with purpose instead of worrying about finding a boyfriend, she will experience a deeper love with a guy.

You make a very good point re the pity party I been throwing myself lately! Lol thanks for the reminder
 

TalkOfNuYork

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The last 4 people I have had an interest in it hooked up with have turned out to be not ready for a relationship or just not wanting anything serious. Someone said it’s brcause I’m also emotionally unavailable because you attract what you are and all that Jazz. If that’s the case what exactly do I do to get myself emotionally ready?

The last 3-4 of years have been dedicated to healing myself through therapy, some energy healing, dealing with karmic stuff, removing toxic people and relationships out of my life, saying no, learning to love myself. I take myself out on dates, I nurture my creative parts and travel a lot on my own. So how can I still be in a place where I attract these men? What exactly do I need to do to attract different men or men who want similar things like me? What am I doing wrong?

Emotionally unavailable men are like sharks and they prey on empathetic women who are looking for love.
 

chocolatesaauce

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You make a very good point re the pity party I been throwing myself lately! Lol thanks for the reminder
No worries hun. I'm guilty of throwing pity parties and playing the victim myself. It takes time and practice to de-condition your mind from always feeling sorry for yourself when things don't quite work out the way you want them too. Take this time to truly practice as much self love as you can. Take up a new hobby, skill, or dance. Hang out with friends often. Enjoy you free/quiet time with yourself (or practice meditation). You will find the right guy for you when you least expect it and when you ain't even thinking about it. And when the perfect guy for you comes along, you are going to be mindblown. God and the Universe will have outdone their selves. Trust.
 

NaNana1456

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So I had a dream last night and in the dream I was knowingly carrying on an affair with one of my work colleagues who has a partner. In real life I’m not even attracted to him and wouldn’t be but I think he was just in my dream to represent someone who is emotionally unavailable- due to him being with someone. In my real life I’ve never had an affair or been with someone who is taken. But I think there might be something in my subconscious that needs some healing around me being emotionally available...
now this I’m not sure how to heal because consciously I thought I was...
 

The CEO

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I didn't read the OP when I originally answered, but now I have. Wait, you're hooking up with people and hoping it'll turn into something serious? What do you mean by hooking up? If you mean having xes, those situations can turn into something serious sometimes, but that's the exception, not the rule. More times, you won't be taken seriously. He didn't have to work for you. You come across as easy.

It may also have nothing to do with you. This generation is different. They don't value human relationships and are very selfish. They'd rather just get what they need in that moment and keep it moving. In this case, it's xes. If they need emotional support, they'd come back to you or whomever can provide it at the time, and keep moving again. They don't care about creating and maintaining reciprocity.

I think you have to keep doing what you're doing and focus on other things in life. When the timing is right (The Most High's time), you and the man you are supposed to be with long term's paths will cross and there will be nothing that you did or didn't do.

Best wishes to you OP.

Edit: typo.

I agree with all of this. I think there is so much emotion lacking in young people right now - people are very closed off from themselves and others and truly are just looking to get ahead. Looking out for number one.
 

sankofaa__

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I'm kinda struggling with the same thing as OP as I'm deeply connected to someone who's not emotionally ready for a relationship. It's been VERY hard but I've realized that 1.) my sacral chakra was totally blocked 2.) I was stifling my own femininity as a protective mechanism and 3.) I was very used to dysfunctional relationships for various deep-rooted reasons stemming from childhood.

So now that I've got that figured out, I'm on the cusp of doing the real work: unblocking that chakra, working through my issues, doing things I've dreamed about but thought I was too fat & ugly for (dancing, being creative, etc) in hopes of tapping back into my femininity. I'm also struggling with the idea of being 29 and single with the whole "my time is running out" thing.

None of this is easy but the alternative of staying the same and struggling with my demons forever wasn't an option for me. I've only been at this for a few months and have a long way to go. Just keep at it, OP. Take your time, do it right and your soulmate will be in your arms before you know it. xo
 

NaNana1456

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I'm kinda struggling with the same thing as OP as I'm deeply connected to someone who's not emotionally ready for a relationship. It's been VERY hard but I've realized that 1.) my sacral chakra was totally blocked 2.) I was stifling my own femininity as a protective mechanism and 3.) I was very used to dysfunctional relationships for various deep-rooted reasons stemming from childhood.

So now that I've got that figured out, I'm on the cusp of doing the real work: unblocking that chakra, working through my issues, doing things I've dreamed about but thought I was too fat & ugly for (dancing, being creative, etc) in hopes of tapping back into my femininity. I'm also struggling with the idea of being 29 and single with the whole "my time is running out" thing.

None of this is easy but the alternative of staying the same and struggling with my demons forever wasn't an option for me. I've only been at this for a few months and have a long way to go. Just keep at it, OP. Take your time, do it right and your soulmate will be in your arms before you know it. xo

Thank you for sharing and you’re right, I’ll just keeping working on myself !
 

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