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What have you learned from your experience dating men/women?

Some Girl

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For me.

1. If they show you who they are the first time believe them.

2. An ex is an ex for a reason, don't go back because they never change.

3. Don't let a man pressure you into anything. Stay firm and true to what you want/ believe in.

I'll add more when I come back from Dunkin Donuts lol. Feel free to add.
 

W3rdThtzKrzy

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1. The males are not to be trusted

2. The majority of Black men are leeches and future or current peripherally involved baby daddies

3. You are the center of your world and the males just live in it.

4. Always have an escape plan
 
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Nulli

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Consistent action over words, no matter how convincing the vocab. I would’ve saved myself 90% of heartaches I suffered if only I didn’t believe I was the exception to the rule.

Which leads me to number two, you/your situation isn’t the exception to the rule.

If you have to wonder if he/she wants to be with you, the answer is no. Move on, don’t wait around.

Don’t lift a finger for a man before he has done 10x that for you.

Always, always get the cash upfront.
 

Notcool

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If they never had responsibility they won’t suddenly become responsible.

Never take care of a man who can’t take care of you.
 

dannyboomm

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1. The males are not to be trusted

2. The majority of Black men are leeches and future or current peripherally involved baby daddies

3. You are the center of your world and the males just live in it.

4. Always have an escape plan
giphy.gif
 

Sensei

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1. Once the real them emerges, believe it and walk away.

2. Don’t do something to please them but you know it makes you uncomfortable. Stick up for yourself.

3. Learn healthy boundaries.

4. Drive yourself to and from first and second dates. Hell... until you’re comfortable I’d say.

5. Don’t trust them too soon.

6. Pay attention to energy and red flags.

7. Your ex is an ex for a reason.

8. Don’t date baby daddies.

9. Wrap it THE fµck up!!!!

10. Learn and love yourself before you date.
 

Arianasings

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Consistent action over words, no matter how convincing the vocab. I would’ve saved myself 90% of heartaches I suffered if only I didn’t believe I was the exception to the rule.

Which leads me to number two, you/your situation isn’t the exception to the rule.

If you have to wonder if he/she wants to be with you, the answer is no. Move on, don’t wait around.

Don’t lift a finger for a man before he has done 10x that for you.

Always, always get the cash upfront.
PHEWWWW those last two sis. preach. women have this sweet logic about us, where we think "let me do XYZ for him, surely he'll return the favor" but men are not wired that way. men, no matter how "nice" they are, see kind women as doormats, not as someone that deserves that behavior reciprocated.
 

W3rdThtzKrzy

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PHEWWWW those last two sis. preach. women have this sweet logic about us, where we think "let me do XYZ for him, surely he'll return the favor" but men are not wired that way. men, no matter how "nice" they are, see kind women as doormats, not as someone that deserves that behavior reciprocated.

Which is such a fµcked up trash way to go through life but it is what it is. They will not ever uphold a social contract.
 

AshlandCortesso

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1. I always thought choosing a man that isn't attractive in societies definition would be a safer relationship. Turns out you can still get played by the ugly

2. Never beg for someone to be in your life. Never give someone the option to make you a second choice or a backup plan.

3. You can respect a man full on but that doesnt mean he'll respect you in return.
 

W3rdThtzKrzy

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1. I always thought choosing a man that isn't attractive in societies definition would be a safer relationship. Turns out you can still get played by the ugly


Preeeeach. These ugly MFers are the damn devil. It’s amazing how men who probably get little pussy will still suddenly boss up and feel entitled. Never again sis. Their ugly ass genes need to end with them.

2. Never beg for someone to be in your life. Never give someone the option to make you a second choice or a backup plan.

Yup. You are the center of your universe.

3. You can respect a man full on but that doesnt mean he'll respect you in return.

Facts. The Bible got it wrong. It should have said “do unto others as you would have them do unto you except never for these negroes because they’ll take advantage.
 
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1. there's a fuckboi in every tax bracket, just ask the women that belong to them. don't let others make you feel bad for being "picky" when it comes to chasing men lol

2. unless your man has an actual job, the sugar mama thing gets real old really fast

3. if he can't take care of his kids, he sure as hell ain't taking care of you

4. its okay to keep things on the low. not everyone needs to know your business.

5. focus on your bag, men will always be there
 

MZJazzmine

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I found that I could move through the world on my terms and that dating was not and still is not for me.
 

County4Life

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1. Men say they love being FWB with no commitment. They do NOT. They turn into a raving emotional mess asking if you're fµck!ng anyone else and why you haven't called. I felt like the damned man explaining that he is just a friend.

2. A man that has issues with his mama is to be avoided. Do not pass go. He's crazy as hell, sisters.
 

lilr0tt

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1. Don't convince yourself that you like someone just because they like you. Even if they're sweet and treat you very well. If you're not into them 100% then you're gonna get tired of them.

2. Think about what you REALLY want in a lover. Go for what YOU really like. Don't worry about what your friends and family want to see you with. Know what sparks YOUR interest and go for that. It's 100% up to you, so do what feels right and you won't waste your time.

3. DON'T GET SERIOUS TOO FAST! Be careful and take your time. It's ok if you want to get physical THEN decide if they're worth moving forward with. You're not a saint, so just have fun while you're young and free.

4. Maybe you're not cut out for relationships; at least not yet. That's fine. Some people never settle and they live the rest of their lives completely content because they don't need a spouse to make their lives complete. Maybe that'll be you, maybe not. Don't worry about it. You'll figure it out eventually. Focus more on what you want to do with your own life and body.
 

Flat Batty

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From dating women I have learned.

1 don't date "crazy".. no matter how fine she is.

2. When she says i"t's ok to hit it raw, I am on BC and want to feel you" . Beware!..wrap it up.
Women want babies and you may not even realise " you are selected" as the father.

3. If a woman is really into you you will know it..she can't help herself..you are like a drug to her.
If her affection and attention increase with the more money you spend, pay attention. She is calculating how useful you are to her financially etc decide wisely whether or not she is worth the price.

4. If a woman is into you and you don't feel the same do not take advantage of her feelings or lead her on.
What goes around comes around..Treat others the way you want to be treated.

5. It's a thin line between love and hate
. If she says she is sick of the sight of you and is leaving as soon as little Jimmy is old enough..pay attention..she is deadly serious.
She is likely seeing the rent a dread with the 2 ft dack already.

6. If her " brother" tells you she ain't home every time you call..take the hint.

7. If she gets a better offer she will take it and tell you it's your fault for not satisfying her "needs".

8. If she leaves another man for you ..she will do the same to you.

8. For serious LT relationships, try to date someone at least on your own level financially and intellectually

9. Women are like chickens..throw "corn" and they will come.

10.
Never argue with a woman in the kitchen around sharp objects..
 

Gull

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“You don't see the world as it is, you see it as you are.”

Edit: The relevant meaning in this context is depending on your expectations, upbringing, and background, certain people with different upbringing, backgrounds, and experiences may not make a good match.
It can be very frustrating on both sides trying to make it work due to the different attitudes, mindsets, and experiences.
 
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peachblossom

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Men are extremely ridiculous and hypocritical about the way they view women.

Men want the most for doing the least.

If you're a virgin, don't let them know. "Ghosting" is not a strong enough word for the reaction...
 

AreolaGrande

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1) Men don't respect to women who dont respect themselves. Periodt. The reverse is true as well.

2) Trust and respect go hand in hand, once one goes away, the other is soon to follow.

3) Men (people) will either rise to your level of expectation or leave. The problem is that women will lower the former because they don't want the latter to happen.

4) If you believe that all men/women ain't sh!t, that's all you will experience.

5) People fall in love with the idea of a person more than they do the reality of person.

6) Dont assume that someone will know how you need to be loved, sexed, communicated to without having a very clear conversation.

7) Most people dont love themselves. Most are looking for validation but confuse it with love.

8) People will be stupid for as long as they want to; until they decide that they've had enough, there is not much you can do.

9) If you find yourself constantly saying "things would be so much better if he/she would do this, not do that, stop doing this, etc.," what you are really saying is that things would be so much better if this person wasn't who they are right now (see #5)
 

SoulBrotha1

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1) Men don't respect to women who dont respect themselves. Periodt. The reverse is true as well.

4) If you believe that all men/women ain't sh!t, that's all you will experience.

5) People fall in love with the idea of a person more than they do the reality of person.

6) Dont assume that someone will know how you need to be loved, sexed, communicated to without having a very clear conversation.

Requoted these for emphasis
 

SoulBrotha1

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I've learned that a woman's culture is more important than anything. When I say her culture, I'm not talking about what we traditionally think of culture as far as ethnic culture, I'm talking about her internal culture. The way she views relationships and dating, men and women both individually and the inter-dynamic between them. Her views on marriage and family. If your culture is very different from her culture it's just not going to work.

2. Look at a woman's three closest friends who she voluntarily chooses to spend most of her spare time with. Then look at the two or three elders who she feels has influenced her life the most. Look at who they currently are, who they have been in the past, and what they've got going on in their lives. That will tell you all you need to know about said woman.

3. Lifestyle compatibility matters A LOT. Way more than people want to talk about when it comes to relationships and specifically marriage. A guy who hates the city who wants to live in a smaller town in the boonies breeding dogs can not be with a big city cosmopolitan woman who loves the urban nightlife.
 
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Stantonlikzaddy

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1) Men don't respect to women who dont respect themselves. Periodt. The reverse is true as well.

2) Trust and respect go hand in hand, once one goes away, the other is soon to follow.

3) Men (people) will either rise to your level of expectation or leave. The problem is that women will lower the former because they don't want the latter to happen.

4) If you believe that all men/women ain't sh!t, that's all you will experience.

5) People fall in love with the idea of a person more than they do the reality of person.

6) Dont assume that someone will know how you need to be loved, sexed, communicated to without having a very clear conversation.

7) Most people dont love themselves. Most are looking for validation but confuse it with love.

8) People will be stupid for as long as they want to; until they decide that they've had enough, there is not much you can do.

9) If you find yourself constantly saying "things would be so much better if he/she would do this, not do that, stop doing this, etc.," what you are really saying is that things would be so much better if this person wasn't who they are right now (see #5)


Wowwww you are spot on sis/homie lol

I'm gonna add most people get in relationships to feel validated and not to actually be with another person
 

AreolaGrande

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Wowwww you are spot on sis/homie lol

I'm gonna add most people get in relationships to feel validated and not to actually be with another person

For sure, people are looking for someone to give them what they lack as means of to achieve wholeness, rather than do the self-work necessary to become whole on their own.

How can someone who is not whole add to the life of another? All they can be is a taker, even if they mask it as being a giver, and what I mean by that is:

Some people love you because they want to, and other people love you only because they want you to love them. They only give so that they can receive and that's not what love is about.

I love because I choose to love and leave when I choose to leave.
 

Kittenheelz

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Never be afraid to be upfront about your wants, needs, and expectations if he’s for you he will respect your values and proceed accordingly.
 

Stantonlikzaddy

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For sure, people are looking for someone to give them what they lack as means of to achieve wholeness, rather than do the self-work necessary to become whole on their own.

How can someone who is not whole add to the life of another? All they can be is a taker, even if they mask it as being a giver, and what I mean by that is:

Some people love you because they want to, and other people love you only because they want you to love them. They only give so that they can receive and that's not what love is about.

I love because I choose to love and leave when I choose to leave.

Sooo true..did you experience this IRL? Most people have no clue that they're really just looking for someone to complete their broken puzzle
 

Zuri Arie

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1. Men say they love being FWB with no commitment. They do NOT. They turn into a raving emotional mess asking if you're fµck!ng anyone else and why you haven't called. I felt like the damned man explaining that he is just a friend.

2. A man that has issues with his mama is to be avoided. Do not pass go. He's crazy as hell, sisters.


Facts!
 

powderpuff

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1. Always be ready to walk away no matter how much you like/love the person
2. Credit matters
3. If you cannot learn from him/ her then you need to move on
4.Think twice about dating someone whose family may not like you. It’s their problem but it can be too stressful
5. Listen to your instincts
6. Enjoy the time...
7. If you are called out of your name 1 time by him/her be ready to leave
 
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PinkPancakes

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1. Age does not = maturity

2. Always pay attention to red flags no matter how menial they may seem

3. Pay attention to his words/reactions (can reveal a lot) ex. a guy I dated moved into an old crummy 1 bedroom. I asked if he thought it'd be his forever home and he said yes. That told me right there he has no plans on a future with someone. This was a guy in his 30s. Most men in that age bracket have homes or are buying homes to bring a woman into.

4. If you find you're always needing to text/make the first move, cut your losses. Same goes if they are giving you one worded responses.

5. Take it date by date and enjoy the moments.

6. If it's just not working out and you've given it a fair shot it's okay to move on.

7. Find out early on what his intentions are. If you want a relationship and he just wants to collect women then it won't work.

8. Unless you're actually exclusive then you're still single and can date who you want. Keep your options open if you have them and don't attach yourself to someone who isn't doing the same to you.
 
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dollparts

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If your ambitious , and smart a lot of men especially black men will try to latch onto you, and ride the wave.

Men always need to be around women sucking up our air and energy. Men need women more and are desperate to be around us. This is why they don’t understand why we don’t like the attention we get from lots of men. Or why we have a desire to be in women only spaces.

If he isn’t elevating your life than he is a waste of time.

American men are lazy.

Most men make good friends but bad inconsiderate mates.

Too many women are focused on making a man happy be it her father, brother or boyfriend.

The world revolves around women not men.

Men are weak and women are strong.
 

PinkPancakes

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1. Don't convince yourself that you like someone just because they like you. Even if they're sweet and treat you very well. If you're not into them 100% then you're gonna get tired of them.

2. Think about what you REALLY want in a lover. Go for what YOU really like. Don't worry about what your friends and family want to see you with. Know what sparks YOUR interest and go for that. It's 100% up to you, so do what feels right and you won't waste your time.


3. DON'T GET SERIOUS TOO FAST! Be careful and take your time. It's ok if you want to get physical THEN decide if they're worth moving forward with. You're not a saint, so just have fun while you're young and free.

4. Maybe you're not cut out for relationships; at least not yet. That's fine. Some people never settle and they live the rest of their lives completely content because they don't need a spouse to make their lives complete. Maybe that'll be you, maybe not. Don't worry about it. You'll figure it out eventually. Focus more on what you want to do with your own life and body.

All great points. I was with a guy who was excellent on paper and everything most women want. He was a great person who treated me so well. Unfortunately we just did not have any chemistry. My friend kept convincing me to just give him a chance, give it time etc. 4 dates in and still nothing. I couldn't do it anymore and I guess he couldn't either. In the end he told me he doesn't think we connect.

Many people stay in relationships because "he's not that bad" but years down the road problems start to manifest which lead to divorce. I know a few people who were in those types of relationships and regret it now.

Never be afraid to be upfront about your wants, needs, and expectations if he’s for you he will respect your values and proceed accordingly.

This is so true. This is something we all need to remember. A lot of us (including myself at times) are afraid to voice what we want for fear we will lose that person.
 

BadBitchG4L

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@PinkPancakes You shared great tips, I definitely needed to see "Take it date by date and enjoy the moments." I tend to think in the future, but I must focus on the present because an future isn't guaranteed. I think as women, we can hyper focus on the future due to wanting to settle down. But, we must live in the future because if the present isn't going well.. then there's no future with the situation so thank you!
 

Dead Yella Rose

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I've learned:

1) Love and be okay with your flaws, being your most honest and best self leads people to do the same and you will see quicker than you thought a person's true intentions.

2) Males say they want communication until it's time to really communicate. I honestly believe a lot of these males do not know what true healthy communication consists of. You have to be able to talk to this male about EVERYTHING, I mean EVERYTHING, there should not be "off limit" subjects cause there are skeletons in those closets that will come back to life later.

3) Males believe they are bringing way more to the table than they actually are and get very insecure when you actually may be bringing more either financially, intellectually, etc.

4) Actions will always trump words, males cannot help but to ACT in their own interests and on their true desires, so if actions and words don't line up, you know what it is.

5) Do not allow any male to disrespect you (in any form) or to mistreat you (in any form) they are really testing boundaries of what you will accept. Call them on it and if they don't acknowledge and change, move on.

6) Do not be afraid for a male to "leave". Let. That. Ninja. Go. The eff you look like compromising yourself to say that he will text/call/xes you one more day while you're unhappy/compromising your happiness/worth.

7) Love yourself, know you're enough, and affirm that every day. Just be the best version of you with your weird laugh, odd interest, cellulite, scar, etc (that's all my stuff) and be so accepting and loving of those things and how they've shaped you that someone else can't help but to love you for how you love yourself.
 
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lilr0tt

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If your ambitious , and smart a lot of men especially black men will try to latch onto you, and ride the wave.

Men always need to be around women sucking up our air and energy. Men need women more and are desperate to be around us. This is why they don’t understand why we don’t like the attention we get from lots of men. Or why we have a desire to be in women only spaces.

If he isn’t elevating your life than he is a waste of time.

American men are lazy.

Most men make good friends but bad inconsiderate mates.

Too many women are focused on making a man happy be it her father, brother or boyfriend.

The world revolves around women not men.

Men are weak and women are strong.
giphy.gif
 

PinkPancakes

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@PinkPancakes You shared great tips, I definitely needed to see "Take it date by date and enjoy the moments." I tend to think in the future, but I must focus on the present because an future isn't guaranteed. I think as women, we can hyper focus on the future due to wanting to settle down. But, we must live in the future because if the present isn't going well.. then there's no future with the situation so thank you!

This is my problem. As soon as I leave the first date, I am ALWAYS thinking about and planning about 5 yrs from now with said person. Big mistake each time!
 

lover86

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Oh this bring up some emotions for me but I am going to try to think of something to post so other women can learn .
  1. Never ever ever ever let a man talk you into something that you don't want to do or goes against your own personal morals.
  2. Don't chase after a guy that does not care for you , thinking you can change his mind .
  3. This may be vain but for me , I feel like it's important to put your best foot forward physically if you are dating to find a serious boyfriend or husband . This will also make you feel good about yourself . He should be able to look at how you carry yourself and see you as a woman that has respect for herself . When dating , just put effort into getting ready and looking nice . I wish my mom would have told me this when I first starting dating because I had some embarrassing moments growing up .
  4. Do not go to your date house if you barely know him or trust has not been established . Date rape does happen . Carry pepper spray with you in your purse
  5. Go at your own pace , not his . Don't let him pressure you into a relationship , xes , marriage , until YOU feel like you are ready and he has shown that he is worth taking the next step with.
  6. Don't cut off your casual guy friends for a guy that has not committed to you . When I say casual , I don't mean a guy that you are sleeping with . I mean the nice guys that you casual talk to and hang out with from time to time and have good clean fun with. I sound so old fashion by saying " good clean fun" lol.
  7. Don't overlook the red flags for years and years hoping he will change because you will look up and noticed you have wasted your time.
  8. Write down what you want in your romantic life . Keep this paper handy for you to come back to when you have the urge to settle . For example , If you want a boyfriend . Carry yourself in a way that shows you are girlfriend material and will not settle for less . Don't act like a casual fwb if that is not what you truly want .
  9. Just like we want a man to put effort into a serious relationship . Men require the same thing . I use to think once I got the title of girlfriend . I was good and just had to sit back and look pretty . I learned during my college years that a guy wants a woman that can add to his life and I am not talking about financial help . A woman that will have his back when he is going through a low moment such as losing a parent or just being there when he needs someone to talk to . If he gets you gifts on special occasions , spoils you financial and he just treats you really well . Maybe get him a gift or surprise him with a dinner to his favorite restaurant . These are just some small examples . You basically want to put a smile on you r baby face and be supportive . Have him thinking " I really got a good woman "
  10. Don't go all out for someone that will not even lift a finger for you . Just like the quote say " Don't cast pearls before swine"
  11. Know your worth queens
 

lover86

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I have one more you all. If you are not happy or clinically depressed . Seek help or sit back and think of what you need to do to change your life around . Don't look to a man or any other individual to fill the emptiness or the unhappiness in your life .
 

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