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What to do when you find yourself being attracted to a married man?

incogneato

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I just need to confess and vent a little. I'm 19 and I never had this problem until I started college last year at my local community college

If y'all have any advice on preventing anything from happening between you and a taken man please share :glasses-nerdy: I've never been in this situation where one was in my study group at school. Honestly finding out he was married did kinda surprise me since he's young. I met him today and talked 1 on 1 since no one showed up to study. I feel bad now that our conversation didn't stay on the homework. We didn't flirt but talked about where we're from. Is that bad?

Last year I was so physically attracted to a married man who was older and had kids! I did my best not to speak with him in class but he had a friendly personality and I'd just somehow be staring at him in class :bulgy-eyes:
Then the next semester we ended up having the same class. I didn't recognize anyone and was too shy/lazy to make friends and I ended up getting attached like I'd only socialize with him mostly. Thank GOD I haven't seen him since because I was seriously starting to be attracted emotionally. I think once he suggested we exchange contact info for class but I said no since I knew that it would bring me in temptation. Also I never confessed to him that I had found him attractive but I hope he couldn't tell

Then the last example is a cashier at my local grocery store. I can't tell if he's flirting or if it's in my head. I didn't even know that he was married until later! I don't remember ever seeing a wedding ring on his hand either but after I found out I tried to stop saying hello when I saw him outside of the store on his break.
Once as I was walking by he said "How are you" and I said "I'm fine, and you?" (I know I probably should've just said fine and kept walking but I wanted to be polite) To which he replied "I'm doing Good Now!" I just smiled or laughed because of the way he said it as if after seeing/talking to me is what he meant that made him feel good
I kept walking after that and he shouted out "Ooh"
Maybe he's just making me feel better? I think it's obvious that I have some confidence issues but flirting makes me feel wanted but also attracted. Ugh... Well he still works there but I don't say hi as much when I walk by or see him in the store. Sometimes I pretend that I don't see him but I feel bad that I'm purposely avoiding/ignoring him like I'm being rude.



I found a great article today::
http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-xes/articles/1018599/help-im-attracted-to-a-married-man .... I wish I had read this a year ago. The last few points made sense because cutting off contact really does not help

I always keep a distance and try not to get personal but sometimes we'd go off topic and talk about non school related things. I've never gone as far as exchanging numbers or becoming friends. I keep things at the acquaintance level but why do I find it easier to talk to these taken men. It's like once I find out I don't have a chance I let my guard down and we almost always seem to click.

I'm trying to tell myself FLEE FROM TEMPTATION!! He may seem like a great guy but remember he's taken for a reason & GOD has a man for you elsewhere who's available!
The problem is I never seem to find an attractive single man I enjoying talking with on that friendship level. It's always quickly escalated to flirting and talk of a more physical relationship before I get to know him
 

MsDeanLady

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Stop being a thot.

Seriously, there aren't any unmarried men you're attracted to? Maybe you seek out attached men to protect your own feelings knowing that you'll only take it so far (flirting). Personally married men that flirt with me skeeve me out because it shows me how much of an asshole they are.
 

Jessica23

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I think you should just keep reminding yourself "Okay this man is married." Think about yourself in the shoes of the wives of these married men. I don't think there is anything wrong with being attracted to them, for the most part I don't think we can control who we find to be cute, but just leave it at that. Try not to act on your feelings. :) I hope this helped.
 

Runninginheels

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Good you recognize what you need to do. When you find out these men are married just start making your greeting short and sweet and keep it moving. They are not going to leave their wives and will play on your emotions to get you involved in an affair.

You know you can't waste a millisecond of your time on that because they will hold you back from forming a relationship with a man who is available just for YOU. Not to mention you do not want to bring bad karma into your life and reap negative experiences because you are disrupting another woman's home.





.
 

unfilteredtruth

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I always think of two things:
1) If anything was to go down, there are certain parts of the world where you can get stoned to death. I think about it in detail. I think about how it must feel to be put in a ground, buried up to my neck and have a crowd of angry men throw rocks at my face for hours at a time until I'm dead. Or they may be so angry that they wouldn't even bury in the ground, they'll just beat me to death.

2) I think about if I become some married man's one night stand or mistress, how that very same thing can happen to me one day if I'm married, kissing my husband bye for the day and expecting him to be honorable and uphold our vows but karma comes in the shape of a beautiful woman and makes me pay the piper via my husband's penis.

I know the first sounds really graphic but I'm just telling you how I process these things. Stoning scares the crap out of me and most of the time, the victims are innocent and even so, no one deserves to go out like that. But it does make me think twice about cheating. It even says so in the bible that stoning was a fitting punishment for adultry smh.
 

Point God

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You're 19

so be ready to live a life of

calling only at certain hours, dark lit restaurants, motels owned by Indian people

mostly text messaging, quickie xes, and rehearsing lies if caught

you finna to be a side b!tch, ma
 

Rachel_Tensions

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You look yourself in the mirror and say, "Aint no good gonna come to me if I pursue a married man. I am kind. I am smart. I am important."
Then slap yourself and go live your 19 year old YOUNG as hell ass CHILDLESS life.

Cracking up at "motels owned by Indian people"
hilarious.
 

LuvMJ1978

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I don't know why some of you women who want to cheat even ask these dumb questions-you know right from wrong you just want equally empty women co-signing your madness. I don't know of any mistress or married cheating man escaping eventual wrath of God. Y'all can keep thinking cheating is cute, but I wholeheartedly believe in reaping what you've sown.
 

Catalyst

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Honestly, not trying to sound like an innocent goody good, but I don't get attracted to married men. I don't even get attracted to men in relationships. It's as if the moment I learn that about them my attraction, if I had one, goes away. I don't fµck with people already "claimed". My conscience is too bad for that.

Plus, I enjoy the fact that of allll the negative things people can say about me, one thing they can't say is that I'm a thot. A mean bish sure, a feelings trampler, fine, but I ain't no thot.

Girllllllll you deserve better than to do that to yourself. :)
 

Frenchii

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Grow up and have a little dignity! You're probably just born to be a concubine or side piece but u will never be a wife
 

Nura

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Get your morals in check, that usually takes care of most problems. You are approaching REAL LIFE, where your actions will either present you with a good life or a life full of hardship & drama. It's really that simple
 

Frenchii

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i don't know why some of you women who want to cheat even ask these dumb questions-you know right from wrong you just want equally empty women co-signing your madness. I don't know of any mistress or married cheating man escaping eventual wrath of god. Y'all can keep thinking cheating is cute, but i wholeheartedly believe in reaping what you've sown.

this is so true
 

incogneato

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Honestly, not trying to sound like an innocent goody good, but I don't get attracted to married men. I don't even get attracted to men in relationships. It's as if the moment I learn that about them my attraction, if I had one, goes away. I don't fµck with people already "claimed". My conscience is too bad for that.

Plus, I enjoy the fact that of allll the negative things people can say about me, one thing they can't say is that I'm a thot. A mean bish sure, a feelings trampler, fine, but I ain't no thot.

Girllllllll you deserve better than to do that to yourself. :)



I USE TO be that way. I still am if he has a gf but with a wife I assume nothing's gonna happen. And it never has
 
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You are 19. So I'm going to go ahead and assume that you actually believe this coy and sweet act is fooling us through the computer screen and none of us see the future thot in you.

But in real life, there are are grown men, who see the act, know it's phony, but read it as eezy A. And there are grown women, waiting to pull your hair out by its roots. After you do them the favor of exposing their worthless cheating husband's a**.

I'm a woman in a committed relationship. I have attractions to all kinds of men, married, single, younger, older, smart, dumb. I like men. I am just not stupid enough to think that means that I must be meant to have them. And THAT, my dear, is the difference between your side-hoe self and the real women these men are actually with.
 

incogneato

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Damn I'm glad I'm incognito. Y'all are so harsh, I'm a virgin who's never even kissed! I don't act out on my feelings but it's getter harder to resist :cry:
 

OhLordHaveMacy

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What to do when you find yourself being attracted to a married man?


I run to the town square and jump in the fountain so I can baptize myself the slut of the universe...you should too
 

Haruhi

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You definitely sound like you have low self esteem. You know what you are doing. If you want a bf and to feel desired GO FIND A SINGLE ONE. It isn't hard. You are 19.

Does it make you feel powerful flirting with these men? In your mind do you some how feel as if you are "better" than the wives of these men? Well guess what OP, you are NOT SPECIAL. if a man desires to cheat, he will utilize any opportunity that comes his way. These men flirting with you does not automatically equate to you being attractive.

You seem to desire the feeling of being wanted.



Go flirt with some single college guy.
 

KID SISTER

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Ask him if he has a single brother or cousin.

Keep it moving.

Youre dead wrong for even entertaining the thought.
 
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When I find out a man is married, my feelings instantly turn off, go cold. I don't even want to hear the story, "Oh we are separated", "we are not together". True separation means filing court documents for legal separation, not just living separately. Even with separation I never continued to talk to a married man no matter the situation. And I do always ask their situation in the very begining.
 

Shamala

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You're only 19 so go and date single that are around your age. Trying to date a married man will do nothing but bring misery to you and the wife of this man. This man will never be yours and he will never leave his wife for you no matter what kind of bµllsh!t he is feeding you. You should be ashamed for even messing with him knowing he is married

I personally can't stand people that have affairs. I cut contact with a friend I've know for 10+ years last year because she was dating a married man who had 3 kids and his wife was pregnant with the 4th child. I tried to talk some sense to her since it wasn't the first time this had happened. The chick just seems to like men that are either married or in a relationship. Smh
 
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^^^^^^^^^^^ This. I find the way worst offenders are the ones who have to keep pressing their innocence.
 

Sunken Palace

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You're 19

so be ready to live a life of

calling only at certain hours, dark lit restaurants, motels owned by Indian people

mostly text messaging, quickie xes, and rehearsing lies if caught

you finna to be a side b!tch, ma

I spit out my damn coffee!!! STAWP!!! :rotfl: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
 

Sunken Palace

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You're only 19 so go and date single that are around your age. Trying to date a married man will do nothing but bring misery to you and the wife of this man. This man will never be yours and he will never leave his wife for you no matter what kind of bµllsh!t he is feeding you. You should be ashamed for even messing with him knowing he is married

I personally can't stand people that have affairs. I cut contact with a friend I've know for 10+ years last year because she was dating a married man who had 3 kids and his wife was pregnant with the 4th child. I tried to talk some sense to her since it wasn't the first time this had happened. The chick just seems to like men that are either married or in a relationship. Smh

You know I had a friend like this except she wound up marrying the man who cheated with her and he had one child instead of four. She's still catching hell for it and he already cheated on her when they wound up getting married. She talked sh!t about the ex-wife like she did something to her and I had to let that friendship go. She still doesn't see anything that she did was wrong and told me "you can't help who you fall in love with". A mess.
 

Terriann

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I always keep a distance and try not to get personal but sometimes we'd go off topic and talk about non school related things. I've never gone as far as exchanging numbers or becoming friends. I keep things at the acquaintance level but why do I find it easier to talk to these taken men. It's like once I find out I don't have a chance I let my guard down and we almost always seem to click.

^ this statement right here is the problem. you can never let your guard down around a man: married, single, purple or blue. a man is a man. some of them will respect and honor their marriage vows, but some wont. so you cant assume that if a man tells you he's married that you're like "whew okay, we'll we can just be friends"...nope, hell no. you think they're going to suck you in by telling you they want some ass, nah sweetie. they're going to be your "friend" and before you know it, you're in too deep. things escalate fast. ever hear how people say "one thing led to another"....that is what happens.

you are finding it easier to talk to taken men because you feel that there is no threat and that they will not make a move. WRONG! you gotta be on point. you have to be on guard. some of these men are always looking for a side piece of ass...and do not fall for the "oh im getting a divorce/oh im separated/oh we are having problems...until you see a damn divorce decree....they are off limit too!

a man tells you he is married, you cross that mofo off the list, you say hi while you are walking from point A to point B. because you feel like you have a problem in this area, you have to be alert! no long conversations, no getting to know you, none of that sh!t! you cannot be friends with a married man. dont give them a chance to even flirt you up a little because that little attention you get will keep you wanting more. and its not because you're a hoe, its because who tf doesnt like male attention, especially if you are lonely.

if you want to develop you interactions with single men....dont immediately talk about xes. talk about anything under the sun besides that. dont be too quick to go over and chill..in fact, if ya'll not going out on date, then dont entertain the bµllsh!t.

you're literally walking a fine line, so get your sh!t together babygirl! you dont wanna get sucked into that kinda life. it'll be hard to get out of. and you'll come out a damaged woman
 

Point God

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Damn I'm glad I'm incognito. Y'all are so harsh, I'm a virgin who's never even kissed! I don't act out on my feelings but it's getter harder to resist :cry:

There are 3 stages of Thotness

Pre-Thot

present Thot

post Thot

you're in pre Thot right now

you've either been touched in your no no spot

or you done a horrible job at sucking some guys dick (he said it was good but he lied, didn't want to hurt your feelings)

you're sliding down a slippery slope, sweetheart

don't be a present & post thot like the rest of the chicks on here
 

naturalheart

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I just need to confess and vent a little. I'm 19 and I never had this problem until I started college last year at my local community college

If y'all have any advice on preventing anything from happening between you and a taken man please share :glasses-nerdy: I've never been in this situation where one was in my study group at school. Honestly finding out he was married did kinda surprise me since he's young. I met him today and talked 1 on 1 since no one showed up to study. I feel bad now that our conversation didn't stay on the homework. We didn't flirt but talked about where we're from. Is that bad?

Last year I was so physically attracted to a married man who was older and had kids! I did my best not to speak with him in class but he had a friendly personality and I'd just somehow be staring at him in class :bulgy-eyes:
Then the next semester we ended up having the same class. I didn't recognize anyone and was too shy/lazy to make friends and I ended up getting attached like I'd only socialize with him mostly. Thank GOD I haven't seen him since because I was seriously starting to be attracted emotionally. I think once he suggested we exchange contact info for class but I said no since I knew that it would bring me in temptation. Also I never confessed to him that I had found him attractive but I hope he couldn't tell

Then the last example is a cashier at my local grocery store. I can't tell if he's flirting or if it's in my head. I didn't even know that he was married until later! I don't remember ever seeing a wedding ring on his hand either but after I found out I tried to stop saying hello when I saw him outside of the store on his break.
Once as I was walking by he said "How are you" and I said "I'm fine, and you?" (I know I probably should've just said fine and kept walking but I wanted to be polite) To which he replied "I'm doing Good Now!" I just smiled or laughed because of the way he said it as if after seeing/talking to me is what he meant that made him feel good
I kept walking after that and he shouted out "Ooh"
Maybe he's just making me feel better? I think it's obvious that I have some confidence issues but flirting makes me feel wanted but also attracted. Ugh... Well he still works there but I don't say hi as much when I walk by or see him in the store. Sometimes I pretend that I don't see him but I feel bad that I'm purposely avoiding/ignoring him like I'm being rude.



I found a great article today::
http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-xes/articles/1018599/help-im-attracted-to-a-married-man .... I wish I had read this a year ago. The last few points made sense because cutting off contact really does not help

I always keep a distance and try not to get personal but sometimes we'd go off topic and talk about non school related things. I've never gone as far as exchanging numbers or becoming friends. I keep things at the acquaintance level but why do I find it easier to talk to these taken men. It's like once I find out I don't have a chance I let my guard down and we almost always seem to click.

I'm trying to tell myself FLEE FROM TEMPTATION!! He may seem like a great guy but remember he's taken for a reason & GOD has a man for you elsewhere who's available!
The problem is I never seem to find an attractive single man I enjoying talking with on that friendship level. It's always quickly escalated to flirting and talk of a more physical relationship before I get to know him
Why do you attach yourself to unavailable men? It is very obvious that it would only be one thing involved and he will go back to his family and you will be in your bed alone... don't accept less... get your mind right get some self control and only date men who are single. Look deep inside yourself and address your issues that make you want men with families each semester...
 
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Attraction is part of life. If you find yourself attracted to an unavailable person, cut them off if at all possible (I understand that sometimes it could be a coworker or someone that you HAVE to interact with, but in that case limit contact as much as possible). Choosing to continue to talk to them is a set up for temptation and disaster. Somebody's feelings are going to get hurt and if you give these men any opening (no pun intended) that somebody is going to be YOU.

At least you're smart enough to realize that it's a problem. Men go after youngsters because they figure that most are too naive to realize what's about to go down.

Good luck OP.
 

Shells

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Stay away. Do NOT act on anything

Think about it, if you were married, would you want another chick flirting with or trying to smash your husband?? Or even boyfriend?

ETA: I just saw your last couple of posts. Hopefully now you know not to act on any attraction you have for this guy
 

IConfess

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No one has asked one of the most important questions- where is your father?
 

The Gate

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You're a subconscious thot, which is the best kind. Your powers have yet to activate because nobody has truly tried yet. The only way to repent is to shower in holy water for a week.

God bless.
 

incogneato

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Why do you attach yourself to unavailable men? It is very obvious that it would only be one thing involved and he will go back to his family and you will be in your bed alone... don't accept less... get your mind right get some self control and only date men who are single. Look deep inside yourself and address your issues that make you want men with families each semester...

I dont actively seek them out. I just seem to have such great taste since pretty much every guy who I find physically attractive turned out to have a gf. Then again I know nothing about him yet besides how he interacts with others.

When I was in high school and found out a guy had a girlfriend I'd cut off contact, No exceptions. Once I found out he was taken I moved on. I never even considered trying to befriend the guy because I didn't see the point if I couldn't have him. I'd never settle for friendship if I found a guy attractive because I know eventually I'll catch feelings even if he treats me like a guy friend. And I thought it was wrong for guys in a relationship to make new friends of the opposite xes.


Nowadays I think anyone can be friends like if I had a bf he shouldn't restrict me from making new friends & I wouldn't mind him making new friends as long as they didn't try to cross the line. I don't show interest in guys who are taken because that's not good for a platonic friendship

I'm really trying to dig deeper and solve this issue because I think it's one of the reasons why I've never had a bf. I thought I just had trust issues but I realize that I tend to fall for guys who show little or No Interest in me beyond the friendship level




Ok Diary of a Mad Black Woman just came on, maybe the Lord is telling me something. Ima try to stay away from getting to know taken men and focus on the singles :pcute:
 

incogneato

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I'll make an update mid semester or when the semester ends. For now I'll work on myself, I really appreciate the good advice some of y'all made though :peace:
 

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