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TetrisJam

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Is the pandemic turning me into a lesbian...or over 50% in attraction towards women? LOL!

I consider myself xesually fluid or bisexual. I fantasize about man/woman xesual encounters and woman/woman encounters. However, I am finding myself slowly repulsed by men who aren't my father, brother, or close male loved ones.

I am finding myself less emotionally and romantically attracted to them, but only interested in what they can do for me xesually and protection-wise. But, I'm finding myself fantasizing more emotional, spiritual, and romantic bonds with a woman.

I've always had these feelings and they would shift back and forth. But lately, it's stronger towards the pink side. I'm wondering if this is because I've been forced to be celibate much longer than intended (although it's good for me) since the pandemic hit. I've been on a deep spiritual path and this happens.
 

TetrisJam

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It's the BI-Cycle pretty normal.
I heard about this but didn't think it could get this complex.

I wish I could just live my truth and not worry about my family. I'm a grown woman. But after I saw how my mom, uncles, and family reacted when my younger cousin came out bisexual, I'd rather stay in the closet until I move hundreds of miles away from them... again. Bisexuality is associated with perversion, HIV/AIDS, and child abuse victims in my family. Maybe for a couple of my gay relatives but none of those apply to me even though I've been xesual assaulted.

Only my brother, bisexual cousin, and two of my friends know.
 

Matheo455

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I heard about this but didn't think it could get this complex.

I wish I could just live my truth and not worry about my family. I'm a grown woman. But after I saw how my mom, uncles, and family reacted when my younger cousin came out bisexual, I'd rather stay in the closet until I move hundreds of miles away from them... again. Bisexuality is associated with perversion, HIV/AIDS, and child abuse victims in my family. Maybe for a couple of my gay relatives but none of those apply to me even though I've been xesual assaulted.

Only my brother, bisexual cousin, and two of my friends know.

I hear you. And you're under no obligation to share your sexuality with others. It's a privilege to get to know you in such an intimate level not a right.
 

FruitCake

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I've been going through this since the pandemic started too. But I never considered myself bi. I actually knew I was gay since elementary, I fantasized myself with girls romantically and xesually (picturing myself as a guy when I was younger since I didn't understand that a girl can be gay). I had puppy crushes on boys but it was mainly romantic, not xesual. However, my parents are JWs so I never came out and was terrified to do so. So this resulted in me forcing myself to be in relationships with men with no xesual chemistry and me being terrified of them initiating xes and me getting in relationships with no good and predatory men out of desperation, doing xesual things with them while feeling nothing. I was just in complete denial.

Before quarantine, I started getting into spirituality, womanism, etc but the quarantine gave me more time to get deep into it. and it made me feel more comfortable in accepting my attraction to women. I had a mental breakdown a few months ago coming to terms with this reality and I'm just upset at myself for all the time I wasted and how much I must have hated myself for putting up with so much abuse simply because I didn't want to accept being gay. Sorry for the tangent I haven't spoken to anyone about this except my BFF only 2 days ago so I was feeling really alone and excited to see your post. Just know you aren't alone. <3
 

D E L E T E

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Normal for bisexual

I feel like this too, and more I'm too tired to write. I'll try a little.

People assume bisexuality is equal attraction to both genders but it isn't. It's the ability to find attraction in people of both genders.

Sometimes it will lean more to one side. Maybe you been dealing with men mostly so you crave women, or vice versa. Maybe you are missing a certain aspect of your relations with either like the contrast of energies with men in a M/F relationship or the emotional intimacy and trust in a F/F.

This will all change and morph back again and exist in a state of flux your whole life. It can be frustrating. For example, if you're in a monogamous relationship with one and craving another- that's been my problem before.

The struggle of duality isn't talked about often because bisexuals are shut down as the most privileged in the LGBT. People equate difficulty with only outside oppression. Bisexuality has its unique challenges thou and in some ways can be harder emotionally than just being straight or gay.

You're normal, you're fine.

Being spiritual will also make you lean towards women in general because men are less spiritual beings by birth but that's another long discussion.
 

Games

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Great post, OP. It’s very healthy to be honest about your feelings, and feel whatever you feel when you feel it.

Don’t pressure yourself. Just flow with it, and surround yourself with loving, non judgmental people.

Sexuality is indeed a pendulum. I’ve known women who were on men heavy in their 20’s, and entered their 30’s, and they’re heavy on women. Life changes, universal flows shift.

Just because some of us know who we are going to be with long term doesn’t negate you or others not being sure. My only question is can you actually be happy long term with just one when you like both sexes?? And if the answer is no, is that fair to your partner? Some people are fine with their spouses dipping, but can your partner sleep with others too?
 

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Hey OP,

The best advice I can give you is to enjoy the process of self-discovery. This can prove to be difficult at times not just because of your bisexuality but because of the way that people respond to it. So the BEST thing to do is to have and define your journey for yourself.

I'm often confused about the way lesbians view bisexuals considering so many lesbians start off with men, myself included. Meaning many of us started out conflicted. Some bisexuals will eventually become solid lesbians. Some will return to the hetero world. And some are genuinely bisexual and attracted to both. But you don't learn this truth overnight. You learn through experience.

And here's something else a lot of lesbians don't tell you about self-discovery: it can be just as hard trying to define your brand of femininity as a lesbian in a society that insists on attaching male desires to our personal definition of womanhood. For me, the EASY part was realizing I wanted women ONLY. The HARD part was figuring out how I wanted to physically present myself as a woman-loving woman. Did I want to be more androgynous? Super femme? Was I gonna try and be a stud? What kind of woman was I even attracted to?

OP, my whole point is be open to learning yourself entirely. Sooooo many micro lessons came with determining my sexuality. The major one however is this: YOUR life is meant for YOU to live. So YOU make the rules to abide by.
 

Games

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@Jak Rose I love your response to the OP. I would like to comment on what you said about lesbians being hard on bisexuals. That isn’t without good reason.

There are some bisexual women who use and play with lesbian women. We are all trying to navigate life, but it’s never okay to string someone along, and use them for your own selfish gain, then toss them aside like a used napkin.

As women, we know when we are really into a person, and when we can get something out of them for nothing. Lesbians who are hard on bisexuals are simply calling out the problematic, user bisexual women who are really straight, but hit up lesbian lake to use women as their emotional security blanket. No ma’am. That’s not okay. OP, don’t be that kind of bisexual. Cut contact if she’s feeling you more than you’ll ever feel her. If you know you’re marrying a man, be honest and upfront about that.
 

TetrisJam

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I've been going through this since the pandemic started too. But I never considered myself bi. I actually knew I was gay since elementary, I fantasized myself with girls romantically and xesually (picturing myself as a guy when I was younger since I didn't understand that a girl can be gay). I had puppy crushes on boys but it was mainly romantic, not xesual. However, my parents are JWs so I never came out and was terrified to do so. So this resulted in me forcing myself to be in relationships with men with no xesual chemistry and me being terrified of them initiating xes and me getting in relationships with no good and predatory men out of desperation, doing xesual things with them while feeling nothing. I was just in complete denial.

Before quarantine, I started getting into spirituality, womanism, etc but the quarantine gave me more time to get deep into it. and it made me feel more comfortable in accepting my attraction to women. I had a mental breakdown a few months ago coming to terms with this reality and I'm just upset at myself for all the time I wasted and how much I must have hated myself for putting up with so much abuse simply because I didn't want to accept being gay. Sorry for the tangent I haven't spoken to anyone about this except my BFF only 2 days ago so I was feeling really alone and excited to see your post. Just know you aren't alone. <3

No you didn't go on any tangent! Thank you for this. :love
 

Jak Rose

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@Jak Rose I love your response to the OP. I would like to comment on what you said about lesbians being hard on bisexuals. That isn’t without good reason.

There are some bisexual women who use and play with lesbian women. We are all trying to navigate life, but it’s never okay to string someone along, and use them for your own selfish gain, then toss them aside like a used napkin.

As women, we know when we are really into a person, and when we can get something out of them for nothing. Lesbians who are hard on bisexuals are simply calling out the problematic, user bisexual women who are really straight, but hit up lesbian lake to use women as their emotional security blanket. No ma’am. That’s not okay. OP, don’t be that kind of bisexual. Cut contact if she’s feeling you more than you’ll ever feel her. If you know you’re marrying a man, be honest and upfront about that.

Hey Sis,

I tend to see both sides, even as a woman who only dates women. I think lesbians need to remember that bisexuals are no more of a monolith than any other group. So different women are going to express their bisexuality differently.

Also, many lesbians aren't completely honest in regards to their feelings towards bisexual women. For example, I left the last man I was with for a woman. Now, I had been openly dating women while with said man but it is OBVIOUS to everyone and (most importantly) myself that women was my focus. Here came the problem: my ex-girlfriend always believed I would leave her for a man, would call me hoe and tell me how I still wanted man parts inside me. NONE of this was true. Still isn't. My point is there are bisexuals who do want women.

Also, I can't tell you how many lesbians I've heard bragging about turning women out. Hell, even I had a phase where I just wanted the challenge of pursuing a woman who claimed to be straight. In part because I wondered if there were more women like myself who would end up preferring women.

Lesbians can't keep demonizing bisexuals for being honest about who they are. If we're keeping it funky, the majority of lesbians who get cheated on are cheated on by their LESBIAN partners, not their bisexual ones. Every stud I know has at least one femme horror story. Every femme I know has at least one stud horror story.

People just need to be honest with each other. Period. And people need to learn to accept honesty.

I remember telling my exgirlfriend that I was trying to figure myself out. And during arguments, that's exactly what was thrown back in my face. "Oh, you're still trying to find yourself? You still lost?" Like she was REAL petty and mean about it.

I remember being at a pride party years ago when I was still bisexual. A lesbian DJ came on the mic and yelled "fµck these bisexual b!tches." And there was a loud cheer from the predominantly lesbian crowd.

I've never forgotten that. Never will. I honestly think many lesbians miss out on a lot of phenomenal women due to biphobia. And a lot of bisexual women miss out on phenomenal women as well.
 

Games

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@Jak Rose Understood and very well put, sis.

You know what I think it all really boils down to? We as individuals are responsible for who we choose. If she ends up being a dud, that's because we're a dud. Like attracts like. The signs are always there regardless of one's sexuality. Lesbians only have themselves to blame when things go south dealing with a woman who was still tryna figure herself out, and vice versa. Expecting a stud like Young MA to be a gentlewoman is a pipe dream, and any fem who wastes her time deserves the headache she gets.

I still don't see it for bisexual women from a romantic standpoint. Theoretically and literally. It's an automatic friendzone for me. I wouldn't be mean or rude to them though like that DJ. That was not nice at all. Years ago, I was at a Black lesbian event, and a stud the week prior had said bisexual women need to put on an island far far away. Two bisexual women brought it up at the event, and said how hurt and upset they were about that. They were really pissed. The lesbian host locked the door and told us all that we needed to work this out because she didn't want anyone feeling hurt. We really had to discuss what happened, and the bisexuals were assured that it's okay for them to attend.

I hope I am not coming across bitter or scorned. I really have no hatred towards bisexual women.
 

Jak Rose

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@Jak Rose Understood and very well put, sis.

You know what I think it all really boils down to? We as individuals are responsible for who we choose. If she ends up being a dud, that's because we're a dud. Like attracts like. The signs are always there regardless of one's sexuality. Lesbians only have themselves to blame when things go south dealing with a woman who was still tryna figure herself out, and vice versa. Expecting a stud like Young MA to be a gentlewoman is a pipe dream, and any fem who wastes her time deserves the headache she gets.

I still don't see it for bisexual women from a romantic standpoint. Theoretically and literally. It's an automatic friendzone for me. I wouldn't be mean or rude to them though like that DJ. That was not nice at all. Years ago, I was at a Black lesbian event, and a stud the week prior had said bisexual women need to put on an island far far away. Two bisexual women brought it up at the event, and said how hurt and upset they were about that. They were really pissed. The lesbian host locked the door and told us all that we needed to work this out because she didn't want anyone feeling hurt. We really had to discuss what happened, and the bisexuals were assured that it's okay for them to attend.

I hope I am not coming across bitter or scorned. I really have no hatred towards bisexual women.

I don't think you come across as bitter or scorned. You come across as honest. We all have our likes and dislikes in a person. It's just wild how many good women say they can't find good women. I might have found women I wasn't good for and vice versa, but they exist....as both lesbians and bisexuals.

I'm fortunate enough to have found someone who is like me in the sense that the only thing that matters is how we treat each other. We keep it simple on this side. Lol Like if 2 women are willing to spend time together, grow, make love, develop companionship and chemistry, and go on adventures with, and ONLY wants to do it with each other....do either one of their categories matter at that point?
 

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@Jak Rose Yea, a lot of lesbians seem to be homebodies. We don't seem to have designated public places where we can meet and get to know each other better.

I am so happy for you, sis! You are right, if you two only want to grow and bond with each other, that's all that matters. But.... I have to say it..... is that really the case for bisexual women though? Can they honestly be happy settling down with one xes when they like both? Men and women are very different. From a theoretical standpoint, it doesn't seem like they could truly be happy. Who wants to try and settle down with a woman who feels like she's missing out on some other stuff she likes? Doesn't seem like compatibility to me. I don't share. I commit. I like women who only like women. The connection is stronger. We can go deeper and higher.
 

SkieOat

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How would you guys describe the difference between being with a guy and craving a woman vs just craving another guy?
 
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There's nothing wrong with having a preference. Bisexual doesn't have to be 50/50. Its a range, and thats ok.
 

babybugz

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I ask the same thing. I am 90% into men and it seems to be the 10% checking out women now lol. My therapist told me maybe I should explore that side, but I don't know...
 

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Is the pandemic turning me into a lesbian...or over 50% in attraction towards women? LOL!

I consider myself xesually fluid or bisexual. I fantasize about man/woman xesual encounters and woman/woman encounters. However, I am finding myself slowly repulsed by men who aren't my father, brother, or close male loved ones.

I am finding myself less emotionally and romantically attracted to them, but only interested in what they can do for me xesually and protection-wise. But, I'm finding myself fantasizing more emotional, spiritual, and romantic bonds with a woman.

I've always had these feelings and they would shift back and forth. But lately, it's stronger towards the pink side. I'm wondering if this is because I've been forced to be celibate much longer than intended (although it's good for me) since the pandemic hit. I've been on a deep spiritual path and this happens.

I honestly think same some xes relationships are initiated by mutual comfort and social compatibility more so than wild xesual attraction. I'm wildly xesually attracted to men but they all come with the same "stuff" which is lying cheating and bullshitting and being selfish.
Which I guess women come with too but I feel like it's a natural progression in life to get tired of dealing with men for companionship and eventually turn to same xes relationships for peace. I've observed this in both sexes over the years. Sometimes there is a "choice".
 

AnaleighVila

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I heard about this but didn't think it could get this complex.

I wish I could just live my truth and not worry about my family. I'm a grown woman. But after I saw how my mom, uncles, and family reacted when my younger cousin came out bisexual, I'd rather stay in the closet until I move hundreds of miles away from them... again. Bisexuality is associated with perversion, HIV/AIDS, and child abuse victims in my family. Maybe for a couple of my gay relatives but none of those apply to me even though I've been xesual assaulted.

Only my brother, bisexual cousin, and two of my friends know.
Maybe it's a phase?? A lot of people are going through it with this lockdown and lack of seeing the opposite xes or being closer to women could lead to some questionable feelings. I stare at pictures of pretty people, but know I'm straight. I think it could possibly be attraction (for me staring at men) and maybe admiration (when staring at women). But I don't any envy or feel xesual feelings towards either.
 
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SuburbanGangsta

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This is relatable.

I'm kind of going through the opposite. I was much more into women and now I'm finding myself more into men. I don't present that feminine and gender roles feel awkward to me so it's a bit of a dilemma, lol. I've never had much luck any dating either gender so we'll see how this goes...

Either way, your attraction is valid even if it is fluid. Don't feel like you have to fit into a box.
 

09x06

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You are most likely depressed. When I was going through depression I thought my sexuality changed however when you already know yourself, which you seem to already do, it may skew your perception of yourself. Please get help.
 

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I remember being at a pride party years ago when I was still bisexual. A lesbian DJ came on the mic and yelled "fµck these bisexual b!tches." And there was a loud cheer from the predominantly lesbian crowd.

I've never forgotten that. Never will. I honestly think many lesbians miss out on a lot of phenomenal women due to biphobia.
Biphobia not really taken seriously and encouraged I've noticed. We're not seen as "real" so people think they can sh!t on us indiscriminately. Thank you for your kind words and understanding that bi women are not a monolith and we are just women trying to navigate the xesual and romantic arena like everyone else. I'm friends with a lot of lesbians IRL and have never experienced biphobia from them (bonded thru work, hobbies, nerd stuff etc.) so it gives me whiplash when folks are gleefully demonizing us. Like damn, have you never been friends or close to someone of different xesual orientation?
 

brockhampton

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consider yourself blessed. i would do anything to experience attraction to women instead of men..or at least have the ability to choose. instead i'm destined to suffer
 

kimiana

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this part doesnt matter that much but if its comforting: this is normal for all sexualities!

now the important part to me is - are you able to date right now or not really because youre living iwth family and its a pandemic outside
 

kimiana

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consider yourself blessed. i would do anything to experience attraction to women instead of men..or at least have the ability to choose. instead i'm destined to suffer
does it feel like suffering when you're with AND without men (ie actively dating vs not)??
 

CakeSlice

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If you don’t want to get pregnant, double up on protection the next time you sleep with a man.

Something about a woman professing her love for women makes them super fertile ala Slick Woods and Kelhani et al.
 

cullensbabe

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You are most likely depressed. When I was going through depression I thought my sexuality changed however when you already know yourself, which you seem to already do, it may skew your perception of yourself. Please get help.
you’re queer
 

FaunDoo

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In regards to people questioning the fidelity of bi/pan folks...

Staying faithful is not a matter of preference, it's a matter of personal integrity.
People trying to pin fidelity on xesual preference is funny to me. If a person lacks discipline and loyalty, it doesn't matter who they are attracted to, they are gonna act like a dog period.
 

TSquared

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Sounds like your are figuring out your sexuality. Nothing wrong with that.
I think with all of us at home during the pandemic we've all had time to think about a myriad of things. Clarification comes from sitting still sometimes.
 

cullensbabe

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normally i dont love redundancy but the post u responded to did need repeating
Like people dont get depressed and turn to homosexuality. Men dont get depressed and say, “wow, I want to kiss a man”. Any of those feelings may have possibly been there already, and as humans we have to figure ourselves out. Sexuality is NEVER in absolutes. The font thinking they felt conflicting feelings within their sexuality because of depression... lol...
 

spoiledwater

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Bi-cycle, it's a thing.




I get it though, some men have not been keeping themselves up during the pandemic.

My bicycle has swung the other way though, I like all the beards and gruffiness.
 

skimup1

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As a woman in a man's world, most won't think you are truly "gay" until they close the casket on you, and there is no possible way that you could ever be with a man again.

This confuses alot of people because they feel like they need to play all kinds of roles to please the tounge waggers in our society.

I faced the same thing, then I was like....fµck it. I don't care. I am who I am, and most of the people with a problem are miserable anyway.


I hope you find someone who is good to you, and understands your feelings.

Being with a good woman is a wonderful blessing!!Best of luck!
 

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