incogneato
No face, no case.
My Mom got sick about 3 years ago and hid it from her entire family. She "swore' me to secrecy, and cut everyone off. I was her only caregiver taking her to chemo/radiation/surgeries daily. She didn't make it easy for me, and fought me the entire way. Since I worked online, I felt like I "had the time", and didn't ask for help. Didn't understand how important getting help was. In doing that I lost my business(job), social life, and connections with other people.
Ended up in therapy, and learned how terrible our relationship was, and how fµcked all of this has been. My depression got the worse it's even been up to her death/after, credit is ruined, and I'm broke. Terminal Cancer really sucks because you get your hopes up thinking if you "just keep going", the person will survive, then they just die.
My Mom died last summer, and grieving has been very hard on me because I was trying to job hunt at the same time. I was xesually harassed at the first job I found, which broke me down further mentally. Found two more jobs, that were also terrible.
Being self-employed for so long, had many people not looking twice at my resumes, or trying to "put me in my place" if they hired me when I was already broken down.
Ended up taking a temporary job that I haven't had too many issues with.
About a month ago, the lease on my overpriced apartment ended and I started living in rented rooms. This was actually a nice change of pace because I didn't have to worry about monthly bills and got to move when I wanted.
Being transient seemed ok until I got really sick, and the house owner got upset that her towels were "ruined"(They just needed washing). We had some sort of language barrier, and she wanted $5 bucks to use the washer/dryer. I was sick, and not really able to go back/forth over towels.
I got my stuff and went to visit an older relative. She lives further down deep in the southern part of my state, and I like it down here but traveling to my temp job takes about 1 hour and 45 minutes each day. She also tends to talk a lot and has some issues/traumas of her own. It's hard for me to hear about other people's traumas because it triggers my PTSD. I said something a bit crass a week or so ago to her, and keep remembering saying it/how shocked she was. But she'd been telling me pretty terrible things for a week. Other than that, it's been ok.
She kept mentioning my Mom, and I told her the truth for the first time in a decade. That my Mom allowed me to be severely abused by my Dad for years, to keep her "household intact", and how she did nothing to stop it. That I took care of her not out of obligation, but to feel like I "finished" the job. This information shocked her, but I am tired of lying.
She's told me to stay as long as I like and relax, but I don't trust it, and I'm not sure if it's my PTSD talking or not. I don't really trust anyone anymore, and it's not really personal. I don't trust myself.
I could try to find another room for a week, but should I leave now, or just stay here as long as possible? I gave her some coins for last week, but if I rent a "real room" won't be able to pay for my car note + insurance.
I rented another room for the week online and was planning to leave today, but could still cancel it and just stay here.
I hate feeling like a burden on anyone, and I feel like she realizes how close I am to the edge....which makes me feel sad/weak and vulnerable.
When do you accept help? Or know that you actually need it?
Ended up in therapy, and learned how terrible our relationship was, and how fµcked all of this has been. My depression got the worse it's even been up to her death/after, credit is ruined, and I'm broke. Terminal Cancer really sucks because you get your hopes up thinking if you "just keep going", the person will survive, then they just die.
My Mom died last summer, and grieving has been very hard on me because I was trying to job hunt at the same time. I was xesually harassed at the first job I found, which broke me down further mentally. Found two more jobs, that were also terrible.
Being self-employed for so long, had many people not looking twice at my resumes, or trying to "put me in my place" if they hired me when I was already broken down.
Ended up taking a temporary job that I haven't had too many issues with.
About a month ago, the lease on my overpriced apartment ended and I started living in rented rooms. This was actually a nice change of pace because I didn't have to worry about monthly bills and got to move when I wanted.
Being transient seemed ok until I got really sick, and the house owner got upset that her towels were "ruined"(They just needed washing). We had some sort of language barrier, and she wanted $5 bucks to use the washer/dryer. I was sick, and not really able to go back/forth over towels.
I got my stuff and went to visit an older relative. She lives further down deep in the southern part of my state, and I like it down here but traveling to my temp job takes about 1 hour and 45 minutes each day. She also tends to talk a lot and has some issues/traumas of her own. It's hard for me to hear about other people's traumas because it triggers my PTSD. I said something a bit crass a week or so ago to her, and keep remembering saying it/how shocked she was. But she'd been telling me pretty terrible things for a week. Other than that, it's been ok.
She kept mentioning my Mom, and I told her the truth for the first time in a decade. That my Mom allowed me to be severely abused by my Dad for years, to keep her "household intact", and how she did nothing to stop it. That I took care of her not out of obligation, but to feel like I "finished" the job. This information shocked her, but I am tired of lying.
She's told me to stay as long as I like and relax, but I don't trust it, and I'm not sure if it's my PTSD talking or not. I don't really trust anyone anymore, and it's not really personal. I don't trust myself.
I could try to find another room for a week, but should I leave now, or just stay here as long as possible? I gave her some coins for last week, but if I rent a "real room" won't be able to pay for my car note + insurance.
I rented another room for the week online and was planning to leave today, but could still cancel it and just stay here.
I hate feeling like a burden on anyone, and I feel like she realizes how close I am to the edge....which makes me feel sad/weak and vulnerable.
When do you accept help? Or know that you actually need it?