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When/How do you decide to finally accept help from family? (PTSD/Homeless)

incogneato

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My Mom got sick about 3 years ago and hid it from her entire family. She "swore' me to secrecy, and cut everyone off. I was her only caregiver taking her to chemo/radiation/surgeries daily. She didn't make it easy for me, and fought me the entire way. Since I worked online, I felt like I "had the time", and didn't ask for help. Didn't understand how important getting help was. In doing that I lost my business(job), social life, and connections with other people.

Ended up in therapy, and learned how terrible our relationship was, and how fµcked all of this has been. My depression got the worse it's even been up to her death/after, credit is ruined, and I'm broke. Terminal Cancer really sucks because you get your hopes up thinking if you "just keep going", the person will survive, then they just die.

My Mom died last summer, and grieving has been very hard on me because I was trying to job hunt at the same time. I was xesually harassed at the first job I found, which broke me down further mentally. Found two more jobs, that were also terrible.

Being self-employed for so long, had many people not looking twice at my resumes, or trying to "put me in my place" if they hired me when I was already broken down.

Ended up taking a temporary job that I haven't had too many issues with.

About a month ago, the lease on my overpriced apartment ended and I started living in rented rooms. This was actually a nice change of pace because I didn't have to worry about monthly bills and got to move when I wanted.

Being transient seemed ok until I got really sick, and the house owner got upset that her towels were "ruined"(They just needed washing). We had some sort of language barrier, and she wanted $5 bucks to use the washer/dryer. I was sick, and not really able to go back/forth over towels.

I got my stuff and went to visit an older relative. She lives further down deep in the southern part of my state, and I like it down here but traveling to my temp job takes about 1 hour and 45 minutes each day. She also tends to talk a lot and has some issues/traumas of her own. It's hard for me to hear about other people's traumas because it triggers my PTSD. I said something a bit crass a week or so ago to her, and keep remembering saying it/how shocked she was. But she'd been telling me pretty terrible things for a week. Other than that, it's been ok.

She kept mentioning my Mom, and I told her the truth for the first time in a decade. That my Mom allowed me to be severely abused by my Dad for years, to keep her "household intact", and how she did nothing to stop it. That I took care of her not out of obligation, but to feel like I "finished" the job. This information shocked her, but I am tired of lying.

She's told me to stay as long as I like and relax, but I don't trust it, and I'm not sure if it's my PTSD talking or not. I don't really trust anyone anymore, and it's not really personal. I don't trust myself.

I could try to find another room for a week, but should I leave now, or just stay here as long as possible? I gave her some coins for last week, but if I rent a "real room" won't be able to pay for my car note + insurance.

I rented another room for the week online and was planning to leave today, but could still cancel it and just stay here.

I hate feeling like a burden on anyone, and I feel like she realizes how close I am to the edge....which makes me feel sad/weak and vulnerable.

When do you accept help? Or know that you actually need it?
 

Some Girl

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Does your job give you insurance? Maybe you can see a therapist.

I would say stay with her until she kicks you out but save money while there.
 

DreamFantasy

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I tend to distance myself from people that talk about their problems/traumas all of the time because it triggers my PTSD as well. It's okay to take time for yourself and distance yourself from EVERYONE or certain people and just be in solitude for a little while. Just stay with her for now and save up to move on to a better living situation. Also, see if you can get some therapy OP. I wish the best for you. :heart:
 

incogneato

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Does your job give you insurance? Maybe you can see a therapist.

I would say stay with her until she kicks you out but save money while there.
No insurance, this is a temp job. I had a therapist last year, but can't afford her anymore.

I don't like the feeling of staying somewhere waiting to be kicked out. But I am tired of renting from random people by the week.
 

Bella8933

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My Mom got sick about 3 years ago and hid it from her entire family. She "swore' me to secrecy, and cut everyone off. I was her only caregiver taking her to chemo/radiation/surgeries daily. She didn't make it easy for me, and fought me the entire way. Since I worked online, I felt like I "had the time", and didn't ask for help. Didn't understand how important getting help was. In doing that I lost my business(job), social life, and connections with other people.

Ended up in therapy, and learned how terrible our relationship was, and how fµcked all of this has been. My depression got the worse it's even been up to her death/after, credit is ruined, and I'm broke. Terminal Cancer really sucks because you get your hopes up thinking if you "just keep going", the person will survive, then they just die.

My Mom died last summer, and grieving has been very hard on me because I was trying to job hunt at the same time. I was xesually harassed at the first job I found, which broke me down further mentally. Found two more jobs, that were also terrible.

Being self-employed for so long, had many people not looking twice at my resumes, or trying to "put me in my place" if they hired me when I was already broken down.

Ended up taking a temporary job that I haven't had too many issues with.

About a month ago, the lease on my overpriced apartment ended and I started living in rented rooms. This was actually a nice change of pace because I didn't have to worry about monthly bills and got to move when I wanted.

Being transient seemed ok until I got really sick, and the house owner got upset that her towels were "ruined"(They just needed washing). We had some sort of language barrier, and she wanted $5 bucks to use the washer/dryer. I was sick, and not really able to go back/forth over towels.

I got my stuff and went to visit an older relative. She lives further down deep in the southern part of my state, and I like it down here but traveling to my temp job takes about 1 hour and 45 minutes each day. She also tends to talk a lot and has some issues/traumas of her own. It's hard for me to hear about other people's traumas because it triggers my PTSD. I said something a bit crass a week or so ago to her, and keep remembering saying it/how shocked she was. But she'd been telling me pretty terrible things for a week. Other than that, it's been ok.

She kept mentioning my Mom, and I told her the truth for the first time in a decade. That my Mom allowed me to be severely abused by my Dad for years, to keep her "household intact", and how she did nothing to stop it. That I took care of her not out of obligation, but to feel like I "finished" the job. This information shocked her, but I am tired of lying.

She's told me to stay as long as I like and relax, but I don't trust it, and I'm not sure if it's my PTSD talking or not. I don't really trust anyone anymore, and it's not really personal. I don't trust myself.

I could try to find another room for a week, but should I leave now, or just stay here as long as possible? I gave her some coins for last week, but if I rent a "real room" won't be able to pay for my car note + insurance.

I rented another room for the week online and was planning to leave today, but could still cancel it and just stay here.

I hate feeling like a burden on anyone, and I feel like she realizes how close I am to the edge....which makes me feel sad/weak and vulnerable.

When do you accept help? Or know that you actually need it?

You need the help ... nowś the time.

Take it and get into therapy.
 

Some Girl

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Why don't you try to get a roommate?

Also, Journaling helps. Try writing down how you feel.
 

Sobreviviente

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Stay put. Your job is not permanent and renting decent places short term is likely very expensive.

Use the time you're staying with your relative to save as much cash as possible.
 

incogneato

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Stay put. Your job is not permanent and renting decent places short term is likely very expensive.

Use the time you're staying with your relative to save as much cash as possible.
Ok. Thanks.

I already wasted a whole month of income trying to rent places on airbnb, so I know this is true. Working all of April, with nothing to show for it sucks.
 

lurkiepoo

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It's your PTSD, that's telling you to leave. I struggle with C-PTSD (c = Childhood). I am in therapy weekly and back to work after not being able to deal with social/adult life for some years. You will be back on track as well, but you must start trusting 'some' people in some capacity. Stay as long as you like and relax (the best you can, I know it's nearly impossible). Keep your car up as long as you can. I lost mine to repo, for not accepting monetary help, feeling I was a burden and didn't deserve help.

Stay and plan your next move. Continue to give a few coins to your relative when you can, but keep yourself afloat.

I also went to live with an older relative for some months. Her conversations were very negative as well. Her spirit is kind, but her conversations resembled Law and Order SVU episodes daily. When your relative starts talking to those triggers, change the subject or go to your bedroom or a walk, something besides engaging in it.
 

coppertop

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Calculate how long it will take you to raise enough money for a security deposit and at least a couple months rent on a cheap 2 bedroom apartment. Then discuss with your relative ahead of time if she would be fine with you straying for that period of time. This serves the purpose of both of you knowing that its not an indefinite situation. Once you have saved and found an apartment, immediately place the second bedroom on airbnb. The funds from air bnb will probably cover most of the rent (allowing you to save and have a little cushion) depending on how many times a month you choose to rent it out and you won't have to deal with one long term roommate. This is a roadmap to getting back on your feet.
 

Sobreviviente

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Good. I'm glad you have decided to stay put.

It would also be helpful if you could try to change your mindset. I realize that when you go through a tough time, your view on life and people can become jaded, but if you're always expecting the other shoe to drop, you subconsciously do things that turn the negative thoughts into a self fulfilling prophecy.

You stated you were waiting to be kicked out. I would not be surprised if you had a similar mindset with previous jobs (e.g. you were expecting to be fired, so you quit or even subconsciously did things that would have caused them to fire you had you not quit). It's similar to someone with low self esteem who breaks up with a partner before they can be broken up with.

Try your best not to sabotage yourself that way. Also, try not to feel bad about needing help. You helped your mother, and now it's your turn to receive the help you earned and deserve.

Hopefully, this job will turn into a permanent one, and put you on the path to rebuilding yourself financially, professionally and emotionally.
 
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OctoberBlu

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If you live in or near a large city there maybe be free or low cost mental health services. Also there is always public assistance that can help with food, bills, housing, and more permanent job placement.
 

Princefanxo

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Stay where you are until you get back on your feet and get enough savings to move. If you are helping around the house cooking, cleaning, giving her money when you can you aren't being a burden.
 

BlancheDuBois

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You really need to stay put. Could you do like Amazon delivery, house cleaning, pet / house sitting? Something that would give you an income & allow you to work independent until you are on your feet again?
 

Indielocks

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I don't have the answer for you for this one OP but..... whatever you do I sincerely hopes it works out for you.
 

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