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sade

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ARTICLE:

I married ‘the life of the party’ — but he’s different at home. He takes his money woes out on me and calls me a ‘gold digger’



Dear Quentin,

I don’t know where to start. So I will start at the beginning. I met a man at a friend’s wedding a few years ago. He was charming in that British-man-in-America sort of way (Hugh Grant has a lot to answer for), he told jokes (perhaps too many jokes, in retrospect) and made me laugh (at first). He was the life of the party, with a wide circle of friends, and everyone seemed to love him.

He also had a very lavish, conspicuous lifestyle: He had a house upstate where he entertained his friends at weekends, he sailed in the summer, and he was regularly photographed at charity events on both sides of the Atlantic. He posted photos of himself on Facebook at Royal Ascot for several years (before the coronavirus pandemic). He seemed like the most popular guy in the world.

‘The first six months were good, the next three years? There are three topics: My husband, his business and his family.’ —

He was a generous man and financially stable, or so I thought. Of course, his success and ease with which he seemed to navigate the world made him attractive to me, but I fell in love with him, and when he proposed, I said yes.

The first six months were good. The next three years? Let’s just say there are three topics of conversation: my husband, his failing business and his terrible family. The pandemic hurt the already shaky family firm.

As his financial troubles worsened over the course of our marriage, he became short-tempered. I attributed that to the stress he was under. He actually shared this business with two brothers, so his expense account and “champagne lifestyle” were being funded by his family as much as actual profit. In fact, it soon became clear that he was neither the brain nor the brawn of the operation.

Our life has descended into stress and instability. His flashes of anger appear with increasing frequency, as do his allegations that I am a gold digger, which conveniently cast me as a villain deserving of no respect. For the record, I always work and pay my own way. (Six months ago, he pushed me and I fell backwards over the arm of a sofa. Fortunately, it broke my fall.)

I have no idea who this man is. His friends, as much as one could call them that, deserted him a couple of years ago when the expense account ran out. He ridicules me, holds over my head the fact that I wanted a child (I’m 38), and did not hide his disgust last year at the birthday gift I got him (a photo album of our courtship, in addition to a dinner and silver cufflinks).

I’m exhausted. There is only one person in the world who matters, and it’s him. Some days he’s up and friendly, usually when we are on Zoom calls with family and (my) friends, but when that camera is off, you better watch out. I’m living with a stranger. I have no clue what will happen next. His birthday is coming up in March, and I am dreading choosing a gift for him after last year.

What would you get him for this birthday? Any other suggestions about what I should do?

I married ‘the life of the party’ — but he’s different at home. He takes his money woes out on me and calls me a ‘gold digger’
 

Contemporary

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I stopped reading right here.
I’m exhausted. There is only one person in the world who matters, and it’s him.

See...this is her problem. She has made this man her whole life. SHE needs to be the one who matters the most. I mean, I love my husband, but I love myself more. KWIM?

But maybe I read it wrong.

Maybe she is being sarcastic and saying that to him, in his world, as far as HE is concerned, he is the only one that matters?

At any rate...he is trash.

And I hope this story is fake.
 

BoujeeBae

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This is what happens when a woman makes a man the "center of her universe".

She better leave before he kills her. Marriage is nice but it isn't a do or die affair.
 

tivefur

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I don’t feel bad for people who put men at the center of their whole world. Nobody is forcing you to stay married. Keep enduring I guess.
 

BoujeeBae

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I don’t feel bad for people who put men at the center of their whole world. Nobody is forcing you to stay married. Keep enduring I guess.

My thoughts exactly. Like why stay there complaining. Just leave. SMH.
 

soul sun love

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What would you get him for this birthday? Any other suggestions about what I should do?
giphy.gif

All that just to ask what to do for his birthday?
idk, chile. Follow his "friends" lead.
 

knc286

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She married a narcissist who only concern is to maintain an image. Stay childless, and walk away.
 

Barryglock

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This is sad af.

For his birthday, she should get herself a therapist to build up the strength to leave this mess. Especially before he breaks other body parts.
 

StayTrue

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Please, someone explain this to me as this is starting to irritate me soooo bad??

Why do so many of these articles posted have the same body of text repeated so much????? WHHYYYYYYYYY
 

swish

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Please, someone explain this to me as this is starting to irritate me soooo bad??

Why do so many of these articles posted have the same body of text repeated so much????? WHHYYYYYYYYY
I think I've noticed it with the Daily Mail and or The Guardian... girl I don't know. This one isn't so bad compared to the usual ones. It's so frustrating to read them, like how many times are you going to repeat the same thing? Gosh...
 

AgnesGooch

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He pushed her and her couch was there to break her fall? She has been walking on eggshells for 3 years? And this man is broke? Why is she even still around.
 

Ashlyan

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I'd get him a divorce. Personally served by the local precinct. I know how he likes to feel special and all.
 

Blue Hour

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She clearly needs to leave him. He put his hands on her, but she’s asking for birthday gift suggestions...? Come on now.

Please, someone explain this to me as this is starting to irritate me soooo bad??

Why do so many of these articles posted have the same body of text repeated so much????? WHHYYYYYYYYY


In some articles the repeated text is the subheading and the highlighted text within the original article. Most fonts don’t edit that out when they post the article on here. If it’s an article from the DM, then it’s just how they write.
 

Wintertime Cold

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(Six months ago, he pushed me and I fell backwards over the arm of a sofa. Fortunately, it broke my fall.)

She better leave before she ends up dead and he ends up living lavishly again with the money from her life insurance policy.
 

gwc2005

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Sounds like she just went on appearances and didn’t do a proper financial vetting before marry him. It’s important that couples, especially women know the financial state of their soon-to-be husband. One should never assume fancy cars, nice home, fancy clothes equals a never ending supply of income. As a woman, you should find out if he owns the home, does he own the car or is he leasing? Does he have a lot of credit card debt or debt in general? Lavish gifts and trips are nice, but if he’s robbing Peter to pay Paul, those gifts will either end up in repo or in a consignment shop. They need couples therapy and if he doesn’t agree to it, it’s time to call in the divorce lawyer. No need to waste more precious time trying to make a failed marriage work.
 

Shy Vy

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Sounds like she just went on appearances and didn’t do a proper financial vetting before marry him. It’s important that couples, especially women know the financial state of their soon-to-be husband. One should never assume fancy cars, nice home, fancy clothes equals a never ending supply of income. As a woman, you should find out if he owns the home, does he own the car or is he leasing? Does he have a lot of credit card debt or debt in general? Lavish gifts and trips are nice, but if he’s robbing Peter to pay Paul, those gifts will either end up in repo or in a consignment shop. They need couples therapy and if he doesn’t agree to it, it’s time to call in the divorce lawyer. No need to waste more precious time trying to make a failed marriage work.


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