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Who are the 30% of black women who have kids with their husbands?

Iola Boylen

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My mom, both my grandmothers, all my aunties except for one. She had my cousin out of wedlock by a dusty, but got married to a very successful man later.
I was just about to come in here and say the same thing. Most of the women in my family children are by their husbands.
 

mystikspiral

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I don't know how to navigate threads like these. It feels isolating.


Tidbits for enlightenment and discussion:



Just what we need, more black academics hand-waving away the cultural deficits that have decimated black families and black children.

Are we supposed to accept that we are just so special that broken homes are uniquely optimal for our families and no one else’s? Are we supposed to believe that this shift toward merely cohabitating parents is a boon for the culture just because “white people are doing it too” and “marriage rates are down for everyone”? Notice how the most successful groups in this country never seem to have these kinds of debates...
 

UPS Guy

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I agree. There were lots of women I worked with that had to find babysitters for their kids while the husband sat his ass right there at home. Couldn’t be me..
So are we only associating these things with black marriages and assuming these issues don't exist outside of black marriages or couldn't this just be applied to marriages in general.

It seems ya'll love to think of everything negative to put on black couples because apparently two black people can't happily be together.
 

Chile

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So are we only associating these things with black marriages and assuming these issues don't exist outside of black marriages or couldn't this just be applied to marriages in general.

It seems ya'll love to think of everything negative to put on black couples because apparently two black people can't happily be together.
Not one of the people that I am referring to in this post are black. NOT ONE.
 
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Literally all of this applies to me. I cam from a broken home where I had no father figure (in and out of prison), grew up in poverty, mother on welfare, lived in the ghetto, and have three younger half-siblings. We all have different sperm donors, I refuse to call them a dad or father. My home life was very chaotic. We moved all the time, experienced all type of abuse besides xesual abuse, and my "mother" had a rotating door of men. I have cut off majority of my family to include my birth mother. I know some people say "that's your mother." Well, she abused me, was manipulative, and a narcissist. I was almost xesually abused by one of her boyfriends when I was 12 years old. He came in my room one night when I was asleep, and took the covers off of me. I'm a light sleeper and I stood up to him and threatened him...at twelve years old (I was terrified) and ended up telling her. She refused to believe me and went on to have a baby (my younger sister) by him. She lived for and put men before her children. My half-brothers turned out to be bums because in our family even trash men are golden. If any of you have seen the movie Precious, that was my life except I was not xesually abused. I am also the black sheep in my own family because I chose to speak up, value working to get out of poverty, and make something of myself. Growing up I was picked on by majority of my family because I was lighter-skinned, was "pretty and thought I was better", and had long-hair. :rolleyes: Y'all, I was a tomboy/into technology and could care less about any of those things, so it was weird and painful to come from my own family. I actually hated male attention because of all the perverted men that my mother dated. The men that I did have in my family were misogynistic and abusive (I've physically fought them in self defense which is sad because I'm tiny). Anyway, I proved them all wrong. I chose to graduate college, have a great career, and cherish who I let into my body. Both my husband and I see the value in raising our kids in a stable home. We are continuing on with our education, invest, moved to a great neighborhood, and plan to give our kids a valuable education. We also plan to leave something behind for our kids. I'm trying to steer my sister in the right direction but it seems like she's following in our family's footsteps. She's now 19, pregnant, and the baby daddy/boyfriend doesn't work and is unmotivated. I lowkey think she's hanging onto him because he's white and she thinks he's a prize because of that. She pays for everything. I waited until we were established, married, and had our daughter at 27. I know what it's like to grow up in a broken home and did not want that for my child. I still carry a lot of trauma and shame from my upbringing. Sorry for the novel.
Dont know you but am so proud of you!!!
 

Camry

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There are other ways to have a child other than utilizing a baby daddy or a husband.

I come from an upper class family where everyone is married and from a social circle where everyone is married. And it is not something to aspire to especially if your spouse is a Black man. At best, you will get a man who brings home a check, is colorist, sits on his ass 24/7, and occasionally accompanies you to church or mow the lawn.

At worst, these men will cheat on you with everybody, have break babies & step-kids, beat ya ass, not clean up, not change diapers, not cook, not take the kids to the pediatrician, make you pay 50% of the bills, and demand that you be submissive.
I also grew up in an upper class household.

No one said these relationships are perfect. No relationship is. Remember, many women in the hood are dealing with men like what you describe except their man can’t provide. Abuse and bad finances go hand in hand.

Married couples make more money together and this insulates them from dealing with a lot of the issues you’re describing. Tired of watching the kids? Get child care. Need your house cleaned? Hire someone else to do it.

Married life is not roses and sunshine, but it’s irresponsible to pretend that being a married couple is harder or on par with the life of a single mother’s. It’s important to acknowledge your privilege.

Running a household with two incomes and two adults is way easier than doing it as an individual.
 
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Lady2023

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That 30% consists mostly of the ones who chose marriage over the baby mama trajectory.
 

ILoveMyGirls

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Me! Marriage was a goal and I started looking for a husband in undergraduate. That’s what the white girls were doing and the older married AA women (went to school in USA) gave me some of the best advice on dating for marriage.

He proposed 5 months later.
 

ILoveMyGirls

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I don’t understand why some of you obsess over being married/not married with kids and race in relation to it. Other races of millennials are not married either and are having kids. I’ve met some at my job. They’re excited and I hadn’t heard the word “baby mama” or anything about shame or statistics. One white pregnant lady just bought a house with her boyfriend. All were college educated too, just like the Black millennials who are also not getting married first.


This is a real answer!!! Many are but definitely not all. Most of the longest marriages involve cheating, but that could never be me bc I’m leaving as soon as I find out.

you really do a disservice to young black women spewing this.

Young black women please do not become a baby mama you are setting yourself up to
fail. If marriage is a goal date men who share those same values and don’t date long term with no end in sight either.

Keep your appearance up, weight down.
 

Eve666

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most of the woman in my family are married with the man they had children with. I can only think if my cousin who had a son with her hs sweetheart l. He died of cancer now she’s remarried
 

SimmieSam

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what a low percentage…how pathetic. Honestly it seems like people found the right people to marry. Most of the women are probably light too.
 

Sista Saved

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Although I've never had a child out of wedlock, I'm not going to let the internet beat on my black sisters today!

According to Statistics Iceland, almost 70 percent of children were born out of wedlock in 2016, with only 30 percent born to married couples. Out of those 70 percent, many newborns were welcomed by parents who were in consensual union–registered as living together.

 

Sista Saved

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Bolivians shouldn't even attempt marriage. It's a waste of their time. Oh yeah, let's beat up black women today.

Although no official figures exist, according to the International Anglican Family Network (IAFN), 'a stunning 75% of marriages in Bolivia end in divorce, with 73% of these ending in the first two years of marriage'.

 

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