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Why do parents refuse to believe their child has learning disabilities, speech impediments, or needs glasses?

incogneato

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I've been diagnosed with ADHD late in life, but I'm starting to remember a few things.

Some teachers did notice that I had issues with concentration and attention. I was tested, but let into gifted classes instead. My parents only focused on the "gifted label", and ignore the difficulty paying attention.

When I needed glasses, I was only taken 1 or 2 times, and when I forgot them, it was never brought up again. One parent mentioned that I probably didn't really need the glasses, and being "four eyes" would make me get bullied. I stopped wearing my glasses.

Was in speech pathology for about 3-4 years, but I never told them, they only learned later on when I got a speech pathology teacher that wanted us to work on homework WITH our parents. One parent didn't like us being told to make a motion like "we were kissing a boy" to say one sound, and went up to the school and pulled me out of speech pathology entirely.

I had been speaking with a lisp, and thankfully, that had been fixed for the most part before this.

When I went to a doctor's appointment, they mentioned that I might have scoliosis, but my parents never followed up.

We were told to go get braces for me...but one of them magically got lost on the way to the appointment.....

As an adult, I'm paying to fix these things now.

TLDR: Why do some parents refuse to believe their child has any problems? Or even act as if it's an affront to them?
 

incogneato

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*****We were told to go get dental braces for me...but one of them magically got lost on the way to the appointment.....

My siblings did not have most of these problems, so it's like they refused to believe that I did.
 

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Some parents honestly aren't the best advocates for their children, and some parents feel that things like speech impediments and attention disorders are things that can be grown out of. Also even though I can't speak to your family's financial situation, a lot of people are prideful and would rather say their kids "don't really need certain things" instead of admitting that they can't afford them.
 
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incogneato

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Some parents honestly aren't the best advocates for their children, and some parents feel that things like speech impediments and attention disorders are things that be grown out. Also even though I can't speak to your family's financial situation, a lot of people are prideful and would rather say their kids "don't really need certain things" instead of admitting that they can't afford them.
Thanks.

They were able to afford these things with insurance (Had it up to 18), and stuff like speech pathology was actually free from the school.
 

incogneato

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Same issue except my mom wasn’t black. I needed braces— my mom said I didn’t need it. I walked around fµck up teeth till I got a man to pay it for me. Total cost: $7000

My mom didn’t want me to go speech class because she afraid I will have a weird American accent, loose my culture, and just be classify as ADS. Welp paying now. I got tired of people asking me “What did you say”. Or correct the way I pronounce stuff. So when I’m around YT— I talk extreme slow and afraid certain words with very monotone and boring voice that will put you to sleep. Total cost: lifetime

Glasses. My mom don’t believe in them. Now my vision is at -7. Total cost: possibility of retinal detachment in the future due to severe myopia.

Lastly, my mom didn’t allow us to have friends or relationships. She was antisocial. I kinda was social awkward in middle school rebel out in high school and became socially awkward in college. I missed out a lot. Men took advantage of me because obvious I was capable of having a healthy relationship if I have to hide them. The total cost: Priceless. Ended up a man 19 year my senior fixing everything that’s going wrong.
 

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My cousin is like this, shes in denial about her adult son who it’s obvious has Aspergers. A teacher told her she needed to get him tested for autism when he was 7, she insisted they were labeling him because he was black in an all white school. The boy struggled all through school because she refused to get him the help he needed. She told everyone he was just eccentric and immature. Now as an adult she admits to him having some issues but never goes into detail. He is doing well however and works a full time job.
 

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Lack of education is one reason.

Because my mom was a teacher she had me in speech around age 6...cured my stutter

I advocated for my kid getting early intervention at 3. In kindergarten I filled out paper (sent home) asking if you (parent) had concerns.

I’ll quote teacher: Psalm, you are the ONLY parent that filled it out and we know for a fact at least 8-10 students have issues but their parents will ignore it until 3-4 grade and it’ll be too late. We as teachers can’t make them.

me: I have other kids so knew this kid was a little behind. I am proud to say this kid is now an honor roll student no longer needing services..

Holly Robinson Pete said her husband and mother kept telling her nothing was wrong with RJ until she threatened to stop talking to them.

People are embarrassed, ashamed, prideful. smh
 

incogneato

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My cousin is like this, shes in denial about her adult son who it’s obvious has Aspergers. A teacher told her she needed to get him tested for autism when he was 7, she insisted they were labeling him because he was black in an all white school. The boy struggled all through school because she refused to get him the help he needed. She told everyone he was just eccentric and immature. Now as an adult she admits to him having some issues but never goes into detail. He is doing well however and works a full time job.
Incog: My mother was similar, but also had some experience working with Special Needs kids. She would work with us "at home", but refused to get us proper help from professionals. So, I do have coping skills but went through life believing I would eventually finally "improve" magically, without meds or help.

That wasn't true.

She didn't want anything put into our documentation, or anything on file about us possibly having any disabilities. Whenever other people brought it up, she would say that other parents could label their kids for a check if they wanted, but she wasn't going to do it.
 

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As a lady in a wheelchair, I noticed this at times from other parents. Perhaps for them its better to live in denial than admit something is going on with their child, though this beliefe is damaging for the child. Perhaps it's the parents not wanting their children to live with label of disability, it can still have a lot of stigma even in the USA.I also noticed parents from other countries tend to ignore if their children need extra help at. times, not thinking invisible disabiliities are just as real as physical disabilities or with the mentality having a disabled child is shameful, etc.

Hugs, sorry that happened to you, least you can get help now <3
 
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I volunteered with my department at a high needs elementary school for a reading and math program for 3 years. I overheard some of the teachers talking about how the parents would “go off” on them for making recommendations for testing and extra helpful for their child. One little boy Is read with would read the same sentence 2-3 times before moving on to the next. Another little boy got his d’s, b’s and p’s confused most of the time. I was hoping the parents would partner with the teacher and listen to get their child the help they needed before they left elementary school. It’s harder when they’re in middle school and older. The kids will tease them and they’ll be behind.
 
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Some parents go through the grief cycle when they hear a diagnosis (see the Kubler-Ross grief cycle). Even if it's something completely treatable. Many parents get stuck in the denial stage and feel extreme guilt because they think it's their fault for their child's disability. Rather than working their way towards acceptance, they push it aside and ignore it, hoping that it will magically disappear. I think the stigma and "other"-ing of those who are neurodivergent or appear different in any way contributes to that too. They don't realize their doing their child more harm than good.
 

MichaelMYERS

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I think it's because they never in their mind thought something like that would happen to their child. I think all parents will feel a certain way, and I don't blame them, but if you are letting your ego get in the way of your child getting the help that they need and deserve I think that's the real issue.

But I still have empathy for them because Idk how I, a person with no child atm, would be if that happened to my children.
 

incogneato

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When a teacher told my mother that she should have me tested for dyslexia, my mom swore I didn't have that so she refused. I was an outstanding reader but my math grades were poor and I suffered in school because of that. It wasn't until my last semester in college that my math professor recommended that I get tested for dyscalculia. Had my mother done that when I was 5, like she was told, I may have been a better student.
 

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Op this hits home. I've always thought I'd had a learning disability growing up. I used to tell my parents how hard i struggled in school and they told me that i wasn't working hard enough. Come to find out i have a learning disability

I also stayed in my room in the dark all day and starved myself. I told my parents i didn't feel normal and they told me that i was crazy. I was diagnosed with ptsd and manic depression as an adult. After attempting to harm myself. I also used to give my parents suicide notes in which they shrugged off

I wish my parents had gotten me help or listened to me. I went my whole life thinking i was just stupid because i couldn't catch on like the other kids
 

DarkBrandon

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I'm legitimately curious: how did you have speech therapy without your parent knowing? At a minimum we were required to notify parents every year BEFORE the annual meeting and even if the parent didn't show, we had to send the signed packet home with each student's goals.

Are you in the US?

That aside, sorry your folks didn't get you the help you needed.
 

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I was just talking to a friend of mine who is in the education field. One of the children in her class has OBVIOUS, very severe issues, but the child's parents don't seem to acknowledge it.

The issue for a lot of people is that they are in denial that their child most likely needs (extensive) help that they cannot give due to various reasons (financial, empathetic, energy, or other issues). I, myself, have no clue how I would deal with having a child so mentally or physically disabled that I will have to care for them until my last dying day AND make sure they have care in the event I pass away before them. For children who are not that disabled but do have issues with learning, it may be due to stigma, not having the patience, or energy to properly assist the child.

It's a very hard pill to swallow. It sucks - some of them do need to buck up or find a good home for their kids if they can't do it themselves - but I do have some sympathy in certain situations.
 

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My cousin is like this, shes in denial about her adult son who it’s obvious has Aspergers. A teacher told her she needed to get him tested for autism when he was 7, she insisted they were labeling him because he was black in an all white school. The boy struggled all through school because she refused to get him the help he needed. She told everyone he was just eccentric and immature. Now as an adult she admits to him having some issues but never goes into detail. He is doing well however and works a full time job.
She should have took him to a Black professional if she felt it was discrimination on the part of the teacher/school
 

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Two things can be true at the same time, sometimes teachers/educators unfairly diagnose Black children (especially boys) as having some learning issues so for a number of reasons (racist, more money for the school)

BUT

For the children that actually have those issues, many parents don't understand that EARLY intention is best
 

incogneato

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I think it's because some of these parents struggle with the same issues.

So when you point out their child is developmentally delayed, they have to realize they have the same problems.
 

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Two things can be true at the same time, sometimes teachers/educators unfairly diagnose Black children (especially boys) as having some learning issues so for a number of reasons (racist, more money for the school)

BUT

For the children that actually have those issues, many parents don't understand that EARLY intention is best
This! When my son was about 2 and a half years old, I noticed that his speech was a little delayed, compared to the other children in his daycare class. I got him evaluated by early intervention and he was diagnosed with a speech delay. So I ended up getting him into speech therapy. My sons father and his grandmother thought that it wasn’t necessary since he was so young. But a delay is a delay in my opinion. Fast forward my son is 6 now, and people always compliment his vocabulary and the way he enunciates his words. He was only enrolled until he was 3 (so about 6 months) but I think that really helped him get started. He also wears glasses for his astigmatism. ( I brought him some nice rayban frames so he’s still cool lol) bottom line is don’t be ashamed to get these kids some help when they need it. we gotta make sure our kids are set up to do well in life.
 

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Cause they're lazy and in denial. That's all it is. I see a lot in my family as well. Don't want to deal with the reality that their kid is struggling. Or too worried about their wants and needs. My son just got diagnosed with Autism. When he turned 2 he pediatrician did a referral for therapy. But Covid had everything backed up. He's been in therapy since October and has been making progress. We love him regardless and want him to have all the support and help he needs.
 

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I've been diagnosed with ADHD late in life, but I'm starting to remember a few things.

Some teachers did notice that I had issues with concentration and attention. I was tested, but let into gifted classes instead. My parents only focused on the "gifted label", and ignore the difficulty paying attention.

When I needed glasses, I was only taken 1 or 2 times, and when I forgot them, it was never brought up again. One parent mentioned that I probably didn't really need the glasses, and being "four eyes" would make me get bullied. I stopped wearing my glasses.

Was in speech pathology for about 3-4 years, but I never told them, they only learned later on when I got a speech pathology teacher that wanted us to work on homework WITH our parents. One parent didn't like us being told to make a motion like "we were kissing a boy" to say one sound, and went up to the school and pulled me out of speech pathology entirely.

I had been speaking with a lisp, and thankfully, that had been fixed for the most part before this.

When I went to a doctor's appointment, they mentioned that I might have scoliosis, but my parents never followed up.

We were told to go get braces for me...but one of them magically got lost on the way to the appointment.....

As an adult, I'm paying to fix these things now.

TLDR: Why do some parents refuse to believe their child has any problems? Or even act as if it's an affront to them?

Because they are ableist and would rather ignore issues with their child and HARM them than get help and have to admit to having a "broken" child.
 

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They see it as a reflection on themselves. A negative one so they live in selfish denial. It’s tragic.
 

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There were no issues in my family growing up, but when I had my own children, I had to deal with deficiencies with my now 8-year-old. Since kindergarten, he really did not like school. It was a chore to read to him and get him to recognize letters, sounds, and words. I noticed it around age 3, but I had gone through my divorce and my daughter is only 2 years behind him. Most days, I was just trying to keep everyone fed, clean, and on their routines. About a year after noticing the deficits, I started working with him on my own in addition to his school work. We’d practice sight words, sounds, and letters. I’d use his tablet and audio to get him interested, but he still would get stuck. In first grade, I began working with the school to get a reading intervention specialist to pull him out of class for 1-on-1 help. That was helpful, but he still struggled. So I opted for testing. Then, covid came. With that came social promotion and him getting further behind even though I would work with him and purchased Hooked on Phonics. He could not get into virtual learning. Eventually, I made the decision to hold him back an additional year because he was not ready. He was born late in the summer right before school generally starts, so many of his classmates are 6-10 months older than he is and it shows. Now that he is repeating a grade, he’s speaking better, he recognizes his p/d/b’s easily, and he is interested in going to school.

So far, he has been tested psychologically and emotionally. No major issues, good memory, and good speech and taking direction. His next round of testing will include learning disability tests so we will see.

I’m saying this all to say that some parents delay intervention because many kids do mature and catch up with their peers. Not only that, there’s a lot of red tape in some districts when it comes to starting the process for assistance. There are ARDs, offsite testing, and how this will affect your child’s permanent school record. For some parents, it’s another thing that they simply don’t feel like navigating. It’s time consuming and if there are other kids in the household, it’s really a lot.
 

incogneato

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Denial.

When I was begging my parents to put me into therapy at age 16 because I couldn't handle being bullied and dealing with abuse at home, I was threatened. When I my grades began to fall as a result, I was beaten. It's all the same crap.

Later on as I began to get older, I realized that my mom was in and out of mental institutions for years. They were afraid that I'd end up in the system or be found out to have a mental illness.

I suffered for years alone.
 
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I remember reading that around ~80% of parents of deaf kids don’t learn sign language to communicate with their kids. They rather force their kids to learn how to lip read, even though for a lot of people it is impractical and not very reliable, to make them seem more normal or because they can’t be bothered to learn it. That statistic has always shocked and saddened me.

And I have seen stuff like this again and again and again in my life. And adults will justify it because they don’t want to “label” a child. To me it seems almost rare that a child actually gets early intervention unless it is a noticeable physical disability or they are extremely behind and they must do something (like cannot talk after a certain age).

Ignorance and denial and shame are the root causes and as much as I want to have sympathy for the matter it still angers me to the core because it’s the child who will suffer from life long challenges.
 

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I've been diagnosed with ADHD late in life, but I'm starting to remember a few things.

Some teachers did notice that I had issues with concentration and attention. I was tested, but let into gifted classes instead. My parents only focused on the "gifted label", and ignore the difficulty paying attention.

When I needed glasses, I was only taken 1 or 2 times, and when I forgot them, it was never brought up again. One parent mentioned that I probably didn't really need the glasses, and being "four eyes" would make me get bullied. I stopped wearing my glasses.

Was in speech pathology for about 3-4 years, but I never told them, they only learned later on when I got a speech pathology teacher that wanted us to work on homework WITH our parents. One parent didn't like us being told to make a motion like "we were kissing a boy" to say one sound, and went up to the school and pulled me out of speech pathology entirely.

I had been speaking with a lisp, and thankfully, that had been fixed for the most part before this.

When I went to a doctor's appointment, they mentioned that I might have scoliosis, but my parents never followed up.

We were told to go get braces for me...but one of them magically got lost on the way to the appointment.....

As an adult, I'm paying to fix these things now.

TLDR: Why do some parents refuse to believe their child has any problems? Or even act as if it's an affront to them?

Ignorance and fear. :/
 

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I've been diagnosed with ADHD late in life, but I'm starting to remember a few things.

Some teachers did notice that I had issues with concentration and attention. I was tested, but let into gifted classes instead. My parents only focused on the "gifted label", and ignore the difficulty paying attention.

When I needed glasses, I was only taken 1 or 2 times, and when I forgot them, it was never brought up again. One parent mentioned that I probably didn't really need the glasses, and being "four eyes" would make me get bullied. I stopped wearing my glasses.

Was in speech pathology for about 3-4 years, but I never told them, they only learned later on when I got a speech pathology teacher that wanted us to work on homework WITH our parents. One parent didn't like us being told to make a motion like "we were kissing a boy" to say one sound, and went up to the school and pulled me out of speech pathology entirely.

I had been speaking with a lisp, and thankfully, that had been fixed for the most part before this.

When I went to a doctor's appointment, they mentioned that I might have scoliosis, but my parents never followed up.

We were told to go get braces for me...but one of them magically got lost on the way to the appointment.....

As an adult, I'm paying to fix these things now.

TLDR: Why do some parents refuse to believe their child has any problems? Or even act as if it's an affront to them?
Because addressing the issues requires them to get up off their asses and actually be a parent.
 

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Interesting topic! I have stories lol…

They used to suggest dental work on my report cards all thru elementary school and yet my parents never took us. Weird bc our shots and annual physicals were always done but never teeth. Also weird that insurance wasn’t an issue - dental stuff just wasn’t a priority in my mom’s mind.

She feels bad about it now but it’s on me to correct my teeth as an adult. Even she has to correct her own negligence to her mouth in her old age smh.

One of my siblings is clearly has a developmental disability but my parents figured beatings to correct the “bad behavior” would make it better.

Once again when I speak to my parents about it as an adult, they see where they effed up. Idk if it’s generational or what but I’m glad more awareness is being shared about developmental delays and overall wellness in children.
 

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I have a couple of people in my life whose parents didn't want their children to be label or put in special education

Some of them just had speech issues that could have been fixed and others have some behavioral issues that had gotten progressively worse. But they at least they weren't put in special classes.

Is sad because a lot of issues can be solved or made them easier to manage as they get older if you start therapy early on.

I was never diagnosed with anything but i don't ever remember being tested for anything, but I do have some behaviors that made me think if i had been tested i would have been diagnosed with something. So whenever i have kids thats something I want to be aware/
 

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Some of it is also plain ole neglect. People have kids they don't want to invest in and so they know something is wrong but don't want to "waste energy" on the child. It's amazing how these parents don't have time to take their kid to a doctor, therapist, or tutoring but have plenty of time to do other things for themselves.
 

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My teacher had to write a note demanding that my mother take me to get glasses and stapled it to my shirt; inorder for my mother to get me the glasses I had been telling her I needed. In some households, if they can't beat it out of you, they just ignore it.
 

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I've been diagnosed with ADHD late in life, but I'm starting to remember a few things.

Some teachers did notice that I had issues with concentration and attention. I was tested, but let into gifted classes instead. My parents only focused on the "gifted label", and ignore the difficulty paying attention.

When I needed glasses, I was only taken 1 or 2 times, and when I forgot them, it was never brought up again. One parent mentioned that I probably didn't really need the glasses, and being "four eyes" would make me get bullied. I stopped wearing my glasses.

Was in speech pathology for about 3-4 years, but I never told them, they only learned later on when I got a speech pathology teacher that wanted us to work on homework WITH our parents. One parent didn't like us being told to make a motion like "we were kissing a boy" to say one sound, and went up to the school and pulled me out of speech pathology entirely.

I had been speaking with a lisp, and thankfully, that had been fixed for the most part before this.

When I went to a doctor's appointment, they mentioned that I might have scoliosis, but my parents never followed up.

We were told to go get braces for me...but one of them magically got lost on the way to the appointment.....

As an adult, I'm paying to fix these things now.

TLDR: Why do some parents refuse to believe their child has any problems? Or even act as if it's an affront to them?

Good grief!

You had negligent parents. My mama was always taking me in to get things checked .. things that amounted to nothing but my parents were concerned at the time.

I think the answer might be that your parents didn't want their child to be different etc because it would make THEM look bad... but that's not 'parenting'.

It occurs to me that this is probably why I try to take care of myself so well. My mama set the standard. So I have my teeth cleaned and I have a checkup a couple of times a year, I get a PAP smear, my Breast checked for cancer, my intestines checked for cancer, take the flu shot have had five vaccine shots so far, my eyes checked etc every few years. Thankfully I have zero health issues and at my age I can only be grateful for that. :)

I have other friends way younger than me that never have anything checked ... and yes one by one they start having health problems.
 
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schonbabe

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My teacher had to write a note demanding that my mother take me to get glasses and stapled it to my shirt; inorder for my mother to get me the glasses I had been telling her I needed. In some households, if they can't beat it out of you, they just ignore it.
I'm so so sorry... that is horrible!!
 

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