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Why do so many black women love to paint black women as a whole as undesirable?

poppyxseed

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I wish Black women or women in general would stop putting our self-esteem into the hands of others, especially men.

I admit, I like the attention I received when I travel to certain European countries. The men adore Black women, treat me like a freakin goddess.

Being “desirable” by men isn’t something we should strive for. Remember men will fµck a pie or a pig.

Being see in our feminine vibrate beauty isn’t just about the male gaze. I wish more women understood what that meant.

Like when I see a Tik tok or tweet of a Black woman complaining nobody wants them.

Their energy would be better used for showcasing their own talent or showcasing other Black women.
Off topic, but where all in Europe did you travel to sis?
 

Kessiah

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So many reasons. Mainly, I think it's unresolved trauma that got passed on to a generation that can broadcast it more. That and projection which results in a BW feeling good about themselves has to be reminded my a low esteem BW telling them they are "not desirable"

Look at the black femininity movement (minus the weirdos, there is genuinely good black-centered advice). Now look at the backlash it's receiving.
 

Unamblkpos

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I see some folks on here tslk the same way. Saw a recommendation thread for fantasy books where Black women are seen as desirable. Backed the hell out of that thread.
Black women are the only group of people on the planet who are expected to forgo relationships with others due to be fetishized.

No one else on the planet is expected to not date someone because that person fetishes their features.

Everyone else finds a way to capitalize on their fetishized features.

I must say that Black women do a disservice to themselves and other Black women by trying to hop on a morality high horse to shame others who fetishized Black women’s features and by shaming Black women who have found ways to capitalize on their fetishized features.

We have to learn how to be quiet at times and simply use our features to our benefit.
 

mystikspiral

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Black women aren’t getting married because Black women don’t prioritize nor make marriage a requirement.

For some reason Black women act timid IRL and online about their relationship demands.

Black women give the men in their relationships too much power and are unwilling to state and demand their needs.

We can change this by normalizing the expectation of marriage for Black women. Encourage Black women in your life to seek marriage instead of long term situationship.

This! Many BW are all too happy to shack up and/or have children with men who haven’t married them. Others just don’t make a point to mingle with marriage-minded men which often requires stepping out of whatever social circles they currently run in.
 

GlamorousOne

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There is is much anti black social media rhetoric towards black women and girls on social media.
When I used twitter as a teen I used to see anti black women tweets, every single day.
Why do some people get so upset when some black women feel undesired? Can you always blame them?

Good point. It really should not come as a shock to people considering the barrage of Anti-BW hate that was very pervasive on Twitter, YouTube and all social media and was at its strongest from about 2008-2016.....that was during a lot of BWs formative years
 

GlamorousOne

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Black women are the only group of people on the planet who are expected to forgo relationships with others due to be fetishized.

No one else on the planet is expected to not date someone because that person fetishes their features.

Everyone else finds a way to capitalize on their fetishized features.

I must say that Black women do a disservice to themselves and other Black women by trying to hop on a morality high horse to shame others who fetishized Black women’s features and by shaming Black women who have found ways to capitalize on their fetishized features.

We have to learn how to be quiet at times and simply use our features to our benefit.

Well said...as a general rule, Asian women dont care if other races of men fetishize them for being petite or having straight black hair....White women don’t care if other races of men fetishize them for having white skin or blue eyes.....Latinas don’t care if other races of men fetishize them for their accents or curves..... but black women are expected to be militant about other races of men feTiShiZiNg Us and it’s stupid and a non-issue imo....simply because all women are fetishized by all men. BW are expected to be these militant, asexual beings and it’s weird
 

makeeasweet

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Off topic, but where all in Europe did you travel to sis?

Portugal, Germany, Hungary and Spain. This is based on my own personal experience, I can't speak for anyone else.

I know some people will brush off my experience and say their only nice because their trying to f**k. But it's more than that, they treated me with respect and as a equal. Even when they had no romantic interest or any involvement of money.

You may have seen these videos already, but just in case. Here a few experiences from other Black women.



 

MargotJane

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I remember reading that it would be so hard for black women to have educated & caring men interested in them. Unless you’re lightskin. And I remember being worried when I was just starting university that if I went out to party no guy would want me. And I would never have a boyfriend because no one likes black women since “we scare them off” according to some of the things I’ve read. Also that we shouldn’t go where were not wanted and the way they made it seem was that nobody wants us.

But it was the exact opposite lmao. And I have not struggled to get a guy interested in me. According to these people a man like my current boyfriend wouldn’t even look at me lmao, but he came up to me and told me he thought I was cute it’s so cheesy but still.

I hope other younger black girls do not listen to this nonesense.
 

Witch Please

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It isn’t the media that destroyed the self esteem of so many Black women as it is Black men. We were doing fine and celebrating Blackness in the 70s-90s before it became common place for Black men to openly degrade us and compare us to women of other races. There was even more representation for dark skinned women and Black couples were healthy and common on TV. We’ve gone backwards.

I’ve had people of other races blatantly ask me why Black men hate us so much or prefer other races. No other race of men do this which is why every other race of woman is seen as valuable and desirable even if they don’t fit the white beauty standards.

I’ve also heard rumors that people tell Black male celebrities and athletes to only date non-Black women as it will help advance their career.

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PoeticPisces

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I don't get it. So many love to do it on such a public platform as well. It's as if they get off on humiliation. Sorry but I've just finished reading a ridiculous post on another site of yet another black woman going in a public platform to paint black women as a whole as undesirable. Honestly speaking. It's like so many love negging ourselves.
Maybe they’re upset about their dating life or they live in a real racist area and so they think everywhere is like that.

It’s weird how some act about IRR on here like it’s a big deal. Maybe because I grew up in one of the most diverse cities in the world but I’m used to being approached by men of all races for dates/relationships. I never thought to even think men were looking at me badly because I’m black, and if they did, I wouldn’t want someone like that anyway. I only know about the men who approach me and don’t waste time thinking about the ones that don’t. I’ve also never had a preference for black men or any race of man really. I treat men as individuals.

That’s why I wonder sometimes if the issue is them just being awkward/asocial, not going out enough, or coming off unfriendly but then I know a lot of shy/awkward people in relationships so I don’t know. I see all types of people in relationships but they had to go out and be open to meet new people to get into these relationships at some point.

I notice however other (non-black) women tend to be more flirty, friendly (thirsty af lol) instead of just waiting. They approach men a lot which makes people assume they’re just desirable when really they’re more aggressive when it comes to flirting with men. Eventually someone will stick, with this method. I’ve been out with black and white men and had white women come up and try to flirt with them like I’m not even there. (They don’t even know if we’re in a relationship or not). I also had white women give me dirty looks when I was on a date with Asian men, they’re super weird about needing to be the centre of attention.

These guys were my friends so they’d just laugh and tell me how every time I leave another white girl tries to ask them out. If that’s what they consider desirability then I don’t know. I’m not like this, I just let people approach me as I’m told I appear friendly. Worked for me, well so far, I attract the type of men I’m attracted to. The only issue afterwards is compatibility — can I see this person as not just a romantic partner but a friend?
 

PoeticPisces

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I wonder the same thing. It's embarrassing and self-deprecating. Like, please don't include me in your own personal insecurities.
And if you mention you’ve had different experiences (so it might not be a race thing) they say you’re trying to gaslight them or act like you’re some anamoly because it doesn’t fit their narrative.

Anyway, I see people of all different levels of attractiveness (which is subjective) in relationships so I find looks/desirability is usually only a small factor to why people have issues. It’s usually their attitude. I see this time and time again. They think it’s their looks but it’s their low self-esteem, self decrepetation, assuming everyone doesn’t like you which makes people not like you.

Also, if they’re over sharing on the internet (I’ve seen Tik Toks where they had their white friends in the background as they complain about not being approached as a black girl) imagine what they’re doing in real life or saying to people that are turning them off.
 

PoeticPisces

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I always use an example about black women putting each other down, if any black guy says he thinks that a non-black women is cute, no black man will never come for his ass, some will agree or some dont, but nobody will say that the guy is a idiot for find a non black girl cute, but if black women say that she finds non-black guys cute, a lot of black women will come for say the first black women making jokes and saying that the guy will never look at her, and how its ridiculous find non-black guys cute.
The sad thing is I mostly see this happen online and on LSA not irl. It might be a generational difference because I notice it’s mostly older women who talk about “nothing but a black man”, people my age have crushes on people of all races and we don’t make fun of them (irl).
 

Frbied

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The only black women I see doing that are the "woke folks" on social media.

I don't understand how they stay switching between talking about how undesirable black women are, then they turn around and drag others for saying black women are undesirable.

They need to pick a side.


You are describing the comment section of The Shaderoom. That thing makes me want to puke. Such little self esteem for themselves and they've succeeded painting us all weird. Gosh
 

MizzLa89

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Cause they wanna feel like they not alone in their experiences, but I be reading that sh!t looking like uh yeah bish u r :laughing:
 

Naija40

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It’s whatever at this point. There’s nothing more powerful than the feelings of a singular woman even if it’s not based in reality. Her in experience must be true for others. It’s even worse when women start to “resonate” with each other. Just like how women can cry from seeing other women crying. You have many black women convinced they’re undesirable of a next woman’s experience. The only thing some of these women share is skin complexion/colour.

Women making dumb threads asking why two women that are dark skin receiving different levels of attention as if it’s being dark skin itself that determines attraction. One obviously is less attractive than the other but yet you’ll have women who don’t see it that way and are convinced it’s because of their skin because of their own insecurities.
 

Mencha

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I don't think Black women's are undesirable. I do think it's is harder for us to date IR, though. Black men find it "easier" because men are the drivers of dating/commitment etc., Black men have a "positive" xesual stereotype, and their requirements for a "relationship" are looser than Black women's requirements.

If BM walk up to 100 women of different races and 99 say no, but only one says "maybe" they have an opening. Women usually wait for men to approach them. So Black women will have a harder time dating IR as most groups of men are usually not as "aggressive" as Black men when it comes to approaching women.

Black men and Black women have the same xesual stereotype: hyper xesual and good in bed. This is a "positive" stereotype for men, but a horrible one for women. That takes us to the final point. If a White woman told a Black man "I want to have xes with you at night, but if you see me during the day act like you don't know me, and I'll do the same", Black men would still count that as a win. If a White, Asian or Hispanic man told a Black woman the same thing 9.9 time out of 10 BW would say "no thanks". Black women would never count that as a win as women can always get xes, but a real relationship in which she's acknowledged publicly and given a title of girlfriend/fiancé/wife etc. is the goal. In general, women don't want to be hidden.

All of these things make it harder for Black women to date/ IR. Here's the facts, if White or other men wanted Black women they would be sought after like Asian women. White and other don't let anything stand between them and Asian women. Black men don't let anything stand between them and women of other races either. There is just less interest in BW by men of other races at this time, but I think that'll soon change.

Asian and Latina women always let it be known that they are attracted to white men, so of course that is where the men will go. Men of all races go where they think they are wanted and desired.

So if all white men have heard for decades is that they are cornballs, rapists, have small dicks, not attractive or will only be taken seriously as the last resort or only if they have money, then of course they might be more reluctant approaching black women.

I mean let's be real too many black women all over the internet love to say "I'm not into white boys" or "white men pander for xes only" or "I would never be with a white boy as long as dark skin brothas are around". I mean who after hearing that all over social media would take a huge risk of being rejected?

I'm not saying black women need to run after white men or any man. But I do think we need to be honest in our approach if we really want to date IR. If so, then we sincerely should be open to it. Instead of acting like the man is out to get us or that we are doing him a favor for even talking to him.
 

gawkgawk4000

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I don't get it. So many love to do it on such a public platform as well. It's as if they get off on humiliation. Sorry but I've just finished reading a ridiculous post on another site of yet another black woman going in a public platform to paint black women as a whole as undesirable. Honestly speaking. It's like so many love negging ourselves.
Because of the dating app stats & men constantly bashing us. I've seen some non-bm try to speak for their whole race & claim that they all dislike us. There's also a lot of people who see us as "undesirable" because they're brainwashed by the stereotypes.
 
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makeeasweet

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In a way these Black women are only reinforcing these negative stereotype.

I’m not going to downplay another woman experience. But I wish they didn’t use their experience to paint us all the same.

When I travel to Latin America and hung out in a expats group. Out there blonde hair and blue is kinda “exotic” to them. So those chicks were constantly getting lots of attention out there.

I remember my Hispanic female friend being in awe of me getting guys out there.

My friend—“wtf how are doing that? All these assholes want blonde White girls out here lol.”

I said it was simple, I was just super aggressive with flirting and picking the right men.

We went out to lounge and I seen a sexy White Cuban guy ordering bottle service. I went right up to him and he became obsessed with me for the rest of my trip. I swear man find it super sexy when you act first.

My friend could not get over what she seen, she was shook lmao. I told her for every man that don’t want us, there ten more line up behind them that thirst for us.

I didn’t let negative associations to my “Blackness” stop me from getting what I want. I do believe a lot these women need to flip their mindset and stop focusing on the guys that don’t want them.

They’re missing out the men that find them desirable.
 

Purplincense

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I see this a lot on here. A Black woman might make a thread saying she’s dating a good Black man or a good white man or a good moc that loves, provides and respects her. OR she might say a well off white guy or Black guy is courting her; then boom, they start flying in:

  • You’re lying sis
  • Black women are not good for relationships
  • He can’t be rich. He’s broke
  • Is he ugly? He must be ugly
  • I bet he settled for you
  • No, girl, you settled for him
  • He can’t love like that
  • He’s with you cause he can’t get a white girl

It’s really weird. I really hope these Black women on here that love screaming “they” are undesirable don’t go around projecting their sentiments onto other Black women irl.

Groan away..
 

SinCndomPapi

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It’s the only way a lot of these fonts and BW online can get attention. Monetizing their misfortunes or trauma
 

nit.tit

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They’re just projecting their own insecurities. I wouldn’t take it serious.
 

LaIndigo

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I get it and I agree. I wont pretend as if there are difficulties that women of other races dont face. But black women ARE desirable. I as an individual may not be, but that is not a reflection on black women as a whole.
 

Purplincense

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I agree. I see a lot of Black women irl in relationships and I know a lot of Black women living their best life with their bfs and some who are married.
It’s the only way a lot of these fonts and BW online can get attention. Monetizing their misfortunes or trauma
 

htownsfinest

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They likely aren’t Black or they’re trolling/projecting. Most likely digital black face though
 

Bubblyflute

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I see this a lot on here. A Black woman might make a thread saying she’s dating a good Black man or a good white man or a good moc that loves, provides and respects her. OR she might say a well off white guy or Black guy is courting her; then boom, they start flying in:

  • You’re lying sis
  • Black women are not good for relationships
  • He can’t be rich. He’s broke
  • Is he ugly? He must be ugly
  • I bet he settled for you
  • No, girl, you settled for him
  • He can’t love like that
  • He’s with you cause he can’t get a white girl

It’s really weird. I really hope these Black women on here that love screaming “they” are undesirable don’t go around projecting their sentiments onto other Black women irl.

Groan away..
1. they are self loathing
2. They are ugly and want to blame their blackness. They can't do this if black women are desired
3. They aren't black women but are in digital black face. There are many white and asian women -- not to mention foreign people on LSA.
5. they are black men who want black women to feel bad and lower our standards and/or not date interracially
 

LoveSupreme

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Lot’s of broken hearted, unrequited love, victims on this board.

You can tell because after their hearts have been broken, or their love interest doesn’t respond, they start with the “Why Do All Black Men” threads.
 

MarieM22

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Chile, yes, lol. They get mad as hell when society depicts BW as ugly or manly, but then they turn around and say the same crap. It’s weird. I think it’s internalized beliefs and a lack of self-awareness
I agree. I'm a black woman living in Utah. I'm married, and the truth is, every time I go out, some man whether white or Latina or middle eastern will make a pass at me.
To all my black sisters, just love who you are, love yourself, take care of you, and please, stop listening to the black beta-males like Kevin Samuels or self-hating, self-sabotaging black women using social media to turn a buck.
 

csu13

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Usually it's the ugly awkward women that say this. Maybe if you stop judging men would speak to you.
 

Mandaazi

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Too many people want to pass their dating experiences as everyones dating experience. My experience as an average male is not the experience of a male model, or a rich male etc. It's really silly.
They're ''keeping it real'' and if you dare to say something it's ''stop trying to gaslight black women''...
 

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