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Why does every guy seem to have a horrible ex?

PoeticPisces

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I’m tired of hearing about it, I think they’re just making it up. Honestly, I don’t even think this “horrible ex” even existed and they are in fact the horrible one. Does this really work on some people?

It’s so lame, it won’t even be men you’re trying to seriously date talking about their ex or asking you a million questions about yours. It reflects badly on them to talk badly about someone they probably asked to be their “girlfriend” as in she didn’t force them to date or commit to her. I’m just sitting there thinking, is this how he’s going to talk about me to other people if we don’t work out? Is there some guy I’ve dated who’s lying and saying I’m their “mean ex” in order to now get sympathy from the next girl?

I had a guy friend talk about breaking up with his girlfriend after she moved away and I was like you could still make it work, and he was like “nah I didn’t really like her that much anyway” ... then why ask her to be your girlfriend if you didn’t like her? You’re just making yourself look bad, not your ex, either by admitting you like drama (toxic people) or you’re the type to be with some just because even though you don’t really like them like that. You don’t come as cool but acting like you didn’t care. You come off desperate by choosing to stay with people you didn’t like or treated you badly.

This is why I make sure now to always ask about their family life and past relationships early on — you’ll learn a lot about how they view love and relationships.
 
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kris_517

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Most men with horrible exes either helped make her that way by being disrespectful or playing with her emotions.


Or they were so busy looking at her booty and beauty didn't realize her personality was sh!t or the girl was bonkers. Didn't look deep before they leap.
 

thehoneydip

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It takes two to tango. I dated a guy he told me his last two exes were crazy and he had restraining orders on both I was like wow that’s wild. When things ended I realized why the girls harassed him. He played mind games.
So yeah anyone saying their exes have xyz issues I do worry. Even my current man he tells me oh my ex did this and I’m like ok well what did you do to make her do that? I mean I had bad exes too but if everyone is bad you’re the problem.
 

BrizAy

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99% of the time, if she truly is crazy, then he had a hand in making her that way. I always say it’s not good sechs that make women “crazy.” It’s all the false hopes, empty promises, and lies that go with it.
 

pinkflower89

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Because most men create their horrible exes. If an ex is "crazy" or "toxic," 9/10 he made them that way.
 

Valhalla

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Most men with horrible exes either helped make her that way by being disrespectful or playing with her emotions.


Or they were so busy looking at her booty and beauty didn't realize her personality was sh!t or the girl was bonkers. Didn't look deep before they leap.

90% of the time this is what happens when they have a bad ex.
 

Artheaux

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Red flag he’s probably crazy as well we attract what we are.
 

May Flowers

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He was probably the horrible one. My ex husband tells everybody that he can that I'm the worst b!tch on the planet, but he was the trash ass narcissistic cheating abuser in the relationship so he has some nerve. All my other exes speak glowingly about me.
 

PoeticPisces

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Red flag he’s probably crazy as well we attract what we are.
Yep they think they’re making her look bad but they’re just making themselves look stupid. If she’s so bad yet you stayed with her, then you’re either attracted to drama or toxic yourself. For e.g. I can’t stay around depressed/pessimistic people for too long because they drain my energy. My body and spirit rejects them and I would have to get away as soon as possible. For him, stay with that type of person for so long, you have to be vibrating at the same frequency. Water will eventually seek its own level.
 
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Doesn't everyone, regardless of gender, have a "horrible" ex? Meaning, we've all had at least 1 bad past relationship (especially our first) because we were young and naive back then. We accepted things we wouldn't accept now.

I think it's only a red flag if he blames the entire failure of the relationship on his ex, and doesn't take responsibility for what he allowed to happen to him or what he did to her.
 

DeletedUser3

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Ninjas love lying to take the attention of them being ain't sh!t.

As other fonts have stated a lot of men created their "horrible" exes with the mistreatment, gaslighting, lyings, etc the ex endured in the relationship.

RARELY is a woman truly "crazy". And yes if a man talks nasty, disrespectful, etc about the previous ex, he'll do the same to you.
 
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He was probably the horrible one. My ex husband tells everybody that he can that I'm the worst b!tch on the planet, but he was the trash ass narcissistic cheating abuser in the relationship so he has some nerve. All my other exes speak glowingly about me.

It sounds like you're both doing the same thing to each other.
 

May Flowers

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It sounds like you're both doing the same thing to each other.

The difference is I have the court reports, pictures and restraining orders to prove it. I only talk about him being trash on LSA. In regular life I never speak about him. He goes out of his way to tell lies about me to everybody. He's also abused every other woman he's been with before and after me but yet he trashes every last one of us and says we're ALL the problem and he's a catch.
 

Amandabby22

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Idk why y’all think men are above choosing wrong just like women do.

Most of the men I’ve dated who claimed to have crazy exes were telling the truth. The only reason why I know is because some of those women I knew of prior or I had a friend who knew of her. It’s hard to avoid in a small town.

A man will say he wants one thing and then go chase another. They can be horrid at dating & vetting just like women are.
 

GrandmasMan

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People that talk about their exes to their new partner or potential partner are annoying, nobody cares, move on. After someone becomes a former anything in my life, they no longer exist to me, even if I see them on the street, dead looking at me in my face, I won't acknowledge them. I won't even acknowledge them if someone brings their name up.

Anyway, experiences are subjective unfortunately. Humans aren't really good at retelling or remembering an experience accurately. The way you experience yourself and the way other people experience you can be completely different. So yeah, to someone, if you have had multiple relationships, you are a bad, crazy, ex. I never met someone that had a good ex. I believe that most relationships that work is due to the ability to keep a consistent shared experience. You finally meet someone that sees the world and experience the world similar to how you do. Thus you don't have to translate your experience to them which keeps disagreements to a minimum.
 
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I stopped believing that bs victim card lie the minute I turned 19. I’m STILL pissed I used to believe them. Now I tell any woman the minute he brings up a “crazy” ex RUN!!!!

Convenient how the worst and most abusive man I ever dated only had “crazy” ex’s

HOW CONVENIENT

but I was “soooo different to them”according to him, LMFAO I don’t even need to explain how that turned out. Every man says this to you because it boosts your ego even unknowingly so you believe it when you’re naive and inexperienced. You’ll be that “crazy ex” the minute you’re no longer with them. Guaranteed!

Any woman who stands up for themselves/wants better for themselves/calls them out and doesn’t put up with their sh!t or can’t be bothered with their monkey brains are “tOxiC” or “cRaZy”. I see this a lot on twitter nowadays too. The best thing to do with men is let them talk, they show themselves every time.

CC299BB1-60B7-4236-B88A-5DAEEEB024BE.jpeg
 

tt00

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Because usually it is the man not the ex probably 85% of the time. They part of the problem. What did they do to cause that relationship to go sour. I always side eye men who say this.
 

PoeticPisces

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Red flag he’s probably crazy as well we attract what we are.
Yep they think they’re making her look bad but they’re just making themselves look stupid. If she’s so bad yet you stayed with her, then you’re either attracted to drama or toxic yourself. For e.g. I can’t stay around depressed/pessimistic people for too long because they drain my energy. My body and spirit rejects them and I would have to get away as soon as possible. For him, stay with that type of person for so long, you have to be vibrating at the same frequency. Water will eventually seek its own level.
People that talk about their exes to their new partner or potential partner are annoying, nobody cares, move on. After someone becomes a former anything in my life, they no longer exist to me, even if I see them on the street, dead looking at me in my face, I won't acknowledge them. I won't even acknowledge them if someone brings their name up.

Anyway, experiences are subject, unfortunately. Humans aren't really good at retelling or remembering an experience accurately. The way you experience yourself and the way other people experience you can be completely different. So yeah, to someone, if you have had multiple relationships, you are a bad, crazy, ex. I never met someone that had a good ex. I believe that most relationships that work, is due to the ability to keep a consistent shared experience. You finally meet someone, that see's the world and experience the world, similar to how you do thus you don't have to translate your experience to them.
That would explain why some people outgrow certain friendships/relationships after moving away, they no longer have that shared experience. Also, that’s true because if they were that good why did you break up. However, bringing it up shows to me that you’re not over it — at least emotionally. Plus, I don’t like when guys talk about other women in front of me especially ones they’ve been with.
 
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People who say that and are still caught up in usually have no idea what's good for them and keep on picking the same problematic people (but due to external circumstances that molded their romantic notions and ideas of a partner, not blaming them here).

The people I know who had one of those were usually young and unlucky but had enough wisdom to recognise it and be more wary later on. The people who didn't reflect on it usually have several, back to back, and often don't learn even in their 50s (both men and women). And both generalise the other xes and complain about them in ridiculous ways, while the rest of the world side eyes them. Also, why would you approach a new relationship talking sh!t about your exes? Tacky, counterproductive and burdensome.
 

Kittycat2018

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I’m tired of hearing about it, I think they’re just making it up. Honestly, I don’t even think this “horrible ex” even existed and they are in fact the horrible one. Does this really work on some people?

It’s so lame, it won’t even be men you’re trying to seriously date talking about their ex or asking you a million questions about yours. It reflects badly on them to talk badly about someone they probably asked to be their “girlfriend” as in she didn’t force them to date or commit to her. I’m just sitting there thinking, is this how he’s going to talk about me to other people if we don’t work out? Is there some guy I’ve dated who’s lying and saying I’m their “mean ex” in order to now get sympathy from the next girl?

I had a guy friend talk about breaking up with his girlfriend after she moved away and I was like you could still make it work, and he was like “nah I didn’t really like her that much anyway” ... then why ask her to be your girlfriend if you didn’t like her? You’re just making yourself look bad, not your ex, either by admitting you like drama (toxic people) or you’re the type to be with some just because even though you don’t really like them like that. You don’t come as cool but acting like you didn’t care. You come off desperate by choosing to stay with people you didn’t like or treated you badly.

This is why I make sure now to always ask about their family life and past relationships early on — you’ll learn a lot about how they view love and relationships.

Kudos for seeing through the b/s bc that is exactly what they want..sympathy and to look like the victim.
 

Sistah ROAR

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Most men struggle with taking accountability....judge a man by how he describes his ex.

Trust me...most women aren’t naturally crazy...they are driven to it.
 

purplecats

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Ninjas love lying to take the attention of them being ain't sh!t.

As other fonts have stated a lot of men created their "horrible" exes with the mistreatment, gaslighting, lyings, etc the ex endured in the relationship.

RARELY is a woman truly "crazy". And yes if a man talks nasty, disrespectful, etc about the previous ex, he'll do the same to you.

yeah. i had a guy tell me that his ex was crazy, borderline personality, etc.

I didn't date him. But it turned out he was the crazy one; stalked, harassed people, had restraining order put on him, seemed to have a personality disorder.

I realized he probably put that girl through hell and so she snapped.
 

Yoda215

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Most men with horrible exes either helped make her that way by being disrespectful or playing with her emotions.


Or they were so busy looking at her booty and beauty didn't realize her personality was sh!t or the girl was bonkers. Didn't look deep before they leap.
BINGO!
 

Roses are

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I'm the "crazy ex". He dragged and body shamed his first ex. I bet 20 dollars he's doing me the same way and leaving out all the stuff he did to look good.
 

Gull

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anyone, man or woman, claiming they have terrible exe's is essentially self dragging.

they are admitting to the world that they have poor judgment and discernment skills.
 

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