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Why is it that when an addict falls victim to a substance more than once, most people begin to lose sympathy for them?

Christinazz1990

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If people want to know what addiction is like and how easy it is to keep on relapsing they need to read Hunter Biden’s memoir. I can’t lie but that book literally had me in tears, it’s seriously heartbreaking, I listened to it on Audiable and finished in one day I couldn’t stop listening. He had all of the support in the world but kept relapsing time and time again. I don’t think you should focus on public sentiment but on your family and friends, the people who love and support you. There’s always going to be people who don’t understand addiction or know someone going through a battle with addiction, they simply shrug it off and judge addicts because it’s easier than actually taking the time to understand their story. At the end of the day you have to focus on yourself, you have to want to get clean and stay clean for you and those who love you.
 
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kekeeeee

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Drug addicts think they are special when in reality they don’t learn their lessons and don’t have self control.
Happens to everyone even in categories other than drugs. And even more so addicts (Like narcs) tend to weaponize sympathy. People that want to change Or move forward usually don’t want you to “feel sorry” for them.
 

Onyxprincess

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Put it this way:

Even psychologists often feel this way about addicts they deal with.
I have a friend who is a psychologist.
She had a different kind of empathy for someone who was grieving because their baby died, or a veteran that was having another bout of ptsd.

She got real fed up with patients who were addcits - especially those who repeatedly fell off the wagon.

Because yes, they do bring the problem on themselves in a way ppl with other problems don’t.
 

smart_girl215

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This is in general. It’s about celebrities, it’s about normal people.

You’ll see people sympathize when someone falls victim to drugs & other addictions but as soon as it happens over & over again, you start to see the “omg she’s annoying” or heartless jokes towards them.

Think back to Whitney Houston. Jokes are STILL being made about her drug use.

There are DMX jokes being made right now about his journey with drug abuse.

You see all these former Disney child stars tweaking on drugs. Bella Thorne & Demi are great examples of former child stars that have struggled for years with drugs.

I’m beginning to see that A LOT of people have absolutely NO IDEA what addiction is actually like. It changes you as a person, you want to get better but it really is a journey. It’s a lifelong thing. People don’t understand that because a lot of people have never experienced it nor have they been around it.

Addiction doesn’t end after the first stint, it usually keeps going. It even evolves into different things.

I had an immediate family member that was addicted to popping pills (sleeping pills), that evolved into excessive use of money (gambling). She would steal from people, she would lie to people, this went on for a good chunk of my life ngl. So I know what addiction looks like & I know how ugly it can get. On top of that one side of my family is full of “functioning” coke addicts. I choose to not partake in the many drugs because I know what I come from but I am strong willed, idk what their state of minds are like.

Besides that, I feel like it should be mandatory for everyone to learn that addiction is not a one way street. We should also have more empathy for addiction, just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean that you should call someone a “crackhead” or some other derogatory name. Cause that could be you any day , it’s THAT easy to get hooked on drugs.

If you don’t know what it’s like, don’t speak on it imho.
Some ppl are just tired. My mother was married for 10 years to a drug addict. From age 7 to 17. 10 years of childhood gone. It's very tiring. I'm 37 and I still don't have the spoons to deal with an addict. You get sucked in. You become co dependent. It's all very ugly. And while I understand the struggles after a while my sympathy runs out and my indifference starts.
 

Voiderror404

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This is a really great thread & I love the responses!

I don't think that its a lack of sympathy. I also think it depends. Addiction really is a disease & it doesn't stop once you go to rehab and get clean. I said in another response to this thread that addiction is very similar to early childhood trauma, no matter how far you stray away from it, it takes so much work & effort to stay clean. I'm gonna try to break down the answers for each person you mentioned.

for regular everyday people, I think its a mixture of being emotionally drained & loosing faith overall. children of addicts are sadly subjected to their struggles & end up paying the price when they did not ask to be here. Loved ones overall. It's hard to have faith in someone who keeps messing up. Even if it is a disease.

For DMX, I'm kind of biased about him because he had his demons, I have a lot of sympathy for him despite his demons, it seems like he never had a chance. in jail from 7 to 14, had a mentor who introduced him to crack, a mother who didn't wan him. Those kinds of events stay with you forever. Theres a video on youtube of him on big boys radio show, he was rapping his biggest hits and you could hear the emotion in his voice. Drug addiction will always have some people who just don't understand it.

for whitney, I think that people just make a lot of jokes because when you're a celeb in the limelight, even before twitter trolling has always been around. When people make jokes I dont think that its about not understanding addiction, it's just people being stupid.

Demi is a bit of a different story. For me personally I only saw someone mocking her once. It was some years ago, she posted a photo of her at the voting booth and someone commented "they must have crack in there" but a lot of people replied to the person calling him out for being disrespectful because it was very very very shortly after the OD happened. As of right now I only see people criticising her because of her over sharing a lot of un needed info. & making DMX's OD about her didn't help. But demi has a history of behavior like this, so I don't think its about her addiction & more about her attention seeking behavior.


As for Bella thorne I dont really see people making fun of her.


My general answer is that its not a loss of sympathy intentionally, It's just a mixture of being tired of seeing someone you love fµck up over and over again. People need to understand that just because addiction is a disease, it won't exempt people from not feeling bad for you after a while.
 

Caligullfree

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Because adults who maintain relatively unharmed through their hardships don't empathize with what they see as weak people. These are people who think they could have turned to drugs and didn't and for that simple fact some people will always view those as drug addicted as someone that made a choice, the wrong choice that they have to own.

I think if people can relate to that person in other ways they may have more sympathy and understand what happened but often times people cannot relate so they don't have empathy for the circumstance.
 

apples

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This is in general. It’s about celebrities, it’s about normal people.

You’ll see people sympathize when someone falls victim to drugs & other addictions but as soon as it happens over & over again, you start to see the “omg she’s annoying” or heartless jokes towards them.

Think back to Whitney Houston. Jokes are STILL being made about her drug use.

There are DMX jokes being made right now about his journey with drug abuse.

You see all these former Disney child stars tweaking on drugs. Bella Thorne & Demi are great examples of former child stars that have struggled for years with drugs.

I’m beginning to see that A LOT of people have absolutely NO IDEA what addiction is actually like. It changes you as a person, you want to get better but it really is a journey. It’s a lifelong thing. People don’t understand that because a lot of people have never experienced it nor have they been around it.

Addiction doesn’t end after the first stint, it usually keeps going. It even evolves into different things.

I had an immediate family member that was addicted to popping pills (sleeping pills), that evolved into excessive use of money (gambling). She would steal from people, she would lie to people, this went on for a good chunk of my life ngl. So I know what addiction looks like & I know how ugly it can get. On top of that one side of my family is full of “functioning” coke addicts. I choose to not partake in the many drugs because I know what I come from but I am strong willed, idk what their state of minds are like.

Besides that, I feel like it should be mandatory for everyone to learn that addiction is not a one way street. We should also have more empathy for addiction, just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean that you should call someone a “crackhead” or some other derogatory name. Cause that could be you any day , it’s THAT easy to get hooked on drugs.

If you don’t know what it’s like, don’t speak on it imho.

I can’t see where you posted the tasteless joke that inspired this thread.
I call my cousin a crackhead because he is one. :emoji_cry: Hell he’d tell you to your face if you mistake him for anything else. If he doesn’t want to be called a crackhead, he shouldn’t be doing it.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love him more than I love 95% of my family. If anything happened to him I’d be devastated. I could bury a body with this man. I can talk to him about anything. He’s one of the funniest people I know.
But I have to be real.
He has stolen some expensive things from me. He’s put me in some dangerous situations.
He is reckless with his mouth and his life.

I’m at the point where it is what it is. May as well have a sense of humor about it.
 

blackstarr360

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I think many people find it difficult to have sympathy with celebrities because they have access to many resources that regular folks don't. It's even harder to have sympathy when the addict is a a parent. I can't imagine the things Bobbi Kristina saw growing up in her household. And the fact that her and Bobby Brown's son both died of an overdose. Tragic.
 

apples

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Sidenote Whitney didn’t deserve the treatment she received from the media in the time leading up to her death.

With DMX it’s like we knew he had an addiction but he looked healthy. Looked clean. He was lowkey about his. On top of that he’s a man. They’re coddled. I honestly didn’t see a lot of recent comments that could be perceived to be malicious about him.

With Whitney it was different. It was wayyyy worse. She was bigger than DMX. Her fall from grace (as far as her image) was much more dramatic. Nobody ever apologized.
 

ComeandSeer

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I empathize and sympathize up to a certain point because at the end of the day, it is truly up to that person if they want to become sober and get clean. Take Demi for instance, she has gone through all that and is still not sober. I wouldn't have a problem with her smoking weed, but one glass of wine caused her to do Heroin and Crack. She then proceeds to blame her old team saying they are too strict, but its clearly what she needs. It comes a certain point in time where one stops feeling sorry and instead looks at the facts of a celebrity having more resources than the average person to become clean.
 

JaxRhapsody

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-Lifes hard. It's harder for some than others, I don't even like quantifying and competing life hardness, those seek solace in drugs as a way to tollerate life, or escape from it. Pain is pain, suffering is suffering. What might be insignificant to you, may be grave to another.

-Drugs reprogram the brain, making these people vampires and zombies for their insatiable, or near it hunger. Why it's called a disease

I've known a few addicts, some are now dead, I dated three. I am bereft to these degenerates. These people are not welcome in my life with their addiction, it will not be my problem. fµck them, they are weak, lacking will power and self-control, and that goes for any addict; drugs, booze, gambling, hoarders, what have you. I remember vividly a good chunk of my friends would venture to another room to share a pipe of tina, whilst I wait by myself, and other stories.

They're a group of "people" not worth saving, them and their dealers are dregs on society. Of all the people that should be decimated from society; these piss-ants are doing it voluntarilly, and we virtuously stop them and try to save them, like morons.
 

Entaglenia

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This is in general. It’s about celebrities, it’s about normal people.

You’ll see people sympathize when someone falls victim to drugs & other addictions but as soon as it happens over & over again, you start to see the “omg she’s annoying” or heartless jokes towards them.

Think back to Whitney Houston. Jokes are STILL being made about her drug use.

There are DMX jokes being made right now about his journey with drug abuse.

You see all these former Disney child stars tweaking on drugs. Bella Thorne & Demi are great examples of former child stars that have struggled for years with drugs.

I’m beginning to see that A LOT of people have absolutely NO IDEA what addiction is actually like. It changes you as a person, you want to get better but it really is a journey. It’s a lifelong thing. People don’t understand that because a lot of people have never experienced it nor have they been around it.

Addiction doesn’t end after the first stint, it usually keeps going. It even evolves into different things.

I had an immediate family member that was addicted to popping pills (sleeping pills), that evolved into excessive use of money (gambling). She would steal from people, she would lie to people, this went on for a good chunk of my life ngl. So I know what addiction looks like & I know how ugly it can get. On top of that one side of my family is full of “functioning” coke addicts. I choose to not partake in the many drugs because I know what I come from but I am strong willed, idk what their state of minds are like.

Besides that, I feel like it should be mandatory for everyone to learn that addiction is not a one way street. We should also have more empathy for addiction, just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean that you should call someone a “crackhead” or some other derogatory name. Cause that could be you any day , it’s THAT easy to get hooked on drugs.

If you don’t know what it’s like, don’t speak on it imho.
One of the reason is it’s because increased use either of one drug or multi is associated with the severity of addiction and/or psychological dependency.

You need to use more to achieve the initial “high” in other words chasing a high. Your brain is meant to / built to learn in general and so during addiction it does the same ; flexes, adapts very quickly to doses. Literally accommodating substances...

I said “learning” and in general because the same process of habituation occurs with all new stimuli/ situations. People initially feel sympathy because that addiction is still new, unexpected information and so shocking.

At this stage, you are still sensitive, but over time your brain no longer logs it as new info but incorporates it into a pattern of behavior based on past experiences that your brain anticipates and expects. This process is the definition of not only learning but of experience.

Another reason worth mentioning is race which absolutely contributes. People are at their most careless and inpatient when it comes to black people experiencing addiction. When the person is black it is = “three strikes. send him/her to prison and throw away the mf-ing key too. When it’s white, it’s white sympathy gloves all day, every damn day: it’s the drug court and treatment.
 

islamami

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To start, I haven’t seen all the posts in this thread and I agree that addiction is one’s way of self-soothing. The bigger issue is underneath the drug(s) use. Also.... being around addicts is EXHAUSTING and can be abusive in many ways - no one deserve that.

It’s true that drug addicts treat people the way they feel about themselves and IT AIN’T PRETTY. It’s not easy to deal with them and in the process they can lose the ones who love them the most.

I agree about the boundaries too, you gotta have boundaries with people, especially ADDICTS. You cannot save them from themselves and make yourself responsible for them and their sobriety. If you do find yourself feeling responsible for them, there’s is something you gotta explore within yourself as to why you believe that’s your responsibility. Where’s the root of that come from?

Lastly, I notice that when addiction comes up in society, sexism changes the reactions, the way male addicts are seen as “heros that have fallen” and receiving public understanding and sympathy, etc. Vs female addicts who are dogged out when they are suffering too! The misogyny jumps out.

Look how people treated Whitney Houston and still do and make documentary after documentary about her - they didn’t give a got damn when she was alive because they wanted their pockets fat. Now as she’s passed, wanna continue fronting while still making money off her, like they cared

Anna Nicole, Britney Murphy, Lindsay Lohan, Demi Lovato, Maia Campbell, Amy Winehouse, Wendy Williams, etc
Vs their male counterparts: Prince, Michael Jackson, Heath Ledger, Mac Miller, Jimi Hendrix, Elvis, Ike Turner, Robert Downey Jr., Bradley Cooper, etc
 

CaptainSpace

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Sis you’d do your daughter a bigger favour by removing her and yourself from that environment. Kids aren’t stupid she knows what’s going on and you don’t want to continue that cycle. You are an amazing strong person and I wish you much happiness
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), she's his, not mine. Even though she's only seven, she's definitely already showing signs of having an addictive personality. She really had no chance; both of her parents are very ADD/ADHD with addictive personalities so genetics pulled all the wrong cards all at once.

I'm afraid she's already developing a binge-eating disorder because she straight up told me that she eats cause she's bored, not because she's hungry. Her own words at the dinner table were, "My stomach is full, but my head isn't". She says some interesting/sometimes insightful things even though she's a kid. And I would know about binge-eating, as I suffered from it as a teen.

Would you classify an eating disorder as an addiction? If so, that would explain why I'm constantly hard on myself, as I am on those addicted to drugs/alcohol.
 

8837hot

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Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), she's his, not mine. Even though she's only seven, she's definitely already showing signs of having an addictive personality. She really had no chance; both of her parents are very ADD/ADHD with addictive personalities so genetics pulled all the wrong cards all at once.

I'm afraid she's already developing a binge-eating disorder because she straight up told me that she eats cause she's bored, not because she's hungry. Her own words at the dinner table were, "My stomach is full, but my head isn't". She says some interesting/sometimes insightful things even though she's a kid. And I would know about binge-eating, as I suffered from it as a teen.

Would you classify an eating disorder as an addiction? If so, that would explain why I'm constantly hard on myself, as I am on those addicted to drugs/alcohol.

Is it possible for you to seek counselling? I feel for you guys but you have to look after yourself and remove yourself from a toxic environment if you can so you don’t fall victim.
 

Buttefly0987

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You’ll see people sympathize when someone falls victim to drugs & other addictions but as soon as it happens over & over again, you start to see the “omg she’s annoying” or heartless jokes towards them.

Think back to Whitney Houston. Jokes are STILL being made about her drug use.

There are DMX jokes being made right now about his journey with drug abuse.

You see all these former Disney child stars tweaking on drugs. Bella Thorne & Demi are great examples of former child stars that have struggled for years with drugs.

I’m beginning to see that A LOT of people have absolutely NO IDEA what addiction is actually like. It changes you as a person, you want to get better but it really is a journey. It’s a lifelong thing. People don’t understand that because a lot of people have never experienced it nor have they been around it.

Addiction doesn’t end after the first stint, it usually keeps going. It even evolves into different things.

I had an immediate family member that was addicted to popping pills (sleeping pills), that evolved into excessive use of money (gambling). She would steal from people, she would lie to people, this went on for a good chunk of my life ngl. So I know what addiction looks like & I know how ugly it can get. On top of that one side of my family is full of “functioning” coke addicts. I choose to not partake in the many drugs because I know what I come from but I am strong willed, idk what their state of minds are like.

Besides that, I feel like it should be mandatory for everyone to learn that addiction is not a one way street. We should also have more empathy for addiction, just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean that you should call someone a “crackhead” or some other derogatory name. Cause that could be you any day , it’s THAT easy to get hooked on drugs.

If you don’t know what it’s like, don’t speak on it imho.
A lot of ppl are uneducated and are unaware that It is a disease and alters the brain. In addition, it’s usually a coping skill for something traumatic or suppressed feelings. This is why I recommend dual diagnosis treatment program. They address the addiction and the mental health part. You can’t address 1 without addressing the other!
Lastly, people do lose trust over time. You’ll only get back half that trust once you are truly in recovery. Example: if a person has been lying, stealing etc. from family/friends for 8 years. It’ll take another 8 before they even get half that trust back. This is support groups like AL-ANON are recommended for family members because it’s affects them as well.
 
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Yona Hiryuu

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People don’t treat addiction like a disease - which it is. And the Gen X crackheads had a rough time. Crack was new and they had no idea what they were getting themselves into, many people have similar tales to DMX’s: friends would sell you some sh!t that you had no idea was crack and then you were a goner. On top of that, unlike Yt ppl and their opium problems, Black people didn’t get any programs or anything; our communities just got more police (who were crooked as hell and sold crack) and tough ass jail sentences.

I'm sorry but addiction especially with hard drugs is a choice at least at the beginning. Even if at the being of the crack epidemic people didn't know how addictive it was it's still a drug and people know drugs are bad! They choose to take that risk trying some new random street drug. And especially in this day and age people know drugs are bad and often times addictive yet they still take the risk. Like why take that risk!? It's stupid. Why take the risk you may get the "disease" that is addiction!?
 

smart_girl215

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Sidenote Whitney didn’t deserve the treatment she received from the media in the time leading up to her death.

With DMX it’s like we knew he had an addiction but he looked healthy. Looked clean. He was lowkey about his. On top of that he’s a man. They’re coddled. I honestly didn’t see a lot of recent comments that could be perceived to be malicious about him.

With Whitney it was different. It was wayyyy worse. She was bigger than DMX. Her fall from grace (as far as her image) was much more dramatic. Nobody ever apologized.

I agree
 

ThePRGirl

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I'm sorry but addiction especially with hard drugs is a choice at least at the beginning. Even if at the being of the crack epidemic people didn't know how addictive it was it's still a drug and people know drugs are bad! They choose to take that risk trying some new random street drug. And especially in this day and age people know drugs are bad and often times addictive yet they still take the risk. Like why take that risk!? It's stupid. Why take the risk you may get the "disease" that is addiction!?

I could try and explain the connections between mental illness, childhoood abuse and substance abuse - with tons of data as talking points (since it is very well-understood in the medical community that substance abuse is very often a comorbidity with other things) but I don’t think you’d understand; you don’t seem terribly open-minded.
 

PoppinQueen7

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Americans hate losers and become ashamed of them over time. It was drilled into our heads since we were children. Unemployed losers, geriatric losers, covid 19 losers, baby mama losers, drug addicts losers... poverty losers.
What do you mean by this? If you get COVID, your a loser?
 

caramel blue

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I could try and explain the connections between mental illness, childhoood abuse and substance abuse - with tons of data as talking points (since it is very well-understood in the medical community that substance abuse is very often a comorbidity with other things) but I don’t think you’d understand; you don’t seem terribly open-minded.
Explain I’m interested
 

Indiegox

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I have many family members with substance abuse issues and I gave up on them. It's dangerous to be around them. It's dangerous to have younger relatives around them because there's been a pattern of older relatives exposing and pressuring younger relatives to do drugs. One of my siblings is 'clean' but I still don't talk to her. She was a nasty and mean individual before the addiction and she still is even after the addiction. To me it's an overall personality flaw. I don't care for any lowlife, criminal lifestyle because the moment you feel sorry for them is the moment they will stab you in the back for their fix, no matter what stage of addiction!
 

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Because the people surrounding them are usually involved in some way in cleaning up the mess whenever they release. It can be exhausting. We are taking thousands of dollars, grandparents becoming parents all over again, getting full custody of grandchildren, having a family member steal from you, lie to your face, etc.

I’ve worked in the addiction field as I’m in recovery myself…I was honestly starting to get burned out before I left that job. The facility was a higher end place where private insurance and parents pay top dollar…so they tolerated a lot of things that qualify as “addict BS.” The hard part is there are thirty other people on that unit, and their recovery is affected by the people who don’t want to be there, lie constantly, start fights and sneak in drugs (and then OD and need revived…true story…). We have had people come back 5-10 times in one year and they don’t want to get clean, so they just stay there and then relapse pretty much as soon as they leave.

It’s important to point out NOT all facilities are like this- it’s just ones funded by enablers tend to tolerate a lot more crap. Actually, working in a welfare/Medicaid place was better because they didn’t have a warm place to go (except jail- seriously- many were on parole or probation) if they decided to get pissed off and leave treatment.
 

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Addiction is a complex chronic disorder that a lot of people don't fully understand. A lot of people are under the assumption that is a one-and-done deal and not an illness that is cyclical and has varying degrees of severity. The general sentiment is "if they don't care about their own agency, why should I?"

I'm speaking from the perspective of someone who has been friends with people who have fallen into addiction and my observations.

I had a friend who was a recovering addict who was clean for almost a year, however a lot of her behavior concerned me. She got kicked out of sober living because they found drugs in her system and she wanted to act dumb and pretend she didn't know what benzos or opiates were. Her bf that she was dating in the facility was ostracized because it was suspected that he was getting drugs smuggled in or something....

Her job had been very accommodating towards her current condition and worked with her and it just seemed as though every opportunity she had been awarded she fµcked up royally which lead to my growing disdain. You get a new job and your prioritize hitting on your coworkers. You date a guy who helped you train, despite knowing he also has issues and is an avoidant. Calls me and threatens to relapse due to a guy she barely knew for 2 weeks.

Several months had passed and out of the blue she messages me that she got arrested for nearly OD'ng and didn't go into too much detail.

This is just a glimpse of the realities of dealing with addicts. You're seen as an asshole if you cut them off, but if you remain in contact with them, then you are an enabler by proxy. She snapped at me when I told her that she needed to change and that I had no idea what it was like, and i told her "you need to be honest with yourself" and left it at that.

For me, it's too much of an emotional burden to carry because she wants to play it off like it's not big deal, when it very much is, and at the end of the day, it's not my responsibility.
 

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